(no subject)
quinoa, vodka, rare doowop on youtube, "how to induce coma" google search, and now, the jersey shore on mtv.com
true story.
true story.
(no subject)
THIS IS THE SECOND MONTH IN A ROW THAT I'VE WANTED THE MONTH TO JUST END, IMMEDIATELY. PLEASE FAST FORWARD.
(no subject)
LISDEXAMFETAWHATEVA
fucking the universe.
last night i had a dream that i was in love with this supreme entity composed of both good and evil. or maybe it was two separate entities. one was white and one was black.
there was a massive house party outside. everyone was shitfaced and there were black and white horses everywhere. i noticed i was capable of creating more horses, like if i put my finger in mid air, a horse would appear with more material extending from his head, as if it came from my finger. i don’t really know how to describe it.
anyway there were too many black horses, and it disturbed some sort of cosmic balance. everything turned black, the trees, all of the horses, everyone was covered with a black oily sheen. evil was shifting forms quickly and bouncing everywhere, becoming a person and then a fire and then just goo. dead horses and people everywhere. when it became a person again (a fairly attractive male but nothing to write home about), i knew the only way to save the universe (and house party) was to kill myself by having sex with it. to restore balance to the world. so i started bracing myself for however it would feel to have sex with this insane shape shifting creature. obviously i was really horny at this point but also scared shitless.
i think i said "FUCK ME" or focused on that phrase with great intensity. and then i fucking woke up.
i think it was the pf changs.
also, tonight, i had to call 911. was innocently wasting my life on facebook upstairs and started smelling plastic. burning plastic. started checking every room, no dice. opened door to hallway, "oh shit" smoke everywhere, smells terrible. threw on shoes, grabbed purse & phone and fucking ran across the street. there was smoke billowing from the porch downstairs. ran doorbell several times, said "fuck it, this doesn't smell like bbq" and called 911.
--CALLED 911 THE SECOND FUCKING TIME IN, WHAT, FOUR MONTHS, DUE TO BILLOWING SMOKE ESCAPING MY APARTMENT BUILDING.
as soon as i call 911 and hang up, my downstairs neighbor, the owner of the fire, says "oops, it's just the futon on my porch". he flicked a cigarette on futon, and that ikea piece of shit caught fire and i probably have cancer in my lungs now. he dumped water on it, and then 3,000 fire trucks and police cars showed up. i apologized profusely, heard of a lot of "you did the right thing, mam". went back upstairs and made a delicious raw kale salad. chugging beers.
i'm on motherfucking jury duty this week. i am juror #7, the one drawing pictures of the lawyer with boogers pouring out of his nose and his brain leaking out of his head. those are my official juror notes, and i am pretty bitter i can't take my sweet doodles out of the court room BY LAW.
there was a massive house party outside. everyone was shitfaced and there were black and white horses everywhere. i noticed i was capable of creating more horses, like if i put my finger in mid air, a horse would appear with more material extending from his head, as if it came from my finger. i don’t really know how to describe it.
anyway there were too many black horses, and it disturbed some sort of cosmic balance. everything turned black, the trees, all of the horses, everyone was covered with a black oily sheen. evil was shifting forms quickly and bouncing everywhere, becoming a person and then a fire and then just goo. dead horses and people everywhere. when it became a person again (a fairly attractive male but nothing to write home about), i knew the only way to save the universe (and house party) was to kill myself by having sex with it. to restore balance to the world. so i started bracing myself for however it would feel to have sex with this insane shape shifting creature. obviously i was really horny at this point but also scared shitless.
i think i said "FUCK ME" or focused on that phrase with great intensity. and then i fucking woke up.
i think it was the pf changs.
also, tonight, i had to call 911. was innocently wasting my life on facebook upstairs and started smelling plastic. burning plastic. started checking every room, no dice. opened door to hallway, "oh shit" smoke everywhere, smells terrible. threw on shoes, grabbed purse & phone and fucking ran across the street. there was smoke billowing from the porch downstairs. ran doorbell several times, said "fuck it, this doesn't smell like bbq" and called 911.
--CALLED 911 THE SECOND FUCKING TIME IN, WHAT, FOUR MONTHS, DUE TO BILLOWING SMOKE ESCAPING MY APARTMENT BUILDING.
as soon as i call 911 and hang up, my downstairs neighbor, the owner of the fire, says "oops, it's just the futon on my porch". he flicked a cigarette on futon, and that ikea piece of shit caught fire and i probably have cancer in my lungs now. he dumped water on it, and then 3,000 fire trucks and police cars showed up. i apologized profusely, heard of a lot of "you did the right thing, mam". went back upstairs and made a delicious raw kale salad. chugging beers.
i'm on motherfucking jury duty this week. i am juror #7, the one drawing pictures of the lawyer with boogers pouring out of his nose and his brain leaking out of his head. those are my official juror notes, and i am pretty bitter i can't take my sweet doodles out of the court room BY LAW.
