An issue of great importance
In these times of fear and uncertainty, as we stand at the dawn of a new century, I feel it is necessary for society as a whole to carefully consider pressing issues of great importance. As Alli-Cultists, we are in a unique leadership postion. The world looks to us for answers. And what will we tell them, my friends, when 6 billion people, hungry for the truth, finally ask us, "What is your stance on relish?"
We can ignore the relish issue no longer. During our long history of pickle admiration, we've been careful to avoid the inevitable bickering and division that comes along with relish. But now is the time to address the question. Instead of turning our heads, let us begin a constructive dialogue that will allow us to show a united front as we declare either "YES, we like relish," or, "NO, we do not like relish."
PROS
- When we say we love pickles, can we fairly exclude any pickled products? I personally find pickled eggs distasteful, but I'll defend to the death (or the mildly injured) your right to eat them. Who are we to say what may be pickled and what may not? Are not all brine-soaked edibles equal in the sight of our cult?
- Looks pleasing on hotdogs and hamburgers, as the green colour compliments the vivid red of ketchup.
- Relish industry is backbone of economy
- Satisfies innate human desire to scoop stuff out of jars.
- Relish is a good word. I relish saying relish
CONS
- Texture is slimy, tiny cubes are unsettling to the senses
- Relish overdoses occur far too frequently, ruining many a hotdog.
- Does not adapt well to squeeze-bottle packaging, unlike its condiment brethren.
- Though green colour compliments red, it disrupts the primary colour pattern established by yellow mustard and red ketchup. Can we stand for this?
I leave it to you, my fellow cultists, to raise any other concerns, and to consult your own consciences as
you vote YAY or NAY on the relish issue.
We can ignore the relish issue no longer. During our long history of pickle admiration, we've been careful to avoid the inevitable bickering and division that comes along with relish. But now is the time to address the question. Instead of turning our heads, let us begin a constructive dialogue that will allow us to show a united front as we declare either "YES, we like relish," or, "NO, we do not like relish."
PROS
- When we say we love pickles, can we fairly exclude any pickled products? I personally find pickled eggs distasteful, but I'll defend to the death (or the mildly injured) your right to eat them. Who are we to say what may be pickled and what may not? Are not all brine-soaked edibles equal in the sight of our cult?
- Looks pleasing on hotdogs and hamburgers, as the green colour compliments the vivid red of ketchup.
- Relish industry is backbone of economy
- Satisfies innate human desire to scoop stuff out of jars.
- Relish is a good word. I relish saying relish
CONS
- Texture is slimy, tiny cubes are unsettling to the senses
- Relish overdoses occur far too frequently, ruining many a hotdog.
- Does not adapt well to squeeze-bottle packaging, unlike its condiment brethren.
- Though green colour compliments red, it disrupts the primary colour pattern established by yellow mustard and red ketchup. Can we stand for this?
I leave it to you, my fellow cultists, to raise any other concerns, and to consult your own consciences as
you vote YAY or NAY on the relish issue.
happy
crappy