(no subject)
I've finally found a zen that I've been lacking for a while. I'm not exactly tired, nor very energetic. Just mellow enough to feel like writing.
It's been a couple of months since I've moved in to my own place. Tonight I realized how amazing it really is. Mostly because I've been staying at my friends' house which is... filthy, I guess. I try to ignore the destitute of it. But, yeah, I've been there for about two weeks. I've come back home a couple of times to get clothes, but haven't really stayed for long.
My roommate texted me today, asking me where I've been. This is twice now I've received concern because I've been kind of MIA. My Physics teacher also emailed me because I've missed a couple of classes. I'm not sure why, but it really touches me how concern for my well being from people I wouldn't expect it from.
I have such luxury. I have a clean, not rotting, not molding, not littered house. It's a pretty decently sized house to boot. I have a room. My own personal space that no one goes into unless invited. A place where I can do whatever I want. It's clean. It has my books, my piano, my desk, and my bed.
I want to start using my time better. I've been fucking around the past couple of weeks because I got laid off from my job. I've slipped back into my weird sleeping schedule of 3-4 am to around noon, give or take a couple hours. I should really be asleep right now, but this urge to write came up, and I'm not exactly tired.
There are so many things that sometimes tickle my interests. The only thing that I've truly committed my life to is my transition. Friends that knew me well told me that they were surprised I hadn't given up after a few months. (But now I'm at this point of transition where no one can see me as anything else, besides my mum. People have forgotten my birth name, and there's an almost equal ratio that will never know it (considering I've only been using it for two years and I have seventeen years of my previous name to make up for it).)
I really didn't mean to talk about transitional things as it's not much of a concern of mine right now. What I've currently got going for me besides smoking pot: I'm in a grade twelve physics course, as well as an English one that's online. I'm on a gay bowling league. Yeah, wow, that's really not all that much. I may have another labourer job in a cabinet making shop, that with luck, i can turn into an apprenticeship.
What else can I do? I'd love to get into carving things. I think I could make a bit of profit by making wood pipes and selling them for cheap to friends (after I get carving tools as an initial expense, the only other money I'd need would be for materials, unless I could get scraps from "work".) Anyway, kind of getting ahead of myself. My grandfather told me he might be able to buy some tools for me. Gosh that man is amazing.
I really hope I can get this job. It's the first place that's actually contacted me, and it was mostly because of my ex bowling teammate. (Just because I feel like it, here's a long story :D I didn't realize it, but my friend is a cabinetmaker. She'd told me she was doing some accounting course, so it's not entirely my fault, haha. When I found out, I immediately asked her if I could send in my resume. This was back in October when I was getting fed up with Home Depot and wanting another job. She told me they'd just rehired an apprentice. So, about a month ago, I texted her asking if I could give her my resume because I was getting worried about losing my job. She kind of disappeared until she told the bowling alley that she'd quit last week. Beginning of this week, she sent me a text asking if I needed a job as her shop was hiring for a labourer position. Sent her my resume and she finally got back to me today. She told me to come in tomorrow (I guess technically today @_@) at eight am to meet everyone and see if things go well. If they do, I might start as soon as today, or Monday.)
It's... weird to figure out how quickly I fall on to terrible habits. I smoked probably an ounce of pot, maybe more, within two weeks. That's all I did. Smoked, stayed up late, fucking around. Now I'll be back on track, if all things go well (though I don't see why they shouldn't... I'm a young bloke with all this potential -half scoff-).
Back to the topic of hobbies. I have a piano. I have the capacity of reading sheet music, plus the ridiculous amount of youtube and open source material on the web. I have a shelf of books, a good portion of them never read. I have an alright laptop. What can I do with all of these luxuries? I think the idea of 3D design and eventual animation to be pretty cool. Ahh, so many sedentary things... what of activity?
Winter sucks. It drags on for too long and the summers are too short. It also keeps me cooped up. I should really start working more of these sedentary skills during this season. There are some things I can to keep active during this time: calisthenics and such. There's also swimming. This job can be perfect... it's in a very convenient location. My school and bowling alley are a few blocks away from it. So is a swimming pool and fitness centre. Once I have things better established financially, I'm going to go for it. I just need this one thing to work and I'm not going to be fucked for who knows how long.
-sigh- I'm sorry to whoever reads this. It's long, ramble-y, and the thoughts aren't organized very well. I just stream it out, going with the flow of the words and jump on subjects that are slightly relevant and then go back to an initial point. I really need to work on my writing skills. It's been too long... and I've smoked far too much dope for my own good. (Sometimes I can't type properly, at all. My fingers get all jumbled up. Playing FFR has been helping get rid of that, kind of.)
