She's so GODDAMN cool.

I don't mean to start off my first post of this new year on a slightly negative note...but people are really stupid. I mean, incredibly stupid. I am here at the library and this lady to the right of me can't understand what link she has to click on to check her email. I mean, she has to be over 60 years old, so why the hell does she even need email?! She'll be dead by the time she's finished reading it anyway.

And because the library is fairly busy, you have to register your name to get a computer on the reservation computer. Well, the old son of a bitch in front of me could not for the life of him understand that he had to click on the link "reserve a pc". It's right there you old bastard!

*sigh*

Okay, that is what I needed to get out of my system. New year, new outlook tis the motto. I still have not gotten my paycheck from the job I have this and this does not a happy Marsha make. I think it is goddamn bullshit and I refuse to work another day until I get my money. So, to hell with them. I deserve better, and unlike some people in this world who may accept bullshit, I will not settle for mediocrity. Maybe that makes me an alpha female, or maybe it's makes me stubborn. Call it what you want, but I am going to go for what I want this year and I will be damned if I don't get it.

I am tired of working jobs just to make ends meet, and I am tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I am tired of not having enough money to do the things I want to do and, more importantly, need to do. This year is my year, so FUCK the rest.

Fed. Up.

I am starting to look for a new job as we speak, and I spent some time with Lauren last night and we gave each other tarot card readings and we started to wax poetic about what we did and did not want.

Allow me to tell you what I WILL be doing this year:

1. I WILL have a car in the next few weeks.
2. I WILL move out of my house by mid-March.
3. I WILL start back up school in the spring, or the latest, summer.

The fact of the matter is this: Having a high school diploma, or even a associates degree is not enough. If you want more, you learn more. And I know that I can learn more, and I most assuredly know that I want more, so the end result is all left up to me, RIGHT!?!

People of the world (and readers of my journal), I implore you to reach for me and do more and stop settling. If you want something, just do it. We are not getting any younger, and the world is not getting any nicer so grab a motherfucker by the balls and do it!

I am fiery, and I am passionate, and I will no longer coast by while things just happen. I wanna make them happen. I wanna achieve what I want because I know I can. I don't wanna live a life without passion, and if nothing else inspires you, than allow this to inspire you. If no reason I have put down inpsires you to grab this life by the balls, then allow this to do it: Live your life for you. Be who you are for you. Not because of anyone else, just for you.

That's all I wanted to say.

I hate that phrase, and it annoys me when people say it. Three people have said that to me in the last 2 weeks. Motherfucker PLEASE. What the hell do they know?

How dare you disqualify my life because we haven't experienced the same things as quickly as one another.

I know life sucks, but it could be much worse.


That being said, my sea of hate will rise again. I can't wait for the next guy to come into my world. When he fucks up, I am going to unleash some holy MOTHERFUCKING hell.

Okay, now that I got that out I am better. I don't like keeping annoyance bottled up. It stresses me out eventually - never fails.

So, I haven't written in a few days but here is the 411 and I will pick up from last Saturday. I worked and left a little early so I could go home and prep the house for my guests. The Crew were coming over for Smoke Fest 2006 Part Deux. Well.....most Crew members anyway. Evan lives in the state capital now, so he was not able to attend. Josh and Eddie (who aren't Crew members yet, but would like to be) were not able to attend due to cash restraints. Lauren couldn't attend because her insane grandmother barged in on her household unexpectedly. (God, Lauren I feel so bad. You can escape at my house anytime.) And Julian was out of town in New Orleans.

Brandon was the first to arrive. Shortly after Brandon arrived I got a call from Adrian asking if he can come over and be dropped off by a friend. I said sure thinking that would be the jist of it all, until him and his friend arrive and walk in. Then Adrian starts rambling on about him bringing his friend Dave over to smoke out. Um.......what!?!?! So, naturally, I call him on his shit.

Me:"So, you bring him over to smoke out on trees that you don't possess or have the money to get?"
Adrian:"It's not like that. And, well, you are so generous with your stuff I figured it would be no big deal if I bought someone else along. But if it is, I can purchase a nick off of you."
Me:"Dude, you are a fucking idiot."

That asshole didn't even have five cents, let alone five dollars. Anyone who knows me knows how generous of a person I am with almost everything I possess. If, I have it, I more than likely will share with you. It's when you come to expect it, or you never contribute to me getting any, or even help me out when you have some that pisses me off. Adrian and Edwin are goddamn leaches. They used to come to my house everyday to smoke and rarely did Adrian pay back. (Edwin smoked me out at least once a week because at least he had a fucking job.)

