hypnotizing a girl so she believes that she has a mouth on the palm of her hand that says the uncomfortable needs she doesn't like expressing so she starts handpuppeting desires like "a large combo meal" and "a new video game" and "some attention" without asking "Can I ask for something?"

yaknow, it occurs to me that rocky didnt realize how tall Grace was until they turned the gravity on.

Rocky: Oh cool, this (alien) has a similar bodyplan to mine. 5 protrusions from a carapace. they seem to favor two for manipulating items and another two to steady themselves, while the last one appears for observation and brain storage. interesting! i bet they walk around on all fours instead of eridians on 3 legs. super neat!

rocky watching Grave balance on two legs walking around the hail mary at a height at least triple his own: what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

like i just can’t. 12 kids in a one-room cabin in tennessee, listened to her mom who sang folk songs while working, started singing in church at 6 years old, released her first single at 13, became so wildly loved and famous and rich and still at every turn found ways to give to the poor, the undereducated, gave away so much wealth she made tangible change in the economy. books, covid vaccines, theme park… sang about women’s rights (and wrongs), sang about worker’s rights, sang about poor people, sang about love. collabed with so many incredible artists. acted in movies, received death threats for being accepting of trans people. never fucking missed. all while being the sparkliest, pinkest, blondest, giggliest. unapologetically

Did you know? That the back is made up of terrible and evil muscles that are only waiting for their chance to betray you

working 9 to 5.... what a way to make a living.....

fuuuuuuck💔💔💔

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN

hrmph... harder to sleep when there isn't a girl in my bed

remember when dolly parton singlehandedly donated one million dollars for the research and development of the moderna vaccine during the pandemic, because I remember that all the damn time, especially when so many millionaires and billionaires did nothing while singing imagine from their living rooms pretending to care, dolly helped develop a vaccine so many of us around the world got and saved countless lives

rest in peace, dolly, you are a true legend

hey asshole watch where you park that marvelous flying contraption you almost scratched the brass off my ornithopter [removing my whirring brass apparatus earrings and putting on two cog-themed brass knuckles] you want to go asshole? you wanna go? I'll clean your clock man. I'll knock your sprockets off

This is so fucking funny.

“I couldn’t possibly be mansplaining. You probably don’t even know what mansplaining is. If you would consult the chart. Which I made to teach you something you couldn’t possibly know better than me. Hashtag transandrophobia”

it’s always everyone but That Man

There was this Karen trying to break into my house, demanding to see the manager. I kept telling her off, so she stuck her arm in front of me trying to push her way in. I said "bet" and bit down. HARD. Turns out, there was something in front of me in real life. My new husband's shoulder.

"Submitted by gremlin-after-midnight"

I cannot imagine how they got that username.

we have two eyeballs to see in 3d. we have two ears to listen in stereo. we have two nostrils for like. fuck all i guess. its all connected anyway. who fucking cares. (looks it up) So that one of them can take a nap or something

can't stand this bitch

so-called "free thinkers" when it's time to keep it slinky