Touch My Body Tender (Part 1)

Riki’s eye twitches as you sigh loudly from where you’re laying on his bed.

His headphones have been hanging loosely from his neck ever since you walked in through his door, mic muted as he plays a new game Heeseung and Jake wanted to try out. He normally doesn’t play video games, but the graphics looked cool, so he decided to join, much to their delight. But you didn’t seem to be very happy about it.

He could tell from the twenty sighs that happened in the last ten minutes. He glances at the time, and then at the game, still able to hear Jake and Heeseung’s screams in his headphones. He heard another loud sigh and it made the decision for him, simply exiting out of the voicechat and game before turning the monitors off. He even turns his phone on Do Not Disturb, because he knows they’ll be blowing up his phone in a second.

When he turns around in his chair, you’re staring straight at him. He sighs loudly back at you before pushing himself out of his chair and jumping on the bed next to you, the force of his jump making you bounce. You huff in annoyance and he smiles like a shithead.

“You good?” he stuffs his pillow behind his head, eyes locked on you. You were wearing soft cotton pajama shorts and an old t-shirt from EXO’s merch line, but you had done your makeup like you were going out. He didn’t understand the thought process, but oh, well.

You throw him an annoyed look, frowning at him with glossy lips he found it hard to tear his gaze from, “You’ve been ignoring me for thirty minutes. What do you think?”

“Aw,” he smiles, “You missed me, huh?” He wraps an arm around your shoulder, ignoring your squirming to push him away and pull you in closer. “Don’t worry, I was just talking to Jake and Heeseung. No need to be jealous.”

You scoff, trying to push him away from you, “I’m not jealous, jackass!” When you fail to get him to let up on his grip, you groan, falling back on the bed limply. “I was trying to talk to you.”

“That’s funny considering the last time you talked to me you said you didn’t want to talk to me,” Riki curls a strand of your hair around his finger. “Look how long that lasted…” His other hand grabs his phone to look at the time, ignoring the incoming messages. “Four hours. New record for you.”

“Because I was trying to listen to the teacher,” you smack him lightly on the arm. “Stop being mean to me!” You drag out the last word into a whine.

“Ow,” he says flatly. “So violent. No wonder you don’t have a boyfriend.”

You gasp, sitting up just enough to glare at him, “Excuse me?”

He shrugs, smug as ever, still playing with your hair. “Just saying. Maybe if you were nicer—”

“Oh, you’re talking?” You laugh in disbelief, “You’re the one that—” you lean up and smack him, “—scares—” smack “—all—” smack “—of—” smack “—them—” smack “—away!”

The audacity! He doesn’t even have to say anything to scare them away, either. He just stands there and they get spooked and run off. He always says that if they couldn’t even talk to you when he’s standing right there then they didn’t really deserve you. You always say that it’s because he’s basically foaming at the mouth when he stares at them like he’s going to kill them.

Riki cackles, hiding under his arm to defend himself from your smacks, “Chill! Chill.” He quickly grabs your hands in his, stopping the attack on him. “I’m just joking. Damn.”

“Shut up, you know it’s true!” You huff, leaning back to your original position, “They take one look at you and run the other way.”

“Good,” he says, wiping fake tears from his eyes. “Half of them were weirdos, anyway.”

You narrow your eyes at him, “You glared at one guy just for asking to borrow a pencil. For no reason!”

“He had bad vibes.”

“How?!”

“He looked way too excited to sit next to you,” he shrugs unapologetically.

Your mouth drops open, “Are you saying guys shouldn’t be excited to sit next to me?!” You can’t help the twang in your chest at the implication of him not, at the very least, finding you attractive.

Riki gives you a slow, lazy grin, not the least bit sorry as he says, “No, I’m saying other guys shouldn’t be excited in that way to sit next to you.”

Um. What?

You blink at him, stunned, “That way?”

He shrugs again, all too casual for him to be saying this to you, his best friend, “You’re hot. Guys are stupid. Simple math.”

Okay. You’ll unpack that later. When you’re alone and not about to freak out on Riki.

You sit up a little, pointing an accusing finger at him, “So you do do it on purpose.”

He catches your finger in his hand, grinning wider at the non-intimidating look on your face, “Didn’t say that. You’re assuming again.”

You glare, a frown stuck on your face, “You’re insufferable.” You don’t even remember why you came over here now.

“Yet you beg for my attention all the time,” he mocks, grin turning into a smirk.

You roll your eyes and try to pull your hand back, but he doesn’t let go. His grip isn’t tight—it’s just firm and unrelenting. “I do not beg for your attention,” you argue.

He hums, like he’s pretending to think, “You literally stormed into my room and sighed like twenty times just to get me to stop gaming.”

“That’s—” you sputter, “That’s different.”

“How?” he tilts his head, leaning a little closer.

You falter, frowning at him. “Because I was bored.”

“Mhm,” Riki says like he doesn’t believe you for a second. “Bored of what? Everyone else not being me?”

“You are so annoying!” You groan, firmly tugging your hand out of his grasp and standing up from his bed, “I really should’ve chosen to hang around your sister more often.”

Riki snorts, watching you pace around his room like you don’t want to be anywhere near him, “Liar. You like me more.”

“You are just so confident, huh?” You mutter ‘darkly’, shaking your head as you stare down at the floor.

“It’s okay,” he sits up, smiling even though you’re not looking at him, “I like you more than her, too.”

You’re staring at him with that look on your face that tells him you’re about to get really bratty with him if he doesn’t give you what you want. He’d probably give you the entire moon if you asked. An image of Gru pops up in his mind and he can’t help but smile in amusement.

The two of you are staring each other in the eyes without looking away, caught in a stubborn game of eye contact. In the meantime, you finally remember what you came for in the first place. Something that’s been itching at you ever since your second class this afternoon, and you wanted to know if it was true. “Are you going to finally listen to me or not?” you ask, folding your arms across your chest.

Riki’s eyes drop lower, breaking eye contact and you smirk in victory. His eyes dart back up to yours before he clears his throat as his cheeks start to redden. Your brows furrow before he quickly nods, “Yep.”

“Okay…” You frown at him, sitting in his chair instead of the bed again. You bring your legs up to your chest and wrap your arms around your knees, staring him down. You can finally get to what you actually came here for now that you’ve remembered. “Weirdo. Anyways, I’ve heard from a little birdy…”

“Oh, no,” he deadpans. “That’s never good. Tell Megan to stop eavesdropping.”

You smile curtly, rolling your eyes at him, “Shut up. You’ll wanna hear this one, it’s about you.”

He suddenly looks nervous, chuckling slightly, “Me? The hell I do?”

“I don’t know, Riki, why don’t you tell me?” You shoot back, tilting your head.

He shrugs helplessly, “I didn’t do anything.” He starts to think back to the last couple of days— all he did was go to the dance studio, go to classes, and hang out with you. That was pretty much his usual routine, though.

You tilt your head further, narrowing your eyes, the teasing glint unmistakable, “Mm, really? That’s funny, because apparently, you stood a girl up on a date.”

Riki’s mouth drops open, ending in an incredulous laugh, “What? I haven’t agreed to go on a date with anyone!” Now that he was aware it wasn’t anything too bad— something that he actually did do— he found the situation hilarious. “Who the hell said that?”

You smile like you’re glad he asked, “Glad you asked,” he rolls his eyes as you continue, “Riku told me that Yushi told him that Rei told him that—”

“Hold up,” he holds a hand up, making you stop talking, “Riku?” He says his name like it’s poison, making a face.

“Oh, God,” you roll your eyes, but you already expected this. It was kind of the reason you made sure to say his name. Kind of. Because he always got pissed because he swore he was his number one enemy solely for the fact that they had similar names and Riku was your somewhat-friend. “Here you go.”

He scoffs, “Tell that fake wannabe me to stay out of my business. Including talking to you.”

You’re his business?

You shake your head, ignoring the jump in your heart beat, “Riku is older than you. If anyone’s a fake wannabe, it’s you.” You point your finger at him, smirking a bit at the way he glares at you. “And you can’t tell guys to stop talking to me.”

“No, which is why I told you to tell him,” he corrects in that matter-of-fact tone that makes you want to carve your eyeballs out with your hands.

“Same thing, you can’t tell me what to do,” you scoff, throwing him the middle finger. He shows you both of his middle fingers without hesitation. “Can I continue or are you going to continue interrupting me?” He waves you on silently, making you roll your eyes again. “Point being is that Anna said you were supposed to meet her for a date and you never showed. Care to explain?”

Anna… Anna… he tries to recall the name to the face but can’t. When was the last time he talked to a girl that wasn’t you? He frowns, giving up and shrugging, “Who is Anna?”

You deflate, half shocked but also not really, “Oh, my God. You’re unbelievable.”

Riki just grins, like your exasperation is the funniest thing he’s seen all week. “How is this my fault?” he says, leaning back on his hands. “She’s making shit up in her head. I’ve never agreed to go on a date with anyone. I don’t even know her!” Clearly, from the way he can’t remember her.

“Anna’s the tall one, she’s a cosmetology major,” you try to refresh his memory, “She’s in our class with Professor Kim.”

He only blinks at you cluelessly.

“She sits next to Sooin,” you raise your eyebrows, expecting him to at least know Sooin because she’s one of your closest friends.

“Sooin… She’s the one with short hair and bangs, right?” Riki tilts his head.

“Yeah,” you exhale, glad he finally knows someone.

“Not ringing a bell,” he shrugs.

You give up, pulling your phone out to show him a picture on her Instagram. When you turn it around to show him, he squints before slowly nodding in recognition, “Right… I remember. She asked for my notes because she missed the last two classes.”

“You don’t even take notes,” you frown at him. You take notes for yourself and then he steals them to copy them on his laptop.

“Yeah, I was just gonna send her yours over Instagram,” he shrugs, “She was pretty insistent so I said okay to get her to leave me alone. I didn’t know she thought it was like that.”

“You didn’t know?” You ask, raising an eyebrow at him. A pretty girl was insistent on him giving her notes? How could he not know?

He shrugs again, “Yes.” You stare at him and he stares back cluelessly, “What?”

“You’re so oblivious,” you mutter, turning away from him. Boys are so stupid. Especially Riki.

Riki throws his hands up in the air. What more did you want from him? “I told her I’d send them over Instagram, too, but I guess she didn’t hear me.” He tries to remember the rest of the conversation, “I never said anything about meeting up with her, but she brought up studying at the library…” He snickers to himself, shaking his head. “I said I didn’t study and that was it before I walked away.”

You stare at him for a moment longer in an incredulous manner. How does he get himself in these positions? You shake your head, finally getting up from his chair and flopping down on his bed, though he didn’t bounce like you did before. “I think you hurt her feelings.”

“How?!” He laughs, “I didn’t even agree to anything, that’s not my fault she only believed what she wanted to.”

You shrug, not replying for a moment before adding like a last minute thought, “Oh, I heard she’s gonna confront you at the party on Friday.”

Riki’s head snaps up from the pillow, looking at you like you were crazy, “What the hell?”

You shrug again, holding back your smile at the look on his face, “Yeah.”

“W-what, you can’t let that happen!” His eyes are wide, slightly shaking at the thought of her confronting him in front of everyone when he didn’t even do anything. “Y/N!” He grabs your arm when you only smile in amusement, shaking it back and forth. “You enjoy my torture, don’t you?”

“Stop! What do you want me to do about that?” You say through laughter, brushing his hands off as he clutches your arm like he’s about to be sentenced to public execution.

“I don’t know!” he groans, dragging a hand down his face. “Tell her I’m emotionally unavailable. Or allergic to girls. Oh! Just tell—you tell her you’re my girlfriend or something!”

Your brows shoot up, the grin tugging on your lips even wider, even as your heart traitorously skips a beat, “Girlfriend? Wow, we’re skipping a few steps, don’t you think?”

It’s not the first time you’ve had to play pretend house with him, which started when you were kids and still playing with dolls and forced Riki to play Barbie with you. Now, it’s continued into your adult life where you have to do it frequently to get girls to back off of him. With some trial and error, of course… Like that one time that girl flipped out and called the cops on the entire party. At least none of the backlash, so far, has come back onto you.

Riki flops dramatically back onto the bed beside you, burying his face into a pillow. “I’m serious, Y/N. You gotta get me out of this. Come on! You’ve done it before.”

“With girls I don’t know,” you roll your eyes, “Not with girls who sit behind me in class and know where I live! She might come kill me.”

Riki groans again, muffled by the pillow, “So dramatic. She’s not gonna kill you.”

“She might,” you insist, sitting cross-legged and poking his side until he turns his head to glare at you. “I’ve seen the way she glares at me sometimes. She probably thinks I’m already the obstacle.”

“You are the obstacle,” he mumbles, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

You blink repeatedly, “Excuse me?”

He turns fully now, arms crossed beneath his head as he shrugs casually, “You’re always with me. No girl gets past you.”

“Riki!” you gape, smacking his shoulder. “I’m not a bodyguard like you, you just don’t notice when people are flirting.”

“I notice plenty,” he huffs, rolling his own eyes. “I noticed when Jake was flirting with you the other day.”

Your eyebrows shoot up, “Jake? Are you kidding me?” You think back to the other day, when Riki was being petty and ignoring you because you and Jake were arguing over who chose the movie this time. “That was not flirting!” You laugh, throwing your head back. “Maybe your type of flirting, but not his!”

“How do you know what his flirting is like?” he demands, narrowing his eyes at you. “Does he flirt with you when I’m not around?”

“There’s no way, you’re always around. You scare off the hoes,” you tease, poking him with your sock covered foot.

Riki rolls his eyes, looking done with the conversation, “I feel like we’re going in circles with this conversation. Are you gonna help me or what?”

You stare at him, looking at his pleading eyes and pretending to think like you weren’t already set on doing it. “Sure, I’ll pretend to be your girlfriend and ruin my friendship with Anna.”

“You hardly even know her, it’ll be fine,” he waves you off, wrapping a hand around your ankle to pull you closer to him and pulling your legs over his lap. His hand stays on your ankle, rubbing small circles on the exposed skin there.

You shiver, goosebumps forming along your arms and legs, but you don’t pull your legs off his lap, “You’re so lucky you’re my best friend. Who else would put up with your shit like I do?”

Riki smirks, his thumb still brushing absentmindedly over your ankle. “No one,” he answers simply. “That’s why you’re not allowed to leave me.”

You give him a look, trying to ignore the way your pulse skyrockets at the casual touch, the casual claim. “You’re so clingy.”

“I’m selectively clingy,” he replies simply, as if that makes your heart rate any better. “Only with you.”

Your heart thumps traitorously, but you cover it up with a scoff, “I don’t see what those girls see in you. You’re so irritating.”

“Irresistible,” he corrects, still smirking.

You nudge his knee with your foot, feeling your cheeks heat up, “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Riki.”

He laughs, tightening his grip on you. Your chest aches with something warm and familiar that gets stronger as the seconds pass by. You’ve never known what to do with all of these emotions, so you just kept them inside. It’s not like you had anyone else to compare the feelings to, so what if you were wrong and ruined your friendship?

You weren’t willing to lose Riki, definitely not to your own traitorous feelings.

Riki wipes the sweat on his forehead off with the bottom of his shirt before slumping on the cool floor of the dance studio. Jake is spread out on the other side of him without a single drop of sweat on his body because he decided he was just going to watch. Bastard. Heeseung’s chugging water on the opposite wall, some of it dripping down his chin. Jungwon is face down, cheek smashed against the floor with his sweatpants legs rolled up.

He presses the cold water bottle Jake silently hands him to his head, taking in the feeling as he unlocks his phone. He glances around at the others, finding them minding their own business before he looks back down. He had three messages from you, twenty minutes ago.

His lips twitch up, smiling at his phone without even realizing it. He quickly types in a response, unaware of the pair of eyes on him.

“Who has you smiling like that?” Jake laughs, reading over his shoulder. Riki quickly turns his phone off, letting the screen turn black. He sends him a side-eye, nudging him harshly in the shoulder. “Ah, don’t tell me—”

“It’s Y/N,” Jungwon confirms without having to look, voice muffled.

“Who the hell else?” Heeseung laughs, finding humor in Riki’s irritated look.

At the sound of Jake’s voice, plus with the fact that he just annoyed him by reading his texts with you, he remembers the other day when Jake was flirting. In the next second, he’s punching Jake in the shoulder, hard.

“Ow, damn!” Jake lurches back, holding a hand to his shoulder with wide eyes looking at Riki. “The hell, man? I’m sorry for bringing it up!”

“Shut up,” he grunts, laying back down and throwing an arm over his eyes to hide from the bright lights. He didn’t feel like clarifying it was actually for flirting with you, they’d just make fun of him more. Like clockwork, the teasing continued.

“He’s been in love with her since we were kids,” Heeseung snickers, elbows on his knees that were pulled up to his chest. “You think that’s suddenly going to change?”

“No,” Jake shrugs, looking back and forth from Heeseung and Riki, who’s still not looking up. “But I’d thought he’d at least grown some balls by now and ask her out!”

Riki can already hear it before it comes and he’s quick to bring his legs up to dodge Jake’s hand coming for his crotch. “Chill,” he mumbles, kicking a leg out at him in retaliation and smirking when it makes contact with his thigh, eliciting a yelp. “Mind your business.”

“You are our business,” Heeseung waves off, “And as your hyung, I feel obligated to tell you the truth: it’s fucking embarrassing. Please stop being a loser and ask her out. You’re killing me with the slowburn, here.”

“The fuck is a slowburn?” Riki’s still mumbling, arm still over his eyes. He’s doing it on purpose, ignoring the other words specifically about you. He knows it’s embarrassing to be pining after the same girl for almost ten years, he doesn’t need his friends telling him that.

He’s made his bed and is laying in it, thank you.

“Nothing,” Heeseung rolls his eyes, “Loser.”

“Asshole.”

“He’s not wrong, though,” Jungwon says, finally sitting up and talking more clearly. He turns to Riki, “You’ve never once made a move on her in all your years of friendship. Or anyone else, really.”

“That’s crazy,” Jake laughs, “So you’re really a virgin?”

“Oh my God,” Riki groans, rolling over on his side in agony. “Why is this my life? Why are you my friends?”

“It’s fine if you are!” Jake holds his arms up defensively once he sees the way Heeseung glares at him, “Seriously. I just thought… With all these other girls throwing themselves at you, you’d take the bait once or twice,” he ends the sentence with a shrug.

He’s beyond irritated right now, and his patience is wearing thin. He forces himself to sit up, uncovering his eyes that are glaring at Jake, face flushed red at the topic, “You guys act like I’m some kind of monk. I’m not hooking up with girls I don’t even like. What’s the point?”

Jake raises his brows, incredulous, “The point is fun, dude. Release. Exploration. Character development?”

Riki just stares at him, “That sounds disgusting.”

“Okay, grandpa,” Heeseung snorts, tossing his empty bottle across the floor and hitting Jake in the knee. “Seriously though. You’ve had people literally lining up, and you just brush them off. For what?”

He shrugs, grabbing his own bottle and twisting the cap slowly, “Because I don’t want them. What am I supposed to do—kiss someone just to feel something when I know I won’t?”

“So you’re waiting on Y/N to make a move,” Jungwon hums thoughtfully, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Riki says too fast. Then hesitantly, a bit quieter, as if he’s afraid they’ll hear, “I just… I don’t want anyone who isn’t her.”

“Oh my God,” Jake groans, throwing his head back as he slumps on the wall. There’s a defeated expression on his face, like he’s tried and done all he could but gives up on the hopeless case that is Nishimura Riki. “That’s actually the most depressing thing I’ve heard all day.”

“You’re just pissed that no one loves you, Jake,” Heeseung points at him before turning the finger on Riki, “Then make her want to make a move.”

He frowns, raising a hand in confusion, “What does that even mean?”

