this was sent to me by my friend jesse on facebook, whom i had met thru craigslist back when i posted on there. im posting it bc it made me feel happy:
Ok I mean this in the most platonic and friendly friend of ways but you are TOTALLY cute/hot/pretty/attractive<insert appropriate beauty-describing adjective here> and look like tons and tons and tons of fun in all of those pictures you have. I was laughing like crazy (in a good way, cause most of that stuff I would have done and probably have done) at a few of the pictures you had because they were so awesome.
the soundtrack to the movie of my life will be played by Explosions in the Sky. and the trailer will play their song, Your Hand In Mine. i am telling you, they are inspiring.
its funny how certain music ive listened to has become associated with past boyfriends/guys ive dated. with stu, there was incubus. i couldnt listen to them for a good 6 months after we broke up. with reece, there was kelly clarkson. i know, sounds funny, but he thought she was hot, and if her video came up on muchmusic, he would stop channel surfing and watch it. i didnt listen her for a bit after it was over between us. with bobby, it was devandra banhart, this folk singer. he was actually good, but this one song reminds me of heavily making out with him in his basement. i deleted banhart's songs from my playlist for now.
speaking of bobby and music, he had some shitty taste. well, compared to what i liked. he liked this crappy folky country-sounding shit that was just really bad.
final update on bobby (let's hope): we're meeting to exchange books we lent each other, then its over. i have a whole long thing to say to him on how hes been such as ass and how he needs to clean up his life bc of how fucked up it is. i know i shouldnt say the last part, bc its none of my business, but i feel like making *him* feel bad for once. ive been nothing but nice and giving to him and i want to show him what it feels like to be dissapointed. AND, hes leaving the country in a few weeks. so thats good.
i kinda asked this guy sean out. knowing my luck with guys, it probably wont happen. but hes a really good guy. and i think i deserve some good guy-luck finally. cmon now!
i shouldnt speak so soon, but have pple noticed that there isnt so much fuss for vday this year as theres been in the past? i dont know, maybe it'll start as soon as i post this. ha.
aaanyway, thats it for now. with how my life is going atm, i could probably complain for another few paragraphs, but i wont. :)
my grandfather died this morning. the only one i had left. i had seen him twice in my life. but he was still my grandfather. and i still loved him. he died in his sleep. of kidney failure. all this means my mom is staying another week. thats a month in total. now, i can live without my mom for now, bc i know my grandmother needs her more, but its kinda hard without her here when my dad and brother are driving me insane.
also, i have my driving test coming up, and i really needed her support. practising driving with my dad makes me never want to drive again.
but again, i must be selfless in situations like this.
now the second part of my day. i had called bobby yesterday to tell him that i want to meet him to exchange our books, (he has 3 of mine, i have one of his) bc i had a feeeling that we were drifting apart, which was ok with me. so he called me today, said a bunch of 'im sorrys' about our short past together and all the times he fucked up, and then informed me hes moving to montreal or spain in a few weeks. now, overall, i really dont care. i kinda want him out of my life, bc he was very messed up. but its still a bit sad, bc we *did* have a lot of good times together. and seeing him again. thats not going to be nice. i dont really want to. so im supposed to see him either tomorrow or saturday night. :S
and then stupid mcmaster informs me that they didnt get one of my OT forms that i was supposed to mail to them. when i am 100% sure i did. so i go online to find it and send it again, but i cant find it ANYWHERE. so those fucks better give me a link.
and then the one weekend where i was gonna make plans every day so i could get my mind off shit, they announce theres gonna be a huuuuuge snowstorm at the beginning of the weekend. just lovely.
oh! and im supposed to get my period. any day now.
ok, so im kinda considering joining facebook. why? because ive been feeling really shitty these past couple weeks and i thought it might take my mind off of myself? i dont know. lol
ugh. i honestly dont know what to do. i feel like id be a hypocrite if i joined. because ive been so against it since day one. but im a little excited too. because it will keep my mind busy. i know that for sure.
ehhhhhhhhhhhhh i feel like im having one of those feel-like-sitting-in-a-corner-and-crying-like-an-emo months. :S what the fuck.
i hate not being in school. and i never thought i would say that. but its really lonely. when i was in school, i would bump into random friends, have a chat, maybe over lunch. and just a simple thing like that would lift my mood. (its also a psychological fact. humans need social interaction...)
AND i fucking hate winter. and this winter, for some reason, has decided to be very cloudy all the time. where is the sun???? i miss that motherfucker!!! COME OUT FOR 'GODS' SAKE!!
AAND bobby is working a lot. to pay off debts and shit. and we miss each other. (no, we arent together.) so i never get to see him either.
and valentine's day is coming up. which makes me want to kill myself.
all i really have to look forward to is going to france. i kinda wanna just stay there. and get a job as a waitress in a cafe. and get a cute little apartment down the street. and wear cute parisien clothes.
and they just arrived today in the mail! that made me happy. :)
p.s. buying books online (amazon or chapters) is a lot cheaper than buying them in-store. its only free shipping after $39 bucks but thats just two softcover books (or one hardcover).
i just found out my only (ie. alive) grandfather, who lives in iran, just broke his hip. they took him to the doctor and he/she said that if they do an operation, his chances of survival arent great. because hes so old (85) that if they put him to sleep, he might not be able to wake up. my mom's trying to get a hold of my grandma but supposedly, her line is busy. so shes currently trying to get some info from her other relatives who live there.
ive only seen him twice in my life. last time was when i was 14. its sad though. and i feel really bad for my mom. she seems really stressed and panicked. and she just quit smoking (for the 5th-ish time...but still...) this week. :S
the person im worried about the most though, is my grandma. if i had to choose, shes my favourite grandparent (from the 4). and all shes ever known is to live in iran, and take care of my grandpa, whos been sick for quite a while. but shes the sweetest and most wonderful grandma ever. she expresses her love for me by saying things like 'id take all your sicknesses for you...' the usual iranian expressions of endearment. but if my grandfather died, i dont know what would happen to her... :(
i saw 3YYB today. i had to be at my school at 8:30AM today (long story) so when i saw him i was exhausted and stressed. but he was acting all weird. i dont know. everything was ok until his gf showed up. then all these memories of that time came up in my head and started swimming around. and all these emotions that had gradually faded, popped up again. and suddenly, i hated him. and i hated her. and i really liked and missed him. and i felt really bad for her. but most of all, i felt like telling her to her face 'i made out with your boyfriend.'
anyway, the whole ordeal kinda ruined my day. it shouldnt have. but it did. a bit.
discontent
crappy
happy