Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, David Hollander & Shane Hollander & Yuna Hollander, Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike Characters: Shane Hollander, Yuna Hollander, David Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Hayden Pike Additional Tags: Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Autism, Shane Hollander Has an Eating Disorder, Autistic Shane Hollander, Anxious Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov Summary:
PROLOGUE. shane knows he has autism. and he also knows he has orthorexia. he simply doesn't want to deal with it, so he assumes ilya- and everyone else around him— won't want to either.
thinking of writing au in which shane knows he has autism. and he also knows he has orthorexia. he simply doesn't want to deal with it, so he assumes ilya- and everyone else around him— won't want to either.
he figured it out during the hookup era when ilya mentions some minuscule strange habit. he looks it up and goes down a quora rabbit hole. he sees people talking about autism and looks up the diagnostic criteria. fits like a damn glove. so he knows. he doesn't want to be high maintenance, and he assumes his needs being met is too much.
the orthorexia is different.
shane knows that his unwillingness to get better is "burdening" ilya. he knows that it's going to kill him. he knows it's ruining his body and the constant dizziness shouldn't be normal, he should be worried, but he isn't. he can't bring himself to tone it down. to let himself eat. eventually he lets it evolve into a punishment for himself, water fasting on days when he feels hes messed up. his definition of that slowly gets more vague. waking up late, going to bed late. under a nutrient goal, over a nutrient goal. he becomes so obsessive and his safe food circle so small that anorexia starts manifesting, and that ilya and/or yuna have/has to sit him down and tell him he needs to see a specialist or, if it doesn't help, they might have to admit him to a hospital. This freaks him out. he spends an entire night off and on shaking because the meal replacement shakes at hospitals are processed.
maybe he tells ilya that if he's sent to a goddamn hospital he will never look at ilya again, and maybe ilya says he’s okay with that if it means shane’s alive.
i do think that naim would self harm. i do think that the stress of constantly having to check if ryan is real ryan, and for ryan to have to check if he was real naim, would give him depersonalization. maybe he just wants to check that he’s real, because if he’s living in a world with something that can just become him, who’s to be sure he’s not also an imposter? every so often he takes his freshly lit lighter, or the end of a hot bobby pin, to the flesh of his ankle. if he’s using the lighter he turns it on again while it’s against his skin, he idolizes the burn.
Ryan doesn’t find this out until naim has spiraled enough to be past the point of understanding he needs help. naim is skilled at not only hiding the marks but healing them. so ryan doesn’t notice until he has an encounter with the entity. he finds naim after and holds him, whispers “it’s you,” and naim whispers,
“is it?”