Food

It's hard to believe that in a span of 3 months I've managed to GAIN 10lbs... it's so easy to put the weight back on.

I don't have the will power like I used to. I thought it was bad when I had gained 3lbs back... fuck what is 3lbs! My pants are tight... my self confidence is down and I'm hungry all the time.

I eat too much... I know that's a problem... and I eat the wrong foods.
I stopped going to the gym... too lazy to go after classes.

I know what I need to do and I sit down and make all the plans like I used to but I can't stick to them.

I suppose I figure that at least I'm not 185 again... so why bother... I'm still cute.

Well I could be cuter... I could be thinner. I make myself all these promises that I can't keep.

It would be so much easier just to have plastic surgery... but I don't have the money.

I just want to lose the 10lbs I gained and then lose an additional 10lbs...
145lbs is not un-realistic.

I want my BMI to be at an acceptable level... I don't want to be overweight anymore.

I envy the people who never have to worry about what they eat.

so far today I've had 3 Krispy Kreme doughnuts, 1 pop tart(not the entire package), steamed veggies, and a grapefruit... so that's like already 1000calories and it's not even time for dinner... and to make matters worse I'm already hungry again!j

I hate being fat, I hate needing food. Why was it so much easier at the beginning of the year.

I keep saying I'm going to start again tomorrow and fix everything but I never do.

I found out yesterday my boyfriend has been lying to me. He quit smoking on 01-01-2004 at 12:01am... and I've found out that he's been smoking for 6months... a pack a day.

I'm hurt and disapointed that he has lied to me.

weight 161

161 this morning.

162 this morning.

I didn't meet my goals this week but I did get down 1.5lb

so I'm 162.5

hopefully (not really realistic) I can get down to 150ish before my brothers graduation 10/27

I don't want to go see him being a heffer.

b- cereal and coffee 210
l- ?? didn't bring anything?? maybe steak out
d-??

going to the gym this afternoon... I'm excited to get back there

hopefully I can still do 30mins on the elliptical.

just can't get back on track... weight sucks because I suck

So I'm 163 this morning and I feel like a failure.

but I know I can do this bc I've done it before. If you don't believe check out my old xanga site and go to the old entries!

b- cereal 200
l- crap 290
s-nothing
d-

I'll update later. Pray I don't fail.
limit on my calories today 800- leaves me with 310 calories for the rest of the day.

So my re-do yesterday wasn't a complete f-up...

while I didn't stick to my calorie goals I didn't fail completely... I didn't let anything come into my body that was "un-healthy"

today on the other hand... was a butterfinger day....

so far I've eaten "normal" today

b- coffee and cereal 200
l- brocoli and cheese and fruit snacks 370
other- butterfinger 270
total thus far: 840calories

I'll either have a SMALL dinner or nothing at all... dinner will not be over 300cals.

3 bottles of water down.

am weight: 162.5
yesterday's am weight: 164

not doing great at stickin with my set out "plan" but It's better than how I was doing.


oh and I'm dropping my Theatre class... I HATE IT.

so today is my official first day of my start over.
I've got my food diary and I'm keeping track of my intake.

b- 2 cups of coffee 70
l- turkey and cheese sandwhich 300
d- To be determined.

water- 4 bottles
hoodia pills 1 so far.

I've set my goals and I've set rewards.

I am going to get back on track and be better than ever.

So I got eat up by fire ants today. I stepped in an ant hill this morning and didn't even know it until I had like 15 bites already! First time I've ever been bit by them.

So my feet itch/hurt like hell....

considering my eating habbits lately I did alright today. Still not good enough. But MONDAY is a new start and I'm stickin with it this time. I don't care what Clay says I'm going to eat how I want.

I've already got another "diary" to write down everything I eat.

so I'm thinking of cutting it back down to 800cals a day again. That worked. plus it won't be that hard... all I've got to do is cut out my snacks... which is what has been killing me lately.

I don't want to fall back into my old eating habbits and blow back up to 185!

Being thin is better than food. At least when I lose weight I can wear clothes that I want to and be the person that I want to be.

I was 162 this morning. That is like a whole 7lbs higher than what I was weighing which makes me feel like a fat ass again. I hate that number...

so before I go to see Zach in October I want to be 150... no exceptions.

no more Mexican or Chinese food. No more chips and dip. No more candy bars at work, no more Crackers. I'm going to get back to where I want to be.

plan for the week

b- coffee and fiber one (must go to the store and buy that) 200
l- veggies 150
s- craisins 130
d- turkey wrap 190 or lean cuisin under 300 or fiber one 100

total should not be any more than 780calories.

water: I will drink 2liters of water a day. Cut back on diet cokes.

I WILL ACHIEVE MY GOALS

cw: 162
lw: 155
hw: 185
gw1: 150 by 10/25
gw2: 145 by 11/ 15
gw3: 140 by 12/25
gw4: 130 by 3/25 aka my 21st bday.