Who: Lily, Sirius When: After Dinner, mostly Where: Great Hall and out
Lily had enjoyed, or sort of enjoyed, a quiet dinner in Great Hall, half-listening to some of her friends' conversation while interjecting little comments and nodding her head from time to time. Truth was, she had been pretty out-of-sorts since she'd broken things off with James. She thought it was for the best, really she did, but a few weeks and a lot of tears later, she still missed him. She still hated his guts, mind, but to a lesser extent, and unfortunately for her, she couldn't help but love that stupid sonuvabitch a little more than she felt she should. At least the fact that she was still angry was there to keep her in line.
After dinner, Lily quickly exited the Great Hall, trying to avoid Potter and the rest of the four musketeers, particularly Sirius, who had been more or less stalking her for some time now, much to her great irritation. Sighing heavily, Lily started towards the stairs, her speed impeded some by they heavy bag she carried with her.
I hate him! I never want to see him again, ever. How could he do that to me? How could he lie to me like that? How could he tell me he loved me more than anything when he was seeing someone else behind my back? I bet they slept together in the same bed that James and I did. And he let it get this far and he didn't tell me. He didn't even break things off with Sirius! And... and he was seeing a guy. Did he lie about being straight? Did he know this whole time that this was never going to work out and he lead me on anyway? Even if that's not the case... I gave him everything and he cheated and lied to me, and he half expects me to forgive him. Screw that. Screw him. No way in hell, Potter.
And you know what? I think... I think I'm going to... to change something. I'll... I'll charm my hair short for a while, or something. He liked my hair. I don't know. Just.. just for a change. [/private]
So much to say, it seems. A lot has happened between James and me. It was his birthday just recently, and what a birthday it was - Sirius did an excellent job on his party, though I do think he gave James a little too much to drink. He seemed off by the end of the night, and he spent the night out with his friends. I suppose that was for the best - I didn't really want to deal with a drunk boy, birthday or not.
So I just had to wait until the next day to give him his birthday present, a little pygmy owl he has so... interestingly named Princess Sassypants. Whatever floats his boat. It's a cute name, in any case. Oh, yes, and I let him take my shirt of... which almost went a little farther than it should have. I get the feeling James has done a lot more than I have, but I still feel comfortable with him. I trust him. He has always been honest with me, and he loves me. He told me that day, just felt it strongly and said it, and I was almost surprised. He's said it before, I know. But he hasn't said it since he's gotten to know me better, since we've been togehter. I said it back to him, though I was a little worried that maybe I shouldn't have, in case I was confusing something else for love. I would hate to say it only to realize that I didn't mean it. I'd hate to get his hopes up and then let him down. But I did mean it, and that's what matters.
[/Private]
God, it certainly has gotten cold around here. The castle is like an icebox or something, and it doesn't help that it's rather drafty. It certainly makes you grateful for the robes and scarves, I'll tell you that much. At least when it's this cold, it usually means snow, and snow is absolutely lovely. I wish we had snow days here, but I suppose it wouldn't make a fat lot of sense. No one has to get here from anywhere outside the castle, after all.
How has everyone been lately? Busy, I take it. I've been going out of my mind with all the work we've had to do lately, but somehow, I suppose I manage.
Yesterday was wonderful. It's so funny, too, because I feel like I'm just getting to know James, and at the same time, I feel like I've known him forever. I guess I sort of have. I suppose all the loyal members of Team Potter can now rejoice. I'm actually sort of glad I said I'd go out with him. And you know... I guess I'm ready to tell people. I mean, it's just dating. It's not like we're running away together to, I don't know, become a husband and wife crime fighting organization under assumed names. Not that it would make a lot of sense if we were, either.
Oh, God. Did I really say yes? I think I did, though I have no idea what I was thinking when I said it. James Potter. He's really not so bad, I suppose. He's sort of proven himself, with those poems. Those were beautiful poems, really. I was honestly surprised when I found out that he wrote them. He's never seemed especially creative to me, but those were his. Those were completely and totally his, and it made me realize that he really deserved a chance.