“Make her jealous,” Jungwon says simply, like it’s the most obvious answer in the world. “Start talking to other girls. She’ll crack. I bet she’s dying to say something.”

“Yeah, or she’ll realize she’s better off without me,” Riki deadpans, slowly nodding with an equally deadpan expression. “Sounds like a genius plan.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Jake snorts. “One conversation with another girl isn’t betrayal. Especially to a girl you’re not even officially dating.”

It is if I’m in love with her, though, Riki wants to answer, but doesn’t. He doesn’t want to get further into it, talking about love and all of that. Not really. Especially not with three on one. He slumps back down on the floor, no longer wanting to look at them and covers his eyes again.

“Just… do something,” Heeseung sighs, slapping a hand on Riki’s back. “Anything. Please. For our sake. This tension is killing us.”

“Yeah, Riki,” Jake nudges him lightly. “Be selfish for once. Start some drama.”

“And get the girl,” Jungwon nods in agreement.

“You’re all terrible influences,” he sighs, but his mind is already thinking of the possibilities if he went through with it. Making you jealous on purpose? He remembers you telling him about Anna, the girl who said he stood her up. Maybe he could use… No, he hates that. He doesn’t want to use her and hurt her feelings again more than he unintentionally already has… But that’s essentially what he’s doing, right? Using another girl to make you jealous?

He would like to say his mind is torn, but the choice is easy. Maybe he doesn’t have to flirt with Anna, but another girl who doesn’t know him. If it works and makes you jealous enough to stake your claim… He sighs to himself, hating himself the more he forces the words out, “Okay… How would I make her jealous?”

“I’m so glad you asked,” Heeseung smirks, exchanging a look with the other two. “Okay, here’s an idea…”

You don’t really understand the sense of doom you’re feeling right now, but you finish getting ready for the party, anyway. Your eyes keep flickering to the clock ever so often, keeping an eye on the time to make sure you’re not being slow. Riki said he’d be here at nine, and it’s eight fifty two. Though, of course, he’s decided to be early for once.

You sit down your lipgloss as the knocking continues, rolling your eyes at the impatience. “Riki, damn! I hear you,” you yell throughout your dorm until you reach the front door, checking through the peep hole before you open it.

Riki immediately starts to glare at you but falters, looking you up and down, face unreadable. You frown, shuffling on your bare feet as you still haven’t put your heels on. “What? Too much?”

“No,” he says quickly, shaking his head. “You just— uh, you look pre-pretty good.” His voice cracks lightly and he winces, “Good. Yup.”

“Oh,” you blink at him, feeling your cheeks warm at the slightly weird compliment, but it’s from him, so you like it, anyway. “Thanks. I’m almost done, I just have to put on a necklace and shoes.”

“Okay,” he hums, following you inside and shutting and locking the door behind him. He looks around the dorm, like he wasn’t last in it the other day. Anything to preoccupy himself with not staring at you as you walk in front of him. He’d die if you caught him staring at your ass. “What necklace?”

“That one you got me,” you smile over your shoulder at him, “It looks really good with everything, but I wanted to save it for certain occasions.”

“Is this a special occasion?” he asks, raising an eyebrow as he leans against the doorframe of your room. He watches you walk around to your vanity, grabbing the same necklace you were talking about. It was a delicate, thin chain that you could barely see against your skin. At its center hung a single gemstone that was small, but vibrant enough to catch the light whenever you moved.

“Well, I have to play the part of your girlfriend, don’t I?” You raise an eyebrow through the mirror, holding the necklace up to your neck. “Thought it’d be fitting to wear something you actually got me. Can you help me put it on?”

The thought hits him harder than he expects as he grabs the necklace from you. You, wearing something he gave you, on purpose. Like you were marking yourself as his, even if it was just pretend. He swallows, the chain suddenly feeling heavier in his hands.

He steps in behind you, close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating off his chest, but not quite touching. His breath catches slightly when your hair falls over your shoulder, exposing the soft line of your neck.

He doesn’t move right away. His eyes greedily trace the spot where your skin dips at your collarbone, where the chain will rest. You’re talking—saying something about hoping Anna sees the necklace—but your voice feels distant, like it’s underwater. He’s too focused on the way goosebumps form on your skin as his fingers brush the nape of your neck.

Get it together, he tells himself, jaw tightening. It’s just a necklace.

But his hands are shaking. He fumbles with the clasp once, muttering a quiet curse under his breath before finally hooking it together. It settles right above your sternum, sparkling like it belongs there. He clears his throat, stepping back quickly like the space between you was fire. “There. All set.”

You turn to face him with a soft smile, completely unaware of the storm happening in his mind. He forces a grin in return, trying to ignore how badly he wants to reach out and fix the necklace that’s already perfectly straight—just to touch you again.

You grab your heels in one hand and your phone in the other, turning to look at yourself one last time. You’re satisfied with the black dress you’re wearing, it comes up to midthigh and it’s safe. You’re wearing short shorts underneath just in case, as well.

Your eyes glance up to look at Riki in the mirror, thinking he would be paying attention elsewhere, but he’s not. His eyes are glued on you, mouth slightly parted.

Your stomach flips at the sight, a slow warmth curling at the base of your spine. It’s not the usual teasing glance he gives you when you’re dressed up; this one feels heavier, more intense, and it makes your breath hitch. You smooth out your dress at your thighs, turning back to him and smiling like you didn’t notice anything, “Okay. Ready.”

“About time,” he recovers quickly, turning to the side so you can walk in front of him. Definitely not for any certain reason. Definitely not because he wants to look at your ass in that dress. No, definitely not.

Megan is practically bouncing up and down by the time you and Riki get to the front door of whoever’s house this was. She throws her arms around you and kisses both your cheeks, and you can immediately smell the combined scent of alcohol and weed coming from her. When she pulls back from the hug, her eyes are wide and rimmed red.

“Hi, so glad you could make it!” She drags out the first word, shoving a cup in your hand. “That’s mine, you can have the rest!” She turns to Riki, her happy demeanor faltering as she regards him coolly, “Hey, heartbreaker.”

“Ugh,” he rolls his eyes, shaking his head. Even then, he’s cautiously looking around, adjusting his shirt, “I didn’t do anything wrong!”

“That’s what every man says,” she rolls her eyes back, shooing him away. He only steps further into the house, still clearly waiting for you. “Ugh, what, she can’t be out of your sight for two minutes?”

You raise an eyebrow at Megan, just holding the cup in your hand but not sipping from it. “We’re attached at the hip now, remember?” you say, voice light, like this is all just some harmless joke. Like your heart didn’t race just a little at how naturally it came out.

Megan narrows her eyes at you, but there’s amusement behind it. “Gross,” she mutters, turning away dramatically. “Fine, I won’t tell anyone you were simping.”

You laugh and follow Riki deeper into the house, brushing past a crowd of people as you make your way toward the kitchen. The bass from the speakers is heavy enough to shake the floors, and you feel your pulse syncing with it. The lively atmosphere reminded you just how much you love and miss being around your friends.

Riki leans in, his mouth close to your ear so you can hear him, “Do you see her yet? I don’t wanna be blindsided.”

“Relax. She’s not gonna jump you,” you tease, nudging him as you dump whatever was in the cup and trash it in the trashcan.

He shoots you a side glance, but doesn’t say anything, his hands tucked into his pockets like he’s trying to disappear into the crowd. As you head into the room, you spot some familiar faces, but before you can wave to any of them, a slightly familiar voice cuts through the noise.

“Ni-ki!” The voice yells again and you can see Riki flinch from anticipation beside you, his hand immediately reaching for yours. You let him intertwine your feelings, swallowing back the wave of emotions that come with it. You glance down at your hands, seeing how much bigger his are than yours— you can only see your fingertips and some.

“Ni-ki,” Her voice is sharp, already irritated, and clearly too sober to be brushed off. You move your gaze away, finding the tall girl marching up to the two of you, arms crossed over her chest and a furious look on her face.

“Anna, hey,” Riki says stiffly, a slight discomfort in his posture and tone. “What’s up?”

“What’s up? You stood me up, that’s what’s up!” Anna snaps, her face turning a little red. “You were supposed to meet me at the library, and you never showed! I was left there waiting for hours!”

“I told you I don’t study,” Riki replies, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. He glances at you but you don’t say anything, not feeling like it’s too bad where you have to step in. Yet. “And I said I’d send the notes over Insta, remember?”

Anna’s glare sharpens, “You said we could go over them together.”

“I didn’t,” he insists, shaking his head. He’s a bit calmer now, seeing that no one is paying the three of you any attention. “You said that. I never agreed.”

She opens her mouth to argue again, and that’s when you finally step in, wanting to get this conversation over with. You tug Riki closer to you, and he willingly follows, one hand resting on the crook of his arm while your other one stays in his hand.

“Anna, right?” you smile sweetly, just tight enough to sting. “Sorry, maybe there was some confusion—he couldn’t have made plans with you. He was already with me.”

Anna blinks at you, finally seeming to register your presence, “You?”

“I’m his girlfriend,” you say with a small shrug, speaking like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. You feel Riki stiffen slightly in your hold but don’t look at him. Was he feeling uncomfortable? “And trust me—he definitely doesn’t study.”

Riki lets out a quiet snort beside you, poorly muffled.

Anna looks between the two of you, stunned for a second. Then she scoffs, “Wow. Guess that clears things up.”

You watch as she spins on her heel and disappears into the crowd, muttering something under her breath.

Only when she’s gone does Riki turn to you, grinning slightly, “That went better than I expected.”

“Mm,” you nod in agreement, pulling your hand away from his arm and trying to tug your hand away from his hand, but he doesn’t let up. “I wanna get a drink.”

“Then c’mon,” he shrugs, pulling you to the kitchen. “We gotta sell it some more, what if she’s still watching?”

“I doubt she cares that much anymore since we already proved you weren’t into her,” you roll your eyes, but follow closely behind him. His grip tightens on yours as you walk through a crowded part.

“You were scarily good at that,” he smirks once you two get into the kitchen area. Only a few people are around, mostly minding their own business. He’s surprised he’s able to act so nonchalant right now with your hand in his. He really hopes you can’t feel how sweaty his hand is. He gets a new cup in his free hand and points at the multiple alcohol bottles, “Which?”

“Thanks, I nailed the girlfriend part, huh?” You glance over the bottles, pretending to scan them, though you can feel the weight of Riki’s gaze more than anything else. His hand is still in yours, like he forgot to let go. Or maybe he didn’t want to.

“Tequila,” you say eventually, and he whistles lowly.

“Bold,” but he pours the tequila in the cup anyway, “You do that so well, by the way.”

“Do what?” you raise an eyebrow, accepting the cup.

“That whole…” he gestures vaguely with his hand, trying to keep his voice casual. As if reminded by it, you tug your hand free from his. He pauses in his words, watching his arm fall down to his side. His fingers flex slightly when you do, as if surprised at the sudden absence. “Fake girlfriend thing. Kinda felt real for a second.”

Your heart stops for a moment, pausing in your movements to drink from your cup before you tip your head back and gulp down at least half of the cup. The tequila scorches its way down your throat, making you cough. Once you stop coughing, you feel the burn going down your chest, and say, “Fake it til you make it, right?”

“Yup,” he smiles tightly, pouring something lighter than Tequila but harder than beer, trying not to overthink your answer. He was trying not to overthink the way you pulled your hand away or how you didn’t look at him just now. He raises his cup at you like a toast, trying to play it off, “To excellent acting and very convincing fake relationships.”

“And absolutely zero emotional confusion,” you add dryly, tapping your cup to his.

“Exactly,” he says, but his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

You lost Riki after he was pulled away by Heeseung and Jake, whispering something in his ear that made him look at you momentarily before nodding. He told you he’d find you again, but not to wait up. You watched the two older boys drag him away from the kitchen before pouring out the tequila and searching for something non-alcoholic.

There was red Koolaid that was at the end of the counter, still almost full to the brim. You’re sipping on it now as you sit with Daniela and Lara, the latter half leaning in your lap. You’d spent the last twenty minutes saying hi to everyone, and denied to smoke with Jaehyun and Dongmin, much to their disappointment but finally accepted it. But now you’re kind of wishing you had.

You didn’t think much of Riki not coming back yet, you fully expected him to spend some time with his other friends, doing Riki and friends things that his mother probably wouldn’t approve of. But when you catch a glimpse of him coming into the living room, laughing at something the girl following him is saying, your surroundings slow down just a little.

She’s tall with a waist to die for, definitely pretty, and clearly trying to flirt. She touches his arm when she talks and flips her hair like it’s second nature. And Riki’s smiling— not his fake polite smile when he’s uncomfortable, but smiling like he’s actually enjoying it.

You blink, trying to shake it off. Your heart’s actively sinking to your stomach from how engrossed he is into her, smiling and looking like he’s actually listening. A sudden shout from Jaehyun breaks your daze, pulling your gaze away. You look up, startled, then quickly force a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. You glance back once more—just to check—but Riki’s still with her, and he hasn’t looked your way once.

“Hey,” you say, turning to Jaehyun with an almost casual tone, “I changed my mind. Can I still smoke with you?”

He grins, already pulling the blunt from behind his ear as he beckons you to sit next to him, “Knew you would.”

On the other side of the living room, Riki nods along to whatever the girl is saying—he has no idea what she’s talking about. Something about astrology? He’s barely listening, only catching bits and pieces because he’s too busy glancing over her shoulder.

Heeseung had told him: “Girls get competitive. If she sees you talking to someone else, she’ll start spiraling.”

Jake had doubled down: “Act interested. Like, lean in, laugh at her jokes—even the unfunny ones.”

And Jungwon, ever the cautious voice: “Just don’t be mean to the girl. That’s not cool.”

So now Riki’s stuck nodding like a bobblehead, laughing when he has no idea why, and trying to casually check if you can see him.

“She’s probably not even looking,” the girl says suddenly, and Riki flinches a little, blinking at her.

“Who?”

She grins knowingly, cocking her head, “Whoever it is you’re trying to make jealous. You’re not exactly subtle, you know.”

Riki opens his mouth to deny it, but… he can’t. Because she’s right. He rubs the back of his neck, sheepish. “That obvious?”

“Painfully,” she laughs, handing him her drink. “But for the record? If she’s worth it, she’ll notice.”

Riki’s eyes scan the room again until they land on you. You’re still across the room, but instead of sitting with Lara and Daniela, you’re in between Jaehyun and Taesan. A blunt is in between your fingers, bringing it up to your lips and inhaling.

He blinks, a little stupified. You once said you didn’t like smoking with anyone but him or your girl friends, but it had to be at someone’s house, alone. You weren’t supposed to be smoking with them. You always turned them down.

You hand it off to Taesan, who takes a long drag of it but Riki’s attention is fully on you. And Jaehyun, since he’s leaning in to say something in your ear that makes you giggle. You’re too far away and the music is too loud for him to hear, but he can hear it in his head clearly. Damnit. How did this get turned around on him?

“That’s her?” The girl asks, following his gaze. “Damn, she’s pretty. You know if she likes girls, too?” When she catches his glare, she laughs, holding her hands up in a defensive manner, “Okay, my bad. She’s all yours, lover boy.” Her gaze turns back to you, quirking an eyebrow, “The question is, though… What are you gonna do about that?” She nods her head over to you, who he sees is now leaning your head on Jaehyun’s shoulder, giggling at something as the blunt’s passed back to you.

Riki stares at you, his chest tightening at the way it looks so easy for you to be affectionate with someone else. He bites down on his bottom lip harshly, mind racing. What does he do now? Does he continue with the plan? Does he come and get you?

He stands up properly from leaning against the wall, gulping the rest of his drink down, which wasn’t much. The girl eyes him curiously, arms folded against her chest, “So?”

“I’m going to take her home,” he says, but it sounds like he’s underwater as he’s still staring at you like you’re about to disappear the moment he takes his eyes off you. “Thanks, sorry about this—”

“Wait,” she grabs onto his wrist before he can walk off, making him glance towards her in confusion, having to take his eyes off of you. “Hold on…” She rummages through her purse, pulling out a black sharpie. He frowns at her, watching her write something on the top of his hand and only can read it once she pulls off.

Riki takes his hand away, looking down at it and eyeing the numbers on his hand warily before glancing back up at her. She’s smirking, eyebrows raised slightly, “Just in case you want to make her jealous again and don’t want to use anyone else. Text me,” she points her manicured finger at the numbers before waving him off.

Riki pushes through the crowd, laser-focused. He bumps shoulders, sidesteps a couple making out near the wall, ignores someone trying to hand him a drink. His eyes never leave you.

You don’t notice him right away. Your head’s still tilted on Jaehyun’s shoulder, fingers loosely passing the blunt back to Taesan, a lazy smile on your face like the whole world is soft around the edges. You’re glowing. It just makes him want to hurry up and get you home quicker.

He stops in front of you without saying anything at first, just standing there, staring. Jaehyun notices him first, looking up and raising a brow. “Yo, Ni-ki. What’s up?”

You glance up then, and your smile falters just slightly. Not enough for anyone else to notice, but he sees it, and the way your fingers stiffen a little, the way your eyes shift between him and then somewhere behind him.

“You busy?” Riki asks, voice calm for the frenzy inside of him right now. His eyes are only on you.

You blink. “Kind of,” you say slowly, like you’re not sure where this is going.

“I need to talk to you,” he says, already reaching for your hand before you can say anything else. His fingers wrap around yours, warm and a little sweaty, and your heart kicks once in your chest.

“Um, okay,” you mumble, eyes a bit wide as you share side-eyes with the two boys on either side of you. Jaehyun waves as Dongmin lets out a low whistle, bringing the blunt up to his lips and looking away.

Riki’s already tugging you to your feet, leading you away from the group with a grip that’s a little too tight, but not enough to hurt. He doesn’t say anything as you weave through the crowd, only stops once you’re outside on the porch, the cooler air hitting both of you at once.

He lets go of your hand like it burns him, running a hand through his hair before he slowly turns back to you, “You ready to go home?” His voice is low and tone slow, like he’s picking his words out carefully.

You blink, pouting up at him. You’re definitely high, he’s already deduced. You’re less serious than you usually would be when he pulls you away from guys. “Why? I was having fun. Weren’t you?” Your tone gets a little pointed at the end.

He doesn’t answer the question, but says, “I want to go home. I can drive us both.”

“Or you can go and I’ll get a ride from someone else,” you suggest, not really meaning it but wanting to dig a little. You could see that something was bothering him. You catch a glimpse at his hand, spot the black writing but you can’t really decipher it without looking properly.

“Funny,” Riki chuckles, but there’s no humor in it. You frown again. Why can’t he just say what’s bothering him? “Not a chance. Come on.” He gestures with his head for you to walk ahead of him, but it’s not like the same as earlier.

You decide to listen, stumbling slightly as you walk down the lawn and get on the sidewalk. He doesn’t say anything as the two of you, or just him, because you don’t remember where he parked earlier, walk to the car. He’s walking faster than you, and you’re still stumbling in your heels from cracks and holes in the sidewalk. You glance at him out of the corner of your eye, hating how your high is now ruined from the worry pooling in your stomach. You can’t help but feel like you did something wrong.

“What’s wrong?” You decide to ask carefully, the cool air blowing your hair into your face. You wish you had brought a scrunchie to pull your hair out of your face, but you didn’t so you settle for pulling the hairs back.

Riki glances at you, slowing his pace down when he notices you’re struggling to keep up with his longer legs. He sighs, “I thought you didn’t smoke with strangers?”

Your brows furrow, that is what was bothering him? “Jaehyun and Dongmin aren’t strangers,” you say slowly, trying to catch up to his thought process, but it’s a little hard. “They’re our friends.”

His jaw clenches and he turns his head to face in front of him, not saying anything for a moment. He’s trying to blame it all on you smoking with them, but it’s really everything else, too. But he can’t say that he’s jealous and that he was trying to make you jealous— did you even see him with the girl? Whose name he still doesn’t know, he realizes as he glances down at his hand where her number is scrawled.

