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What’s it about?
Sex and relationship writer Suzannah Weiss explores female empowerment through personal experiences at sex parties and resorts, advocating for women's sexual agency and self-determination beyond male desires.
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Book details
- Print length288 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherPolity
- Publication dateJuly 11, 2024
- Dimensions5.4 x 0.9 x 8.4 inches
- ISBN-10150956019X
- ISBN-13978-1509560196
Subjectified is a book about subjects, objects, and verbs. It is also a book about clothing-optional resorts, masturbation circles, and sex parties.
Suzannah Weiss takes the reader through her adventures as a sex and relationship writer to explore how we can create a world with less objectification and more subjectification – placing women and other marginalized groups in the subject role of sentences and actions. Offering a deeply personal critique of sexual empowerment movements, Weiss presents a way forward that focuses on what women desire, not what men desire from them. Subjectified calls for women everywhere to inhabit their bodies and hearts – to look through their own eyes and speak as “I.”
The book is for everybody wanting to understand themselves as subjects. Wholeheartedly, the author invites you to follow her search for subjecthood and, should you desire, forge your own path out of objecthood.
Now available as an audiobook.
Review
Jessica Stoya, porn icon and sex columnist
“Subjectified is a highly original, irreverent, and refreshing perspective on what it means to be a woman. I hugely enjoyed Suzannah Weiss’s debunking of the sacred cows of female sexuality (I use that term deliberately – you’ll see why). I guarantee you’ll never look at ‘the divine feminine’ the same way again.”
Cindy Gallop, founder and CEO of MakeLoveNotPorn
“Subjectified takes you on a journey that’s equal parts playful, poetic, profound, silly, sexy, and full of titillating twists and turns. Weiss is a trailblazer, expanding minds and pushing boundaries with a refreshingly approachable warmth and tenderness.”
Maitland Ward, actress and model
“This is the inclusive feminist manifesto of destigmatization and personal power we need today. Weiss asserts a unified imagined future of possibility that can speak to anyone who has grown up in the last several decades. An important voice in the modern fight for liberation and human thriving.”
Kiran Gandhi, musician, activist, and free-bleeding runner at the 2015 London Marathon
“Authentic and moving. Challenging and uplifting. This book couldn’t be more relevant to the battleground that is women’s bodies.”
Victoria Bateman, University of Cambridge, author of Naked Feminism: Breaking the Cult of Female Modesty
“Weiss is one of the best sex writers out there. Her voice is one that lifts and carries you. This book has the power to change the way we think of ourselves as women, as people – to know our power and agency when we so often have been left wanting.”
Gigi Engle, psychosexual therapist and author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life
“Subjectified is a book that will make you think long and hard about sex and the way we talk about it. Weiss shows how a simple sentence flip or reframe can dramatically change the way we think about ourselves and our partners, as well as what it means to be sexually free. Readers stand to become informed and empowered ‘subjects’ of desire.”
Justin J. Lehmiller, host of the ‘Sex and Psychology Podcast’ and author of Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How it Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life
“Taking us on a journey of sexual liberation, Subjectified is a deep dive into what it means to be objectified and how we can talk, think, and action our way into becoming the subject of our own lives.”
Erika Lust, indie erotic filmmaker and author of Good Porn: A Woman’s Guide
“Weiss perfectly breaks down the dehumanizing split between subject and object, detailing the myriad ways in which the enforced position of ‘object’ is profoundly destructive for women. Her deep dive into the consequences of this process is both illuminating and liberating.”
Nina Menkes, director of Brainwashed: Sex-Camera-Power
“Subjectified will make you think – about the words we use to describe women, sex, and men. More than that, it will inspire readers to consider their role in the world and how they want to create their own sexual narrative and life journey. Using cultural critique, linguistic analysis, surprising facts from science, and her own journey as both a woman and a sex writer, Suzannah Weiss invites readers into her world so that they can choose if they want to change their own. I plan to recommend this book to students and clients for years to come. I am certain that all will have ‘Aha!’ moments and be inspired to make changes to the way they approach the world of sex.”
