I got my eviction notice. I am supposed to leave my Manhattan College dorm for good on Wednesday and I can not move back until late August. This sucks because it is only a week notice to quit my job (no, I do not have one but I was going to get one for the rest of the summer). And now I will not have any place to live in the mean time. I had an interview today with Dialogue Direct, a super- professional canvassing place, but it does not look like I will be hired there. BUT I also have an interview tomorrow with another canvassing office in TriBeCa, that will most definitely hire me. I hope. At least I can make some money before the end of the summer. I would be working tonight guest bartending, but I could not get enough people to go to make it worth it. I have no idea how I am going to convince my RD to let me live here a few more weeks. It is not as easy as it should be. Wish me luck. If I can stay here in the Bx for the remainder of the summer it will be better. I will have a few weeks to think things over and say goodbye to my MC friends. The few that I do have I will miss a lot.
Speaking of….I am missing people that I knew in high school. Aside from a few people here and there, my high school acquaintances were perhaps some of the coolest people I have ever known. They were all just so awesome, so real. I’m finding that the friendships I had there were so solid, even though I may have taken them for granted. I miss them. This is a vow to get in contact with those people once again.
My family had a garage sale today that will continue tomorrow. So far I sold a bunch of my junk and made thirty-something bucks. Awesome! We even sold the car that has been sitting in my driveway for three years for fifty dollars. Fifty. For a car with a broken windshield that needed to be jumpstarted just to test if it worked. Well, the people who bought it should be coming back tonight to get it. Because of the broken windshield and no plates they are having someone drive in front and in back of it closely in an effort to not be noticed. I hope it works as they were very nice people who really wanted the car.
Another interesting and pleasing thing that happened this afternoon also had to do with cars. I came over while Steve was putting in a new stereo and he just gave me one of the speakers and told me to wire it up. Doesn’t seem like a huge deal, but it is not often that I find myself assumed to know how to do something like that. It is so restoring to one’s confidence when other people (very unexpectedly) assume knowledge. Feels good, really really good. I guess it is bothersome that it is more often that I am told to leave things alone and that I live with that feeling (or at least I have been.) But things can change, I am lead to believe, and they are. I used to not sleep a lot. I was afraid of “missing something.” I never wanted to go to bed when I was a kid and I would wake up pretty early. Even through middle and some of high school I would go through weekends where I would get all crafty or busy and just not feel the need to sleep. I would stay up late making stuff and listening to music and dancing with myself in the room- and still feel refreshed the next day.
"Walter called me from his paper towel roll today...he got stuck and wanted to know where you were...i didn't know, but he said 'Don't worry, I was gonna chew my way out, anyway.' Now when he bites you when you try to pick him up, you'll know why. Just wanted to warn you."
If you pray, wish, blow on dandelions, whatever, please do that for my friends. One has just experienced a family crisis that will definitely cause changes in her life that are going to be tough. And for another friend who just moved to Argentina for the year to study. Whatever you do, please keep them in mind, as I love them very much and wish the best for both of them.
I had the best getaway with JoAnnaBlack this week. We woke up bright and early and went to Coney Island and did classic things like ride the Cyclone (which is a great roller coaster, by the way) and search for sea glass and cool shells to make jewelry out of. Watching JoAnna jumping in the water made me feel girlish and happy, in love with her, and wanting to have children all at once. The girl is just so special. At one point in time she turned to me while we were rummaging through the sand for treasure and said something (I don't remember exactly how she put it) about how she loves that I like to do things like that. And I was thinking the same thing, and often do all the time, while I was with her. I can’t put into words how I feel about her. I feel like I am in romantic love with her sometimes, and I just have such an admiration for everything she says and does and just the way she is. I know it is kind of strange, especially since she is the only person who reads my journal pretty much, but she’s great and I am happy that I know her.
I am a ferocious businessperson. I traded in a few worthless articles of clothing for a vintage dress skirt, 4 designer tshirts (2 I have since resold for store credit at a NYC thrift store), a colorful blouse, an evening clutch bag, a really soft argyle skirt, and H&M mini skirt, and an awesome 80’s yellow dress. Someone is coming to look at my things tomorrow and perhaps buy some of them (only at $1 each item, but whatevs) and I am having a two day garage sale in Edison this weekend. Whooo hoo! Oh yes, and I sold $20 of DVDs on Monday. I do not actually believe I am making money this way, but at least canceling out my bad habits.
