This spot barren of all life

Title: Heart's Bond
Author: Gwen Waverider
Fandom: Bleach

By the end of this story, the casualty list is high: Ichigo, Urahara, Byakuya, Hisagi, Shunsui are all pregnant. Gin is trying to get pregnant, and Kira was once pregnant but tragically had the babies beaten out of him. In fact, it seems like the only ones not in danger of getting pregnant are the women.

There are a lot of other things to love, as well. The creative characterization, the author's notes, the sex scenes that read like they've been cobbled together out of a million bad yaoi fanfics. There are over thirty chapters of this story, and I managed to read all of them because each chapter had something new and fun!

Plot

Male shinigami can get pregnant. There's also some plot involving Ichigo's sister, Karin, becoming a shinigami, but who wants to read about that?

Quotes:

The best thing about this story is the characterization, so here are a few quotes that will introduce you to this author's unique interpretations of the Bleach characters.

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Title: Would You Love Me?
Author: Duelriel
Fandom: Ai no Kusabi

Riki is pregnant with Iason's baby. There's really no more I can say without spoiling this fic. But it's really not your standard MPREG. You have to read it. You just do.

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Sorry, I have to stop there. It's getting too hard to pick them. Just go read it.

Title: The Taste of Plastic (I can't find a link to any kind of index, but chapters are linked below)
Author: latenightchild
Fandom: Prince of Tennis

(Chapter links: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine)

It doesn't matter whether you know anything about Prince of Tennis, even moreso than the vampire story. The badness that is this fic transcends such pettiness. But it does help if you know that the author consistently misspells characters' names, calling Inui "Inoh" and Fuji "Fiji." Mostly... it is just plain incompetent and weird. Zoro eating peanut butter weird. Kaidou supposedly reeks of charcoal, while Tezuka's car is filled with the overwhelming odor of ink. No explanations are given as to why this is so, let alone why it is supposed to be sexy. It goes on like this.

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Title: Princess Delights.
Author: Starema
Fandom: Queer as Folk (US)

This is a famous badfic in the QaF fandom. All you have to do is mention the title to any one who's been in the fandom for a little while and they'll either giggle maniacally or start twitching. Sometimes both.

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Title: The Dolphin's Love
Author: Tokaku
Fandom: Naruto

If you've endured the tangled and savage wilderness of Naruto fandom without recs list as a guide, hacking away through archives for readable Kakashi/Iruka... then you'll love this. If not, you'll probably just be confused.

I suppose this is an anti-rec, because this is a good fic.

Plot:

The dolphin tells the scarecrow he loves him. It is not a happy ending.

Quotes:

It's short enough that to pull out a quote would spoil the surprise (if you haven't gotten it already). Just ... read the reviews. They're precious.

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Title: uke
Author: sephirothsslave
Fandom: Naruto

I have a theory:

Something that contains a great enough density of unfunny can punch a hole in the fabic of spacetime, creating a window into a parallel universe where it's actually hilarious. This would explain the popularity of Jeff Foxworthy.

...and also why I laughed at this fic.

Plot:

I don't think my theory applies to plot. There is none.

Quotes

There's an author profile.

i love orlando bloom and kurama well yuko kurama hes my bitch.inuyashas my bitch too but thats personal

And there's an eye-catching summary.

ok i think that the stories,not all,but some are dull and lacking humor so im making this little thing no lemons or any of that but strictly for your entertainment,and laughing makes you live longer so dont critisize me ill just throw it back in your face

I keep a file of quotes that I think are funny, stupid, or otherwise wonderful. Then every once in a while, I post them to my journal.

Like so.

Most of the time the fics that I pull the quotes from aren't special enough to end up here. What I'm wondering is if you guys would be interested in me posting these quotes here anyway, instead of in my journal. Should we perhaps expand badfix into a general badfic appreciation society, with recs and quotes?

Pros: More activity. More funny.

Cons: There's something to be said for consistency.

Title: Blood Rush
Author: Renewed
Fandom: Prince of Tennis

I knew I had to post this even before I read it, in fact the moment I saw the intro on tenipuri_yaoi. I highly reccomend reading this.

In case you did not, let me recap: Prince of Tennis. Tezuka is a vampire living in a public park. He is befriended by two-year-old Fuji Shuusuke, who is a girl now for some reason. Some years later he rescues Shuusuke and Yuuta from an attack by other vampires and raises them as his own children, only he and Shuusuke are in love, and Yuuta runs away and makes a vow to slay all vampires. But why is it a Prince of Tennis fic?

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Title: Rainbow Warrior
Author: Lady Grey
Fandom: Stargate SG-1

This is probably the best fic to show up here, and I mean that literally. It's not the best worst, it's the best. It's actually more or less well-written.

That is, if you ignore the premise - and I suggest you do.

Plot:

We learn through a lengthy and ham-handed news report that the military has finally decided to welcome gays, and indeed, to actively court them (no pun intended).

Jack leaves the SGC and ends up with his special rainbow unit in Afghanistan. Acting on intel from one of their new, gay (but closeted) Afghani friends, they find Osama bin Laden, and Jack tackles the big guy himself.

It was at this point that I stopped reading, because I figured it would never get any better.

Quotes:

No quote, but an image: the title graphic.

Title: Forbidden Fruit
Author: Eremir
Fandom: Lord of the Rings

For each "sphere," pour half a shot. For each "luscious fruit" pour a whole shot. For "orbs of fire," drink the whole bottle.

Plot:

Erestor likes oranges. In fact, Erestor likes oranges a little too much, if you know what I mean. When Glorfindel shows up wearing orange oil from BPAL, Erestor's animal urges take over.

Favorite quotes:

I'm just going to copy my favorite scene. After having citrus-scented sex with the orange-addled Erestor, Glorfindel takes him to the orchard.

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I highly recommend reading this one, guys. It's the best fic about Erestor being turned on by oranges ever.