I should end this post here. It's fairly long, it's kind of late, and I'm going to go for a last half ciggy.
It's been a couple of months since I've moved in to my own place. Tonight I realized how amazing it really is. Mostly because I've been staying at my friends' house which is... filthy, I guess. I try to ignore the destitute of it. But, yeah, I've been there for about two weeks. I've come back home a couple of times to get clothes, but haven't really stayed for long.
My roommate texted me today, asking me where I've been. This is twice now I've received concern because I've been kind of MIA. My Physics teacher also emailed me because I've missed a couple of classes. I'm not sure why, but it really touches me how concern for my well being from people I wouldn't expect it from.
I have such luxury. I have a clean, not rotting, not molding, not littered house. It's a pretty decently sized house to boot. I have a room. My own personal space that no one goes into unless invited. A place where I can do whatever I want. It's clean. It has my books, my piano, my desk, and my bed.
I want to start using my time better. I've been fucking around the past couple of weeks because I got laid off from my job. I've slipped back into my weird sleeping schedule of 3-4 am to around noon, give or take a couple hours. I should really be asleep right now, but this urge to write came up, and I'm not exactly tired.
There are so many things that sometimes tickle my interests. The only thing that I've truly committed my life to is my transition. Friends that knew me well told me that they were surprised I hadn't given up after a few months. (But now I'm at this point of transition where no one can see me as anything else, besides my mum. People have forgotten my birth name, and there's an almost equal ratio that will never know it (considering I've only been using it for two years and I have seventeen years of my previous name to make up for it).)
I really didn't mean to talk about transitional things as it's not much of a concern of mine right now. What I've currently got going for me besides smoking pot: I'm in a grade twelve physics course, as well as an English one that's online. I'm on a gay bowling league. Yeah, wow, that's really not all that much. I may have another labourer job in a cabinet making shop, that with luck, i can turn into an apprenticeship.
What else can I do? I'd love to get into carving things. I think I could make a bit of profit by making wood pipes and selling them for cheap to friends (after I get carving tools as an initial expense, the only other money I'd need would be for materials, unless I could get scraps from "work".) Anyway, kind of getting ahead of myself. My grandfather told me he might be able to buy some tools for me. Gosh that man is amazing.
I really hope I can get this job. It's the first place that's actually contacted me, and it was mostly because of my ex bowling teammate. (Just because I feel like it, here's a long story :D I didn't realize it, but my friend is a cabinetmaker. She'd told me she was doing some accounting course, so it's not entirely my fault, haha. When I found out, I immediately asked her if I could send in my resume. This was back in October when I was getting fed up with Home Depot and wanting another job. She told me they'd just rehired an apprentice. So, about a month ago, I texted her asking if I could give her my resume because I was getting worried about losing my job. She kind of disappeared until she told the bowling alley that she'd quit last week. Beginning of this week, she sent me a text asking if I needed a job as her shop was hiring for a labourer position. Sent her my resume and she finally got back to me today. She told me to come in tomorrow (I guess technically today @_@) at eight am to meet everyone and see if things go well. If they do, I might start as soon as today, or Monday.)
It's... weird to figure out how quickly I fall on to terrible habits. I smoked probably an ounce of pot, maybe more, within two weeks. That's all I did. Smoked, stayed up late, fucking around. Now I'll be back on track, if all things go well (though I don't see why they shouldn't... I'm a young bloke with all this potential -half scoff-).
Back to the topic of hobbies. I have a piano. I have the capacity of reading sheet music, plus the ridiculous amount of youtube and open source material on the web. I have a shelf of books, a good portion of them never read. I have an alright laptop. What can I do with all of these luxuries? I think the idea of 3D design and eventual animation to be pretty cool. Ahh, so many sedentary things... what of activity?
Winter sucks. It drags on for too long and the summers are too short. It also keeps me cooped up. I should really start working more of these sedentary skills during this season. There are some things I can to keep active during this time: calisthenics and such. There's also swimming. This job can be perfect... it's in a very convenient location. My school and bowling alley are a few blocks away from it. So is a swimming pool and fitness centre. Once I have things better established financially, I'm going to go for it. I just need this one thing to work and I'm not going to be fucked for who knows how long.
-sigh- I'm sorry to whoever reads this. It's long, ramble-y, and the thoughts aren't organized very well. I just stream it out, going with the flow of the words and jump on subjects that are slightly relevant and then go back to an initial point. I really need to work on my writing skills. It's been too long... and I've smoked far too much dope for my own good. (Sometimes I can't type properly, at all. My fingers get all jumbled up. Playing FFR has been helping get rid of that, kind of.)
I should end this post here. It's fairly long, it's kind of late, and I'm going to go for a last half ciggy.
thoughtful