There are certain people in my life I will always smoke out with very little to no problem, because I know they would do the same for me should they have it. Brandon, Heather, Evan, Julie, Aaron, etc etc etc. (Of course there are other friends to this list, but the majority of you don't smoke.)

So, after careful thinking (and a comment passed to me from Heather by Juan that started the process), I came up with a little test. Edwin came over to my house on Monday with Chris, a mutual friend of ours. I smoked the last bit of a quarter I had with them, and then I said that I was fresh out of more. (The truth was, I had a full ounce in my bag I didn't tell them about.) Edwin kept bitching for Aaron and Julie to come to my house so we could go get more because he wanted to "smoke and then sleep". (Aaron and Julie were at a friends hanging out and then they were coming to my house.) Eventually, Edwin got tired of waiting and left.

The next day I was hanging at home after work and Adrian calls me to say he and Edwin were coming over. I lied and told him that I only had one bowl left and I didn't have any money to get more. (Lies, lies, lies YEAH!) He said he would call me back.


He hasn't called me since then. Hahahahaha, so I guess I was right. Stupid motherfuckers just hung out with me to smoke for free. Their uppance will come.

In other news, I have been hanging out with Aaron and Julie for the past week or so. I met them through being friends with Corina and them and Julie actually came to my house to hang out on the 4th of July to hang and smoke. We ended up trading numbers and she came over to my house the Friday after that to hang with Aaron. We all got to talking and they told me all the shit said about me by my so called friends behind my back. Well, to give is to receive so I shared with them what I heard. Isn't it funny how fate works out?

Aaron and Julie severed their friendships with Corina and them as a result of what they heard, and I washed my hands clean of them. A few days later Rene calls me from Corina's sister Brenda's phone to ask me why I said what I said. Dude, fuck yourself. We all found out the truth about what was said about us and now that we know, it's all good. I hate people. If you are going to say something about me, say it to me.

I have no problem telling people how I feel and what I think. If I don't like something enough to comment on it when you aren't around, surely I can comment when you are. Yeesh, not a difficult concept people.

So, in conclusion, people are morons.

In the next coming weeks is Ozzfest and my birthday. Ozzfest will be sweet and I am going to Busch Gardens for my birthday. That will be such a kick ass time. Then a few days after that is school and then a few weeks after that is vacation from work. I plan on going to the movies and sitting there all day.

In fact, on my next day off I will have a Marsha Matinee Movie Day....which is redundant but whatever. Basically, I go and watch all the movies I want to see on my own in one day. I like watching movies with people, but I embrace being alone now. People have a tendency to be lame or annoying to the point where you have to work harder to get simple shit done. Yeah, no thanks.

Time for me to go folks. Au revoir.

I've yet to find a guy that can make me glow. Most guys are imbeciles who couldn't inspire shit to smell, let alone inspire me to date them. Yes, I know I am bitter and quite frankly, I find it refreshing. Better to be bitter and allow yourself to be surprised by who you meet than to meet everyone with open arms.

So, my mom caught me smoking last night and threw everyone out. Whatever! It's not like I did crank or something. Yeesh. So, she wants me to move out and yak blah yak. I will be moving out in the next few months because that situation is just not healthy.

I talked to Brandon for awhile yesterday and we are having best friend time on Thursday so we can sit around and laugh at nothing. Ahh, the precious laughter at nothing.

Then Evan called and we talked about school and work and dick. (Yes, you read that right.)I miss Evan, but he said he'd be down here for my birthday.

It's a few weeks away and I think I wanna go to Busch Gardens being that I have never been. Good times, good times.

I think that is all for now.

I will address this only once because I don't like repeating myself.

I have many friends in many different social circles. Some, I talk to almost everyday. Some, I talk to a few times a week. Some I talk to a few times a month, and others a few times a year.

I love all my friends. I understand who you are, and I understand what makes us friends.

If we had the type of friendship that enabled us to talk to each other everyday and we don't do that anymore, it's not because I like you any less and it's not because I blame you for anything. Life happens, and people change. People go in different directions, and sometimes we lose touch a little.

I don't shut people out unless they do something to deserve it, or they betray me in some way. If I haven't said as much, then you have nothing to worry about.

