Amber

big booboo - don't go to "foreverjohnny" - that's actually an old community that i haven't posted to since september. the journal that i'm deeping is "daisylaine". i'll send you all an invitation, how's that?

i'm not posting to this community anymore. it's just too much to keep up with right now. i've got way too much stress in my life right now and the last thing i need is something else to have to keep up with.

i'm going to make my "friends only" journal, foreverjohnny, a public journal. so, please visit me over there. thanx for being here for me. i hope that you'll come visit me at "foreverjohnny".

~ Amber ~

not a whole lot to say hear. i said everything i had to say in my friend's only journal. actually, i'm thinking about dropping this journal and just making my "foreverjohnny" journal a public one. what do you think? it doesn't really make a lot of since to have to keep up with 2 different journals. yeah, i think that's what i'm gonna do.

well, i'm gonna hit the sack right now. i'll do it tomorrow.

wow! we finally got our internet back on! i'm so excited!!!!!!

i'm not going to post much right now as i have a terrible headache. however, i thought i should at least let you all know that i'm back online and looking forward to catching up with you all. drop me a line and let me know what's up. i'll check back later.

~ Amber ~

I hate the holidays. The main reason being because I'm always broke. Even though we don't celebrate Christmas, we still have a family day on Christmas day (it's the only day, other than Thanksgiving, that the adults and kids are all available at the same time) and I cook a nice big meal and give gifts to my children.
Yesterday was Jay's payday. Even with the new promotion and raise, his check still sucks. The insurance is outrageous and the government officials should be fired for taking so much money out for taxes. Of course, how else are they going to have enough money to pay for their mansions and 4 of 5 cars?
Anyway, he got his check yesterday and we now have $20. After paying some bills and buying groceries, I wasn't able to do any gift shopping. His next check will be on Christmas eve. It's not like there are a lot of stores open that day and I despise going anywhere near a store that day.
Well, I guess that's enough complaining. I just wanted to touch base with anyone who is the least bit interested in reading this. I'm not sure if I'll be back on before the holidays. So, just in case...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS & SEASONS GREETINGS

My entries are getting further and further apart. I feel like such a slacker. It's just whenever I'm near a computer, I'm usually in a hurry. So I just check my email and leave it at that.

There's not a whole lot to tell. Everything is about the same. Jay's job is going quite well. Sometimes, I feel it's going a little too well. He's very rarely home and when he is he's tired and grumpy. I guess I shouldn't be too hard on him, he does work hard and brings in the only money that comes into this household. I guess I'm just lonely and I miss him.

Well, I'm not going to get started on my whole depressing story. Instead, I'm going to say goodnight. Hopefully, I'll get to sit at another computer within the next couple of days. Until then, see ya!

~ Amber ~

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i don't have long to be on the computer. i'm at the library using the comp in the children's department. the lady said i could use it for a couple of minutes.
anyway, things are crazy around our place. it seems like, since jay got his new position, we've had less money. we have benefits now, but it's taking a fortune out of his paycheck. instead of working 2 miles away and riding a bike to work, he now works almost 20 miles away and is taking the car. so, not only are we paying more for gas than before, the girls and i have to take the bus every where and that's costing us extra money that we didn't have to spend before.
i've been doing some serious cleaning around our apartment (like inside the cabinets and behind the stove) and finding a lot of mold. i firmly believe that's what keeps us from feeling our best. the dog has been sick, so she's been pooping and puking all over the apartment. jay's mom gave me a kit to check my blood sugar...it's just as i thought...i'm not 100% healthy (who'da thought?). i go for a couple of days at a good level, then my blood sugar spikes above normal for a couple of days. i know i need to go to the doctor. of course, i should just go right out and make an appointment...right? wrong. although we have insurance, it's a $30 co-pay to see the doctor. that's something we don't have right now. i can't even pay our internet bill and the electric payment is due by midnight this saturday or they're turning us off. oh well. nothing new. we've been here before.
i just hate putting my children through this. it's the only way they know how to live. they've never had it easy or even semi-easy. now don't get me wrong, children need to learn how to live through the hard times. but my children have lived in them for the past 15 years (since i left my first husband). we've lived in our car, with a friend here and a friend there, in motel rooms, we've eaten peanut butter and water for days, i've gone without food for several days just so my children would have food to eat, things have been rough. i'm tired of it.
i'm sorry to lay all this out and i know i sound like i'm feeling sorry for myself, but that's not the deal. i'm just tired of being broke all the time. i'm tired of jay having to pay child support to a child who he hasn't seen in over a year because it's bitch mother doesn't like me. i'm tired of paying rent for crappy places that are falling apart and the lousy landlords want to blame every little problem on us. i'm tired of my children missing school because i can't get them there or they have nothing for breakfast or i have nothing to send them for lunch. i'm tired of my husband making $1000 every 2-weeks only to bring home half of it because of benefits, taxes, child support, and everything else the stupid company can get away with taking from him.
again, i'm sorry. as you can see, i've had a crappy couple of weeks. i'm hungry, i don't feel good, my back hurts from all the cleaning i've been doing, my feet hurt from all the walking, i'm broke, and i'm tired of sitting at home with no way to get in touch with anyone. hopefully, things will turn around one day before i die. who knows?

FIV YEARS AGO, I...

1. Was 35 years old.
2. Pregnant with my third child
3. Not married.


ONE YEAR AGO, I...

1. Was depressed.
2. Taking care of my elderly mother.
3. Trying to straigten my life out.


YESTERDAY, I...

1. Went thrift store shopping with Veronica.
2. Went to Eden's for a glass of wine and "Ella Enchanted".
3. Spent $165 on groceries (we have food!).


TODAY, I...

1. Woke up 2 hours ago.
2. Caught up on my Live Journal entries.
3. Plan to have my nails done.


THREE ITEMS I HAVE BRAND-LOYALTY TO ARE...

1. Dr. Pepper
2. Heinz Ketchup (sorry Mr. Bush)
3. Jiffy Peanut Butter



THREE SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO ARE...

1. Respect ~ Aretha Franklin.
2. Pink Cadillac ~ Natalie Cole.
3. Why Haven't I Heard from You ~ Reba
(I'm really showing my age...lol)


TOP THREE LOCATIONS I'D LIKE TO RUN AWAY TO ARE...

1. St. Thomas, V.I.
2. Vermont.
3. Scotland.
can I add a 4th? Australia.


FIRST THREE PEOPLE I CURRENTLY THINK ABOUT ON A DAILY BASIS ARE...

1. My family (doesn't that count as 1 or 5?).
2. uh...my family?
3. oh! my family!
I don't really think of much else :)