(no subject)
guhhhhhhhh.
i don't recommend drinking half a bottle of whiskey and then eating copious amounts of indian buffet the next day.
i don't recommend drinking half a bottle of whiskey and then eating copious amounts of indian buffet the next day.
"to me, death is not a fearful thing. it's living that's treacherous."
where do i begin?
i am tired. half a bottle of french dry white wine. it hurts to type, there are cracks in my fingers that are bleeding. i just made fantastic vegan ramen. few things in life are as endearing as embracing your own imperfect, disorganized, messy life, particularly if you spend a good deal of it with someone else as equally messy and imperfect. particularly if you are paying professionals to tell you it's okay to live this way. particularly if you live this way. particularly if i live this way. particularly if i have a lot of recycling piling up. particularly if i have a lot of garbage bags in my room.
particularly if i receive your neighbors mail by a mailman's mistake and feel compelled to draw mustaches on all the women in PEOPLE magazine. always knew the kardishans were nazi's. it's okay, they had sweet sabers made of deer hooves and auschwitz was going to be an awesome town but that never pulled through. sorry livejournal, i am addicted to nazi documentaries. my only dying wish is to hit 120 mph on the autobahn in a german car whilst listening to kraftwerk. ONLY DYING WISH and my friend from work EXPERIENCED IT (sans music) before me, and i'm pretty sure she can't even count that high.
i think i have mouth cancer or at least, a questionable mouth bump. when i did i start smoking reds? yesterday, i guess, when i thought we'd be snowed in forever. today was the worst fake snow day ever. instead of working less hours, i worked later in the day and stayed an hour extra and literally saw my soul escape my body sometime around 6:30 whilst quietly judging the 5 PM professional business person basket full of groceries that so obviously describes ones life. but i swear to you guys, nothing is better than being complimented on looking "healthy and really good" when you walk in the store hung over with a fucking drug sponge brain. NOTHING. especially when you run into the bathroom and look in the mirror and still think "uhhhhh? wut?". WE OUR ARE HARSHEST CRITX. i think paula abdul said that first.
ENOUGH ABOUT WORK, LIFE IS GREAT. okay bye bye.
i am tired. half a bottle of french dry white wine. it hurts to type, there are cracks in my fingers that are bleeding. i just made fantastic vegan ramen. few things in life are as endearing as embracing your own imperfect, disorganized, messy life, particularly if you spend a good deal of it with someone else as equally messy and imperfect. particularly if you are paying professionals to tell you it's okay to live this way. particularly if you live this way. particularly if i live this way. particularly if i have a lot of recycling piling up. particularly if i have a lot of garbage bags in my room.
particularly if i receive your neighbors mail by a mailman's mistake and feel compelled to draw mustaches on all the women in PEOPLE magazine. always knew the kardishans were nazi's. it's okay, they had sweet sabers made of deer hooves and auschwitz was going to be an awesome town but that never pulled through. sorry livejournal, i am addicted to nazi documentaries. my only dying wish is to hit 120 mph on the autobahn in a german car whilst listening to kraftwerk. ONLY DYING WISH and my friend from work EXPERIENCED IT (sans music) before me, and i'm pretty sure she can't even count that high.
i think i have mouth cancer or at least, a questionable mouth bump. when i did i start smoking reds? yesterday, i guess, when i thought we'd be snowed in forever. today was the worst fake snow day ever. instead of working less hours, i worked later in the day and stayed an hour extra and literally saw my soul escape my body sometime around 6:30 whilst quietly judging the 5 PM professional business person basket full of groceries that so obviously describes ones life. but i swear to you guys, nothing is better than being complimented on looking "healthy and really good" when you walk in the store hung over with a fucking drug sponge brain. NOTHING. especially when you run into the bathroom and look in the mirror and still think "uhhhhh? wut?". WE OUR ARE HARSHEST CRITX. i think paula abdul said that first.
ENOUGH ABOUT WORK, LIFE IS GREAT. okay bye bye.
(no subject)
this is good (better).
(no subject)
NEW OLD BOY.
(no subject)
STRATTERA.
(no subject)
FIRE IN MY APARTMENT BUILDING.
ATLANTIC SHITTY SHIT SHOW.
NO MONEY, NO FOOD, ETC.
ATLANTIC SHITTY SHIT SHOW.
NO MONEY, NO FOOD, ETC.