Dating him isn't like marrying him, or anything. It's just a chance, just the chance that he deserves for me to give him. But there have been a few things that have made me nervous since I agreed, like the way he talks about Sirius. I thought he was joking, but he told me that he would kiss him, and that's more than a little bit squicky. I mean, they're best friends, they're guys, I'm dating one of them, it doesn't seem normal.
You know what? I'm going to let him tell people. I've thought about it, and I'm going to let him. I shouldn't care so much about what other people think. I should just get over it and... but I can't not care. I don't know. Ever since I arrived at this school, it's like I've had to prove that I'm just as good at magic as the pureblooded witches and wizards who won't hear it because I'm a muggleborn. I can't show weakness, I can't screw up, I can't be wrong, or it's like they were right. And I was wrong about James, but I don't know if I'm ready to admit it just yet.
They'll find out soon enough. I'll tell them.
[/Private]
Dorcas - I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, but I'm ready to do that interview when you are.
It has officially become absolutely impossible to get anything done at this school. Everywhere you go, there are people talking about the dance, comparing notes on their dresses, comparing notes on the boys they're going with or considering going with, consoling eachother on dates that didn't work out, it's mad. It's honestly mad. I'll almost be glad when it's over. It seems like the students are putting almost as much planning into this thing as the planning crew, which consists of James and I.
I let him kiss me this time. I told him he could, I kissed him back, we just laid on the couch and snogged. Whatever else you want to say about James, you must admit that the boy is an excellent kisser. I just don't know what this means, really... are we together? I don't know that I like him that much. Especially when there's the other boy who's sending me love letters. He wrote one himself this time. Someone wrote a poem about me. I don't know, it's so weird thinking that someone would put that sort of time and energy into me. Well, you know, someone besides Potter.
Essentially, I'm incredibly confused and kissing Potter. Have a nice day.
[/Private]
Just a quick entry to see how everyone's doing and to see if anyone wants to do something. I'm quite bored this afternoon.
Who does he think he is kissing me like that? Even after I told him that, if he tried something, I'd castrate him. And now he thinks he has some right to be upset with me for being furious? For not giving him another chance? This was his second chance. He blew it, and he blew it big time. Apparently, when James does something, he goes all out, especially when he's screwing something up. If it happens again, I'll make good on my promise to castrate him in his sleep.
And you know what makes it so much more complicated?
I kissed him back. What in God's name was I playing at? I don't like him. Hell, I wouldn't miss him terribly if he dissapeared from the face of the ear in some sort of mass alien abduction, if I believed in such things. And for some reason, I think some part of me liked it. Some insane, ridiculous, passionate and completely illogical part of me liked being kissed by James Potter. And the same part seems to have performed some sort of manual override on my higher brain functions just long enough to kiss him back. Well... it was a bit longer than that. More like long enough for me to get pressed between him and the bedpost, which that same brain-jacking scoundrel seemed to enjoy, and do some interesting things with his tongue.
But it wasn't me, honestly, I would never kiss James. And now he's being such a wanker, acting like I did something wrong, acting like it's my fault that he kissed me.
Boys are stupid.
...Well, not all boys, I suppose. I have gotten two more poems from whoever is sending me poetry, and they've both been beautiful. I especially liked the most recent one. It was short, but it was sweet. Purely sweet. And a very nice distraction from the wanker who attacked me with his lips.
[/Private]
I hope everyone had a nice Hogsmeade weekend.
And I hope no one will miss Potter too much.
I feel like I haven't gotten any work done all week, with Potter and I in charge of planning the dance. Yes, and we do it all for the bright, shiney smiles on each and every one of your faces on the day of the big dance. And if I hear any complaints about the decorations, there is a distinct possibility that heads will roll, so keep that in mind while you're dancing with the one you love, or the one who looked best in a tux.