He slows down to a stop once you reach his car, sighing as he glances at you, “Okay. I just thought you didn’t like smoking at parties.”

You shrug, avoiding his gaze now that he brought it up as another breeze hits your exposed skin, chills running up your spine. “I don’t, I just… felt like I needed something faster than drinking a shit ton to the point where I threw up.”

“Okay,” he mumbles, still staring at you as he tries to read the expression on your face. You’re now cradling your arms to your chest, shivering but he can tell you’re uncomfortable from something else that you’re not saying. He unlocks his car before opening the passenger door for you, gesturing wordlessly for you to get in.

You don’t say anything when you climb into the passenger seat, the leather cold against the back of your thighs as you buckle yourself in. Riki shuts the door gently behind you, rounding the car and getting in on the driver’s side.

He starts the engine and the radio flicks on with it, some new R&B track playing quietly. He doesn’t turn it off, doesn’t say anything, just pulls out from the curb.

The silence between the two of you is heavy, like both of you are holding back from saying something. You try to keep your stare out the window, feeling some drowsiness hit you now that you’re sitting down with soft music playing. But the drowsiness doesn’t compete with the pressure building in your chest as the light catches on Riki’s hand when he shifts the gear.

You should be asking him why he’s acting like this. Over some weed? You knew he was protective over you with guys, but he knew Jaehyun and Dongmin. He usually got his weed from Jaehyun, so he knew it was safe. It couldn’t be because of that, could it?

Instead of asking, you keep glancing at his hand every few seconds. You had noticed it when he reached for you earlier, but the lights were too dim in the living room for you to be able to read it clearly. Now you can read it clearly, numbers with a small heart at the end of the line. Curiosity is itching at you, even though you’re afraid of the answer being what you suspect.

He’s drumming his fingers against the steering wheel at a red light, and your eyes flicker down again.

It’s definitely a number. It’s written in black sharpie, slightly smudged, but it’s eligible. You chew the inside of your cheek for a moment, then speak up before you can talk yourself out of it.

“What’s that on your hand?” you ask, trying to sound casual.

Riki doesn’t answer at first. Just glances at his hand, then back at the road.

You wait impatiently with your heart pounding loudly in your ears.

“Some girl gave me her number,” he finally says. His tone is unreadable. “At the party.”

“Oh.” You blink, voice quiet. You knew it. You had guessed it. You’d even seen her talking to him, laughing, touching his arm. You saw him smiling and listening, like he was actually interested in her. But hearing it is something else. “Okay.”

That’s the end of the conversation. You don’t bring it up again, and the rest of the ride is filled with the car radio. You stop stealing glances at his hand, you stop looking at him altogether. When he pulls up to your building, he doesn’t turn off the car and you don’t say anything, just reach for the door handle. You don’t ask him if he wants to come inside, so he doesn’t have to drive back home alone, and he doesn’t ask.

You don’t even look at him when you murmur a soft, “Thanks,” before closing the door softly behind you.

He waits there for a minute, watching your silhouette retreat into the building without a glance back. He doesn’t know what he expected. For you to question him about the girl? To tease him or laugh it off? He doesn’t know. But what he does know is that your silence kind of gives him hope.

To him, your silence speaks more than your own words can do. It tells him you were at least a little bit bothered by it. It’s the thing that gives him courage to text the girl from the party later on.

You can lie to Riki, but you can’t lie to yourself.

The thought of him talking to another girl makes you sick. It’s what’s been keeping you up all night. All you can think is about how genuinely interested he looked, and how he didn’t stop her from writing her number on his hand. You wonder if he’s going to text her. You wouldn’t blame him, she was pretty. She had a body you were jealous of. And if she was that funny and intriguing that he’d like her… You didn’t really stand a chance, did you?

You’ve been throwing yourself into studying, claiming your brain is all scrambled from your classmates’ idiocy. You denied Riki’s offer to study with you instead of going to another party the next night, claiming he’d just distract you. So he goes alone.

But you know he’s not alone all night from the many Instagram stories you torture yourself with going through. It’s all on Jake’s story, and you find yourself going through every single one and even doing it over again.

He’s not the main focus in most of them but he’s in the background. Sitting on the couch with a girl—you’re pretty sure it’s the same one as Friday night— with his arm over her shoulder. Their heads and bodies are turned to each other and the sight genuinely makes you physically sick that you have to swallow back whatever is coming up in your throat.

There’s a video that Jake posts, and he’s closer now to the couch, sitting on the other side of Riki. He’s saying something, but the music is genuinely so loud you can’t hear him even with the phone close to him. He throws an arm around Riki’s shoulder, shaking him a bit to get his attention. When he looks over at the camera, Riki’s eyebrows shoot up before throwing up a peace sign. He doesn’t move his own arm from the girl, who you can now recognize for sure as that same girl from Friday. She waves at the camera, barely a wiggle of her fingers.

The video goes to the next story, now a photo of different colored liquid in lined up cups. The story ends and it’s a video again. Whoever is recording has shaky hands, but once it settles, you watch with a pounding heart as Riki plays beer pong with the girl as his partner. He tosses the ping pong ball, watching it bounce and get into the cup. They both laugh, exchanging a quick, easy high five. His smile looks effortless, the way it should be when he’s genuinely having fun.

You feel your throat tighten, a numb sensation rolling through your abdomen. Your hands tremble slightly as you lower the phone, the screen fading to black when you click it off.

Your breath is shaky, trying to calm yourself down before you can get further into your thoughts. Your room is silent, only hearing the soft hum of your fan and your own heartbeat thumping in your chest. You swallow hard, biting your bottom lip to stop it from trembling as the burning feeling in your nose starts.

Your chest is heavy with dread, thinking to everything you saw and the possible what ifs— him with his arm around her, her touching his arm, him kissing her. It’s the thought of him being comfortable with her as he is with you that churns something sickly inside you.

You try to tell yourself it’s nothing, that it’s some videos and pictures out of context, and you’re already assuming things. The knot in your stomach won’t let you, tightening with every lie you try to tell yourself.

You just hate the idea of being replaced. But how would you be replaced? You’re not his girlfriend, you’re not anything besides his best friend. You have no control over who he talks to, who he dates. It seems like a bit of an overreaction, but what else could you think when Riki has never really been interested in any girl but you? Not even romantically, you’re just the only girl outside of his sisters he truly gives the time of day.

You’ve never had to wonder what you’d do if he got a girlfriend. You never thought that far, because it never seemed something he was interested in. Maybe it was getting to that time when he was. Of course he was interested in dating, what boy his age wouldn’t?

The thought reminds you of what he said the other day— “You are the obstacle.” / “No girl gets past you.” Was he trying to tell you, then? And you just didn’t get it? Oh, God. Your hands close over your ears and your eyes squeeze shut, like it’d stop the thoughts.

You were the worst best friend ever. You’ve been stopping him from living a life, and dating whoever he wanted. How many girls has he wanted to date before but couldn’t? Because of you, whether the girls didn’t want a guy who had a girl best friend or because he never made a move, held back by the invisible barriers you put up?

Your chest tightens even more, the guilt swirling with the jealousy until it’s hard to breathe. You wonder if he’s even thought about you that way—or if you’re just a safety net, the person he leans on when nothing else feels right. That you’re just truly his best friend, and nothing else.

The texts from your friends don’t reassure you much, but you do as they say. You don’t pull back, you still text him back in a timely manner with all the same emojis and tone, but it feels different now. Every time he texts, you overthink your replies. You reread his messages more than once, looking for hidden meanings that probably aren’t there.

You still laugh when he sends you something stupid. You still like his photos, still tap through his stories like always. But you don’t swipe up. You don’t initiate. Not because you want to play games, but because you’re scared of reaching for someone who might already be slipping away.

And even when he FaceTimes you late at night, like he always does, you answer. You still giggle and smile at his stupid remarks. But deep down, you keep thinking: Is this the last time it’s going to feel like this? Like just us?

Because the truth is, even if nothing’s changed between you two on the surface… everything underneath feels like it has. And you’re unraveling by the minute.

Riki stares at his phone again.

Still no text from you.

It’s been three days, and every conversation you’ve had has started because he sent something first. A meme, a comment on your story, a “wyd.” You always reply, and it always sounds like you—but something’s off. You tease him like normal, you giggle at his jokes. But you don’t send unprompted selfies or fit checks or voice memos, describing your day. He walks over to you first at campus. It’s stupid, but that’s how he knows something’s wrong.

It used to be different. You’d push him around without a care in the workd. You’d send him shit throughout the day, even the tiniest things. Now you’re holding back. And the worst part?

You’re trying to make it seem like you’re not.

It kind of kills him, but it also kind of makes him feel like the plan is working.

He taps through your story without sound and tosses his phone on the couch. He’s sitting in the lounge with Yuna, Heeseung just now ditching them for Sunghoon on the other side of the room.

“I think she’s jealous,” he mutters.

“Then push harder,” Yuna’s voice from across the couch pulls him out of his spiral. She’s sitting on the arm of the couch, legs crossed, scrolling on her phone like this is just another Thursday night.

He raises an eyebrow, “Push how?”

“I dunno. Make her feel like she’s actually gonna lose you,” Yuna shrugs. “What if you lied a little? Like, told her I wanted to hook up with you or something.”

Riki blinks. “You think that’d work?”

Yuna finally looks up from her phone, nodding slowly as she chews her gum, “I mean, yeah. Sex is the real thing. If she thinks you’re moving on for real… that might finally snap her out of it.” She tosses her phone aside and leans back on her hands. “And like—it wouldn’t even be fully a lie.”

His brows furrow, “What?”

Yuna’s mouth pulls into a smirk, “I’d be down. I mean, you’re hot. I’m not weird about it.”

Um… He glances around. No one to save him. No you to save him. He laughs awkwardly, scratching his neck. “I mean… thanks? I’m not really in that headspace right now.” Or into you like that, he adds to himself in his mind.

She shrugs again. “You sure? Cuz if you are… I’m free. No pressure. But losing it to someone you trust a little is better than someone random, right?”

Riki’s throat goes dry. He hadn’t been thinking that far ahead. He hadn’t been thinking about that at all—until now. He always kind of imagined if it ever happened, it’d be with someone who meant something. Someone who got him. Someone like…

He doesn’t finish the thought.

Yuna’s still watching him.

He clears his throat and looks away, shaking his head, “Yeah, no. I’m good.”

However, the idea she gave him— about lying, just a little, to make you finally react? You couldn’t stay silent about that, could you? He doesn’t shut the idea down. Because if this is what it takes to get a reaction out of you… maybe it’s worth it. Even if it messes everything up.

Especially if it means finally figuring out how you really feel.

Riki’s managed to get himself in your room. You’re not exactly sure how, but between him showing up with snacks and your roommate conveniently heading to her boyfriend’s for the night, he made himself right at home. It may have had something to do with your roommate insisting he comes in since she didn’t want you to be alone at night. You’re pretty sure that was just an excuse based on the sly look she gave you before she left.

You’re trying not to focus on how close he is to you, since both of you are sitting on your bed because he didn’t want you to sit at your desk chair and he didn’t want to sit there, either. When he pulled you next to him, you didn’t want to alarm him by pulling away so you stayed.

A Ghibli movie is playing on the television, and normally, he’d be enamored in it but tonight, you can tell something is on his mind. You can tell by the way he’s fidgeting with his rings and constantly glancing at you in the corner of his eye. But you don’t bring it up, you only keep your eyes on the movie.

“Okay,” he leans up from the headboard, sitting up straight as he looks at you. “There’s this girl I’ve been texting.”

You try to keep your expression neutral, but your stomach drops so fast it feels like the wind’s been knocked out of you. Already? Your heart sinks with a dull thud, and for a split second, it’s like the movie fades into static behind the ringing in your ears.

You force yourself to reply, nodding slowly, “… Okay.”

“It’s not serious or anything,” he rushes out, “but I think she wants to, like…” He gestures vaguely. “You know.”

Your jaw tenses, but you force yourself to nod again, pretending you’re unbothered—like it’s just a normal conversation, like your heart isn’t clawing its way into your throat.

“Oh,” you say, quiet and clipped. You hope it sounds casual, not like your insides are folding in on themselves. “Okay. So, what… are you gonna do?”

You keep your eyes forward, glued to the screen, but you’re not watching any of it. Your fingers dig into the blanket on your lap, gripping it tight like it might ground you. You don’t know what you want him to say. You don’t know what you’re hoping for.

“It’s not okay!” Riki runs a hand through his hair, glancing at your blank face. It has to work, it has to work, he chants in his head. “She keeps getting handsy, and I just— I’ve never done it before. What if I suck? What if she laughs? What if I get nervous and can’t even get it—”

“Okay,” you cut him off curtly, sitting up straight and finally looking at him. You force yourself to breathe in and out before you reply, “Chill. She’s not going to laugh at you.”

“How would you know?” He shoots back, his anxiety high from his nervousness of this situation. He’s praying that this works. Do something.

You swallow thickly, trying to ignore how your chest tightens at the desperation in his voice.  “Because,” you reply, struggling to keep your voice even, “girls don’t usually laugh when they want to sleep with someone.”

“But what if I’m bad?” he insists, leaning in now. His brows are furrowed, lips parted, like he’s genuinely asking for help, but there’s something else in his eyes—something sharper. Like he’s testing you. “What if I ruin it? It’s supposed to mean something, right? I mean… I always thought losing my virginity would be with someone who means something to me. Wouldn’t you for your first time?”

Your mouth opens to answer, but then it hits you. You’ve seen him this nervous before. Years ago, when you were younger, a memory that you always kept close to you but never spoke it outloud. You’ve seen this before—felt this exact same churn in your stomach when someone else asked you something similar. When he did.

You blink at him, stunned for a beat. Then: “Wait… are you—are you asking me to take your virginity?”

Riki freezes, not expecting you to call him out like that. He refuses to admit that his own words were all too familiar to him, too familiar to the same words he spoke when he first asked you, but about something more tamer. A kiss.

“I didn’t say that,” he mutters, but his voice is tight, like he’s been caught mid-lie.

You stare at him, a little breathless, “You didn’t have to. You literally said the same thing you did when we were kids!”

Riki’s mouth opens, then closes again. You can see it—how his mind is racing, trying to figure out if he’s been too obvious or not obvious enough. That flicker in his eyes is too familiar. It’s the same one you remember from that night on the playground, just older now, more sharper.

He scratches the back of his neck and looks away. “Okay, maybe I did. I didn’t think you’d remember that.” He didn’t mean to make you think he was asking that, but if that’s the way you were thinking… Maybe it could work.

How could I not? You say in your head. You stay silent outloud, staring at him. You exhale slowly, “You don’t have to have sex yet if you don’t want to, Riki. If she can’t wait, then she’s not worth it.”

“It’s not that,” he shrugs, thankful for the slight topic change. “I want to have sex. I just…” He avoids your eyes, fingers drumming on top of his knee, “I don’t know how to do it. I don’t want to embarrass myself like that. I’m sure that kind of thing sticks around more here, you know?” He glances at you briefly, like he’s searching for a reaction, and maybe hoping for some kind of reassurance. “I don’t want to make it weird between us. You have every right to say no, it’s not as simple as a first kiss. I get that, but—” he stops talking, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. It keeps sounding worse the more he talks, and it makes him feel even worse inside, knowing that he’s still technically lying to you. “I don’t want to force you into anything, Y/N. Please forget I said anything.”

He’ll figure something else out.

“Wait,” you say before you can stop yourself. “Stop assuming things.” You watch him carefully, seeing what a nervous wreck he is. The idea of him having sex with her is still eating you up inside, but the knowledge that he came to you— wanting you to be the one to take his virginity, instead of her? That made your chest feel warm, something akin to pride and something possessive. 

Riki looks up at you, eyes wide like he’s not sure if he heard you right.

You swallow, forcing your voice to stay even. “You’re not forcing me into anything. But you’re also not giving me a chance to decide for myself.” You shift slightly, pulling your legs underneath you. “You didn’t even ask me. You just assumed I’d say no.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he says quickly, and you can tell he means it. 

You nod, slowly, “And I appreciate that. But maybe you should let me be the one to decide what I can handle.”

He’s quiet now, just staring back at you. The movie is still playing on the television, but neither of you are paying attention. You tilt your head, feeling the pride bloom the more you think about it. You have to ask again. Just to hear it again. “So, you want me to take your virginity?"

He groans, dragging both hands down his face like it might erase the blush that’s rapidly spreading. “Y/N…”

You giggle, warmth curling in your chest at the way his ears flush pink. “I’ve never taken anyone’s virginity before.”

Riki’s head slowly turns to look at you, cheeks still flushed, as his brows furrow, saying, “Wait. Does that mean you’ve had sex before?”

Your eyebrows raise, lips twitching. You don’t answer, finding the situation hilarious.

His eyes narrow, “You’re not denying it.”

“So not the point,” you finally laugh, thrown off by the sudden change of topic. He was nervous and hesitant a minute ago, and now he’s laser-focused on you instead. You try not to show how it affects you, but it does. You’re thrown. You were still licking your wounds minutes ago, and now this heat is rising inside you again—part pride, part jealousy, and something far more dangerous.

Oh, God. If he knew what you were really thinking… You’re a terrible friend. But he wanted to lose his virginity to you! He’d feel the same way if it was you, you know it.

“Yes, it is,” he argues slightly, “You never told me.”

You’re kind of interested in seeing how this is going to go rather than just tell the truth. “You never asked,” you shrug, staring at him like it’s no big deal.

“I tell you everything,” he says, gesturing between the two of you. “I’m your best friend. You tell me everything. I tell you everything.” He points between you. “Exhibit A. You—emphasis on you—are the one holding out.”

You glare at him, “Well what if I’m not a virgin?”

There’s a beat where his mouth opens like he’s ready to throw another playful jab until the implication catches up to him. His jaw shuts, the humor fading. He looks stunned, and then, quieter than before, he mumbles, “Then I guess I’d be mad it wasn’t with me.”

The world stills. Your heart is pounding loudly in your chest with the warmth that spreads and settles in your core. It’s not a joke, not really, and you both know it. 

You remember the way he used to glare at any guy who looked at you for too long, the way he hovered when his friends were too friendly, how he always pulled you close when his sisters got clingy. It used to make you feel special, safe—and wanted. Even now, something possessive blooms in your chest, the tiniest thrill unraveling inside you.

You swallow, “So… you want to be my first, too?”

“I mean,” he says, voice lighter, trying to play it off even as his fingers nervously twist at the ring on his index. “I already took your first kiss. Why not your virginity too?” A shrug. “It’s only fair. We’d lose both first kiss and virginity with each other.”

Your eyebrows shoot up, but you can’t hold back the grin as you slowly nod, “Oh, so you do remember that.”

His lips tug into a smirk, “I’m surprised you do.”

“Stupid. Every girl remembers their first kiss,” you roll your eyes. 

“I didn’t know it meant anything to you,” he shrugs. “You didn’t seem to care too much.”

You squint at him, genuinely contemplating violence, “It was with you. Of course it meant something.” You don’t really realize the implication of your words until you see his reaction. Your breath hitches, worrying.

That wipes the grin clean off his face. His expression shifts, almost like something in him caves just a little, and for a moment, he looks boyish again. Vulnerable in the way he did back then. He scratches at the back of his neck, glancing down, “I didn’t know that.”

You hesitate, debating if you should take it back, before saying, “…Well, now you know.”

Just like years ago, the silence is heavy with anticipation. You lean in slightly, voice dropping low—almost a whisper, but with intent behind it. “So… right now?”

The moment hangs, suspended in memory and yearning. His lips part silently. You both remember it—you said the same thing before your first kiss.

He freezes, looking at you with wide eyes, “Really?”

You feel nervous, but you go through with nodding, licking your lips because they felt dry. His eyes dart down, watching the motion before he forces his eyes back up.

