Ok, long time no post. Well, its been a hell of a year since I last updated. Jon and I are still very much together and in love. School is pretty much over for us and we've got a great summer ahead of us. Tonight we're taking 2 hearts and half of a #1 stunner. Should be a wonderful night. Renee called the other day but I missed the call..oops. anyway, sorry for being so short but I have a 2 person party I must attend.
Today is my birthday. Unfortunately, I've had a streak of waking up at 5am in the morning for the past couple of days and have been going to Jon's house...but today, I can't. So, I'm forced to make busy for about 5 hours. Sucks. I am finally 18 though...feels..uh, good.
I dont have anything planned out today, and I'm sure no one really bothers to care. It's alright, I don't care about it too much myself anyway. I guess I have to stick around for breakfast cake and maybe I'll take Sophie out to grab a bite somewhere.
I feel sometimes like...I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm having so much fun during summer...but I need to kind of, take a hold of priorities. I need to get a job...I need to do all my shit for MC. I don't know. I'm a loser baby...so why don't you kill me.
I just..hate being home sometimes. It's like..my moma lways picks fights with me. I'm not saying she's always wrong, but she does always start some sort of a quarrel with me..which always ends in me walking the fuck out the door, yelling. fun. right. yeah.
boredom...what the fuck am I supposed to do for hours? I have absolutely nothing to keep me occupied. I need a hobby...or a spliff.
Well, I am officially finished with school. I graduated on...the 15th. Graduation itself was pretty shitty, I just wanted to be home the entire time.
That night I slept over Jon's house and we each took 3 hits of cid from the Bonneroo festival in Tennessee. Jon was soooo fucked up, it was scary. I had to pretty much baby sit him the entire time...the drug really took a hold of him. But, it was really fun. I was the only person he trusted that entire time.....he was really fucked up, I can't even explain how much. But I love him so much..so it wasnt really a problem. This was the stongest cid we've ever taken. It brought us really close, even as close as we are.
I'm pretty upset with my father. He sat me down while he and my mother screamed at me. My mom realized how bad it was and kinda stopped yelling but my dad just kept on going. It was so humiliating. He told me that my parents were embarassed of me because I didnt know what I wanted to do. He told me I was shit, and that I wasn't a part of the family. I couldn't even believe it. I haven't spoken to him since, and won't. He blames me for us not talking since middle school...ok fuck you. I can't wait to move out, seriously.
Tonight Jon and I are going to some restuarant with his father. His mom will probably join us...It's going to be a little hard to keep up convo with his parents, but it's alright. I'm always at their house I might as well be polite enough to go out to dinner with them on Father's day. I, being the bitch that I am, am not doing shit for my father today. I'm sorry, it's just the last straw...I really have no interest in him.
Jon and I want to go up to All Good next month..it should be really fun. I can't wait to meet the people their..and Jon and I will just have the time of our lives.
Well, the last day for senoirs was yesterday...HA! HAHAH..! fuck yes. I am so happy. Now, all I have to worry about is writing a paper for my final english exam.
It's 6:30 in the morning and I'm bored obviously. (I never write in this..)
Sophia is almost done first grade..I love that she loves school so much. Maybe she wont be as much of a fuck up as I was/am in school..not cause my mom all that stress. Yeah..
So, I candyflipped with my babyyy on..friday? yeah. Called out of work on Sunday cuz I was still all weird. We each had 3 hits and 3 rollers...sounds like a lot maybe, but we got way more fucked on the latter of the two. It was kickass. I love being with Jon when we do stuff like this...he's just...perfect.
Speaking of Jon, I am just..so in love. We'll be having our 10 month anniversary on this coming Tuesday. We got into a little quarrel yesterday but of course it was resolved like..within the hour. He's so adorable when he's apologetic..wants me to forgive him for something..like a little kid.I love him to no end. He's the only thing I'm sure about in my life..besides my family. Everything else is up in the air.
Well, I should be getting ready for work. Oh yeah, I quit yesterday, I'm just finishing out the weekened. Eh. Time to get a real job..who the fuck wants to work at a bagel shop. It's completely going down hill. Joe (my boss) doesn't give a fuck who he hires..everyone is just, stupid there. I'm not saying I'm the brightest crayon in the box, but...they sure as hell aren't. Anyway, gotta go.
So I haven't written in this thing in just about forever. I guess I decided to after I read over some of my old entries. Haha...they were mostly of how Jon and I started dating, or just before. And as happy as I was then, I am now. We've been dating almost 10 months now...crazy right? He truly is my other half. We're just..incredibaly compatible.
