How can you rap with a mouthfulla caps?

Modern art
Makes me
Want to rock out

Holy shit, I am talking to Matty for the first time in like a year and a half -- He is this kid I met at an MSI show in Burlington like over two years ago.

We kinda hooked up, in a way. And talked afterwards on the phone and online. And then lost touch. But I had the hugest crush on him back then! Hahaha.


He's still cool. We are kind of talking about hanging out sometime. I mean I am still thinking of UVM for college, so we'd be in the same city.


But whoa, this is like a fucking blast from the past. And talking to him after all this time isn't really awkward at all. It's like when we first met. We just fucking clicked and waltzed around in the mosh pit to World/Inferno, and then just stuck together for the rest of the night. I have this feeling we'd just fall in with each other like old friends if we met again.


...Which is really awesome. I really love those sorts of just instant connections with people. I rarely have them in such an intense way, but Matt is just so awesome! He's got a lot of the same ideals as me. And he thinks of music and stuff in a quite similar way. And still, after changing so much in two years, we're still really alike. It's funny.



I'm not feeling the crush thing anymore, just to clarify. I am just really glad we got back in touch, since he's such an awesome person.






Yayayay for this!




And I am going to see The Prestige with Chadwell tonight. He is supposed to be coming to my house from his work right now, but he's been a while.... I hope he isn't lost. Eekeek.




The end!

AGHHHHH if I am giving you money, do what I motherfucking want. I AM TALKING TO YOU, KINKO'S.


I just wasted the rest of the gas in my car to go and get something copied so I can make my current 2D Design project, oh I don't know, possible. But congratulations, copyright laws, you are officially the stupidest thing ever.


And that pushed me over the brink of anything even minorly sane. I've been walking precariously on the edge for the past week or two, but ARGH. I could lose it over my father being a gigantic prick to me whenever he is home or my parents always just leaving me alone for days on end and not even really bothering to tell me about it until the day of or the fact that I am incapable of doing anything at all, but no... I have chosen to lose it over motherfucking Kinko's.



My gameplan is highly intelligent. Kinko's made me quietly leave the store, get into my car, and scream my lungs out. The guy who exited that lovely copy store behind me looked only slightly terrified. But I swear to you, copy shop guy, it's a very cleansing thing to do. Very.




Rrrrgghhhhh.



Maybe my mother was right all those years ago when she dragged me to a psychologist and told me I had anger issues I needed to work out. Hmmmm.

2D Design work takes forever. I split today's lovely grid into four quadrants... and it took me four hours to complete the first of the four. Splendid.


On the bright side, it looks kind of cool.



It's green and yellow, mostly... With a little red and purple and white mixed in with those to desaturate and lighten accordingly. Anyway... The result is that it looks a bit like fields do when you are high up on a mountain or in an airplane. And that reminded me of Darrow, for some reason. And now I want to go visit!


I'll admit, not really to see anybody. But it's a nice atmosphere.



...That sounds callous. It's just that most of the people I was friends with have graduated. There's a few left, but I really don't talk to them anymore. If I went, it would be to visit James, and well... Hm. I don't know how to explain it. I still think of him as a friend, but every time we talk our affection seems a little forced. It's awkward, and it's been about a year and a half since I've actually seen him more than once every few months.




On that schoolish sort of note, I need to look more closely at colleges. It's getting late in the year already, and I don't want to end up in the same position I was in last year. I'll never get to college if I keep this up, and I really would like to go somewhere.
I'm sure I will whine and complain once I am there, but I'll have good times, as well. This seems to always be the case. I just never realize what a good thing something is until I'm away from it for a while.




Well, then. Back to the world of artistic grids. How I love art homework.

As of today, I look less like the girl from The Exorcist and more like a crystal meth addict.



I am going to go inflate some balloons and have myself a cup of punch.

I am so sick of being sick.





Gak gak gak gak gak gak gak gak gak.

I have nothing to do but play World of Warcraft.

But I refuse to just play that game all the time, so moooostly I am sitting around, doing nothing.