Riki swallows hard, like he’s trying to gather courage. Like his entire brain is trying to compute this moment while the rest of him is already acting on instinct. He shifts slightly where he’s sitting, inching just a little closer without even seeming to notice. His knee brushes against yours and you feel shivers run down your spine.

“I don’t want to mess this up,” he says under his breath.

It’s so soft you barely catch it. Your heart flips, painfully tender. “Then don’t,” you whisper.

You watch his throat bob as he swallows again. There’s a slight tremble in his fingers where they rest against the blanket. He’s always so collected around everyone else, so nonchalant, but right now he’s nothing but wide eyes and tense shoulders and uncertainty.

And he’s only like this with you.

You reach out without thinking, your fingers lightly brushing his wrist. “Riki…”

He exhales shakily, eyes flickering down to where you touched him. His skin feels warm under your fingertips, like your touch alone is too much and not enough at once.

“I have to tell you something,” you say lightly, remembering to say it before anything. His eyes flicker back up to yours. “I was just fucking with you when I said I wasn’t a virgin.”

That gets him out of his cloudy gaze. He blinks, torn from being irritated or relieved. His brows draw together just slightly, and the corners of his mouth twitch like he doesn’t know whether to pout or smirk. Of course you were fucking with him. You just wanted to get one last thing over him, didn’t you?

“Seriously?” His voice is low, still watching you.

You nod, lips twitching as you tighten your grip on his wrist, like he’s about to go somewhere. “You forgive me?” Your lips form a small pout, head tilting to the side.

“Only because it’s about time you finally get me back,” he shakes his head, the space around you more lighthearted now. He scoffs, leaning back slightly like he’s trying to distance himself from the embarrassment. “You’re insufferable.”

But there’s no heat behind it. Not really.

You smile, “At least I know you really want this.”

He shakes his head, but there’s a grin forming there—lopsided and a little stunned. You don’t miss how he seems to relax just a fraction, shoulders dropping like some invisible weight gone. And you don’t miss the way his eyes keep finding yours again, softer now, gentler.

“Do you?” Riki has to ask once more, just to be sure, as he leans in closer. His eyes flicker to your lips again.

You don’t lean away, heart thudding in your chest. You can’t believe this is about to happen. What were you worrying about earlier again?

“If you don’t kiss me—”

His hands touch your cheeks, pulling you swiftly in to cut you off. His lips crash into yours with a kind of desperation that leaves your toes curling. It’s not gentle. It’s messy and heated, like the tension has finally caught fire and neither of you knows how to put it out.

You kiss him back just as fiercely, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt as your other wraps around the back of his neck, dragging him closer like it’s instinct. 

His mouth moves hungrily against yours, and you can feel the way his breathing stutters between kisses, like he can’t get enough. One of his hands slips down, gripping your waist, pulling you into his lap so your knees bracket his thighs. You gasp into his mouth at the movement, and that sound only makes him kiss you harder—deeper—his hands tightening like he’s afraid you’ll disappear.

His lips part yours, and your teeth knock once before he tilts his head just right, and then it’s all heat and tongue and the dizzying constant press. You can barely think.

Your fingers tangle in his hair, and he groans low in his throat, like he’s been dying to feel you like this. Like kissing you like this is something he’s imagined so many times he already knows the rhythm of it.

When you finally pull back just barely, gasping for air, his eyes are half-lidded, lips swollen, breath ragged. You don’t even get a second before he kisses you again, like he can’t help himself.

Even as you’re on his lap, you press yourself further up against him, chest to chest. He groans slightly in your mouth, feeling the press of your boobs against his chest. The hand on your waist tightens as he leans back against the headboard, pulling you with him so you’re leaning more weight on him.

Your hips slot down over his lap fully, and your breath stutters when your core drags right over the unmistakable bulge in his sweatpants. The contact is hot and solid, and your body reacts before your mind can catch up—your thighs tense, your stomach tightens, heat pulsing deep between your legs.

Riki jolts slightly under you, his breath catching, a low sound slipping from the back of his throat. Instead of letting him pull back, you ground down your hips. “Shit,” he hisses in your mouth, fingers gripping you tighter you swear they’ll leave bruises.

Your forehead presses to his, breaths mixing, mouths close enough to still taste each other. You shift your hips again, slower this time, letting the friction drag between you. His jaw goes slack, a broken gasp escaping him.

“Too much clothes,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his mouth. You tug on his shirt, wanting it to be the first to go. He leans back slightly, taking his hands off of you to pull his shirt over his head.

You don’t hide the way your eyes roam down his chest to his abdomen, and then your fingers follow along the ridges of his abs, watching his stomach move with every breath. You’ve seen him shirtless before, but seeing it in an intimate setting… You can’t help but press your core on the bulge that twitches underneath you.

“Not fair,” he grunts, stopping you quickly with hands to your hips, “Stop.”

“Why?” You mutter, eyes hooded as you stare at him.

He huffs a breath, almost a laugh, but it’s wrecked and strained. “Just take off your clothes,” he says, already pulling your shirt up by the bottom. You raise your arms and let him tug the rest off, leaving you in a white bra. His breath audibly hitches, eyes zeroing on your soft breasts held by the cups. His hands trail up your waist to your ribs, thumbs pressing firmly into your skin.

He hesitates, glancing up, “I-I only know what I know from…” he pauses, glancing around awkwardly.

“You can say porn,” you raise your eyebrows, stifling the smile that threatens to bloom. “I’ve watched porn, too, you know.”

“Really?” he blinks, like he’s never come to that conclusion.

“Yep,” you hum, shifting in his lap and continuing the slow motion of your hips. He groans softly, eyes lowering to where your crotches meet. You still have your shorts and his in his sweatpants, but he can feel the dampness in his boxers already. He wonders if he touched you, would you be wet? “From Twitter. Anyways, you were saying…”

“Oh,” he files that information for later. He could find something fun to do with that. “I was saying that if you don’t like something, just tell me. Or if you do… tell me, anyway.” His dark eyes flicker up, drinking in the vision of you on his lap, grinding slowly.

Your lips curve into a smile, “Got it.” You take your hands off his shoulders and hook your fingers in the waistband of your shorts, sliding them down your legs. His hand ghosts down your right leg as you do, eyes steady on your lower half.

You’re wearing matching white panties, which makes it easy for him to see the damp spot in the center, tight enough to see the outline of your folds through it. He chokes out a gasp, hands sliding back down to your hips to control your movements against him.

“Not f-fair I’m the one mostly naked,” you breathe against his lips. You hover above his lap as he takes off his sweatpants and boxers in one go, your eyes immediately falling to his cock as it bounces up against his abdomen. Pre-cum leaks from his flushed tip and pools into a small spot of his abdomen.

Your mouth parts slightly in awe, eyes stuck. There were times you found yourself wondering (before you smacked yourself out of it) how big he was. You’ve felt it sometimes, either by pure accident or when he cuddled you and woke up with a hard on. You never mentioned it out of fear of making it awkward, but you can safely confirm that you were right. He was girthy with more than several inches under his belt.

You suddenly feel very grateful no one’s seen him like this.

You bite down on your lip, reaching out to wrap around it with only one glance up to his face. He inhales when your hand fully wraps around him, not moving, just holding. Your fingertips just barely touch each other, and he feels heavy in your hand. You’re pretty sure your heart is about to pound out of your chest.

“Fuck,” his voice sounds wrecked, and it makes you glance up at him to see him staring at you with his jaw flexing like he’s holding back, pupils blown. “You look so pretty.”

Oh, okay. Your heart stutters in your chest, making you swallow before glancing back down as you let go of his cock only to put your hands behind your back to unclasp your bra. Your breasts fall from the cups as you slide the straps off your shoulders and down your arms slowly.

Riki’s gaze is stuck on you, mouth parted in something like disbelief and awe. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, doesn’t want to overstep— until you grab his hands with yours, still keeping eye contact with him, and cover each breast with one of his hands. His mouth opens even in more in slight surprise, like he can’t believe he’s really doing this.

“Touch me,” you whisper and he’s nodding.

In his foggy brain, he remembers what he’s seen and takes one of his hands off from cupping your breast tenderly only to lean forward and wrap his lips around your nipple. His other thumb rubs your nipple, slightly tugging to see how much you react.

You moan breathily as his tongue begins to flick the nipple in his mouth. His lips make crude smacking sounds as he sucks and kisses at your nipple, his tongue massaging the tender bud with calculated flicks. Your hand lowers to his hair, not gripping or pulling, just resting as your back arches to meet his lips. His hand cautiously but harshly pinches your other nipple, glancing up under his hair to see you throw your head back and whine.

Riki pulls back, taking your nipple with him until you don’t lean anymore and looks up at you. His breathing is harsh and stuttering, “You—you like that?”

You nod, glancing down at him, before sheepishly admitting, “I… I do it to myself even harder.”

That admission conjures up images in his mind, of you laying in your bed at night and pinching and twisting at your nipples and whining just like you did a second ago. He groans, leaning forward to press scattered kisses to the top of your breasts, “Yeah? What else do you do?”

You breathe out before answering, like your nerves are lit on fire right now, still sitting on his bare dick with only thin panties separating between you, “Sometimes… I use my pillow.”

His eyes darken, jaw clenching before he says softly, “Show me,” but his hands anchor you down on his crotch firmly. You know he’s not telling you to demonstrate on the pillow, but on him. Use me.

A choked out whine escapes from your throat before you lean back down, pulling him into another fierce kiss. Your hips are moving back and forth, feeling his mushroom head catch on your clothed clit every time you slide down. More pre dribbles at his tip, coating your underwear as you furiously move your hips.

He lets out a groan into your open mouth, feeling his cock twitch as it grazes your clit and can’t help but drive his hips up, meeting your grinding with messy thrusts. You whimper, pulling back and mumbling, “Feels so—so good, ‘Ki.”

You can feel every detail of his cock despite the thin underwear, the veins pulsating underneath you and the way it twitches. Every roll of your hips is getting sloppier and slower as his head smashes against your clit at the right angle, eyes rolling back erotically. It never felt this good when you did it on your pillow.

Riki gives no warning other than a strangled, breathless “fuck”, cum spurting out onto his abdomen. You choke out a whimper, unable to believe how obscenely hot it was to witness that. Your head rolls back to your shoulders, legs shaking uncontrollably as you see white burst behind your eyes that you have a hard time keeping open.

“God,” he breathes out, feeling the stickiness on his abdomen from himself and thighs and cock from you. He glances down, his dick already slowly but hardening again. “I—I—”

You don’t let him get another word out, aching for more—anything, his dick in your mouth so you can swallow his come, his mouth on your clit, his cock reaching spots you could only wish your fingers could reach. You’re peeling your underwear off, cutting him off from speaking further as he watches you from hooded eyes.

He can see the lines of slick sticking from your pussy to your panties and before he can stop himself, he reaches and collects some with his fingers. Your breath hitches as his middle and pointer fingers slide through your folds cautiously, pulling back to reveal the thick strings.

“You… are really unbelievable,” he forces out, breathing heavily before he pulls you back into a kiss with the same hand on your neck. The kiss is deep from the start, tongue sliding in and rubbing against yours in a possibly teasing manner. He pulls back only a little, leaving just a bit of distance between your lips, “I want to try eating you out.”

Your spine tingles, and you nod before registering the thought fully. He turns you around, laying you down on your bed and starts kissing from your sternum and trailing down. Your stomach contracts as he gets lower, thighs closing shut shyly when he nears your hips. He glances up, meeting your eyes as his hands grab your thighs and pulling them apart.

“Don’t hide,” he mutters, still pressing wet kisses downwards until he reaches your mound. His lips ghost over the area before he lets go of your thigh to hold you open firmly. The first lick makes you gasp, soft and uncertain and unfamiliar. Your reaction makes him continue to lap at your folds with kitten licks, groaning at the taste of you and pressing a kiss to your clit. That— he was thankful he actually read up on after the fear of not knowing where it is settled.

He draws your clit into his mouth and sucks, eliciting high pitched whines to fall from your mouth. He glances up to see you with your head thrown back against the pillow, back arching like you’re similarly trying to meet his mouth but get away from it. He flicks his tongue at your clit harshly as his other hand lets go of your leg, forcing you down by placing his hand flat on your abdomen.

“Y-you’re so good,” he mutters against you, drawing back momentarily to say, “Taste so g-good,” before he presses his face back into your folds, tongue now exploring with a heated passion that has your stomach tightening. His nose rubs against your clit with every movement, your hand falling to his hair and now actually grasping, like you’re trying to control his head and force his tongue deeper. He groans, the sound sending vibrations through your core that has you moaning louder.

“H-holy shit,” you moan, back arching with every drag of his tongue as he slurps at you. Your moans grow higher in pitch again as he pushes his tongue inside your tight hole that immediately flexes around him. You don’t realize his hand’s been moving until you feel his finger prod at your hole. You whimper, grinding down onto his face and subsequently his finger.

His finger slowly enters your hole, moving alongside his tongue before he completely replaces his tongue with his finger. The wet squelching sound of his fingers makes him gasp into your pussy, slowly curling his finger and letting you get used to the stretch.

You whimper his name, clutching at his shoulders as the added pleasure from his finger and his mouth still on your clit make your body shudder. He can feel how resistant your walls are, tightening around him yet still sucking him in. Your moans encourage him to continue and add another finger, slowly separating them. 

“Riki..” your lips are trembling, frustrated tears appearing in your eyes as his rhythm only grew faster, almost hitting the familiar spot that you had to use a dildo to reach. “R—right there,” you pant, guiding his hand with your hand over his wrist.

He groans, lust filled eyes looking up at you from under his eyelashes. You’re desperately bucking up into his hand and mouth, moans growing louder. It only makes him fasten his pace, correctly hitting the spot that makes your moans turn whiny.

Riki can’t get enough, tightening his grip on your thigh to open you up even more for him as he closes his lips around your clit again and flicking his tongue repeatedly at the bud. “Are you gonna cum?” His voice is low, and broken, as a needy whine of his name comes from you.

You’re nodding your head furiously, feeling the tight knot in your stomach snap and your orgasm washes over you, wiping your mind clear of any thoughts for a moment. Your legs are trembling, chest heaving as you pant and open your bleary eyes, looking up at the ceiling, “What the fuck,” but it’s mumbled and joined together.

His breath hits your core, making you shiver as he chuckles breathily, “Good?”

“What do you think?” You mumble, rolling your eyes to look down at him, hands coming down to pull him up by his shoulders. Your hand moves to his neck, pulling him in for an open kiss that lets you taste yourself on his tongue. Your tongue slyly swipes across his, before you pull back and lick your lips.

Riki’s eyes are slightly wide from the show you put on, mouth forming a small ‘O’ before he slowly asks, “You want to go again?”

“If you did all that and didn’t fuck me, I’d be sorely disappointed,” you tilt your head as your free hand reaches between you and lightly wrap around his untouched cock. He gasps in ragged breaths, feeling your thumb collect the pre-cum oozing at his tip before you smooth it down his shaft, slowly pumping.

His hips twitch, feeling your grasp grow firmer before you start to move your hand up and down. His hand comes over yours, guiding you properly as it makes obscene slick sounds with every slide of your hand. His cock is coated in his own pre-cum and your slick from your underwear before, making the glide much smoother as you flick your wrist and his head falls back, a guttural groan erupting from the back of his throat.

“Jus—just like that,” he whispers, feeling your hand slide over his head and apply pressure, “You—you sure you haven’t done—” he groans when you tighten your grip, “—this before?”

“I read,” you whisper, sounding just about out of it as he does.

He thrusts up into your hold, before grabbing your wrist to stop you, eyes opening up apologetically, panting, “I’m going to cum again if y-you continue.” He lowers your hand and ruts up against your folds, making you gasp. “I wanna come inside you. In—in the condom, I mean, but when I’m in you.”

“I don’t have condoms,” you say between breaths, glancing up at him.

“Shit,” he mutters, head ducking down momentarily. He should’ve brought some. But he didn’t think it’d turn out like this, truthfully. “I’m—I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll be able to not cum inside of you.”

You hesitate, before making a hasty decision, deciding your desires are too much, “It’s okay. You just have to be the one who pays for the pill,” you shrug, acting like the thought of him coming inside of you doesn’t add to the possessive heat burning inside of you. It’s just another way that makes him yours, and you his.

He hesitates for a split second before nodding, breathing out, “Okay.” He glances down, guiding his cock to glide through your folds slowly, making you gasp out. He curses when his head catches on your hole, hesitating once more before whispering, “Can I—”

“Move,” you whisper forcefully, forcing your tensed muscles to relax at the feeling of his hard cock. He starts to slide his cock in slowly, stretching your walls open as he pushes half of himself inside. You’re so tight, his mouth drops open in pleasure. You’re resisting him, but you feel so warm, he can’t help but sink more in. When you whimper in pain, he freezes, looking down at you to see you biting down on your lip with your eyes scrunched shut.

“I’m s-sorry,” he stutters, already trying to pull out but your legs hook around his waist, stopping him.

“Just hold o-on,” you grunt, biting harsher on your lip before you breathe out, the stretch still stinging and he wasn’t even fully inside yet. You feel like you were going to break in half, your insides burning but the more you wait, breathing in and out, the more the pain settles. “Keep going.”

Riki doesn’t waste another second, continuing to slide himself fully in until his hips meet yours. You cry out, back arching from him being so deep inside you, and he moans lowly, looking down in awe to where your bodies connect. His dick is completely inside of you now, and he can’t even believe it’s buried to the hilt.

Your cheeks are flushed, smacking him lightly on the shoulder to get him to look away, “Riki. Move.”

He rocks forward, pressing kisses to your temple as he sets a slow and steady pace with his hips, “You’re so…” he groans, “Perfect,” he whispers, as he drives his hips forward, eliciting a sharp gasp from you.

The room is full of the sounds of your cunt squelching, the slickness making him slip from you once only to drive himself back in easily with a groan. He’s gripping your ass with his hands, hips pistoling into you with a mix of grunts and whispered compliments leaving his mouth.

“So, so tight,” he leans down to kiss you, licking inside your mouth desperately as you moan. He hears the creaks of the bed screeching, headboard smashing against the wall, but he can’t find it in himself to care when he’s buried into your heat. “You—you feel me? Feel how deep inside I am?”

“Yes,” you whine, dragging out the word as a sob ripples out of you. Your hands are clutching everything you can grab onto, his shoulders, the sheets. Your breasts are bouncing with each thrust, his balls smacking against your ass roughly.

“Making me feel so good,” he pants, one hand leaving to grip your chin firmly enough to make you look at him. His eyes are dark and full of lust, chest heaving. “You were so wet for me. You been that wet before?”

“N-no,” you shake your head repeatedly, arm pulling him closer to you by the back of his neck. “J-just you!” Your voice is high pitched again as he angles himself correctly, adjusting your legs around his waist as he hits the same spot you directed him to before. “Ngh, only y-you, Riki.”

“Good,” he groans into your cheek, feeling warmth spread all across his body at your words. He can feel his orgasm reaching, and he wants to make sure you’ll cum before. He can feel you clench repeatedly around his length, making him suck in a gasp. “You gonna come for me again?” When you nod, unable to get words out, he nips at your neck lightly, “Say it.”

“Yes, yes, I’m gonna come again!” You whine, throwing your head back into your pillow as your legs twitch violently, unable to keep them around his waist. The fat head of his cock rubs deliciously against your tightening walls, hitting the same spot repeatedly.

A loud shrill whimper leaves your mouth as your vision behind your eyes turns white, a white ring forming around his cock. The sight sends him over the edge, hips growing sloppy as he moans loudly in your ear. Thick ropes of cum spurt inside your walls, filling you up with warmth.

Your eyes are closed, chest rising and falling heavily with each breath. Your body feels weightless, even as he slowly pulls out of you with a groan, watching carefully as a mix of his and your cum trickle out of your stretched hole. His softening dick twitches at the sight, but he breathes in and out to control himself.