Before I get into the good, let me rant out the bad. Ok, school is..such a drag, honestly. I have the poorest attendance of like, anyone I know. Seriously. Ok, realistically, after the first month of school (which I did not miss a SINGLE FUCKING DAY) I went to school like...2 days out of the week. It was horrible, excuse me, it was wonderful. Well, wonderful to the fact that I could go do what I wanted and enjoy myself, but inside it did really make me feel like a bad person..why was..am..I so lazy? There's like...9 official school days left..haha. and I'm still like, damn do I want to go today? I just...I suck. Well, on top of that, I haven't even applied to MC yet. Although I started this morning, I couldn't decide whcih campus to go to. Rockville or Germantown? Germ. is much closer, but Rockville offers different courses, and Jon would go there too. I don't know. I'll have to figure it out within the next ten days..that is before my "online application" wears out. Eh. Oh, totally failing software apps, ha. Bitch (the teacher) hasnt been in class for two weeks..even thoguh I wouldnt technically fail since I got a B last quarter.Graduation. I'm dragging Jon along, it is going to be a waste of time. I just want my diploma.
Heh, so Thurs. should be a blast...Jon and I are thinking about going to see Crystal Method at the Sonar. Even if that doesnt happen, we're going to candy flip. Kickass! It's gonna be the shit..Jon and I always have a wonderful time together.
Well, I gotta get ready for school...HA. ok, yeah. ciao. (i dont have a first period anymore. I GO TO 3 CLASSES. I AM SO GAY.)
So, these past couple of weeks have been kind of...wonderful...to say in the least. Yes, yes. Again, I have found my self head over heals. And I've never been one to say "this time it's different" but...this time...it really IS different. My mind isn't really accepting some things..and it's making it look as though it's something wrong with the other person, but it's just my paranoia along with all the negetivity I have towards "love". Anyway, Jon and I are having the time of our lives right now together...and I really hope it carries on that way. The fact of the matter is that I can't really accept the fact that someone can care about me, and be as good to me as he is. After Chris, it's like..I just..stopped believing in what guys told me. Even though I'm glad the relationship is over (VERY GLAD), I still will think..well if Chris did it..if even Adam did it, why can't Jon? But something about Jon is so different from the other two..I'm more myself with him than I was with Adam..hard to believe right? We talk constantly, and not about just..bs. It's like..everytime I call he's so happy to just hear my voice..and I'm used to someone like Chris who hated the phone (along with many other things involving me I'm sure). I've never had anyone tell me I'm beautiful, or gorgeous or perfect for him, multiple times a day...I've never had anyone who always comes to me first..asks me first to come by. It's like..Chris put into my head that I'm a nuisance, and that's how I feel with Jon at times..and of course he tells me I'm wrong. Jon is..and does..everything I ever wanted. Kind of crazy how these things work out. Sometimes I think to myself though..am I just setting myself up for another let down? Because it all just...seems too good to be true. As he's told me before...but now I really do realize how each of us would think it. I THUNK..ahaha..ok moving on. I guess some would thing Jon and I are moving too fast...but if he and I are so attatched to one another..then who's business is it anyway how our relationship is? All that matters is how we think of it.
Sidenote: Restristed car use for three days. Meaning no car for my till Monday (apparently my parents are irked at me..once again.) I feel like I'm wasting away staring at my ceiling all day. I think I'm going to go crazy if I don't leave the house today. It's not even that I can't leave..but that I have no vehicle to leave with. So I'm stuck here..and there's no one who can come to me. Sad, really. It's not even the fact that I'm sitting at home, it's the fact that I sit at home and start thinking about all the things I should have done, aren't doing, and should be doing and I get so stressed out and depressed that I just..can't handle it. I start thinking about not having a job..school starting, even bullshit summer reading. I have to go to school and change my schedule around. Didn't get my senior pics done. FUCK ALL OF THAT. On top of all of that..my mind obviously wanders to Jon and then I start thinking how he has to balance going to MC, having a job, getting his lisence, buying a car, and moving out on his own..all in the matter of this year. Oh, and I guess somehow having a gf in the process.
I had to go to court yesterday. WASTE OF 4 HOURS OF MY LIFE. I didn't have to do anything but pretty much just show up. I saw Chris' mom and John of course. Luckily no one else was there from that family. Sigh. It's always so fucking cold in the court rooms.
I have a huge headache. Been up for hours. Going back to bed.
I just got home a little under a half an hour ago. Mom didn't really complain cuz I told her Jon and I went out and I had to drive him home and then I drove back to my house, which could take more than 40 mins at times.
I had a great night.