Laurie Mintz, University of Florida, author of Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters – and How to Get it
“Subjectified is a deeply heartfelt, thought provoking, and gripping account of Suzannah Weiss’s personal journey toward empowerment in a world that still frequently treats women as objects. It is a gift to any woman who wants to get in touch with her own true north and make choices that honor her body, mind, and feelings, across each and every part of her life.”
Tiffany Pham, founder of Mogul and author of You Are a Mogul: How to Do the Impossible, Do It Yourself, and Do It Now
“Suzannah Weiss rediscovers sex-positivity as she returns our agency, worth, and subjectivity to ourselves, our own voice and vision, our ‘I.’ This radical script-flipping of women’s selfhood sees Suzannah dancing with language and gifting us the wonderful, powerful identity ‘subject of desire.’”
Carol Queen, staff sexologist at Good Vibes and author of Exhibitionism for the Shy: Show Off, Dress Up and Talk Hot!
“What Suzannah Weiss has achieved in Subjectified is remarkable. In a marketplace packed with ‘pop feminism’ books she has written something fresh, absorbing, and important. This is persuasive, groundbreaking material.”
Emma Rees, University of Chester, author of The Vagina: A Literary and Cultural History
“Subjectified is a super thoughtful, heartfelt, generous story that dives into many important and interesting topics – such as menstrual blood, dick pics, the politics of pubes, sex work as play, behind the nipples, easy money, sex and divinity, body sizes, and more – all in one nicely written book. Suzannah Weiss asks, and answers, many questions about our bodies and ourselves, which many women ponder – if they dare.”
Annie Sprinkle, sexecologist and author of Assuming the Ecosexual Position: The Earth as Lover
“It’s meaty and thought provoking. It’s also erudite, inclusive and humane.”
Irish Independent
"I had a lot of feelings come up when reading this book. I was like, she's such a good writer because she's eliciting a lot of feelings in me. And it was this rollercoaster of going from the beginning ― where I was feeling related to and I was feeling compassionate for the young girl that she was describing ― and then there were other moments where I was snapping my fingers. And I was like, yes, girl, this is literally what I tell people all the time."
Dr. Cat Meyer, sex and relationship therapist
"Subjectified discusses the #FreetheNipple movement and allowing yourself to be visible, while discussing self-pleasure. It’s a brilliant continuation of the male gaze conversation."
Gigi Fong, Hypebae
"Very compelling, beautifully written, and totally on point. I love this book."
Sophia Wallace, artist, creator of Cliteracy
"A thoroughly enjoyable read. Dense on theory, yet very accessible for all readers. Wonderful perspectives on moving away from performative sexuality and truly experiencing pleasure that is uniquely yours. Excellent critique of “empowerment” discourse, particularly as it relates to masturbation. I wish this book was published before mine because I would have definitely incorporated and cited many of her ideas."
Eric Sprankle, author of DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation
"skillfully weaves together cultural analysis, theory, pop culture, and personal storytelling"
Pittsburgh City Paper
"At its core, Weiss’ book inspires women to sit in the driver’s seat of their sex life and chart their course. Her advice is both straightforward and profound."
Simone Paget, Toronto Sun
About the Author
About the author
Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.Suzannah Weiss is a writer, sexologist, and psychotherapist based in Los Angeles. Her first book Subjectified: Becoming a Sexual Subject describes her search for sexual empowerment and her vision for a world where women are subjects — not just objects —of desire. Her second book Eve's Blessing: Uncovering the Lost Pleasure Behind Female Pain recounts how she and other women have led pleasurable lives in a world that normalizes their pain. She has published 9,000 articles in publications such as The New York Times, The Washington Post, and New York Magazine. She is also a marriage and family therapist specializing in sex, couples, and neurodiversity. As a sex educator certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, Suzannah has taught courses and given talks on topics including consent, orgasms, childbirth, non-monogamy, and neurodiversity. She is regularly quoted as an expert in publications like Cosmopolitan and Men's Health and also works as a sex/love coach, birth doula, and sexual assault counselor. She holds a Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology with specializations in Spiritual Psychology and LGBT Psychology from Antioch University, a Master of Professional Studies in Sexual Health from the University of Minnesota, a Bachelor of Science in Cognitive Neuroscience from Brown University, and a Bachelor of Arts in Gender & Sexuality Studies and Modern Culture & Media from Brown University. She likes to play with words in silly ways that tap into big truths.