Next project: talk to Dad about changing schools and redoing room in Edison to make it liveable for a semester or so and pleasant to visit after. Who needs a job and a life when you’ve got Thingstodo?
I only need 5 people to sign up for an offer. You can sign up for napster and cancel it and you won't be charged if it is before 7 days are up. If you do choose an offer that needs money, I will mail you a check for that amount. Please sign up for something...it won't cost you anything if I reimburse you...and I will!!! Thanks!
I just went on to Post Secret…and cried. I always cry when I read the post cards. The honesty is overwhelming. It’s not the rape/abortion/death secrets that make me cry either. It is the ones that are things that people just never told anyone. I have so many secrets that I wish I could tell. No one knows the true story of “me” and that makes me sad. I feel that when I am in relationships that I can “tell that person anything” until I mess up and do something that I could or would never let them know about. That has to do with my fantasy of “perfection” and how attainable it is. I think that if I could just not do anything while I know someone that I would be embarrassed about, then everything will be alright. I can maintain that “perfect” image and that person will love me-until I fuck it up. It makes me cry because “I’ve fucked it up” with my friends, family, professors, employers. That is one of the saddest things ever. Ever.
I had a pretty great weekend with an unfortunately latered conclusion. I went back to the beach on Saturday and played in the ocean all day. It was a long ride on the A and the shuttle to the water, but worth it and much shorted than expected. Got some food at the Union Square Whole Foods and laid down in the park for a while. Bliss.
We met up with Russ and went to the Upright Citizens Brigade marathon for the 2:30 am show and did not get out of the theatre until it was light out. I am glad we went, even if the shows were no where near as good as ASSSSCAT usually is. And even if we were too sober to think the madness was funny. When else do you get to be pulled on stage with a chain and bounce on an air bed with a hot comedian dressed like a slutty cheerleader? And when else do you get to have Paul Scheer take pictures of you dancing with a bunch of drunk idiots chanting things like “fuck mother nature, fuck mother nature?”
By the time we got out it was 5:45 am, so we took the train down to the seaport where we met a drunk NYC student named Atiba who took our pictures and promised to email them to us later- if he remembers us. It was nice other people in the morning watching the sunset over the Brooklyn Bridge and just feeling good about life. So good, in fact, that we proceeded to find the end of the bridge (not that easy, which is why I have never done it before) and then walk over it. A true “NYC” moment. Even more so was the great diner breakfast the followed on the BK side of the bridge.
So we rolled in at 9:41 am and slept the day away.
The bad part was that we rushed like hell to get Steve home and then for me to get to the theatre to see the final performances of the marathon. I did not go to them because I forgot that tickets were needed (I don’t know why this didn’t get through to me). I would not have even known except that I saw Mike. The only show that was not sold out was the 11 pm show, so I went to Kinko’s to buy them, and could not because 1. I ran out of time on the internet because of the damn “your time is running out messages” every minute, and 2. my debit card number (which I thought I committed to memory) failed to work. So I took my beef jerky, tostadas, and watermelon Gatorade which I bought to feed myself on line and in the theatre and dragged myself home. I figured that I would be able to check my debit card number and make it back to the show with plenty of time (and I still could), but then I decided against it in light of last night’s disappointing performances and made a pact with myself to go to the free shows from now on. I am not that upset, but I feel like I’m missing out a little. Next time, I will know.
Today was one of those ill summer days. I love the beach too much. I love the beach more than I comparatively hate being near naked in sunlight. So much that I even manage to enjoy myself. Went to Rockaway, which is hella far east, but Kevin and Sean picked Bunchops and myself up from Coney Island, which is a lot faster to get to by train. Being around the salt water and sand feels so good. And Kevin and his friends are inspirational. They are just the coolest group of kids. They are down-to-earth and interesting. They tell stories about every thing they ever did all the time. It is like their memories are so special to them, and they make me happy upon exposure. Seeing Kevin was super-nice too.
Get ready for a crazy improve marathon…and more beach!!