First Jon and I are just hanging out in his basement, and then we put on a movie. He had taken some Vicoden earlier and smoked a bit. Then I took a bit, but since V isn't really my thing..I couldn't feel the effects much. (A lot of drugs are majority mental..so yeah..if you understand what I mean by that) I took a bit more...and eh. I got a little moody..and a little upset over something that shouldn't have effected me too much, but I could see where it would though, to me and other girls. But, good thing is..I told Jon what had upset me, surprisingly. I remember with Chris I would have never told him what it was and would have just kept saying everything is peachy keen. And after I told him, Jon was extremely apologetic, and said he never wanted to make me sad again, and was sorry for upsetting me. What had upset me could be looked at in two ways, and I looked at it from..not the way Jon had wanted me to. Anyway, then we took a little drive and get some oc from this guy Jason. We each took 20mg, and just started having a nice long convo. We stayed upstairs instead of going downstairs and finishing Kill Bill 2. Well, he and I started..making out..very...passionatly..like normal..but this time it was just..all about us, us detatched from the rest of the world. Since we had the oc in us, we wouldn't be able to orgasm, or obviously not till it wears off. But we started having sex anyway, and I think it was the best sex we've ever had, and trust me...we have great totally awesome sex all the time, but this time was even better. I think the oc was a helper and a hurter at the same time, hurter cuz we couldn't come, but helper cuz it...made us want to make love to one another, we weren't concerned about getting off, all we were doing was trying to make the other person feel good, and show each other how much we really cared about each other. I can honestly say..it was a beautiful thing. I am so in love and I don't know if anyone knows or believes this but Jon himself. This is a stronger love than I have ever felt for Chris or even the life-changing Adam. Jon and I are one in the same.. I don't give a shit about people thinking we're moving to fast or anything negative whatsoever. I'm in complete bliss with him. True love, as he first told me.
I am so tired. I'm trying to fix things with Chris Riley. I miss him, a lot, actually. Funny mother fucker. Jon and I have been hanging out with Sam the last few couple of days, he;s fucking hilarious.
Well, I think I need to go to bed..I'm falling asleep in my chair. You wouldn't be able to imagine how many times me and my delete button interacted while writing this entry. Bed now. Wonderful dreams about my wonderful boyfriend.
Well this past week has been rather interesting. Kim left at 3pm on Friday..and then Chris, Erik, Mary, Jackie and I went to the 311 concert. We were crammed into the back seat..with Mary yapping about every little thing the whole way there. Jackie's mom was cool though, she called Mary out on being an idiot. heh.
The concert was great though, of what I did see. I got good seats so we saw the stage very well, and we were pretty close too. Then we ended up leaving around 10:30. Chris kept taking stupid pictures, and got Jackie and Mary to kiss for a picture. And of course Mary did. Jackie kind of just..is along for the ride. They both looked like 12 year old little blonde girls. Sigh. Just my crowd. Erik was being funny as shit, but he's usually like that when there's not shit to do and we're all waiting around.
We got to Renee's and chilled for a bit. Then we called a taxi and Chris and I headed over to Jon's. Jon gave Chris his game or movie or whatever back, and Chris left. Jon kept commenting on my appearance as I got out of the taxi. I had this glowy band thing on my head, and my hair was messy as a motherfucker. He thought I looked like I had a good day. haha.
He and I keep getting closer and closer..I've never liked some one so much as I do him, in such a short period of time, it's insane. I really do think I love him already..crazy right?! But he's just the best thing I've ever gotten my hands on, I can truly say I'm happy right now.
Yesterday was Renee's b-day and also Kim came up from Arkansas. I took Renee out to Hamburger Hamlet for lunch and got her a Barbie shirt for a present. Kim came over around 2pm. She and I went to the mall for a bit, she ate, and we went into a couple stores. I got Jon a Scarface poster from Spencer's. Then she and I drove down to our old neighborhood and walked around where we used to chill all the time..it's all different. Then we came home and bullshitted for a couple hours.
Around 9 we left so she could go to Subway, and then we stopped by Blockbuster and got Half-Baked and Underworld. Then we went over to Erik's to celebrate a bit with Renee. Erik and I made ammends. Kim actually liked Renee a lot more than she liked Nicole, which I thought was kind of amusing. We were supposed to go to the movies with Jon but his dad dragged him down to Baltimore for a few hours and by the time he got back it was too late, and he was tired so we didn't even stop by his house. So now the plan has moved to us all going to the movies after Jon gets off work today. Can't wait.
Kim is still sound asleep. I'm fucking wide awake. Damn you insomnia.
311 concert on Friday. Jon can't go cuz of work, I'm blownnnnnn. But, on the bright side Renee might take his place. Sigh, stupid Petsmart.
I guess I'll go downstairs and sit around watching tv till Kim gets up.
anxious
mellow
giddy
hungry