“Hey,” his voice is soft, but worn out, as he pats you on the thigh gently. Your legs are still trembling, flinching a bit from his light touch. “Y/N. Can you hear me?”

You hum, still not opening your eyes and he smiles slightly, brushing your hair off of your sweaty forehead. “Open your eyes for me, please,” he murmurs, watching your eyelashes flutter.

You blink, eyes glazed over but soft and coherent as they meet his. Your body’s still trembling, a hum in your veins, that makes it hard to move. Still, you smile faintly, and that’s all the reassurance he needs.

“Good,” Riki whispers, brushing his thumb along your cheek. “You’re still with me, that’s good,” he’s almost talking to himself. He leans in and kisses your temple, then lightly on the corner of your mouth. His fingers trail up and down your side with a soft touch, making you shiver.

“I’m gonna get you cleaned up, okay?” he murmurs, voice low and tender as he tugs the blanket over your exposed body for now. “Don’t move.”

He gets up from the bed, wincing slightly from the soreness in his own muscles, and grabs a warm hand towel from the bathroom. When he returns, he’s gentle, slow, murmuring small apologies every time you twitch or flinch as he cleans between your thighs. It kind of reminds you when Bisco’s getting shots at the vet, weirdly enough.

You watch him, dazed and quiet, as he wipes you with such delicate care it makes your chest ache. He doesn’t rush, doesn’t look away even once—like he’s taking responsibility for everything he touched, everything he made you feel. He doesn’t even look at you inappropriately with lust, just focusing on cleaning you up.

Once he’s sure you’re clean and the sheets aren’t a mess, he tosses the towel aside and climbs back into bed with you. His arms wrap around your waist as he pulls you into his chest, his lips pressing to the top of your head. The kisses are new, the cuddles aren’t, but you’ll take them. It’s a vulnerable moment, and well… you’re still friends, right?

“Still doing okay?” he asks again, hand rubbing soothing circles into your lower back.

You nod against his shoulder, your voice barely above a whisper, “Yeah… You?”

He lets out a quiet laugh, the sound vibrating against your skin, “I’m perfect.”

Your eyes close again, content with staying where you are. He stays in that position, staring up at the ceiling with a lazy smile on his face. He can’t believe that actually just happened. This is way more than he expected out of tonight.

He was right, fuck the guys’ opinions of fucking around and hooking up with one-night-stands in more fun. They just didn’t have someone like you. They were the actual losers.

He laughs to himself, settling into his pillow and pulling the blanket further up on your body. Both of you are still undressed, bare skin to bare skin, but it doesn’t feel exposing or uncomfortable. It feels safe. Intimate in a way that had nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with trust.

Riki is sleeping like he’s the one that got fucked into the bed, snoring away without a care in the world.

Meanwhile, you’re fully dressed, sitting against the headboard like you’ve just been hit by a truck. A very attractive, annoyingly smug, deceptively soft truck. And now you’re losing your goddamn mind.

You don’t even know what time it is, just that it’s morning now, judging by the way the sun peeks through the curtains. Your phone’s dead from not being on the charger all night long and you’re terrified to move, afraid you’ll wake him up. You weren’t afraid of him, just afraid of what this means. How were you supposed to act around him? Pretend you haven’t seen him naked, like he’s not been literally inside you? From what he said last night, it seemed like just a one time thing so he didn’t seem inexperienced when he finally… did get with that girl.

The thought of him being with someone else after you makes you want to scream. Would he see last night as a mistake and regret it? And never talk to you again? You were spiraling, but you couldn’t help yourself.

You glance at him again. He’s on his stomach, hair messy, one arm tucked under his head and the other flopped over where your body used to be. Completely unbothered. Of course he is.

He hasn’t woken up since you’ve been awake, which has been for awhile now. Every stir makes you panic, holding your breath until he stops moving. When his back muscles tense randomly or his foot or leg twitches —you knew you weren’t crazy all those times when he denied twitching in his sleep— you think he might start waking up, but he doesn’t.

You sigh, dragging a hand through your messy hair. You need to get out of here, you’re in desperate need of a coffee. Or a lobotomy.

You’re wondering if it’s possible for you to get up and leave without waking him up when Riki’s groggy voice cracks through the silence, “You okay?”

You nearly jump out of your skin, looking at him with wide eyes as his head turns to your direction, blinking up at you with bleary eyes, “Jesus, I thought you were still asleep.”

Riki blinks at you slowly, cheek still smushed against his arm, “I was. Until you woke me up with your loud thoughts.”

You roll your eyes, pretending like his deep morning voice didn’t send tingles down your spine and your legs trembling, “I was not thinking loudly.”

He raises an eyebrow, sighing loudly to mimic you, “Really? I’m pretty sure you’ve been sitting here for a while like a woman waiting for her husband to come home from war.”

Your mouth opens to argue but you shut up, inhaling slowly. Okay, just read you like that, why doesn’t he. You exhale slowly, standing up from your bed, trying not to look too flustered, “I have class, I should get going.”

Riki watches you for a moment, then props himself up on his elbows, revealing his shirtless torso, “You mad?”

You look at him, biting your lip as you debate about lying to him or not, before going with the truth, “No. Not mad. Just… confused, maybe.”

He’s quiet for a beat before he asks, tone careful like he’s afraid of your answer, “You regret it?”

That question hits you square in the chest. You stare at him, a little breathless before swallowing, deciding not to lie again, “No.” That’s all you say before you continue backing away, “You can stay and chill, but I’m gonna be late so… yeah.” You wave pathetically at him before turning and practically booking it out of your room.

Riki looks at the spot you were a second ago before groaning, slumping back into the pillow with his hands over his eyes.

He stays in your bed for a while after you leave, arms over his face, completely still. The room smells like you. The sheets still feel warm where you slept beside him.

He doesn’t move.

Because if he moves, it’s real. And if it’s real, then maybe he’s already messed it all up.

He doesn’t want it to be a one-time thing. Not really. But what if you do?

You don’t tell anyone what happened last night, dismissing Wonyoung’s questions about you sleeping early because you didn’t text the groupchat last night. She doesn’t believe you, but she doesn’t push. Only slides over her notes from the class, knowing you didn’t pay any attention.

You don’t know why you don’t want to tell your friends, you usually tell them everything. Maybe you’re just worried they’ll be disappointed in you for being stupid.

You’re dragging yourself back to your dorm after, only stopping by the campus cafe to get a cheesecake for later. You thought Riki would be gone by the time you came back, but you thought wrong.

He’s in your dorm’s little kitchen, dressed in a new pair of sweatpants and a hoodie that you stole from him. There’s a cup of ramen in his hands, and he’s blowing cool air on the ramen in his chopsticks before putting it in his mouth. He looks so unbothered, like he didn’t just flip your entire world over the night before.

Too late to turn back now.

He glances up as you step further in, a smile curling on his lips when he spots you. “Morning,” he says, like it’s nothing. He slides a package over to you silently and you glance at it briefly before snatching it and putting it in your pocket silently. Plan B.

“Afternoon,” you correct stiffly, heading for the fridge. You don’t look at him when you add, “Hope you had a good night’s sleep.”

“Best I’ve had in weeks,” he says, and you can hear the smirk. You swear you might slam the door just from how annoying he is.

You ponder to yourself before deciding to go ahead and rip the bandaid off, “Cool. So, uh, that girl you’ve been seeing…” His smile fades, but you don’t see it, your back still facing him.

“What about her?”

You shake your head, grabbing a cold water bottle and closing the fridge door, “I just mean… I don’t know. Now that you’ve gotten your practice in, I’m sure it’ll go well with her.”

He doesn’t say anything for a long minute that you turn around to see if he’s still there. He’s staring at you with an unrecognizable look, but it’s not amused or angry.

“Practice?” He repeats, voice low.

You shrug, forcing a smile, “You said it yourself. Didn’t want to seem inexperienced, right?”

He sets his ramen down on the counter, slowly. “That’s what you think that was?”

You glance away, suddenly wishing you hadn’t said anything at all. “I don’t know what it was,” you mutter. “I mean, we’re best friends. Best friends don’t… have sex.”

“They don’t kiss either,” he reminds you, head tilting. But I’ve tasted you, I’ve been inside you, he says in his head. You can’t take it back.

You look away, twisting the cap on the bottle silently before you shrug, “I’m just saying. You have nothing to worry about.”

Riki stares at you before exhaling, slowly nodding, “Right. Well, speaking of that… She texted me asking if I was going to Sion’s party next weekend.”

You blink. That wasn’t what you were expecting him to say. “And?” you ask cautiously.

He shrugs, leaning back against the counter like the weight of the conversation was starting to settle on his shoulders. He’s still looking at you like he’s searching for something, “I said I wasn’t sure yet.”

“Oh,” You try to sound neutral, casual even, but it comes out flat. Your eyes are darting around, not knowing where to land. 

“She asked if I’d be coming alone,” His voice is quieter now, but deliberate.

“You should take her,” you laugh, but it sounds fake, even to your own ears.

He swallows the lump in his throat, “I don’t want to take her.”

That makes you freeze, heart pounding.

“Why not?” You mumble, finally looking at him again.

“Guess I didn’t like her as much as I thought,” he shrugs, picking up his cup of ramen like it’s nothing but he doesn’t eat out of it. He glances up at you, trying to read your face for something, but when he doesn’t find it, he sighs. “Y/N.”

“Yeah?” You mumble.

“You liked it, right?”

You gasp, immediately understanding. Your face burns, turning away from him, “What? Why would you ask me that?”

“I don’t want you to regret what we did,” he says softly, sounding closer now. “You’re my best friend. I trusted you last night, and I still trust you now. I don’t regret it.”

Best friend, best friend, best friend…

“Oh…” you set down your water, fumbling with the necklace around your neck. Your cheeks are still red when you turn around again, backing slightly up against the counter from how close he’s gotten. He’s standing in front of you, only a couple feet away, ramen cup on the counter again. “I-I don’t have anyone to compare it to, but well, you made me cum… So yeah, you can say I enjoyed it.”

He bites down on his lip, his own cheeks flushing as he hesitantly asks, “I… What if we could do that all the time?”

“What do you mean?” Your voice comes out a whisper, much weaker than you meant it to be. You can’t deny the hope building in your chest.

“Like… friends with benefits,” he shrugs, unsure of his own words, looking uncertain. Like you’re about to hit him with the words that come out of his mouth. “That way… we wouldn’t have to hook up with random people.”

You stare at him, the words echoing in your head like they don’t make sense.

Friends with benefits.

For a second, all you can hear is the rush of your own heartbeat in your ears. Then, slowly, you exhale, mouth parting as you search his face. “So… sex. Without the feelings.”

His jaw tightens. “Not without any feelings,” he says quickly. “I mean—you're my best friend. I care about you.”

You nod, even though your chest sinks. But not like that. “Right. Got it,” you murmur, looking down at your hands. “That makes sense.”

You feel his eyes on you like heat. “That’s not—shit. That’s not how I meant it,” he says. “I’m not just trying to keep hooking up with you like it’s nothing. I just… if we liked it, why stop?”

You rub the material of your shirt, needing something to do with your hands, “I don’t know. Don’t you think things get messy like that?”

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he says quietly, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have asked you that. I’m sorry, Y/N, I don’t—”

“Okay,” you whisper.

Riki stops talking.

“Okay,” you repeat louder, slowly nodding. “I don’t want to have sex with a stranger, anyway. And I mean… yeah, it was good,” your face burns harsher as you say it, but you force it out like it’s nothing, “And I trust you, too. It wouldn’t be hurting anyone.”

You couldn’t say it. You can’t say ‘Riki, I love you’ without choking on your own fear. He didn’t want you romantically, he didn’t like you like that. But he liked the sex. He liked your body, you could assume. So, instead, you give him the easy version of you that he wants. The version that can handle anything he throws at you.

He shifts on his feet, like he’s unsure whether he should be relieved or guilty. “Okay,” he echoes, voice low. “Yeah. We’ll just… keep things simple.”

Simple.

You want to laugh. There’s nothing simple about the way your stomach flips every time he looks at you like that. Nothing simple about pretending the sex didn’t mean anything when it meant everything.

You nod anyway, “Right. Simple.”

He takes a step back, picking up his ramen again like you hadn’t just changed the entire landscape of your friendship. “I’ll clean up after I eat,” he says, like you didn’t just agree to being friends with benefits. Like everything’s normal. “I have dance practice in a few. I’ll text you.”

You pick up your water bottle, gripping it tightly, “Okay.”

Riki looks up at you one last time before you turn away to go to your room. There’s something in his eyes—hesitation, maybe. Or regret. But he doesn’t say it. He doesn’t stop you.

And you don’t ask him to. Because if he wanted more, he would’ve said so.

And he didn’t.

“I am so fucking stupid,” Riki mutters as soon as he slumps next to Jungwon on the floor. The other dancers are stretching or talking in their own conversations, so they don’t pay attention to them.

“I could’ve told you that,” Jungwon says, looking up from his phone. “What’d you do now?”

He hesitates. Jungwon’s one of his best friends, and he’d be more helpful than Heeseung or Jake. “I had sex with Y/N last night.”

Jungwon’s scrolling pauses, slowly looking up at him, “What?” He’s acting like Riki just told him BTS disbanded.

“Yeah,” he groans, pressing his hat further over his eyes. “I think I fucked up, though.”

“How?” Jungwon’s voice cracks, looking at him in disbelief. “How did it happen? I thought—”

He shrugs, “I was going through with the plan and I-I was talking about not wanting to be inexperienced when I had sex with this other girl—”

Jungwon snorts, “Jesus.”

“Stop!” He groans, “I already know!”

“So it was just practice?” He raises his eyebrows.

“No!” He shakes his head, “It just came out. I was trying to make her jealous and she was like, ‘Are you asking me to take your virginity?’ and I panicked!”

“Okay…” Jungwon says slowly. “And then what? You had sex and then after…”

“She said she didn’t regret it,” he says, staring up at the ceiling. “And then she left for class. I stayed at her dorm because I knew if I didn’t, she’d probably try to avoid me.” He nods to himself, “First thing she says is that it was practice, which I… get.” He sighs loudly, “I made a dumb comment about not wanting to be unexperienced. And then she brought up Yuna. I told her I didn’t wanna see her anymore and— and I was looking at her face for anything. Anything that told me she was jealous but,” he chuckles bitterly, “I couldn’t find it. So I got desperate. I brought up friends with benefits—”

Jungwon couldn’t keep silent anymore, “You what?”

He winces, “Yeah. But I just— I just,” he shakes his head, “I panicked. I thought she felt it too, last night, and she’d finally show that she was bothered by it. But she didn’t and I… chickened out.” 

Jungwon just stares at him, speechless for a second, before asking, “So instead of telling her how you actually feel, you asked to keep sleeping with her casually?”

“I know how it sounds.”

“No, Riki. You don’t.” Jungwon’s voice is sharp now, serious in a way he rarely is. “You basically handed her the most mixed message possible.”

“I know,” he mutters. “I just—she said she enjoyed it. She actually said that, Jungwon. Her face was all red and she still said it was good. And I believe her.”

“And that’s the part that got you hopeful?”

He nods weakly. “I just… I want her. However I can have her. And if this is the only way, then fine. I’ll take it. Because being near her—touching her, holding her—it felt right. Even if it’s not what I really want.”

Jungwon lets out a long breath, scrubbing a hand over his jaw, “Dude. That’s not healthy.”

“I know,” Riki says again, softer this time. His body feels weighted down. “But it’s the only thing she’s willing to give me. I don’t wanna lose her completely.”

There’s a beat of silence before Jungwon speaks, this time more gently. “She’s your best friend, Riki. And if she did feel something but just didn’t know how to say it… this friends with benefits thing? It might just make everything worse. You’re playing a long game that could break both of you.”

Riki’s lips presses together, “Yeah, but if I said no… if I told her I couldn’t do it unless it was more, and she said she didn’t want more—I’d lose her anyway.”

Jungwon gives him a long look, then nods once, slowly, “Okay. I get it. But promise me something.”

“What?” Riki mumbles, head laying against the mirror behind him. His eyes aren’t on Jungwon, looking around to see the choreographer step inside the room.

“Don’t lie to yourself about what this is. And when it starts to hurt too much, when you can’t keep pretending it’s enough—say something.”

Riki doesn’t answer right away. His throat’s too tight. But eventually, he nods. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “Okay.”

Because if it’s her, he’ll take any piece of yourself you give him, even if they’re sharp.

Tell me your thoughts here!

© 2025 riskyriki do not copy, modify, repost or translate this work.

down bad!bully!park sunghoon x nerd!reader | enemies-to-lovers | teasing → in love | slow burn | rom-com with emotional depth | size difference | mutual pining | filthy smut | shy but smart reader | possessive, whipped male lead

summary: It starts quiet. Then it gets loud. You break him. He worships you for it.

warning: rough sex, jealousy, choking (consensual), thigh-grabbing, overstimulation, visible precum, filthy dirty talk, degradation mixed with praise, size kink, public tension, desperate moaning, reader crying from pleasure, Sunghoon moaning like a broken man, worship kink, panties pulled aside, full creampie, post-sex shaking, hand-holding during climax, soft aftercare, cheeks squished, eye contact kink, boyfriend begging, body worship, emotional softness, clinginess after fucking

Touch My Body Tender (Part 1)

Riki’s eye twitches as you sigh loudly from where you’re laying on his bed.

His headphones have been hanging loosely from his neck ever since you walked in through his door, mic muted as he plays a new game Heeseung and Jake wanted to try out. He normally doesn’t play video games, but the graphics looked cool, so he decided to join, much to their delight. But you didn’t seem to be very happy about it.

He could tell from the twenty sighs that happened in the last ten minutes. He glances at the time, and then at the game, still able to hear Jake and Heeseung’s screams in his headphones. He heard another loud sigh and it made the decision for him, simply exiting out of the voicechat and game before turning the monitors off. He even turns his phone on Do Not Disturb, because he knows they’ll be blowing up his phone in a second.

When he turns around in his chair, you’re staring straight at him. He sighs loudly back at you before pushing himself out of his chair and jumping on the bed next to you, the force of his jump making you bounce. You huff in annoyance and he smiles like a shithead.

“You good?” he stuffs his pillow behind his head, eyes locked on you. You were wearing soft cotton pajama shorts and an old t-shirt from EXO’s merch line, but you had done your makeup like you were going out. He didn’t understand the thought process, but oh, well.

You throw him an annoyed look, frowning at him with glossy lips he found it hard to tear his gaze from, “You’ve been ignoring me for thirty minutes. What do you think?”

“Aw,” he smiles, “You missed me, huh?” He wraps an arm around your shoulder, ignoring your squirming to push him away and pull you in closer. “Don’t worry, I was just talking to Jake and Heeseung. No need to be jealous.”

You scoff, trying to push him away from you, “I’m not jealous, jackass!” When you fail to get him to let up on his grip, you groan, falling back on the bed limply. “I was trying to talk to you.”

“That’s funny considering the last time you talked to me you said you didn’t want to talk to me,” Riki curls a strand of your hair around his finger. “Look how long that lasted…” His other hand grabs his phone to look at the time, ignoring the incoming messages. “Four hours. New record for you.”

“Because I was trying to listen to the teacher,” you smack him lightly on the arm. “Stop being mean to me!” You drag out the last word into a whine.

“Ow,” he says flatly. “So violent. No wonder you don’t have a boyfriend.”

You gasp, sitting up just enough to glare at him, “Excuse me?”

He shrugs, smug as ever, still playing with your hair. “Just saying. Maybe if you were nicer—”

“Oh, you’re talking?” You laugh in disbelief, “You’re the one that—” you lean up and smack him, “—scares—” smack “—all—” smack “—of—” smack “—them—” smack “—away!”

