"Lost Icons" by Rowan Williams

Williams writes here about the importance of difficulty in conversation - of realising that you have not yet completely understood - and I found reading this book to be like a difficult conversation.  I think he may be saying something important, but he isn't saying it very clearly.  The book is relatively free of footnotes and was probably intended for a general readership but the circling, nested caveats and soaring abstractions are so academic in style I can nearly taste the port.

And yet, this is a conversation I wanted to persevere with (and he said a lot of the same stuff better in "Silence and Honey Cakes", published three years later in 2003).  He is trying to articulate the inadequacies of a concept of the self as an independent entity, and the ways our culture and public life are impoverished by reductive thinking about identity.  As a school governor once said at my primary school prize-giving, if a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing badly.

I have been told so many times, "It's important to make some time for yourself".  What is this self, which is in some sense neglected or absent during the time I spend on childcare and the practical business of managing a household?  People may variously mean that it is good to make time for rest, for looking after your own health, for playfulness, for adult relationships, for challenge and achievement; and then they are right.  But it is an odd habit of speech, and I think not accidental, that marks out the time I spend caring for dependent children (whether I am bored and irritable or relaxed and having fun) as specifically not "for myself".