in somnis veritas est

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primarily so I don't have to HTML all of the paragraph breaks in order to post it on tumblr.

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blah blah blah, major Teen Wolf spoilers.

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The TL;DR point of this is that Astrid and I took the angst factor in our RP up to eleven and Scott and Jackson are really frustrating emotionally compromised boys.

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I like how I'm seriously just a flaily, overenthusiastic twenty-something with the emotional control of a six year old who:

• can't keep her side-blogs on tumblr straight;


• can't remember her ridiculous tagging systems even though they are actually fairly straightforward;


• can't remember the order of the alphabet without humming the entire song;


• sleeps with more than six stuffed animals and calls them research assistants to make it slightly less weird sounding and dress up the fact that she sleeps with more than six stuffed animals (though one of those is a Companion Cube so that's not exactly an animal I guess);


• has to count her psych meds every couple days to make sure she didn't accidentally skip a dose and forget about it;


• has lost her phone in her bra and/or her pocket with distressing regularity;


• has left her phone in the refrigerator more than once (often enough that even though this hasn't happened in a while, she still checks the fridge as one of the first places when she can't find her phone, which as luck would have it ALSO happens with distressing regularity even after investing in a bright pink case for it because this would nominally help stop that happening);


• suffers from a serious case of being emotionally attached to the semicolon as well as a tendency toward pedantry and being a vindictive little shit-stirrer with a constant need to be right (I'm actually probably more emotionally invested in the semicolon than I am in most of my extended family now that I think about it);


• and can't even remember to do the things she wants to do because other things are shiny and/or seem more important at the time…

but I've still somehow managed to convince people that they want to keep me around and eventually entrust me with teaching things to undergraduates.

I mean. I don't know how I've done this and I don't understand for a second either how I did it or why it's a thing but I guess that I like it. It's advantageous to me in a lot of ways so I suppose it can stay.

So, I recently found out that a quote I like about the speaker of a poem wanting to get fucked as hard as they hate themself… uh. the version of it that I like best is actually slightly bastardized from the original version of it and in context, it really doesn't mean what I thought it meant. It more means the exact opposite. The quote is actually, "I no longer need you to fuck me as hard as I hated myself" or something like that (it's from Buddy Wakefield). …This is a very silly thing to whine about but it still upsets me greatly.

This post is brought to you by the angsty as fuck Scott/Derek porn that I'm writing for stop_drop_howl today.

Blah. I hate it when my feels about how to work a character into a fic are conflicted and undecided and torn in multiple directions.

The character in question is Kira and the fic in question is the college AU Skittles fic I'm working on where Scott has an eating disorder and relapses really badly and Stiles is pretty aware that things are bad for Scott right now but he's not aware of the full extent how bad things are getting for Scott until Scott comes down with pneumonia and Stiles drags him to the ER which leads to Stiles finding out that no really Scott is in a worse place than he got before the first time he got caught and everything is sad. so, trigger warning for eating disorders.

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aka: a running tally of things that I want to vocalize on tumblr but can't because I'm taking a break from it (updated as I go today and tomorrow, until about 4:30 PM US EST tomorrow).

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On the one hand, I want to try to go, "dear livejournal" and talk my feelings out because I just have a lot of them and like 95% of them are fairly awful at the moment.

On the other hand, it's almost five AM and my current emotional state is, "somewhere between Scott McCall in Motel California and NBC Hannibal's Will Graham on any given day period, and if I start sleepwalking through the woods, I'm just going to give up everything" and all I can really think of to say is, "what is emotional stability, we just don't know."

So… I guess the salient point is that I'm taking a tumblr hiatus until probably next Tuesday-ish to just. read and do schoolwork and write and very specifically, I have to work on my rarepair exchange fic and work on an angsty as fuck Scott/Stiles college AU fic that I need to get written not because it's due for anything but because of that obnoxious burning feeling of like, "if I don't write the thing, I'm going to die probably."

So, this isn't normally something that I'd post (because it's the unexpurgated version of a sign up form for the Teen Wolf rarepair fanworks exchange that Astrid, Zani, and I are hosting on tumblr and AO3—my actual sign up form is edited a great deal, this is the word vomit version that I had to clean up before I could submit it… even cleaned up, my sign up form still wound up being ridiculously long but this version is even more so). But someone asked to see it and I've been meaning to post this for a couple of days now but haven't gotten around to it whoops. until now.

And I would've done it sooner tonight but I got distracted by making up Star Trek/Teen Wolf headcanons in which Scott is half-human, half-Vulcan, Allison got recruited to Section 31, Derek is half-Romulan and half-Klingon and a space pirate, Lydia is half-Vulcan and half-Betazoid, Jennifer is a Cardassian and… yeah sure whatever they're over here.

Anyway, if you want to know more than you ever wanted to know about my shipping preferences (vis a vis Teen Wolf anyway) and my kinks, then by all means, enjoy this post.

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