Ask an Aspie

Of possible interest because we're a special-needs organization open to hiring disabled people, including autistic people. We're in Newton MA.

In case anyone is interested:
http://jgateways.org/About-us/Care…

The Senior Director of Institutional Advancement is a new full-time position responsible for developing, leading, managing, and promoting all aspects of Gateways’ development and marketing efforts. The successful candidate will report to the Executive Director, oversee a department of three other full-time staff, and work closely with a highly skilled and dedicated board and staff who are deeply committed to Gateways’ mission and passionate about their role within it. He or she will design and execute an integrated plan to build the organization’s capacity to achieve and exceed its revenue goals, and will lead the effort to expand and deepen Gateways’ overall development and marketing functions including a new major gifts campaign to help Gateways reach a new level of growth and impact.

The Music Teacher and Song Leader is a part-time Sunday school position responsible for leading
multiple classrooms of students in songs and musical activities which complement their Jewish education curriculum. Students in Gateways’ Sunday program range in age from 5 to 18 and have a variety of special educational needs. The Music Teacher and Song Leader is encouraged to be creative, dynamic, and innovative in designing lesson plans to meet this wide range of needs. This position reports to the Jewish Education Program Director. The Sunday program meets from 9:30am-1:30pm during the school year excluding Jewish holidays and public school vacations. Gateways offers a competitive salary in a fun and engaging work environment.

B’nei Mitzvah Tutors are part of a team of educators who support students with special needs who are preparing for their Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Tutors work one-on-one with an assigned student as well as with groups of tutors and students in classroom activities. The B’nei Mitzvah program meets on Wednesdays from 4:30pm-6pm during the school year excluding Jewish holidays and public school vacations. Tutors report to the Jewish Education Program Director. Gateways offers a competitive salary in a fun and engaging work environment.

I hope someone here can offer me some guidance, as I love C. very much, but feel like I may be better off without a partner at all if nothing changes.

C. is a 37 year old undiagnosed Aspie, divorced once. We live together, have a joint bank account, spend holidays with each others' families, and plan to marry. All scheduling, organizing, and planning needs fall to me. Some people are naturally better at schedules, and I'm one such, so doing the planning doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that when I set a schedule and ask C. for help, he can't/won't do it. If I ask him to do an errand like drop off a rent payment, or complete a task like taking out garbage, it may not get done until I find out it hasn't and remind him multiple times, get angry and "nag" (ask more than once), or just do it myself and "not give him a chance".

He will complain about a messy apartment, but not clean up the mess he causes. He consistently makes me late for work, but makes his own shifts on time every time (we only have 1 car). If I wake him up more than 45 minutes before I have to leave for work, he goes back to sleep. Once I wake him up, he spends time on Facebook rather than getting dressed or making food, so I end up standing at the door for sometimes 10-15 minutes waiting for him to be ready. On days off, like today, he spends as much time as possible sleeping. But, when I do something in the bedroom that wakes him up, he gets angry with me because he's "exhausted" and wants to sleep. On these days, not only will he not be of any help, but he actively keeps me from dealing with the messes he's made and the problems he won't help solve.

He has learned to be aware of some things already. I really don't like being around him when he's playing video games because he gets over-stimulated, which means he gets violent and loud. He's learned to not play around me, especially if I've had a very bad day at work and am already frazzled. He's learned that empty beer bottles should not be left in the bedroom because they attract bugs and are a safety hazard. I can't understand why the lesson "Beer bottles in the bed room are a bad idea" doesn't automatically turn into "dirty dishes in the bed room are a bad idea". I'm frustrated that I either have to pick them up or nag for 2 days until they are cleaned up, and I'm beyond fed up with being the only person that does any cleaning.

I'm ready to give up.

When he "forgets" that I've asked him to toss his own garbage, pick up his own clothes, or be more aware of time, I feel ignored and disrespected. I'm doing what *he* asked in keeping track of schedules and times, only to have to do all of the work myself too. I think this is unfair. It seems like he doesn't care about me. I feel like his maid, not his partner.

Now, for my question. I need help communicating this to him in a very logical, straight-forward way. How can I communicate to him clearly that his behavior looks self-centered and cold, that the constant lateness is causing me trouble at work, and that it's unfair for me to make the plans and carry out all of them while he plays video games or watches TV instead of helping? I want a partner, not a teenaged son.

I have a terrible time getting along with people online--particularly in the online fandom communities--because it's difficult enough interpreting people's communication when I have facial expressions and body language to go by, but I don't even have that online! And, whenever I explain that my difficulties are borne of Asperger syndrome, I either get accused of "pulling the disability card" or "using (my) disability as an excuse for bad behavior." How can I use it as an excuse for bad behavior if I didn't know it was bad behavior in the first place?

Because of the lack of immediacy of communication online, because of the lack of expression and body language, and the tendency for people to "tattle" to community owners rather than speak to the person who's offended them first (I've been banned from communities several times without warning, and in a couple cases when I tried to explain the problem I got threatened with reports of harassment if I didn't stop e-mailing the owner!), I find it increasingly stressful and emotionally disturbing for someone like me with the additional complication of severe depression. But, it is only online where I can find people who understand and share all the ways I enjoy my fandoms.

( Collapse )

Okay, I'm going to stop myself because I keep going off on all sorts of tangents. I think I've gotten the gist of what I'm asking in my post, though. Can anyone help?