If I don't invite you to go somewhere, or if you feel like I don't contact you to hang out, let me know face to face instead of living with that doubt or thought. It makes it easier, and I probably have felt the same way, or I may have noticed it but thought little of it.

Anyhow, that's the story.

Damn, why did I not start watching South Park on a regular basis sooner? So......great. I love it.

So I have been up to regular drab things lately. Work, sleep, not sleeping with Adrian anymore. I took a good look at him one night when me, him, Edwin, and Edwin's ex Cassandra were hanging out and I realized that he is totally not the guy for me. Liking someone should not be as complicated as things were with me and him and I refuse to date someone that submerged in issues. Love and life and relationships are hard enough without dating someone who is still in love with his ex-girlfriend. Not to mention he dosen't have a job and he dosen't seem likely to get one based on the fact that his mom and brother give him money and all he does is smoke weed all the fucking time. I think what attracted me most to him was were the simple things. Things like his sense of humor and spontaneity. And he's a musician, and I have a thing for musicians. Ohhhhhhhhh, do I have a thing for musicians. But once you get past that he's got nothing to offer, and I don't settle for less than what I damn well want. I can't force that.

Now me and him are just platonic friends who get together and smoke. Speaking of smoking, I recently came into possession of a few friends for Stella. (For those who don't know, Stella is my bong I got at Bang! Music Festival last year. She's a dream.) Anyway, I got a wooden grinder I have deemed Victoria. I bought a sweet ass triple blown pipe I call Droog (and he's got a carb) after the male characters from A Clockwork Orange. I got a protection case for Droog called Spinderella. And I got a new slider for Stella and some papers. Why give all of that a code name? Because you never identify them in public as anything other than those names. When me and Edwin were at Grateful J's yesterday we were looking for stuff and he accidentally mentioned weed and the lady said she couldn't sell anything to us and she told us to get out. That was amusing. First time getting kicked out of a store, although it was not my fault. So we went to Side Effects instead. The prices are cheaper and the guy behind the counter was cool. He recommended various things to me.

Now Side Effects has the same policy as Grateful J's when it comes to mentioning weed, so Edwin decided to overcompensate for that by saying tobacco every minute or so. (God, he can be so dumb sometimes. But at least it holds a certain charm and amusing factor.) But the guy blatantly knew we were buying shit for weed and he kept laughing about it. "I have this one at home. It hits my trees like a motherfucker." (Please understand calling it trees does not divert from the fact that what you are really referring to is weed.) So great.

Then there was a smokefest last night. My mom has been sick the past few days so we had to switch it from my house to Adrian's. Tall Buddy came over, and we lit up two blunts, countless bowls, and Stella too. Then we went to my house after making a run at the KFC and smoked two more blunts in a continous circle. As I write this, I am STILL high. Oh, sweet high.

Tonight was suppsed to be the Litha festival for CUUPS, but I can't go because I have to work until 7 or so and then I have to go home and clean up a.s.a.p. because my mother has friends coming over and the house has to look nice. And she can't clean because she's sick. Why do I have to clean? I could care less about her friends coming to visit since I will be out of the house anyway. But I figure it's a nice thing to do since she asked rather than assumed I had no plans.

I have been planning Smokefest 2006 for the past week or so. It was supposed to happen at Eddie's house provided his roommate didn't come home. (His roommate has a thing about tons of people being in the house. Lame.) Well, everyone was supposed to attend. Not so says the captain. It was cancelled at first with very little hope it would happen. Well, plans got changed and confirmed for yesterday. It IS on tonight after I get away from home and cleaning. The gang was supposed to be me, Julian, Eddie, Josh, their friend Chris, and Juather. But Eddie and Josh want it to be a small group and Eddie really wants his friend Amy and her boyfriend (whom they haven't seen in a year or two) to attend.

Final result? Too many people. So I have to throw another one at my house with the original people (and a few other beloved friends) to make up for this one. So everyone, clear your calender and make time for Smoke Fest 2006 Part Deux the weekend of July 8th. Plenty of trees and laughter.

Then tomorrow night is Daniel's birthday celebration. Brownies, laughter and getting crunk at Voodoo Lounge. Oh yes bitches, it is on.

That is all the time I have now, but catch me next time at my next post about my strange life.

Oh, and I remember where I got my saying "Heavens to Betsy!" from! It's from that episode of the Simpsons where Lisa sees that movie the "Tengo De La Muerte" and decides to take dance lessons with Little Vicky. Well, at one scene she exclaims it and it is funny, and yeah. Yes, I know I am a dork. But it's fun. Respect my authority!

