Today I know I'm nothing. I can't stop feeling like this is my own fault. I have a plan. I'm going to attempt suicide again. I'm going to get a big bottle of sleeping pills, two plastic bags, duct tape, and handcuffs. I'm going to take the bottle of pills, tape the bags over my head, tie my hands up, fall asleep, and suffocate. I know I'm worthless. I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm ready to die. I can't pretend anymore. Maybe if I died, I could somehow see the people I love again.
I just want to leave all of this behind. I need to move on. Get over it all. I will. I know I can do this. My priority is forget about certain people and events that are too painful to think of. I know I'm not significant to anyone. I'm very unwanted and mistreated. Well, forget them. They'll regret it one day. I'm so sad tonight. I wish I knew how to feel better. Well, wish me luck journal. I'm going to need it.
I hate it. I hate her. I fucking hate it all. I just want to end my life. I just wish I were dead. I can't take it out on her so I take it out on myself. I cut myself to watch myself bleed. It hurts. My heart hurts so bad. I can't take it all anymore. I just wish I had the strength to end my own life. I don't know what else to do. I'm in so much agony. Just can't take it anymore.
Thank you so much mom for letting me know I'm a worthless pathetic nothing.
Ugh. I hate feeling this way. My heart hurts so bad. I feel so alone. I feel like I'm stuck standing still. I have no one to talk to. No one wants to hear it anymore, but I can't fight this feeling anymore. I just wish I could die. I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake again. I wish I dream all night and all day. I wish I could get better. I wish someone could care. It hurts so much just being me. I don't want to be me.
His name is Ronnie. He played on season 1 of Make Me a Supermodel. I don't care for guys like this, but something he said made me so happy. He named his pecks Madonna and Cher. My boobs are Bob and Larry. I think Madonna and Cher need to meet Bob and Larry.
It's 11 o'clock here and I'm all alone You're somewhere on the shores And far away from me And the distance is getting to me But you left long before the seas
There's no one knocking on my door My phone doesn't rings There's no one at my door I'm lost within these four walls You aren't here for me
I try to talk to you You're somewhere else completely I try to hold onto you But you say you've got to leave
There's no one knocking on my door My phone doesn't ring There's no one at my door I'm lost within these four walls You aren't here for me
I just don't know if I can take anymore I just want to be happy I wish you could be happy This isn't right for you and me
There's no one knocking at my door My phone doesn't ring There's no one at my door I'm lost within these four walls You aren't here for me
I try to talk to you You're somewhere else completely I try to hold onto you You say you've got to leave
There's no one knocking at my door My phone never seems to want to ring There's no on at my door I'm lost within these four walls And you aren't here for me
So I haven't written anything here in awhile. Things have been pretty rough the last few weeks or couple of months. Nothing worth doing is ever easy? I just wish it wasn't all so damn hard. Relationships are so painful. I definitely don't want to do them again for awhile. I rather just date around. I don't want to swear off guys, but I know I can't do a relationship. You get close to someone, and you slowly start learning everything about them. Then when you finally know enough all you can think of is all the things that annoy you about them. I think it would be better to split up than to try to save it and be miserable when you are both unhappy. As far as friendships go, I rather avoid them too. People hurt you way too much. I rather be alone.
I feel a little lost today. I'm just feeling consumed with these feelings of woe. I guess maybe the wounds from last year are still hurting me. I was in the hospital last year at this time. I kept begging to be let out. My mom put me there. It was the worst day of my life. It makes me tear up to think about it. I need to get over it and stop feeling sorry for myself. I hate holidays. Peace.
rejected
giddy
rejuvenated