decided i should start updating this more. I am sick and tired. Like is long and dull as of now and i feel so bored of it all. My friend, Matt gives me both a crappy and happy feeling. i am over it, i really am. it's not his fault at all, it is all mine, but i cant help it, i am sick in my head i suppose. i am not kidding, i really am. i am messed up and turned loose. i am sick and i hate myself.
stole this from Caitlin, thanks:
YOUR FRESHMAN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL
[What year was it?] umm...2002-2003
[What were your three favorite bands?] no doubt, blink 182 and save ferris, ha ha ha
[What was your favorite outfit?] jeans and some shirt, i dont know what shirt. i think i was going through a punk phase at the time [What was up with your hair?] it was always in a little shitty bun or down...it still is
[Who was your best friend?] Laura Rheaume ( she still is)
[What did you do after school?] i came home and went online, i was pathetic
[Where did you work?] i didn't.
[Did you take the bus?] no, parents drove me
[Who did you have a crush on?] i liked a bunch of different people, it was a very new time for me because of the variety of boys all around
[Did you fight with your parents?] ya
[Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on?] heath ledger
[Did you smoke cigarettes?] no
[Did you lug all of your books around in your backpack all day] ya.
[Did you have a 'clique'?] no, just me and laura and occasios some people joined us but typically it was laura and i
[Did you have a "Max" like Zach Kelly and Slater?] huh?
[Admit it, were you popular?] i knew everybody, but i didn't think myself popular.
[Who did you want to be just like?] laura
[What did you want to be when you grow up] i wanted to be a photographer
[Where did you think you'd be at the age you are now?] dead...no joke
[What advice would you give your freshman self?] stop worrying and being miserable, life is going to only get lamer.
Life is funny. You choose how you react to people....and when you act out of the ordinary you're stuck. This is sort of how my mind works...i am me, and i dont care what people feel i should do or be...i have always been like this BUT now i considor what he thinks, i want him to like me. i mean, he does, but i dont want him to stop. i am being weird and i cant figure out why, its not like i have never dated someone before, why does he stand out from the others? why do i torture myself for his approval? I am breaking up with him tonight, things are better this way, i need to not lose myself.
I just broke up with him. Things feel better now. i feel better already. he doesnt, he is "heartbroken" he says. that isnt true though, he can find a new girl in seconds flat. He needs a girly girl, very feminine that doesnt mind taking orders and being dumb so he can feel better about his intelligence level. A beautiful girls, with the stereo typical blue eyes, long blonde hair and size 0 pants. i cant be that girl. I never was, and i will never be that person...and thats fine with me i guess.
SOMEONE comment and make me feel better better, encourage me, :-D
I am not the type of girl that trusts the male species....too many bad things come out of this vague concept of love. however, i do enjoy the company of someone named Miles. I do enjoy being around someone that doesnt care about sex so much. He is a Cancer. Virgos work well with Cancers. maybe i can start to care about you boys again. Maybe.........
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amused
accomplished
sad