So. I broke up with Charles. I'm ok. He isn't. Ha. I can't sleep. My brother in law is in the hospital. Hopefully he get released today.He was experiencing major shortness of breath and tightness in the chest. When he got to the hospital his heartbeat is really really irregular. No idea why. Ray's back in my life. I dont know if I have much more to write about that. If you want to know.. ask. Well off to munch on some more cocoa puffs and then try to get back to sleep. I miss everyone. :(
I had a dream about Ray last night. I wish I knew where he was.. But anyway. It was so odd. We were at my aunt's house. And she was there with my cousin Jordan who was like five. And I think he was that age because that's the last time I remember him not being unhappy and on drugs.. And my sister's were there before they were married. I dont know why. Because they are both SO happy with who they're with. And my parents were there. And he just.. fit. And I knew in the dream we were so in love. And it was soo natural. God.
And now, because I'm such a fucking cheesy bastard.... :
I set out on a narrow way many years ago Hoping I would find true love along the broken road But I got lost a time or two Wiped my brow and kept pushing through I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you Every long lost dream led me to where you are Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars Pointing me on my way into your loving arms This much I know is true That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you But you just smile and take my hand You've been there you understand It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream led me to where you are Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars Pointing me on my way into your loving arms This much I know is true That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you
Now I'm just rolling home Into my lover's arms This much I know is true That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you. (Bless the Broken Road- Rascal Flatts)
shit. uhm. shit. yeah. shit. you know. well fuck. life sucks. only a few people know why. and that's staying that way. but yeah. shit. uhm. shit. fuck. yeah. you know.
It's been a crazy weekend. Went to mo bo's a few times. Drank some bud light with some friends. Charlie was here. :) We had a lame Tiki Party in the center lounge for this dumb job. Something 28 days and counting. Yeah.. I can't wait to have an apartment next year. Well i'm gonna go lay in bed before he has to leave... Off to it! Oh. and Buud
It's been a minute since I've written. Haha. Things are going good. I'm still at IU. :) I'm an RA in Read now. I think it's ok. I dont know. we'll see. this semester's gonna murder me. and uh. I think that's all for now.
Here's a random update per request... I've been super busy lately.. between school work etc.. I have no life.. and it's alright. My birthday was awesome. I spent the entire weekend happy as a clam. For the most part. haha. I dont remember much of friday.. so i can't report back. but saturday was fun. went out to dinner. woot!! :) I can't wait for Ray to call me and tell me he's home and he wants to see me.. granted that he actually is on leave this time. I hope he is. I really want to see him. I miss him. aton. I finished teaching. I really miss my kids. but it was fun while it lasted. now i'm off to class.. hopefully he'll call soon...
So.. I have an adult decision to make. and as much as I don't want to, it has to be done. I don't have enough money to go to IU next semester. I was financially irresponsible this semester and my parents have already done more than their fair share of helping me out. I don't want to be a burden on them anymore. I could take out loans and have short term happiness here and be ok until the rack up and I get out of school. Then I'm going to end up owing more than I make. You don't get paid alot to have a big heart. Being a teacher is an admirable thing, but let's face it, folks, this nation doesn't believe in paying today's leaders. At least not well enough to live and pay off possible debts. So I'm leaving the best friends I've had in years behind to go home and go to IUPUI or something. Get a higher paying job, make some money. Then I'll come back in the fall.
To be honest, I'm scared shitless.
One: the odds are against me. Every single person I know who's "gonna go back" never did. Friends, my cousin, hell even my own sister. And yeah I'm one determined girl.. But something about going back home just sucks you in. I dont want to do that. At all. Two: I'm afraid of being completely alone. I have my family here. All I need to do is go to any of the six rooms all in the row next to me and I have someone I can talk to, cry on their shoulder, vent to, laugh with. These are the best friends I've had in years. They're my family. I love them all so much. I know I'll get to come back and visit, but it won't be the same as going to dinner with them every night and walking to class with them every other morning. And living right next to them every day. Three: I dont even know where I'm going to work, what classes I'm going to take. Where I'm going to be living. I dont know anything. And I hate that too.. I like to be certain about things. I like to know where I might be in the next day, month, year. Not knowing.. It's killing me. Four: I'm shunning my responsibilities with OUT.. I dont want to do that. I signed up for the whole year, not just a semester. I hate walking away from something I know I'm responsible for. I know they'll understand... but..... Yeah.
So that's everything. I have to go talk to the Bursar.. But they might just tell me to take out a loan.. which I can't do. Yeah Teach for America will pay off my loans.. But I would rather have them put $10000 towards my grad school instead. So we'll see. I'll keep you posted
Holy Craipola. I've been uber busy lately. :) but that's good thing. I have so much to do and so little time!! AHHHH! I just thought I'd update for updating's sake.. :) My roomie and I decorated for Halloween today!!! I got window clings and witchy hat lights. They're sooo cute. And then from last year I have my skeleton, skeleton lights, a coupla nick-knacks, annnnnnd A HALLOWEEN DISCO BALL. And of course, the pimp shit halloween cd. hehe :) fun times. Our room is sooo cute now. YAY! I also got the new Anita Blake book. I can't wait to finish my paper to start reading it. I bought it today at target.. I ALMOST DIED! *le sigh* so excited. I got the Save the Last Dance DVD for freaking $7.50. And i got juice and other unequally exciting things. :) OMG. So I was on facebook looking for my cousin in case he was on there.. And so I typed in our last name... And up pops this girl named Sophie W. And i was like holy craip. we could be related!! It's craziness.. Welll off to write the paper and READ THE NEW BOOK! when I should be studying for Bio.. bah. WOOT! :D
worried
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