Chaos

Why should I feel guilty? I put my heart out there. My heart got crushed. Why should I guilty for being afraid to go back there?

I'm doomed. That's all there is to it. He is my kryptonite and all I can do is surrender when he is near.

Seeing incredibly happy expecting married friends of mine made me so happy and excited… For them. But incredibly sad and lonely for myself. Is there such a place of happiness left for me? Or is it too late for me?

Emotional repression is a bitch.

I need to learn the concept of happiness without guilt of having such.

Test

it's not me
it's not me
it's not me

... meh. denial not working. it's me.

I am 30...

Welp, here I am... I am here. I am rapidly approaching my big 3-0 birthday, and I'm thinking it's time to re-evaluate my life and get my feet back on the ground. I need to get some shtuff figured out before I grow up...

So I got to school about 20 minutes early today, thinking I'd work a little more on my Herbs project before my Pediatrics class this afternoon. When I arrived, one student in my class was looking through his notes. I asked him if we were practicing on kids today, and his reply made my heart stop beating for a few seconds. "No, we have a test today"...

I am not doing well in school this semester. My head is not on my shoulders.

... though somehow I managed almost 90% with only 15 minutes to study...