The audacity! He doesn’t even have to say anything to scare them away, either. He just stands there and they get spooked and run off. He always says that if they couldn’t even talk to you when he’s standing right there then they didn’t really deserve you. You always say that it’s because he’s basically foaming at the mouth when he stares at them like he’s going to kill them.

Riki cackles, hiding under his arm to defend himself from your smacks, “Chill! Chill.” He quickly grabs your hands in his, stopping the attack on him. “I’m just joking. Damn.”

“Shut up, you know it’s true!” You huff, leaning back to your original position, “They take one look at you and run the other way.”

“Good,” he says, wiping fake tears from his eyes. “Half of them were weirdos, anyway.”

You narrow your eyes at him, “You glared at one guy just for asking to borrow a pencil. For no reason!”

“He had bad vibes.”

“How?!”

“He looked way too excited to sit next to you,” he shrugs unapologetically.

Your mouth drops open, “Are you saying guys shouldn’t be excited to sit next to me?!” You can’t help the twang in your chest at the implication of him not, at the very least, finding you attractive.

Riki gives you a slow, lazy grin, not the least bit sorry as he says, “No, I’m saying other guys shouldn’t be excited in that way to sit next to you.”

Um. What?

You blink at him, stunned, “That way?”

He shrugs again, all too casual for him to be saying this to you, his best friend, “You’re hot. Guys are stupid. Simple math.”

Okay. You’ll unpack that later. When you’re alone and not about to freak out on Riki.

You sit up a little, pointing an accusing finger at him, “So you do do it on purpose.”

He catches your finger in his hand, grinning wider at the non-intimidating look on your face, “Didn’t say that. You’re assuming again.”

You glare, a frown stuck on your face, “You’re insufferable.” You don’t even remember why you came over here now.

“Yet you beg for my attention all the time,” he mocks, grin turning into a smirk.

You roll your eyes and try to pull your hand back, but he doesn’t let go. His grip isn’t tight—it’s just firm and unrelenting. “I do not beg for your attention,” you argue.

He hums, like he’s pretending to think, “You literally stormed into my room and sighed like twenty times just to get me to stop gaming.”

“That’s—” you sputter, “That’s different.”

“How?” he tilts his head, leaning a little closer.

You falter, frowning at him. “Because I was bored.”

“Mhm,” Riki says like he doesn’t believe you for a second. “Bored of what? Everyone else not being me?”

“You are so annoying!” You groan, firmly tugging your hand out of his grasp and standing up from his bed, “I really should’ve chosen to hang around your sister more often.”

Riki snorts, watching you pace around his room like you don’t want to be anywhere near him, “Liar. You like me more.”

“You are just so confident, huh?” You mutter ‘darkly’, shaking your head as you stare down at the floor.

“It’s okay,” he sits up, smiling even though you’re not looking at him, “I like you more than her, too.”

You’re staring at him with that look on your face that tells him you’re about to get really bratty with him if he doesn’t give you what you want. He’d probably give you the entire moon if you asked. An image of Gru pops up in his mind and he can’t help but smile in amusement.

The two of you are staring each other in the eyes without looking away, caught in a stubborn game of eye contact. In the meantime, you finally remember what you came for in the first place. Something that’s been itching at you ever since your second class this afternoon, and you wanted to know if it was true. “Are you going to finally listen to me or not?” you ask, folding your arms across your chest.

Riki’s eyes drop lower, breaking eye contact and you smirk in victory. His eyes dart back up to yours before he clears his throat as his cheeks start to redden. Your brows furrow before he quickly nods, “Yep.”

“Okay…” You frown at him, sitting in his chair instead of the bed again. You bring your legs up to your chest and wrap your arms around your knees, staring him down. You can finally get to what you actually came here for now that you’ve remembered. “Weirdo. Anyways, I’ve heard from a little birdy…”

“Oh, no,” he deadpans. “That’s never good. Tell Megan to stop eavesdropping.”

You smile curtly, rolling your eyes at him, “Shut up. You’ll wanna hear this one, it’s about you.”

He suddenly looks nervous, chuckling slightly, “Me? The hell I do?”

“I don’t know, Riki, why don’t you tell me?” You shoot back, tilting your head.

He shrugs helplessly, “I didn’t do anything.” He starts to think back to the last couple of days— all he did was go to the dance studio, go to classes, and hang out with you. That was pretty much his usual routine, though.

You tilt your head further, narrowing your eyes, the teasing glint unmistakable, “Mm, really? That’s funny, because apparently, you stood a girl up on a date.”

Riki’s mouth drops open, ending in an incredulous laugh, “What? I haven’t agreed to go on a date with anyone!” Now that he was aware it wasn’t anything too bad— something that he actually did do— he found the situation hilarious. “Who the hell said that?”

You smile like you’re glad he asked, “Glad you asked,” he rolls his eyes as you continue, “Riku told me that Yushi told him that Rei told him that—”

“Hold up,” he holds a hand up, making you stop talking, “Riku?” He says his name like it’s poison, making a face.

“Oh, God,” you roll your eyes, but you already expected this. It was kind of the reason you made sure to say his name. Kind of. Because he always got pissed because he swore he was his number one enemy solely for the fact that they had similar names and Riku was your somewhat-friend. “Here you go.”

He scoffs, “Tell that fake wannabe me to stay out of my business. Including talking to you.”

You’re his business?

You shake your head, ignoring the jump in your heart beat, “Riku is older than you. If anyone’s a fake wannabe, it’s you.” You point your finger at him, smirking a bit at the way he glares at you. “And you can’t tell guys to stop talking to me.”

“No, which is why I told you to tell him,” he corrects in that matter-of-fact tone that makes you want to carve your eyeballs out with your hands.

“Same thing, you can’t tell me what to do,” you scoff, throwing him the middle finger. He shows you both of his middle fingers without hesitation. “Can I continue or are you going to continue interrupting me?” He waves you on silently, making you roll your eyes again. “Point being is that Anna said you were supposed to meet her for a date and you never showed. Care to explain?”

Anna… Anna… he tries to recall the name to the face but can’t. When was the last time he talked to a girl that wasn’t you? He frowns, giving up and shrugging, “Who is Anna?”

You deflate, half shocked but also not really, “Oh, my God. You’re unbelievable.”

Riki just grins, like your exasperation is the funniest thing he’s seen all week. “How is this my fault?” he says, leaning back on his hands. “She’s making shit up in her head. I’ve never agreed to go on a date with anyone. I don’t even know her!” Clearly, from the way he can’t remember her.

“Anna’s the tall one, she’s a cosmetology major,” you try to refresh his memory, “She’s in our class with Professor Kim.”

He only blinks at you cluelessly.

“She sits next to Sooin,” you raise your eyebrows, expecting him to at least know Sooin because she’s one of your closest friends.

“Sooin… She’s the one with short hair and bangs, right?” Riki tilts his head.

“Yeah,” you exhale, glad he finally knows someone.

“Not ringing a bell,” he shrugs.

You give up, pulling your phone out to show him a picture on her Instagram. When you turn it around to show him, he squints before slowly nodding in recognition, “Right… I remember. She asked for my notes because she missed the last two classes.”

“You don’t even take notes,” you frown at him. You take notes for yourself and then he steals them to copy them on his laptop.

“Yeah, I was just gonna send her yours over Instagram,” he shrugs, “She was pretty insistent so I said okay to get her to leave me alone. I didn’t know she thought it was like that.”

“You didn’t know?” You ask, raising an eyebrow at him. A pretty girl was insistent on him giving her notes? How could he not know?

He shrugs again, “Yes.” You stare at him and he stares back cluelessly, “What?”

“You’re so oblivious,” you mutter, turning away from him. Boys are so stupid. Especially Riki.

Riki throws his hands up in the air. What more did you want from him? “I told her I’d send them over Instagram, too, but I guess she didn’t hear me.” He tries to remember the rest of the conversation, “I never said anything about meeting up with her, but she brought up studying at the library…” He snickers to himself, shaking his head. “I said I didn’t study and that was it before I walked away.”

You stare at him for a moment longer in an incredulous manner. How does he get himself in these positions? You shake your head, finally getting up from his chair and flopping down on his bed, though he didn’t bounce like you did before. “I think you hurt her feelings.”

“How?!” He laughs, “I didn’t even agree to anything, that’s not my fault she only believed what she wanted to.”

You shrug, not replying for a moment before adding like a last minute thought, “Oh, I heard she’s gonna confront you at the party on Friday.”

Riki’s head snaps up from the pillow, looking at you like you were crazy, “What the hell?”

You shrug again, holding back your smile at the look on his face, “Yeah.”

“W-what, you can’t let that happen!” His eyes are wide, slightly shaking at the thought of her confronting him in front of everyone when he didn’t even do anything. “Y/N!” He grabs your arm when you only smile in amusement, shaking it back and forth. “You enjoy my torture, don’t you?”

“Stop! What do you want me to do about that?” You say through laughter, brushing his hands off as he clutches your arm like he’s about to be sentenced to public execution.

“I don’t know!” he groans, dragging a hand down his face. “Tell her I’m emotionally unavailable. Or allergic to girls. Oh! Just tell—you tell her you’re my girlfriend or something!”

Your brows shoot up, the grin tugging on your lips even wider, even as your heart traitorously skips a beat, “Girlfriend? Wow, we’re skipping a few steps, don’t you think?”

It’s not the first time you’ve had to play pretend house with him, which started when you were kids and still playing with dolls and forced Riki to play Barbie with you. Now, it’s continued into your adult life where you have to do it frequently to get girls to back off of him. With some trial and error, of course… Like that one time that girl flipped out and called the cops on the entire party. At least none of the backlash, so far, has come back onto you.

Riki flops dramatically back onto the bed beside you, burying his face into a pillow. “I’m serious, Y/N. You gotta get me out of this. Come on! You’ve done it before.”

“With girls I don’t know,” you roll your eyes, “Not with girls who sit behind me in class and know where I live! She might come kill me.”

Riki groans again, muffled by the pillow, “So dramatic. She’s not gonna kill you.”

“She might,” you insist, sitting cross-legged and poking his side until he turns his head to glare at you. “I’ve seen the way she glares at me sometimes. She probably thinks I’m already the obstacle.”

“You are the obstacle,” he mumbles, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

You blink repeatedly, “Excuse me?”

He turns fully now, arms crossed beneath his head as he shrugs casually, “You’re always with me. No girl gets past you.”

“Riki!” you gape, smacking his shoulder. “I’m not a bodyguard like you, you just don’t notice when people are flirting.”

“I notice plenty,” he huffs, rolling his own eyes. “I noticed when Jake was flirting with you the other day.”

Your eyebrows shoot up, “Jake? Are you kidding me?” You think back to the other day, when Riki was being petty and ignoring you because you and Jake were arguing over who chose the movie this time. “That was not flirting!” You laugh, throwing your head back. “Maybe your type of flirting, but not his!”

“How do you know what his flirting is like?” he demands, narrowing his eyes at you. “Does he flirt with you when I’m not around?”

“There’s no way, you’re always around. You scare off the hoes,” you tease, poking him with your sock covered foot.

Riki rolls his eyes, looking done with the conversation, “I feel like we’re going in circles with this conversation. Are you gonna help me or what?”

You stare at him, looking at his pleading eyes and pretending to think like you weren’t already set on doing it. “Sure, I’ll pretend to be your girlfriend and ruin my friendship with Anna.”

“You hardly even know her, it’ll be fine,” he waves you off, wrapping a hand around your ankle to pull you closer to him and pulling your legs over his lap. His hand stays on your ankle, rubbing small circles on the exposed skin there.

You shiver, goosebumps forming along your arms and legs, but you don’t pull your legs off his lap, “You’re so lucky you’re my best friend. Who else would put up with your shit like I do?”

Riki smirks, his thumb still brushing absentmindedly over your ankle. “No one,” he answers simply. “That’s why you’re not allowed to leave me.”

You give him a look, trying to ignore the way your pulse skyrockets at the casual touch, the casual claim. “You’re so clingy.”

“I’m selectively clingy,” he replies simply, as if that makes your heart rate any better. “Only with you.”

Your heart thumps traitorously, but you cover it up with a scoff, “I don’t see what those girls see in you. You’re so irritating.”

“Irresistible,” he corrects, still smirking.

You nudge his knee with your foot, feeling your cheeks heat up, “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Riki.”

He laughs, tightening his grip on you. Your chest aches with something warm and familiar that gets stronger as the seconds pass by. You’ve never known what to do with all of these emotions, so you just kept them inside. It’s not like you had anyone else to compare the feelings to, so what if you were wrong and ruined your friendship?

You weren’t willing to lose Riki, definitely not to your own traitorous feelings.

Riki wipes the sweat on his forehead off with the bottom of his shirt before slumping on the cool floor of the dance studio. Jake is spread out on the other side of him without a single drop of sweat on his body because he decided he was just going to watch. Bastard. Heeseung’s chugging water on the opposite wall, some of it dripping down his chin. Jungwon is face down, cheek smashed against the floor with his sweatpants legs rolled up.

He presses the cold water bottle Jake silently hands him to his head, taking in the feeling as he unlocks his phone. He glances around at the others, finding them minding their own business before he looks back down. He had three messages from you, twenty minutes ago.

His lips twitch up, smiling at his phone without even realizing it. He quickly types in a response, unaware of the pair of eyes on him.

“Who has you smiling like that?” Jake laughs, reading over his shoulder. Riki quickly turns his phone off, letting the screen turn black. He sends him a side-eye, nudging him harshly in the shoulder. “Ah, don’t tell me—”

“It’s Y/N,” Jungwon confirms without having to look, voice muffled.

“Who the hell else?” Heeseung laughs, finding humor in Riki’s irritated look.

At the sound of Jake’s voice, plus with the fact that he just annoyed him by reading his texts with you, he remembers the other day when Jake was flirting. In the next second, he’s punching Jake in the shoulder, hard.

“Ow, damn!” Jake lurches back, holding a hand to his shoulder with wide eyes looking at Riki. “The hell, man? I’m sorry for bringing it up!”

“Shut up,” he grunts, laying back down and throwing an arm over his eyes to hide from the bright lights. He didn’t feel like clarifying it was actually for flirting with you, they’d just make fun of him more. Like clockwork, the teasing continued.

“He’s been in love with her since we were kids,” Heeseung snickers, elbows on his knees that were pulled up to his chest. “You think that’s suddenly going to change?”

“No,” Jake shrugs, looking back and forth from Heeseung and Riki, who’s still not looking up. “But I’d thought he’d at least grown some balls by now and ask her out!”

Riki can already hear it before it comes and he’s quick to bring his legs up to dodge Jake’s hand coming for his crotch. “Chill,” he mumbles, kicking a leg out at him in retaliation and smirking when it makes contact with his thigh, eliciting a yelp. “Mind your business.”

“You are our business,” Heeseung waves off, “And as your hyung, I feel obligated to tell you the truth: it’s fucking embarrassing. Please stop being a loser and ask her out. You’re killing me with the slowburn, here.”

“The fuck is a slowburn?” Riki’s still mumbling, arm still over his eyes. He’s doing it on purpose, ignoring the other words specifically about you. He knows it’s embarrassing to be pining after the same girl for almost ten years, he doesn’t need his friends telling him that.

He’s made his bed and is laying in it, thank you.

“Nothing,” Heeseung rolls his eyes, “Loser.”

“Asshole.”

“He’s not wrong, though,” Jungwon says, finally sitting up and talking more clearly. He turns to Riki, “You’ve never once made a move on her in all your years of friendship. Or anyone else, really.”

“That’s crazy,” Jake laughs, “So you’re really a virgin?”

“Oh my God,” Riki groans, rolling over on his side in agony. “Why is this my life? Why are you my friends?”

“It’s fine if you are!” Jake holds his arms up defensively once he sees the way Heeseung glares at him, “Seriously. I just thought… With all these other girls throwing themselves at you, you’d take the bait once or twice,” he ends the sentence with a shrug.

He’s beyond irritated right now, and his patience is wearing thin. He forces himself to sit up, uncovering his eyes that are glaring at Jake, face flushed red at the topic, “You guys act like I’m some kind of monk. I’m not hooking up with girls I don’t even like. What’s the point?”

Jake raises his brows, incredulous, “The point is fun, dude. Release. Exploration. Character development?”

Riki just stares at him, “That sounds disgusting.”

“Okay, grandpa,” Heeseung snorts, tossing his empty bottle across the floor and hitting Jake in the knee. “Seriously though. You’ve had people literally lining up, and you just brush them off. For what?”

He shrugs, grabbing his own bottle and twisting the cap slowly, “Because I don’t want them. What am I supposed to do—kiss someone just to feel something when I know I won’t?”

“So you’re waiting on Y/N to make a move,” Jungwon hums thoughtfully, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Riki says too fast. Then hesitantly, a bit quieter, as if he’s afraid they’ll hear, “I just… I don’t want anyone who isn’t her.”

“Oh my God,” Jake groans, throwing his head back as he slumps on the wall. There’s a defeated expression on his face, like he’s tried and done all he could but gives up on the hopeless case that is Nishimura Riki. “That’s actually the most depressing thing I’ve heard all day.”

“You’re just pissed that no one loves you, Jake,” Heeseung points at him before turning the finger on Riki, “Then make her want to make a move.”

He frowns, raising a hand in confusion, “What does that even mean?”

“Make her jealous,” Jungwon says simply, like it’s the most obvious answer in the world. “Start talking to other girls. She’ll crack. I bet she’s dying to say something.”

“Yeah, or she’ll realize she’s better off without me,” Riki deadpans, slowly nodding with an equally deadpan expression. “Sounds like a genius plan.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Jake snorts. “One conversation with another girl isn’t betrayal. Especially to a girl you’re not even officially dating.”

It is if I’m in love with her, though, Riki wants to answer, but doesn’t. He doesn’t want to get further into it, talking about love and all of that. Not really. Especially not with three on one. He slumps back down on the floor, no longer wanting to look at them and covers his eyes again.

“Just… do something,” Heeseung sighs, slapping a hand on Riki’s back. “Anything. Please. For our sake. This tension is killing us.”

“Yeah, Riki,” Jake nudges him lightly. “Be selfish for once. Start some drama.”

“And get the girl,” Jungwon nods in agreement.

“You’re all terrible influences,” he sighs, but his mind is already thinking of the possibilities if he went through with it. Making you jealous on purpose? He remembers you telling him about Anna, the girl who said he stood her up. Maybe he could use… No, he hates that. He doesn’t want to use her and hurt her feelings again more than he unintentionally already has… But that’s essentially what he’s doing, right? Using another girl to make you jealous?

He would like to say his mind is torn, but the choice is easy. Maybe he doesn’t have to flirt with Anna, but another girl who doesn’t know him. If it works and makes you jealous enough to stake your claim… He sighs to himself, hating himself the more he forces the words out, “Okay… How would I make her jealous?”

“I’m so glad you asked,” Heeseung smirks, exchanging a look with the other two. “Okay, here’s an idea…”

You don’t really understand the sense of doom you’re feeling right now, but you finish getting ready for the party, anyway. Your eyes keep flickering to the clock ever so often, keeping an eye on the time to make sure you’re not being slow. Riki said he’d be here at nine, and it’s eight fifty two. Though, of course, he’s decided to be early for once.

You sit down your lipgloss as the knocking continues, rolling your eyes at the impatience. “Riki, damn! I hear you,” you yell throughout your dorm until you reach the front door, checking through the peep hole before you open it.

Riki immediately starts to glare at you but falters, looking you up and down, face unreadable. You frown, shuffling on your bare feet as you still haven’t put your heels on. “What? Too much?”

“No,” he says quickly, shaking his head. “You just— uh, you look pre-pretty good.” His voice cracks lightly and he winces, “Good. Yup.”

“Oh,” you blink at him, feeling your cheeks warm at the slightly weird compliment, but it’s from him, so you like it, anyway. “Thanks. I’m almost done, I just have to put on a necklace and shoes.”