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Product information
| Publisher | Polity |
| Publication date | July 11, 2024 |
| Edition | 1st |
| Language | English |
| Print length | 288 pages |
| ISBN-10 | 150956019X |
| ISBN-13 | 978-1509560196 |
| Item Weight | 2.31 pounds |
| Dimensions | 5.4 x 0.9 x 8.4 inches |
| Best Sellers Rank |
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|---|---|
| Customer Reviews | 5.0 out of 5 stars 22Reviews |
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Please try again later.Top reviews from the United States
- 5 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
WOW doesn't even TOUCH how impactful this book has been for me!
Reviewed in the United States on October 19, 2024Format: KindleI initially picked up this book to help heal my wounded relationship with my sexuality and sexual expression, but I realized very quickly into this book that it was healing so much more than that for me. This book has completely helped me realized my wounds extended to my relationship with my gender, feminism, and my own ability to be a subject in many more arenas of my life-- not just sexuality.
The concept of being a "subject" not an "object" is in and of itself a radically powerful concept, one that immediately sent a quantum shockwave back through my past and opened my eyes to how I had been culturally and relationally conditioned into this role, even though it never served me-- and not only had it not served me, but it had actively HARMED me, leaving me feeling "stuck" in a position I had never chosen for myself. No wonder I struggled to express myself sexually! Suddenly all of the shame and guilt I was feeling with this struggle was washed over with warmth, compassion, and understanding. It helped me see everything from a completely new perspective and reignited my ability to connect with own power in a way no other book, teacher, or healing service has been able to before now.
The author's writing is filled with wisdom that is balanced with playful curiosity, intelligence that is balanced with humbleness, wit that is balanced with grounded humanity. I was very hesitant and nervous to open myself up to the content in this book due to how sensitive of a subject this is for me (one I've been willfully avoided for many years), but her writing style and overall general approach pulled me in so gently and seamlessly that I could not put the book down. Each chapter opened me up to my own pain in such a safe and natural space-- I found myself releasing cathartic tears of suppressed emotion with each new subject. As I said before, it opened up a whole new portal of healing energy that allowed me to reconnect with the true nature of most of my issues, which I can now say DEFINITELY had to do with being conditioned as a subject by my family, relationships, and society at large. I can not emphasize enough how validating it was reading words that defined and further contextualized such overwhelming yet abstract feelings I had felt my whole life. I mean it when I say this book 100% changed my life.
I wish I could give a copy of this book to every single person I know, but especially those who have been born/raised as women in this society. In my opinion, it should be just as essential as any of the classic coming of age books young girls are given as soon as their bodies push them into "becoming a woman"; because as I have now realized, there is so much fallout from "becoming a woman" in this society, and while I have felt that in my own body and heart for decades, this book allowed me to tenderly address that wounding with grace, compassion, and dignity. I want that so very much for others as well.
I have also asked my husband to read this book, and it has already brought us together to have so many important conversations that I am fully confident will continue to heal wounded areas of our relationship, helping it to flourish with a new foundation of understanding and compassion. He just told me the other day he only picked up this book because of my recommendation, but now he is so glad he is reading it, because it is helping him reorient himself with his own conditioned behaviors and helping him approach our relationship with a new lens of deeper understanding. You have no idea what it meant to me to hear those words. Both men, women, and everyone in between can take so much from this book.
Suzannah, I can not thank you enough for writing this book. I feel completely indebted to you as a human being who has done the research and placed the time and care into compiling it in such a way that has brought forth such powerful healing and peace for me. For now, please accept my gratitude and love for everything you have done to help me (and many others, I am sure of it!) You have done something incredible with this book, and I can't wait to continue passing on this gift on to many others for years to come.
- 5 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Thoughtful and informative, especially for men
Reviewed in the United States on November 5, 2025Format: KindleThoughtful and well written. From my male perspective provides refreshing and valuable insights into the complex male-female dynamic.
