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.note on listings: All warnings and full descriptions are included in the posts themselves, so that information is not duplicated here as a general rule; the exception is for noting that a fic is AU (i.e. a total AU, not a fic intended to be canon but that ended up being jossed).

05.21.10: Harry Potter and Supernatural complete.
05.23.10: Stargate: Atlantis complete.
08.22.10: Without a Trace complete.
11.15.11: XMFC added.
total index word count: 871,913

NOTE: IF YOU'RE FROM GOODREADS, I DON'T WANT MY FICS IN YOUR DATABASE.

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Well two posts in two days.

I decided to go ahead and get myself a Tumblr (again). It's got one whole entry and you can look at it here. What I'm going to do with it, I have no idea, but feel free to friend/follow/whatever.

The reason my URL is theletteraesc is that some jerk just took 'aesc' and has done nothing with it. And may I just say, I find that incredibly irritating, considering that I'm aesc everywhere else in fandomland.

Well, it's a year later and I feel like a shit friend. Things got to the point where I'd been away so long, and it felt like it would be weird and uncomfortable beyond words to go back when everything's changed and people have moved on, and I would be stuck trying to get back the friends and conversations I should never have given up in the first place. It's one of the things crippling depression does to you, but it still feels like a very bad excuse.

The past 365+ days have been very eventful. I got an actual job that pays real money (in my field, more or less) and moved from my very tiny town to a very big city. My depression still lurks, but I've been busy enough that I can avoid thinking about it. In my work capacity I got to see siriaeve and torment her for a few days, which I haven't done in a very long time. One of the hardest things I've had to do this year is leave Finn behind, because he would not be happy as a big city dog, stuck in a tiny apartment when he could have a big house and a yard and his best friend for company. At the moment I'm home on winter break and I've been taking many pictures of him and forcibly cuddling him.

Part of me wants to come back, but it's just very weird, seeing as I basically exiled myself. Tumblr alarms me. I'm casually writing (and should be finishing) XMFC fic, although I'm also still trying to catch up from not being able to write for three months, thanks to severe repetitive strain that has (for the moment) been subdued by wrist braces and steroid shots in my elbows. But god it sucks when you write for a living and can't write... and then remember that, once you've fallen behind on writing, you will never in a million years be able to catch up.

Enough from me. Finn says happy new year.
 

So, yeah, I've not really been around much lately. My life this past year has more or less been a total fail, and even its successes haven't meant much. Mostly I've spent the year being severely depressed and self-isolating, even for a person with severe depression, and since everything I would have posted after December would have been along the lines of "My life sucks and I want to die whine whine moan complain," I honestly didn't see the point in posting much. Or, you know, at all. On the bright side, you've basically been spared a year or so of whiny, useless posts.

I have my doctorate now, for what it's worth, and that's about it.

Somewhere along the line, I lost the vast majority of the energy needed to do fandom the way I'd been doing it, and while I miss the community, I don't really miss the wank and the drama and the demand to keep producing stuff to feel like a worthwhile person. I've kind of moved on over to AO3 and dabbling in XMFC fic (don't even get me started on SPN, please), but mostly as a distraction from finishing my dissertation and trying not to think about what I'm going to have to find to do with myself.

This was not the "this is my first post back" post I planned on making. I don't even know if I will be back, in any meaningful sense.

But hi anyway. I hope you all are doing well and are happy.

Hello parakeets <3

I'm currently trapped in the circle of hell that is trying to finish my dissertation so I can defend it this decade. Coincidentally, it's also the circle of hell that is trying to get up the motivation to finish when all job prospects have fallen through, and really, what is the fucking point anymore?

Whatever. I suspect most of you out there have forgotten my existence, and I almost forgot it too. But then I remembered it's Valentine's Day and I do cards on Valentine's Day. So, here you go!



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That's enough fun. Back to work.

Yes, another week has gone by. The good news? I have an interview. The bad news? It's just... one interview. And it's next week, so now everything's been pushed to the side so I can prep. Whatever. Anyway, here's a cow I met when going Christmas-tree hunting.



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Still sucky times here. For those of you who don't know what the academic job market is, it's basically a month and a half of sending in application materials that force you to assess how very inadequate you are as a researcher and instructor, followed by another month and a half of the most dispiriting, empty silence as you wait for the bare hope of a phone call setting up the first of what you hope will be two interviews. I'm in the dispiriting, empty silence stage, which is characterized by the complete undermining of your confidence in yourself and the increasing conviction that, next year at this time, you'll be shuffling part-time jobs and cursing yourself for not sucking it up and going into something that might actually make you money.

It doesn't help with the writing. I failed at NaNo and am trying hard not to fail at the dissertation. But when every other thought my brain produces is something along the lines of "YOU WILL NEVER FIND WORK IN YOUR FIELD EVER YOU LOSER," it's hard.

Uff. Sorry for the late update tonight. I was forced to be sociable.

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I hope I'll have actual fannish content soon. I'm finishing up a long-overdue Merlin comic, and having it done before Christmas would really redeem December for me.

Happy Thanksgiving, United States peoples! As always, John and Rodney ask for your clemency this year, so that they can watch the football game and have grub-and-crabapple pie.

Yeah, another stupid week. Honestly, I am fucking fed up at this point, with myself and with about 99.99999% of the world. Just fucking sign me out already.

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34600 / 50000 words. 69% done!

Now I'm going back to having issues processing the salmon I had for dinner. Urgh.

Yes, things have been crap lately, so I've been invisible. Vomiting up negativity isn't terribly attractive. Also, I've been sleeping around ten hours a day in between trying to finish the pile of crap that is my dissertation, so that doesn't leave much time for anything else. Damn, but the switch back to standard time sucks all the life and joy out of me.

Just a short review tonight, mostly random, less nerd than last week.

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22491 / 50000 words. 45% done!

.eta: Bush would have failed my comp class so damn hard.
.eta2: Much more amusing to contemplate.