“Okay,” he hums, following you inside and shutting and locking the door behind him. He looks around the dorm, like he wasn’t last in it the other day. Anything to preoccupy himself with not staring at you as you walk in front of him. He’d die if you caught him staring at your ass. “What necklace?”

“That one you got me,” you smile over your shoulder at him, “It looks really good with everything, but I wanted to save it for certain occasions.”

“Is this a special occasion?” he asks, raising an eyebrow as he leans against the doorframe of your room. He watches you walk around to your vanity, grabbing the same necklace you were talking about. It was a delicate, thin chain that you could barely see against your skin. At its center hung a single gemstone that was small, but vibrant enough to catch the light whenever you moved.

“Well, I have to play the part of your girlfriend, don’t I?” You raise an eyebrow through the mirror, holding the necklace up to your neck. “Thought it’d be fitting to wear something you actually got me. Can you help me put it on?”

The thought hits him harder than he expects as he grabs the necklace from you. You, wearing something he gave you, on purpose. Like you were marking yourself as his, even if it was just pretend. He swallows, the chain suddenly feeling heavier in his hands.

He steps in behind you, close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating off his chest, but not quite touching. His breath catches slightly when your hair falls over your shoulder, exposing the soft line of your neck.

He doesn’t move right away. His eyes greedily trace the spot where your skin dips at your collarbone, where the chain will rest. You’re talking—saying something about hoping Anna sees the necklace—but your voice feels distant, like it’s underwater. He’s too focused on the way goosebumps form on your skin as his fingers brush the nape of your neck.

Get it together, he tells himself, jaw tightening. It’s just a necklace.

But his hands are shaking. He fumbles with the clasp once, muttering a quiet curse under his breath before finally hooking it together. It settles right above your sternum, sparkling like it belongs there. He clears his throat, stepping back quickly like the space between you was fire. “There. All set.”

You turn to face him with a soft smile, completely unaware of the storm happening in his mind. He forces a grin in return, trying to ignore how badly he wants to reach out and fix the necklace that’s already perfectly straight—just to touch you again.

You grab your heels in one hand and your phone in the other, turning to look at yourself one last time. You’re satisfied with the black dress you’re wearing, it comes up to midthigh and it’s safe. You’re wearing short shorts underneath just in case, as well.

Your eyes glance up to look at Riki in the mirror, thinking he would be paying attention elsewhere, but he’s not. His eyes are glued on you, mouth slightly parted.

Your stomach flips at the sight, a slow warmth curling at the base of your spine. It’s not the usual teasing glance he gives you when you’re dressed up; this one feels heavier, more intense, and it makes your breath hitch. You smooth out your dress at your thighs, turning back to him and smiling like you didn’t notice anything, “Okay. Ready.”

“About time,” he recovers quickly, turning to the side so you can walk in front of him. Definitely not for any certain reason. Definitely not because he wants to look at your ass in that dress. No, definitely not.

Megan is practically bouncing up and down by the time you and Riki get to the front door of whoever’s house this was. She throws her arms around you and kisses both your cheeks, and you can immediately smell the combined scent of alcohol and weed coming from her. When she pulls back from the hug, her eyes are wide and rimmed red.

“Hi, so glad you could make it!” She drags out the first word, shoving a cup in your hand. “That’s mine, you can have the rest!” She turns to Riki, her happy demeanor faltering as she regards him coolly, “Hey, heartbreaker.”

“Ugh,” he rolls his eyes, shaking his head. Even then, he’s cautiously looking around, adjusting his shirt, “I didn’t do anything wrong!”

“That’s what every man says,” she rolls her eyes back, shooing him away. He only steps further into the house, still clearly waiting for you. “Ugh, what, she can’t be out of your sight for two minutes?”

You raise an eyebrow at Megan, just holding the cup in your hand but not sipping from it. “We’re attached at the hip now, remember?” you say, voice light, like this is all just some harmless joke. Like your heart didn’t race just a little at how naturally it came out.

Megan narrows her eyes at you, but there’s amusement behind it. “Gross,” she mutters, turning away dramatically. “Fine, I won’t tell anyone you were simping.”

You laugh and follow Riki deeper into the house, brushing past a crowd of people as you make your way toward the kitchen. The bass from the speakers is heavy enough to shake the floors, and you feel your pulse syncing with it. The lively atmosphere reminded you just how much you love and miss being around your friends.

Riki leans in, his mouth close to your ear so you can hear him, “Do you see her yet? I don’t wanna be blindsided.”

“Relax. She’s not gonna jump you,” you tease, nudging him as you dump whatever was in the cup and trash it in the trashcan.

He shoots you a side glance, but doesn’t say anything, his hands tucked into his pockets like he’s trying to disappear into the crowd. As you head into the room, you spot some familiar faces, but before you can wave to any of them, a slightly familiar voice cuts through the noise.

“Ni-ki!” The voice yells again and you can see Riki flinch from anticipation beside you, his hand immediately reaching for yours. You let him intertwine your feelings, swallowing back the wave of emotions that come with it. You glance down at your hands, seeing how much bigger his are than yours— you can only see your fingertips and some.

“Ni-ki,” Her voice is sharp, already irritated, and clearly too sober to be brushed off. You move your gaze away, finding the tall girl marching up to the two of you, arms crossed over her chest and a furious look on her face.

“Anna, hey,” Riki says stiffly, a slight discomfort in his posture and tone. “What’s up?”

“What’s up? You stood me up, that’s what’s up!” Anna snaps, her face turning a little red. “You were supposed to meet me at the library, and you never showed! I was left there waiting for hours!”

“I told you I don’t study,” Riki replies, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. He glances at you but you don’t say anything, not feeling like it’s too bad where you have to step in. Yet. “And I said I’d send the notes over Insta, remember?”

Anna’s glare sharpens, “You said we could go over them together.”

“I didn’t,” he insists, shaking his head. He’s a bit calmer now, seeing that no one is paying the three of you any attention. “You said that. I never agreed.”

She opens her mouth to argue again, and that’s when you finally step in, wanting to get this conversation over with. You tug Riki closer to you, and he willingly follows, one hand resting on the crook of his arm while your other one stays in his hand.

“Anna, right?” you smile sweetly, just tight enough to sting. “Sorry, maybe there was some confusion—he couldn’t have made plans with you. He was already with me.”

Anna blinks at you, finally seeming to register your presence, “You?”

“I’m his girlfriend,” you say with a small shrug, speaking like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. You feel Riki stiffen slightly in your hold but don’t look at him. Was he feeling uncomfortable? “And trust me—he definitely doesn’t study.”

Riki lets out a quiet snort beside you, poorly muffled.

Anna looks between the two of you, stunned for a second. Then she scoffs, “Wow. Guess that clears things up.”

You watch as she spins on her heel and disappears into the crowd, muttering something under her breath.

Only when she’s gone does Riki turn to you, grinning slightly, “That went better than I expected.”

“Mm,” you nod in agreement, pulling your hand away from his arm and trying to tug your hand away from his hand, but he doesn’t let up. “I wanna get a drink.”

“Then c’mon,” he shrugs, pulling you to the kitchen. “We gotta sell it some more, what if she’s still watching?”

“I doubt she cares that much anymore since we already proved you weren’t into her,” you roll your eyes, but follow closely behind him. His grip tightens on yours as you walk through a crowded part.

“You were scarily good at that,” he smirks once you two get into the kitchen area. Only a few people are around, mostly minding their own business. He’s surprised he’s able to act so nonchalant right now with your hand in his. He really hopes you can’t feel how sweaty his hand is. He gets a new cup in his free hand and points at the multiple alcohol bottles, “Which?”

“Thanks, I nailed the girlfriend part, huh?” You glance over the bottles, pretending to scan them, though you can feel the weight of Riki’s gaze more than anything else. His hand is still in yours, like he forgot to let go. Or maybe he didn’t want to.

“Tequila,” you say eventually, and he whistles lowly.

“Bold,” but he pours the tequila in the cup anyway, “You do that so well, by the way.”

“Do what?” you raise an eyebrow, accepting the cup.

“That whole…” he gestures vaguely with his hand, trying to keep his voice casual. As if reminded by it, you tug your hand free from his. He pauses in his words, watching his arm fall down to his side. His fingers flex slightly when you do, as if surprised at the sudden absence. “Fake girlfriend thing. Kinda felt real for a second.”

Your heart stops for a moment, pausing in your movements to drink from your cup before you tip your head back and gulp down at least half of the cup. The tequila scorches its way down your throat, making you cough. Once you stop coughing, you feel the burn going down your chest, and say, “Fake it til you make it, right?”

“Yup,” he smiles tightly, pouring something lighter than Tequila but harder than beer, trying not to overthink your answer. He was trying not to overthink the way you pulled your hand away or how you didn’t look at him just now. He raises his cup at you like a toast, trying to play it off, “To excellent acting and very convincing fake relationships.”

“And absolutely zero emotional confusion,” you add dryly, tapping your cup to his.

“Exactly,” he says, but his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

You lost Riki after he was pulled away by Heeseung and Jake, whispering something in his ear that made him look at you momentarily before nodding. He told you he’d find you again, but not to wait up. You watched the two older boys drag him away from the kitchen before pouring out the tequila and searching for something non-alcoholic.

There was red Koolaid that was at the end of the counter, still almost full to the brim. You’re sipping on it now as you sit with Daniela and Lara, the latter half leaning in your lap. You’d spent the last twenty minutes saying hi to everyone, and denied to smoke with Jaehyun and Dongmin, much to their disappointment but finally accepted it. But now you’re kind of wishing you had.

You didn’t think much of Riki not coming back yet, you fully expected him to spend some time with his other friends, doing Riki and friends things that his mother probably wouldn’t approve of. But when you catch a glimpse of him coming into the living room, laughing at something the girl following him is saying, your surroundings slow down just a little.

She’s tall with a waist to die for, definitely pretty, and clearly trying to flirt. She touches his arm when she talks and flips her hair like it’s second nature. And Riki’s smiling— not his fake polite smile when he’s uncomfortable, but smiling like he’s actually enjoying it.

You blink, trying to shake it off. Your heart’s actively sinking to your stomach from how engrossed he is into her, smiling and looking like he’s actually listening. A sudden shout from Jaehyun breaks your daze, pulling your gaze away. You look up, startled, then quickly force a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. You glance back once more—just to check—but Riki’s still with her, and he hasn’t looked your way once.

“Hey,” you say, turning to Jaehyun with an almost casual tone, “I changed my mind. Can I still smoke with you?”

He grins, already pulling the blunt from behind his ear as he beckons you to sit next to him, “Knew you would.”

On the other side of the living room, Riki nods along to whatever the girl is saying—he has no idea what she’s talking about. Something about astrology? He’s barely listening, only catching bits and pieces because he’s too busy glancing over her shoulder.

Heeseung had told him: “Girls get competitive. If she sees you talking to someone else, she’ll start spiraling.”

Jake had doubled down: “Act interested. Like, lean in, laugh at her jokes—even the unfunny ones.”

And Jungwon, ever the cautious voice: “Just don’t be mean to the girl. That’s not cool.”

So now Riki’s stuck nodding like a bobblehead, laughing when he has no idea why, and trying to casually check if you can see him.

“She’s probably not even looking,” the girl says suddenly, and Riki flinches a little, blinking at her.

“Who?”

She grins knowingly, cocking her head, “Whoever it is you’re trying to make jealous. You’re not exactly subtle, you know.”

Riki opens his mouth to deny it, but… he can’t. Because she’s right. He rubs the back of his neck, sheepish. “That obvious?”

“Painfully,” she laughs, handing him her drink. “But for the record? If she’s worth it, she’ll notice.”

Riki’s eyes scan the room again until they land on you. You’re still across the room, but instead of sitting with Lara and Daniela, you’re in between Jaehyun and Taesan. A blunt is in between your fingers, bringing it up to your lips and inhaling.

He blinks, a little stupified. You once said you didn’t like smoking with anyone but him or your girl friends, but it had to be at someone’s house, alone. You weren’t supposed to be smoking with them. You always turned them down.

You hand it off to Taesan, who takes a long drag of it but Riki’s attention is fully on you. And Jaehyun, since he’s leaning in to say something in your ear that makes you giggle. You’re too far away and the music is too loud for him to hear, but he can hear it in his head clearly. Damnit. How did this get turned around on him?

“That’s her?” The girl asks, following his gaze. “Damn, she’s pretty. You know if she likes girls, too?” When she catches his glare, she laughs, holding her hands up in a defensive manner, “Okay, my bad. She’s all yours, lover boy.” Her gaze turns back to you, quirking an eyebrow, “The question is, though… What are you gonna do about that?” She nods her head over to you, who he sees is now leaning your head on Jaehyun’s shoulder, giggling at something as the blunt’s passed back to you.

Riki stares at you, his chest tightening at the way it looks so easy for you to be affectionate with someone else. He bites down on his bottom lip harshly, mind racing. What does he do now? Does he continue with the plan? Does he come and get you?

He stands up properly from leaning against the wall, gulping the rest of his drink down, which wasn’t much. The girl eyes him curiously, arms folded against her chest, “So?”

“I’m going to take her home,” he says, but it sounds like he’s underwater as he’s still staring at you like you’re about to disappear the moment he takes his eyes off you. “Thanks, sorry about this—”

“Wait,” she grabs onto his wrist before he can walk off, making him glance towards her in confusion, having to take his eyes off of you. “Hold on…” She rummages through her purse, pulling out a black sharpie. He frowns at her, watching her write something on the top of his hand and only can read it once she pulls off.

Riki takes his hand away, looking down at it and eyeing the numbers on his hand warily before glancing back up at her. She’s smirking, eyebrows raised slightly, “Just in case you want to make her jealous again and don’t want to use anyone else. Text me,” she points her manicured finger at the numbers before waving him off.

Riki pushes through the crowd, laser-focused. He bumps shoulders, sidesteps a couple making out near the wall, ignores someone trying to hand him a drink. His eyes never leave you.

You don’t notice him right away. Your head’s still tilted on Jaehyun’s shoulder, fingers loosely passing the blunt back to Taesan, a lazy smile on your face like the whole world is soft around the edges. You’re glowing. It just makes him want to hurry up and get you home quicker.

He stops in front of you without saying anything at first, just standing there, staring. Jaehyun notices him first, looking up and raising a brow. “Yo, Ni-ki. What’s up?”

You glance up then, and your smile falters just slightly. Not enough for anyone else to notice, but he sees it, and the way your fingers stiffen a little, the way your eyes shift between him and then somewhere behind him.

“You busy?” Riki asks, voice calm for the frenzy inside of him right now. His eyes are only on you.

You blink. “Kind of,” you say slowly, like you’re not sure where this is going.

“I need to talk to you,” he says, already reaching for your hand before you can say anything else. His fingers wrap around yours, warm and a little sweaty, and your heart kicks once in your chest.

“Um, okay,” you mumble, eyes a bit wide as you share side-eyes with the two boys on either side of you. Jaehyun waves as Dongmin lets out a low whistle, bringing the blunt up to his lips and looking away.

Riki’s already tugging you to your feet, leading you away from the group with a grip that’s a little too tight, but not enough to hurt. He doesn’t say anything as you weave through the crowd, only stops once you’re outside on the porch, the cooler air hitting both of you at once.

He lets go of your hand like it burns him, running a hand through his hair before he slowly turns back to you, “You ready to go home?” His voice is low and tone slow, like he’s picking his words out carefully.

You blink, pouting up at him. You’re definitely high, he’s already deduced. You’re less serious than you usually would be when he pulls you away from guys. “Why? I was having fun. Weren’t you?” Your tone gets a little pointed at the end.

He doesn’t answer the question, but says, “I want to go home. I can drive us both.”

“Or you can go and I’ll get a ride from someone else,” you suggest, not really meaning it but wanting to dig a little. You could see that something was bothering him. You catch a glimpse at his hand, spot the black writing but you can’t really decipher it without looking properly.

“Funny,” Riki chuckles, but there’s no humor in it. You frown again. Why can’t he just say what’s bothering him? “Not a chance. Come on.” He gestures with his head for you to walk ahead of him, but it’s not like the same as earlier.

You decide to listen, stumbling slightly as you walk down the lawn and get on the sidewalk. He doesn’t say anything as the two of you, or just him, because you don’t remember where he parked earlier, walk to the car. He’s walking faster than you, and you’re still stumbling in your heels from cracks and holes in the sidewalk. You glance at him out of the corner of your eye, hating how your high is now ruined from the worry pooling in your stomach. You can’t help but feel like you did something wrong.

“What’s wrong?” You decide to ask carefully, the cool air blowing your hair into your face. You wish you had brought a scrunchie to pull your hair out of your face, but you didn’t so you settle for pulling the hairs back.

Riki glances at you, slowing his pace down when he notices you’re struggling to keep up with his longer legs. He sighs, “I thought you didn’t smoke with strangers?”

Your brows furrow, that is what was bothering him? “Jaehyun and Dongmin aren’t strangers,” you say slowly, trying to catch up to his thought process, but it’s a little hard. “They’re our friends.”

His jaw clenches and he turns his head to face in front of him, not saying anything for a moment. He’s trying to blame it all on you smoking with them, but it’s really everything else, too. But he can’t say that he’s jealous and that he was trying to make you jealous— did you even see him with the girl? Whose name he still doesn’t know, he realizes as he glances down at his hand where her number is scrawled.

He slows down to a stop once you reach his car, sighing as he glances at you, “Okay. I just thought you didn’t like smoking at parties.”

You shrug, avoiding his gaze now that he brought it up as another breeze hits your exposed skin, chills running up your spine. “I don’t, I just… felt like I needed something faster than drinking a shit ton to the point where I threw up.”

“Okay,” he mumbles, still staring at you as he tries to read the expression on your face. You’re now cradling your arms to your chest, shivering but he can tell you’re uncomfortable from something else that you’re not saying. He unlocks his car before opening the passenger door for you, gesturing wordlessly for you to get in.

You don’t say anything when you climb into the passenger seat, the leather cold against the back of your thighs as you buckle yourself in. Riki shuts the door gently behind you, rounding the car and getting in on the driver’s side.

He starts the engine and the radio flicks on with it, some new R&B track playing quietly. He doesn’t turn it off, doesn’t say anything, just pulls out from the curb.

The silence between the two of you is heavy, like both of you are holding back from saying something. You try to keep your stare out the window, feeling some drowsiness hit you now that you’re sitting down with soft music playing. But the drowsiness doesn’t compete with the pressure building in your chest as the light catches on Riki’s hand when he shifts the gear.

You should be asking him why he’s acting like this. Over some weed? You knew he was protective over you with guys, but he knew Jaehyun and Dongmin. He usually got his weed from Jaehyun, so he knew it was safe. It couldn’t be because of that, could it?

Instead of asking, you keep glancing at his hand every few seconds. You had noticed it when he reached for you earlier, but the lights were too dim in the living room for you to be able to read it clearly. Now you can read it clearly, numbers with a small heart at the end of the line. Curiosity is itching at you, even though you’re afraid of the answer being what you suspect.

He’s drumming his fingers against the steering wheel at a red light, and your eyes flicker down again.

It’s definitely a number. It’s written in black sharpie, slightly smudged, but it’s eligible. You chew the inside of your cheek for a moment, then speak up before you can talk yourself out of it.

“What’s that on your hand?” you ask, trying to sound casual.

Riki doesn’t answer at first. Just glances at his hand, then back at the road.

You wait impatiently with your heart pounding loudly in your ears.

“Some girl gave me her number,” he finally says. His tone is unreadable. “At the party.”

“Oh.” You blink, voice quiet. You knew it. You had guessed it. You’d even seen her talking to him, laughing, touching his arm. You saw him smiling and listening, like he was actually interested in her. But hearing it is something else. “Okay.”