- 5 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
A different perspective
Reviewed in the United States on September 30, 2024Format: PaperbackI wasn't sure what to expect with Subjectified, but it provided a fresh perspective on sex and relationships without beating you over the head with its point. My experience has been with the more famous books in the ethical non-monogamy space so seeing all of these points from an explicitly female outlook has changed the way I look at the world. We take so much for granted as men.
The humor throughout helps lighten the mood and allows Weiss to use her deep knowledge of these subjects without it ever getting too clinical. It feels authentic throughout, and stays kind to the reader and the world. Everyone is muddling through this life carrying around arbitrary stories we've picked up from society, so this is an excellent way to take a step back and really THINK about them. Highly recommend if you're looking to go deeper into this topic or have your preconceptions challenged!
- 5 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Enlightening.
Reviewed in the United States on September 23, 2024Format: PaperbackThis is not a topic I would usually read, but I am so glad I did. It has transformed how I view myself and what I want from a relationship, how I want my relationships to be, the traditional views I was raised with around sex, how brutally the media has portrayed women for the male gaze, even those purporting to be FOR women. What I am enjoying most is that it weaves Suzannah's personal experiences and is full of wonderful amusing stories about her sexual and relational encounters. I have read similar books on various topics, and I have found them to be in the majority humorless. I highly recommend Subjectified, both for content and the writing style...there's nothing dry about this book!
- 5 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Refreshing. Insightful. Powerful.
Reviewed in the United States on September 20, 2024Format: KindleSuzannah uses her honest, raw, powerful stories, along with sentence structure and our use of language itself to relay the message that women and marginalized groups need not follow the path laid out by society--one told to them or stated about them. We can form our own identity and become the subject of our stories. This book is refreshing, real, and full of insight. I highly recommend it.
- 5 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
A MUST read for anyone who has felt like an object!
Reviewed in the United States on January 19, 2025Format: PaperbackAn absolute gem of a book! Hearty, poignant, and a must read for anyone who has yearned to reclaim their eroticism!
- 5 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
An important voice in feminist writing
Reviewed in the United States on August 5, 2024Format: PaperbackThe idea of being a subject versus an object offers a fresh take on conversations about exclusion. Subjectified helps readers recognize our power and it teaches us to redirect our pain into valuable personal journeys of self evolution. “If I choose to be the subject of my own life story, I disallow objectification from being my norm.” Brilliant. This is a fantastic book from an important writer. I’m glad to have read it.
- 5 out of 5 stars
Vulnerable memoir, scholarly research, and actionable self-help for sexuality and self-empowerment
Reviewed in the United States on November 1, 2025Format: PaperbackSuzannah Weiss’s Subjectified is a rare and compelling book. It masterfully combines a vulnerable, adventurous personal narrative about Weiss’s sexual empowerment journey with deep research and playful deconstructions of the linguistic, philosophical, and societal constructs that shape modern life. Every chapter feels like its own self-help essay, complete with actionable conclusions that feel earned thanks to the depth and honesty with which Weiss examines her subject matter, which ranges from sex work and spirituality to disordered eating and gender essentialism. The book feels so deeply personal and urgent that it lands like a book that Weiss had to write. Although she frequently demonstrates her chops as a scholar of semiotics and feminist theory, she makes these subjects remarkably accessible and applicable to everyday life, deftly weaving her points through a thoughtfully organized collection.
I couldn’t list all the points that struck me while reading this book - each of the 15 chapters had several “ah ha” moments for me - but I would call out a few, such as her exploration of the body neutrality movement ("just be"), the distinction between the male gaze vs. the artist gaze, and the particularly insightful look at the role capitalism-corrupted spirituality plays in exacerbating our relationship with sexuality, femininity, and ourselves.
Though I, as a cisgendered male, am not the primary target audience, I got an immense amount out of this book, both in understanding women's experiences and in thinking about how to be more true to my own self, which is ultimately unsurprising given Weiss’s orientation towards inclusion.
In a world full of thinly-supported, cliché-filled self-help books, Subjectified stands out, earning every piece of advice it offers. Highly recommended.
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