Hi, I wonder if anyone could give me some advice?

My son is eighteen, and was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism when he was about nine. I have an urgent issue with getting him to get up and go to school. He's in Year 13 doing 'A' Levels and he obviously gets more tired than the other students. He's currently totally exhausted and has had two days "off sick" in the past three weeks because he couldn't/wouldn't get up.

He's still in bed now, on the last day of term. I've tried, as I always do, everything from friendly to yelling and back again. I know that if I go in to his room too often he'll get too stressed and won't get up, but also if I leave him too long he'll simply go back to sleep.

His school don't really believe in autism, as far as I can tell; he gets extra time in exams since we paid for a psychologist's report, but there is simply no chance that they would be understanding if I phoned up and said he was exhausted. They seem to think if he's still acting autistic after they've made token attempts to "understand" then he's just being difficult and lazy.

Any ideas how I can get him up and out when he's already late and probably worried about what he's going to say when he gets there? All of these lates and sick days are going on his record and it doesn't look good. I don't want it to affect his university applications.

We are seeking volunteers to participate in a research study about what it’s like to grow up with autism. Do you meet the following requirements?

1.Are you at least 18 years or older?
2.Have you ever been diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder?

If so, please consider volunteering by clicking on the link below. The survey will take approximately 30-45 minutes to complete and may be taken at a computer of your choice that has internet access.

If you would like to volunteer to take this survey, please click on

https://www.psychdata.com/s.asp?SI…

and read the consent information at the beginning of the survey. We will not collect your name or any identifying information. However, there is a potential risk of loss of confidentiality in all email, downloading, and internet transactions.
If you have any questions, please contact Kathy DeOrnellas, Ph.D., Principal Investigator at kdeornellasphd@gmail.com or 940-898-2315 at Texas Woman’s University.

Thank you,
Kathy DeOrnellas, Ph.D.

Hello,

I teach workforce classes such as math for carpenters, and also help people prepare for career related tests for things like union apprenticeships. So far I've had one student who identified as having aspergers.  I think he and I were able to collaborate well to make the class he took with me a useful experience for him, even though it was not an exact fit for his career goals.  Can any of you give me advice about what would make classes like the ones I teach a better experience for non-NT people?

Thank you for any advice you can give me.

I just found this community (hi, old friend-you-know-who-you-are!) and joined for two reasons: First, my son who is 31 and still lives at home is very probably Asperger's* or at least is on the spectrum. Second, both he and I have ADD**, and my therapist has said mine is the worst she's ever seen.

* I see some people here using the word "Aspie" and at least one other saying they hate it. Advice, please? "Aspie" is certainly a heckuva lot shorter & easier to use than "person with Asperger's", and the long phrase also sounds like a euphemism.

** Officially, "Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder, without hyperactivity". (irony)Su-u-u-ure.(/irony)

And I've just printed out the review of The Journal of Best Practices that tigerbright linked to.

Any opinions on this book?

http://thejudychronicles.com/2012/…

I'm posting this here because I think this is an aspie problem, and I figured there are some non-aspies here who can offer some insight. Kind of backwards for this community, sorry about that. (Feel free to add your input no matter who you are.)

Ok so...I got this text the other day that is still bothering me because I can't wrap my head around it, yet feel like a reply is expected of me.

It was from my sister-in-law and she said, "Sorry you couldn't come to x with us," x being a certain place my in-laws like to go for the holidays.

I wouldn't have known they went if she hadn't texted me, because nobody said anything to me about it. She asked my husband and he apparently told her I couldn't go because I was working (which was true).

1. Why is she apologizing to me when I am the one who didn't go? Is this passive aggressive or is this some kind of backwards genuine concern? I am not very good at picking up on indirect social cues.

2. How...do I respond to this? "It's ok"?

EDIT: Thanks, everyone! I feel a lot better now (like I have a better grasp of the situation, I mean).

I was directed here by someone from the Anti'Shurtugal writing comm, so a lot of this will be x-posted from what I wrote to them.

I'm a writer, have been for maybe 5 years now. I've always felt something missing from my writing, even now - interestingly enough, non-writers don't seem to find anything wrong, but other writers can spot the same 'void' I do. A lot of them attritube it to the showing/telling conundrum, some just think I'm missing my own voice or forgetting to describe character reactions.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 3. (PLEASE don't call me an "aspie". I really hate that nickname, I think it's trying to make the disorder that's made my life a living hell sound "cute". But I digress...) Recently I've just begun to come to terms with the fact that in addition to lacking empathy, which has never really bothered me much, I really lack a basic understanding of emotions, both other people's and my own.

I can't describe emotions in my characters well because I can't express my own emotions or the emotions of others beyond simple descriptors and reasoning. Stuff like "happy" and "sad" is easy enough for me to identify, as well as WHY a person might be feeling those emotions (if I know the circumstances they're in), but it's really hard for me to understand more complex emotions and their causes and consequences.

So, here are my questions:

Do you think a writer with Aspergers could ever be successful/good at writing?
Have there been any good or sucessful fiction writers with some form of autism?
How would I go about becoming better at describing emotions and emotional response in my writing?


(Someone on a_soc_k asked for a list of emotions I can feel and identify, and I hope this is useful here as well: sadness, frustration, anger, excitement, arousal, boredom, and envy.)