I am almost breathing a sigh of relief at the fact that I have class tomorrow morning.

And I am applying/have applied to some jobs. They look quite fun. I'm still hoping that either EB Games or Borders will want me.


And it will be something to do. Which I would be eternally thankful for.



Chris and I are having a slumber party (!) on Friday, like old times! It will be massively exciting. We are going to make a sheet fort and watch little kids' movies. He is stressed from college. I am getting to the weird, ironic point where I am stressed from not doing anything at all.



I think I am going to watch a movie now. Or maybe take a nap... I'm really tired all the time now. I think it's because I never have to go do anything, so I'm always in a kind of half-asleep state. It's five PM on a weekday and I am still in fleecy pajama pants. It would feel luxurious, but the same thing happened yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that. And the day before that. So on and so forth and into oblivion.

I was laying on the floor of Chad's mother's salon about an hour ago when I felt myself going into that wonderful state of warm, content sleepiness. All the lines became soft and I felt spacy and serene and my movements got slower. I was breathing out contented sighs, even as I drove home. And now that I'm back in my own house, I can still feel my eyelids drooping a little.


I love feeling so calm. It's as if whenever I inhale, I'm breathing in crisp, wonderful air that clears anything even remotely negative away.



To tell you the truth, I really just wanted to fall asleep on the floor, with Chad's cat curled up next to me and me curled up next to Chad. But I had to rouse myself, as I don't want my mommy to worry... And I'm going to the Millay colony early tomorrow morning. Mmmm, so I guess it's time for sleep.









PS I am going to see The Science of Sleep with my mommy sometime this weekend. Yayayay I love herrrrrr. <3<3<3

I feel better. Endless Mythbusters does that.



My 2D Design homework, however, does not. Boo on making art into a really, really, really, terribly boring science. Art shouldn't be reduced to tedious assignments teaching you about contrasting colours and creating a good gradient sheet. Creating the correct colours is common sense for me, as is arranging objects on a page. Rargh at prerequisites. I can't wait to have the ability to get a little more creative in my assignments!



Yesyesyes. Back to painting.

If one more fucking person tries to talk to me about a) how worried they are about getting into college or b) how much fucking fun they're having at college right now, I swear I will dismember them.


Jesus Christ.
I got rejected from the schools I applied to last year. I know you're just talking and looking for an ego pat or a congratulatory "yeehaw", but seriously. Think a little about what you're about to say and who you're about to say it to before you open your mouth.




And god, after I give you your "woohoo" or ego pat, GO AWAY. Don't be presumptuous and try to diagnose me or tell me you need to "make room in your schedule for me". Wow.

I'm not that fucking pathetic. Or lonely enough to want to spend time with some one so overtly supercilious.


This kid is trying to make me hang out with him now. After quite obviously trying to -pity- me, when I have about fifty times his social skills and grace. He tries to give me fucking college and relationship advice about three times a week when I don't need or want it.

He went to college and got a girlfriend and his first kiss, and now he thinks he is king of the world. And all he ever asks me about anymore is college and my boyfriend. And then he vainly attempts to go over my head with his fucking elitist musical references. And he gets steadily more obscure in his references every time I assure him that yes, I already know that song/band/album/whatever.



Ughughugh I need to get out of here. I need to not talk to these people anymore. They just make me angry with their ignorance and complete lack of empathy.


It's great that you're excited. And I'll give you advice that I didn't follow myself for the college process.

It's just that it's all anybody talks about anymore (okayokay, other than Chad and erm... some of my gaming friends) and I'm so sick of it. Why can't we talk about playing dress-up or how we saw shooting stars last night? Or even make up stories about talking frogs or something?

I mean, it's not exactly a big secret that I'm not usually a fan of reality. So please, please, please don't shove it in my face. I'll go to college and get a job and pay my taxes and do all that I "have to", but on my own terms and in my own time.



So gooooo away now and take some time to realize that there's more interesting things in life than acceptance letters an ivy leagues.



The end.