Has anyone ever come to that point where who they used to be and who they want to be is on either side of their psyche? I feel that way a lot lately, and I wonder where it will all lead to. These shadows form a blend of who I am right now. I am looking at everyone else the same way too. Who I remember them most vividly as being, who they are now, and who they will be. It's an interesting contrast.

So much has happened lately. I have tried some things I have never done before such as yay and poppers. I hung out with Eddie and Josh last week, and I had a good time. That is until I got sex and was laid out in my house for 3 days. I still managed to get out and hang with friends and acquaintances for a little bit each day, but that shit sucked. And still does apparently because I am still sick. Damn cough and phlegm.

I also had sex with Adrian again - twice. God, I need to let go of that one if I continue to develop feelings for him the way I have been. You can't control, who you like, and you can't control fate, but you can make decisions that lead up to certain fates. I have decided that I need to determine if my feelings for him are worth my energy and time, and if we can have a platonic relationship with fucking benefits or if I can't have a relationship with him at all. I appreciate everyone giving me advice and all. If I didn't, I wouldn't bother wasting my time asking you. <3

So....SUMMER'S HERE!! That means concerts and hurricane parties and awesome birthdays. Precious, precious summer. What's not so precious is the dang heat. I almost passed out from it today on my way to work.

So yesterday I went to a party at my co-worker Wendi's house. I got slightly drunk (which added to me being stoned when I got there) and I stripped down to my undies and rolled around in her kiddie pool and was my usual loud, open self. I speak my mind and fuck the people who don't like it or look down on me for it. This is me right now, at this moment. Who I used to be is gone, and who I want to be is approaching, only to continue in this cycle of life. This is what life is made for: to be lived. I can't forget that.

So kids, that is my story and I am sticking to it. I recommend a song for everyone: "The Good Kind" by The Wreckers. I am sure it is not everyone's cup of tea, but I think some of you may enjoy it. Fare thee well.

Yes, so Pensacola was AMAZING.

I will let the pictures I eventually post speak for themselves.

I just have a few phrases to set the mood:

"Hamburger coming out of my asshole! Brown sugar coming out of my asshole!"

AHAHAHAHAHHA.

That is all.

So Pensacola is coming up and as usual, things are slightly going astray. Brandon may not be able to go due to the powers that be, and all other sources that may be able to go or could go are restricted by the same lameness.

That is SO DAMN LAME. If I ever become one of those people who lets their lives be taken over by something else, please smack me upside the head and alert me about it. I know shit happens and work and money gets in the way. But if a person truly wants to do something, they can regardless of what stands in their way.

Other than that little piece of annoyance, life is okay. Work is okay.

So, does anyone know anyone who wants to go to P-cola for Memorial Day Gay Pride weekend? It'll be a good time! Let me know if you are down. We leave the 26th at 1 p.m. and come back Monday the 29th, that night.

Shout me a holler. *horrible Ben Stiller moustache*

So....yeah. I went out with the boys last night, which is always a fabulous time because I love my boys. We went to Coliseum and I had a good time with Adam Bomb, Eloquent Evan, Bandito Brandon, and Joshy Bear. Danced, drank, drank, danced and had a general good time. I think that last sour apple martini I had did me in though, because I got a little sick and threw up all over the floor at Coli upstairs. Ewwwwwwwww. Then the boys decided it was time to get me home so they packed me up in Brandon's car and drove me home.

Once we got there I gave them a hard time about wanting to deal with Gorilla Monsoon so I didn't want to go inside until Heather's A Feather came over and made sure I was okay. Sorry for falling asleep on you lady. Damn alcohol.

I didn't have nearly as many drinks as the last time I threw up at Coli, my phone is intact and the only thing I am missing is my earrings and Adam has those. It has been good hanging with Adam lately because we talk about life and politics and random shit and I freaking adore his witty banter. Tis fun children, tis fun. Anyhow, I think it was the Red Bull mixed with alcohol that did me in, because Red Bull is eveil. I only had about...5 drinks or so, and usually it takes more to do me in.

Other than that, I am doing okay. I am debating if I should go ahead and be a medical assistant for a few months and just make tons of money that way. I am certified and all the but the shit BORES me to no end. Comments? Thoughts? Adam says I should do it, and he may be right. Okay, that is all. Off to work.