Yours,
Lily
[Private: Dorcas]
On a scale from one to ten, how opposed would you be to James Potter's death?
And if I prefaced it by telling you that the tosser kissed me, would your rating change?
Another one came, another poem. This time, it was Keats. Keats is always gorgeous, and La Belle Dame Sans Merci is no exception... but it is a curious choice, isn't it? The Beautiful Lady Without Mercy... Beautiful, well, that's an opinion, but I've never considered myself to be merciless. Well, there is.. no, that's absurd. Perhaps I'm over-analyzing it. It's a beautiful poem either way, and at least all these have given me a costume idea... for the dance that I'm not even sure I'm going to beyond my duties as a chaperone.
So James saw more of me than he should have yesterday. I forget how excitable he gets around sweaters, especially when they're coming off. It was just the sweater, and you should have heard that change in pitch. So I turned around, he gaped at me, and I realize a couple of buttons are undone. I had undone them myself so the collar would lay right, as the shirt was a little too small, and well, I could see more than I would have wanted him to see, so I imagine he did, too. Looking him in the eye has become vastly more difficult. Though I have been rather proud of him for managing to look me in the eyes. You know, the ones on my face.
[/Private]
Rounds were interesting. I got to meet a friend of James' who was especially sweet and fluffy. James, there's a good example for you to follow. Sweet and fluffy.
How has everyone else been doing? Looking forward to the dance, I bet. Should be interesting, especially the costumes.
Another one came today. It was Tennyson, and it was gorgeous. The Lady of Shallot. Translated into a similarly lovely painting by Waterhouse that I am admittedly more familiar with. And I'm not sure who keeps sending them. I was originally tempted to pin it on James or Sirius, but neither of them seem especially poetic. So it's probably someone I don't know very well, or it's someone's idea of a joke. Might be Dearborn... he seems like he'd know poetry. But then, he's never really struck me as being especially interested in girls. Maybe it's a Ravenclaw. Or a Slytherin... who knows. But I shouldn't even care, right? I'm with Sirius, and I'm happy with the situation. He's very attractive, sweet, funny, and a lot less like James than people think. Not arrogant.
But whoever they are, they're making deciding what to do about the dance a good deal more difficult. I'm working on a costume, but it's slow coming. I can't think of anything workable, and glancing around my room for ideas has been very countner-productive. So far, I've seen a plastic dinosaur, a cat, and an old cup of tea, none of which really lend themselves to dance costumes. And the rose he gave me, which is beautiful, but not really a costume idea.
I'll figure something out, if I end up getting asked, or going.
[/Private]
Lunch with Dorcas today - Darling, I haven't seen you in ages. That just won't do. We have a good deal to talk about, as well. I think I may just stay outside for the rest of the day. It's actually gorgeous out, and I feel like I've been stuck inside the Head's dorms with James or by myself for entirely too long.
I picked up a copy of Wuthering Heights with the intention of reading it, as I hear it's good. But I got distracted by honey lemon tea and forgot all about it. There is something gorgeous about honey lemon tea in a chipped, porcelain tea cup with a half dissolved sugar cube in it. Especially by a fire, but that may have to wait.
I actually got a very nice owl today... it was anonymous, a regular school own with a red rose and a gorgeous poem - Yeats. At first I thought it might have been another one of James' pathetic attempts to win a date with Lily Evans... but all of his poetry is original and quite bad, so I rather doubt it. So it's probably either Sirius, or someone I wouldn't even think of. Perhaps I'll ask him about it tonight.
But as much as I would never to admit that I'm so easily impressed by a rose and a bit of Yeats... you could say that the wild thought which she denies set all her blood astir and glittered in her eyes.
[/Private]
How is everyone doing today? I'm mostly alright, up a little late last night so I'm pretty tired, but other than that, I'm fine. Thinking of going outside for a spell until it gets dark. Anyone who's interested in joining me should say so.
betrayed
calm
confused