That’s the end of the conversation. You don’t bring it up again, and the rest of the ride is filled with the car radio. You stop stealing glances at his hand, you stop looking at him altogether. When he pulls up to your building, he doesn’t turn off the car and you don’t say anything, just reach for the door handle. You don’t ask him if he wants to come inside, so he doesn’t have to drive back home alone, and he doesn’t ask.

You don’t even look at him when you murmur a soft, “Thanks,” before closing the door softly behind you.

He waits there for a minute, watching your silhouette retreat into the building without a glance back. He doesn’t know what he expected. For you to question him about the girl? To tease him or laugh it off? He doesn’t know. But what he does know is that your silence kind of gives him hope.

To him, your silence speaks more than your own words can do. It tells him you were at least a little bit bothered by it. It’s the thing that gives him courage to text the girl from the party later on.

You can lie to Riki, but you can’t lie to yourself.

The thought of him talking to another girl makes you sick. It’s what’s been keeping you up all night. All you can think is about how genuinely interested he looked, and how he didn’t stop her from writing her number on his hand. You wonder if he’s going to text her. You wouldn’t blame him, she was pretty. She had a body you were jealous of. And if she was that funny and intriguing that he’d like her… You didn’t really stand a chance, did you?

You’ve been throwing yourself into studying, claiming your brain is all scrambled from your classmates’ idiocy. You denied Riki’s offer to study with you instead of going to another party the next night, claiming he’d just distract you. So he goes alone.

But you know he’s not alone all night from the many Instagram stories you torture yourself with going through. It’s all on Jake’s story, and you find yourself going through every single one and even doing it over again.

He’s not the main focus in most of them but he’s in the background. Sitting on the couch with a girl—you’re pretty sure it’s the same one as Friday night— with his arm over her shoulder. Their heads and bodies are turned to each other and the sight genuinely makes you physically sick that you have to swallow back whatever is coming up in your throat.

There’s a video that Jake posts, and he’s closer now to the couch, sitting on the other side of Riki. He’s saying something, but the music is genuinely so loud you can’t hear him even with the phone close to him. He throws an arm around Riki’s shoulder, shaking him a bit to get his attention. When he looks over at the camera, Riki’s eyebrows shoot up before throwing up a peace sign. He doesn’t move his own arm from the girl, who you can now recognize for sure as that same girl from Friday. She waves at the camera, barely a wiggle of her fingers.

The video goes to the next story, now a photo of different colored liquid in lined up cups. The story ends and it’s a video again. Whoever is recording has shaky hands, but once it settles, you watch with a pounding heart as Riki plays beer pong with the girl as his partner. He tosses the ping pong ball, watching it bounce and get into the cup. They both laugh, exchanging a quick, easy high five. His smile looks effortless, the way it should be when he’s genuinely having fun.

You feel your throat tighten, a numb sensation rolling through your abdomen. Your hands tremble slightly as you lower the phone, the screen fading to black when you click it off.

Your breath is shaky, trying to calm yourself down before you can get further into your thoughts. Your room is silent, only hearing the soft hum of your fan and your own heartbeat thumping in your chest. You swallow hard, biting your bottom lip to stop it from trembling as the burning feeling in your nose starts.

Your chest is heavy with dread, thinking to everything you saw and the possible what ifs— him with his arm around her, her touching his arm, him kissing her. It’s the thought of him being comfortable with her as he is with you that churns something sickly inside you.

You try to tell yourself it’s nothing, that it’s some videos and pictures out of context, and you’re already assuming things. The knot in your stomach won’t let you, tightening with every lie you try to tell yourself.

You just hate the idea of being replaced. But how would you be replaced? You’re not his girlfriend, you’re not anything besides his best friend. You have no control over who he talks to, who he dates. It seems like a bit of an overreaction, but what else could you think when Riki has never really been interested in any girl but you? Not even romantically, you’re just the only girl outside of his sisters he truly gives the time of day.

You’ve never had to wonder what you’d do if he got a girlfriend. You never thought that far, because it never seemed something he was interested in. Maybe it was getting to that time when he was. Of course he was interested in dating, what boy his age wouldn’t?

The thought reminds you of what he said the other day— “You are the obstacle.” / “No girl gets past you.” Was he trying to tell you, then? And you just didn’t get it? Oh, God. Your hands close over your ears and your eyes squeeze shut, like it’d stop the thoughts.

You were the worst best friend ever. You’ve been stopping him from living a life, and dating whoever he wanted. How many girls has he wanted to date before but couldn’t? Because of you, whether the girls didn’t want a guy who had a girl best friend or because he never made a move, held back by the invisible barriers you put up?

Your chest tightens even more, the guilt swirling with the jealousy until it’s hard to breathe. You wonder if he’s even thought about you that way—or if you’re just a safety net, the person he leans on when nothing else feels right. That you’re just truly his best friend, and nothing else.

The texts from your friends don’t reassure you much, but you do as they say. You don’t pull back, you still text him back in a timely manner with all the same emojis and tone, but it feels different now. Every time he texts, you overthink your replies. You reread his messages more than once, looking for hidden meanings that probably aren’t there.

You still laugh when he sends you something stupid. You still like his photos, still tap through his stories like always. But you don’t swipe up. You don’t initiate. Not because you want to play games, but because you’re scared of reaching for someone who might already be slipping away.

And even when he FaceTimes you late at night, like he always does, you answer. You still giggle and smile at his stupid remarks. But deep down, you keep thinking: Is this the last time it’s going to feel like this? Like just us?

Because the truth is, even if nothing’s changed between you two on the surface… everything underneath feels like it has. And you’re unraveling by the minute.

Riki stares at his phone again.

Still no text from you.

It’s been three days, and every conversation you’ve had has started because he sent something first. A meme, a comment on your story, a “wyd.” You always reply, and it always sounds like you—but something’s off. You tease him like normal, you giggle at his jokes. But you don’t send unprompted selfies or fit checks or voice memos, describing your day. He walks over to you first at campus. It’s stupid, but that’s how he knows something’s wrong.

It used to be different. You’d push him around without a care in the workd. You’d send him shit throughout the day, even the tiniest things. Now you’re holding back. And the worst part?

You’re trying to make it seem like you’re not.

It kind of kills him, but it also kind of makes him feel like the plan is working.

He taps through your story without sound and tosses his phone on the couch. He’s sitting in the lounge with Yuna, Heeseung just now ditching them for Sunghoon on the other side of the room.

“I think she’s jealous,” he mutters.

“Then push harder,” Yuna’s voice from across the couch pulls him out of his spiral. She’s sitting on the arm of the couch, legs crossed, scrolling on her phone like this is just another Thursday night.

He raises an eyebrow, “Push how?”

“I dunno. Make her feel like she’s actually gonna lose you,” Yuna shrugs. “What if you lied a little? Like, told her I wanted to hook up with you or something.”

Riki blinks. “You think that’d work?”

Yuna finally looks up from her phone, nodding slowly as she chews her gum, “I mean, yeah. Sex is the real thing. If she thinks you’re moving on for real… that might finally snap her out of it.” She tosses her phone aside and leans back on her hands. “And like—it wouldn’t even be fully a lie.”

His brows furrow, “What?”

Yuna’s mouth pulls into a smirk, “I’d be down. I mean, you’re hot. I’m not weird about it.”

Um… He glances around. No one to save him. No you to save him. He laughs awkwardly, scratching his neck. “I mean… thanks? I’m not really in that headspace right now.” Or into you like that, he adds to himself in his mind.

She shrugs again. “You sure? Cuz if you are… I’m free. No pressure. But losing it to someone you trust a little is better than someone random, right?”

Riki’s throat goes dry. He hadn’t been thinking that far ahead. He hadn’t been thinking about that at all—until now. He always kind of imagined if it ever happened, it’d be with someone who meant something. Someone who got him. Someone like…

He doesn’t finish the thought.

Yuna’s still watching him.

He clears his throat and looks away, shaking his head, “Yeah, no. I’m good.”

However, the idea she gave him— about lying, just a little, to make you finally react? You couldn’t stay silent about that, could you? He doesn’t shut the idea down. Because if this is what it takes to get a reaction out of you… maybe it’s worth it. Even if it messes everything up.

Especially if it means finally figuring out how you really feel.

Riki’s managed to get himself in your room. You’re not exactly sure how, but between him showing up with snacks and your roommate conveniently heading to her boyfriend’s for the night, he made himself right at home. It may have had something to do with your roommate insisting he comes in since she didn’t want you to be alone at night. You’re pretty sure that was just an excuse based on the sly look she gave you before she left.

You’re trying not to focus on how close he is to you, since both of you are sitting on your bed because he didn’t want you to sit at your desk chair and he didn’t want to sit there, either. When he pulled you next to him, you didn’t want to alarm him by pulling away so you stayed.

A Ghibli movie is playing on the television, and normally, he’d be enamored in it but tonight, you can tell something is on his mind. You can tell by the way he’s fidgeting with his rings and constantly glancing at you in the corner of his eye. But you don’t bring it up, you only keep your eyes on the movie.

“Okay,” he leans up from the headboard, sitting up straight as he looks at you. “There’s this girl I’ve been texting.”

You try to keep your expression neutral, but your stomach drops so fast it feels like the wind’s been knocked out of you. Already? Your heart sinks with a dull thud, and for a split second, it’s like the movie fades into static behind the ringing in your ears.

You force yourself to reply, nodding slowly, “… Okay.”

“It’s not serious or anything,” he rushes out, “but I think she wants to, like…” He gestures vaguely. “You know.”

Your jaw tenses, but you force yourself to nod again, pretending you’re unbothered—like it’s just a normal conversation, like your heart isn’t clawing its way into your throat.

“Oh,” you say, quiet and clipped. You hope it sounds casual, not like your insides are folding in on themselves. “Okay. So, what… are you gonna do?”

You keep your eyes forward, glued to the screen, but you’re not watching any of it. Your fingers dig into the blanket on your lap, gripping it tight like it might ground you. You don’t know what you want him to say. You don’t know what you’re hoping for.

“It’s not okay!” Riki runs a hand through his hair, glancing at your blank face. It has to work, it has to work, he chants in his head. “She keeps getting handsy, and I just— I’ve never done it before. What if I suck? What if she laughs? What if I get nervous and can’t even get it—”

“Okay,” you cut him off curtly, sitting up straight and finally looking at him. You force yourself to breathe in and out before you reply, “Chill. She’s not going to laugh at you.”

“How would you know?” He shoots back, his anxiety high from his nervousness of this situation. He’s praying that this works. Do something.

You swallow thickly, trying to ignore how your chest tightens at the desperation in his voice.  “Because,” you reply, struggling to keep your voice even, “girls don’t usually laugh when they want to sleep with someone.”

“But what if I’m bad?” he insists, leaning in now. His brows are furrowed, lips parted, like he’s genuinely asking for help, but there’s something else in his eyes—something sharper. Like he’s testing you. “What if I ruin it? It’s supposed to mean something, right? I mean… I always thought losing my virginity would be with someone who means something to me. Wouldn’t you for your first time?”

Your mouth opens to answer, but then it hits you. You’ve seen him this nervous before. Years ago, when you were younger, a memory that you always kept close to you but never spoke it outloud. You’ve seen this before—felt this exact same churn in your stomach when someone else asked you something similar. When he did.

You blink at him, stunned for a beat. Then: “Wait… are you—are you asking me to take your virginity?”

Riki freezes, not expecting you to call him out like that. He refuses to admit that his own words were all too familiar to him, too familiar to the same words he spoke when he first asked you, but about something more tamer. A kiss.

“I didn’t say that,” he mutters, but his voice is tight, like he’s been caught mid-lie.

You stare at him, a little breathless, “You didn’t have to. You literally said the same thing you did when we were kids!”

Riki’s mouth opens, then closes again. You can see it—how his mind is racing, trying to figure out if he’s been too obvious or not obvious enough. That flicker in his eyes is too familiar. It’s the same one you remember from that night on the playground, just older now, more sharper.

He scratches the back of his neck and looks away. “Okay, maybe I did. I didn’t think you’d remember that.” He didn’t mean to make you think he was asking that, but if that’s the way you were thinking… Maybe it could work.

How could I not? You say in your head. You stay silent outloud, staring at him. You exhale slowly, “You don’t have to have sex yet if you don’t want to, Riki. If she can’t wait, then she’s not worth it.”

“It’s not that,” he shrugs, thankful for the slight topic change. “I want to have sex. I just…” He avoids your eyes, fingers drumming on top of his knee, “I don’t know how to do it. I don’t want to embarrass myself like that. I’m sure that kind of thing sticks around more here, you know?” He glances at you briefly, like he’s searching for a reaction, and maybe hoping for some kind of reassurance. “I don’t want to make it weird between us. You have every right to say no, it’s not as simple as a first kiss. I get that, but—” he stops talking, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. It keeps sounding worse the more he talks, and it makes him feel even worse inside, knowing that he’s still technically lying to you. “I don’t want to force you into anything, Y/N. Please forget I said anything.”

He’ll figure something else out.

“Wait,” you say before you can stop yourself. “Stop assuming things.” You watch him carefully, seeing what a nervous wreck he is. The idea of him having sex with her is still eating you up inside, but the knowledge that he came to you— wanting you to be the one to take his virginity, instead of her? That made your chest feel warm, something akin to pride and something possessive. 

Riki looks up at you, eyes wide like he’s not sure if he heard you right.

You swallow, forcing your voice to stay even. “You’re not forcing me into anything. But you’re also not giving me a chance to decide for myself.” You shift slightly, pulling your legs underneath you. “You didn’t even ask me. You just assumed I’d say no.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he says quickly, and you can tell he means it. 

You nod, slowly, “And I appreciate that. But maybe you should let me be the one to decide what I can handle.”

He’s quiet now, just staring back at you. The movie is still playing on the television, but neither of you are paying attention. You tilt your head, feeling the pride bloom the more you think about it. You have to ask again. Just to hear it again. “So, you want me to take your virginity?"

He groans, dragging both hands down his face like it might erase the blush that’s rapidly spreading. “Y/N…”

You giggle, warmth curling in your chest at the way his ears flush pink. “I’ve never taken anyone’s virginity before.”

Riki’s head slowly turns to look at you, cheeks still flushed, as his brows furrow, saying, “Wait. Does that mean you’ve had sex before?”

Your eyebrows raise, lips twitching. You don’t answer, finding the situation hilarious.

His eyes narrow, “You’re not denying it.”

“So not the point,” you finally laugh, thrown off by the sudden change of topic. He was nervous and hesitant a minute ago, and now he’s laser-focused on you instead. You try not to show how it affects you, but it does. You’re thrown. You were still licking your wounds minutes ago, and now this heat is rising inside you again—part pride, part jealousy, and something far more dangerous.

Oh, God. If he knew what you were really thinking… You’re a terrible friend. But he wanted to lose his virginity to you! He’d feel the same way if it was you, you know it.

“Yes, it is,” he argues slightly, “You never told me.”

You’re kind of interested in seeing how this is going to go rather than just tell the truth. “You never asked,” you shrug, staring at him like it’s no big deal.

“I tell you everything,” he says, gesturing between the two of you. “I’m your best friend. You tell me everything. I tell you everything.” He points between you. “Exhibit A. You—emphasis on you—are the one holding out.”

You glare at him, “Well what if I’m not a virgin?”

There’s a beat where his mouth opens like he’s ready to throw another playful jab until the implication catches up to him. His jaw shuts, the humor fading. He looks stunned, and then, quieter than before, he mumbles, “Then I guess I’d be mad it wasn’t with me.”

The world stills. Your heart is pounding loudly in your chest with the warmth that spreads and settles in your core. It’s not a joke, not really, and you both know it. 

You remember the way he used to glare at any guy who looked at you for too long, the way he hovered when his friends were too friendly, how he always pulled you close when his sisters got clingy. It used to make you feel special, safe—and wanted. Even now, something possessive blooms in your chest, the tiniest thrill unraveling inside you.

You swallow, “So… you want to be my first, too?”

“I mean,” he says, voice lighter, trying to play it off even as his fingers nervously twist at the ring on his index. “I already took your first kiss. Why not your virginity too?” A shrug. “It’s only fair. We’d lose both first kiss and virginity with each other.”

Your eyebrows shoot up, but you can’t hold back the grin as you slowly nod, “Oh, so you do remember that.”

His lips tug into a smirk, “I’m surprised you do.”

“Stupid. Every girl remembers their first kiss,” you roll your eyes. 

“I didn’t know it meant anything to you,” he shrugs. “You didn’t seem to care too much.”

You squint at him, genuinely contemplating violence, “It was with you. Of course it meant something.” You don’t really realize the implication of your words until you see his reaction. Your breath hitches, worrying.

That wipes the grin clean off his face. His expression shifts, almost like something in him caves just a little, and for a moment, he looks boyish again. Vulnerable in the way he did back then. He scratches at the back of his neck, glancing down, “I didn’t know that.”

You hesitate, debating if you should take it back, before saying, “…Well, now you know.”

Just like years ago, the silence is heavy with anticipation. You lean in slightly, voice dropping low—almost a whisper, but with intent behind it. “So… right now?”

The moment hangs, suspended in memory and yearning. His lips part silently. You both remember it—you said the same thing before your first kiss.

He freezes, looking at you with wide eyes, “Really?”

You feel nervous, but you go through with nodding, licking your lips because they felt dry. His eyes dart down, watching the motion before he forces his eyes back up.

Riki swallows hard, like he’s trying to gather courage. Like his entire brain is trying to compute this moment while the rest of him is already acting on instinct. He shifts slightly where he’s sitting, inching just a little closer without even seeming to notice. His knee brushes against yours and you feel shivers run down your spine.

“I don’t want to mess this up,” he says under his breath.

It’s so soft you barely catch it. Your heart flips, painfully tender. “Then don’t,” you whisper.

You watch his throat bob as he swallows again. There’s a slight tremble in his fingers where they rest against the blanket. He’s always so collected around everyone else, so nonchalant, but right now he’s nothing but wide eyes and tense shoulders and uncertainty.

And he’s only like this with you.

You reach out without thinking, your fingers lightly brushing his wrist. “Riki…”

He exhales shakily, eyes flickering down to where you touched him. His skin feels warm under your fingertips, like your touch alone is too much and not enough at once.

“I have to tell you something,” you say lightly, remembering to say it before anything. His eyes flicker back up to yours. “I was just fucking with you when I said I wasn’t a virgin.”

That gets him out of his cloudy gaze. He blinks, torn from being irritated or relieved. His brows draw together just slightly, and the corners of his mouth twitch like he doesn’t know whether to pout or smirk. Of course you were fucking with him. You just wanted to get one last thing over him, didn’t you?

“Seriously?” His voice is low, still watching you.

You nod, lips twitching as you tighten your grip on his wrist, like he’s about to go somewhere. “You forgive me?” Your lips form a small pout, head tilting to the side.

“Only because it’s about time you finally get me back,” he shakes his head, the space around you more lighthearted now. He scoffs, leaning back slightly like he’s trying to distance himself from the embarrassment. “You’re insufferable.”

But there’s no heat behind it. Not really.

You smile, “At least I know you really want this.”

He shakes his head, but there’s a grin forming there—lopsided and a little stunned. You don’t miss how he seems to relax just a fraction, shoulders dropping like some invisible weight gone. And you don’t miss the way his eyes keep finding yours again, softer now, gentler.

“Do you?” Riki has to ask once more, just to be sure, as he leans in closer. His eyes flicker to your lips again.

You don’t lean away, heart thudding in your chest. You can’t believe this is about to happen. What were you worrying about earlier again?

“If you don’t kiss me—”

His hands touch your cheeks, pulling you swiftly in to cut you off. His lips crash into yours with a kind of desperation that leaves your toes curling. It’s not gentle. It’s messy and heated, like the tension has finally caught fire and neither of you knows how to put it out.

You kiss him back just as fiercely, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt as your other wraps around the back of his neck, dragging him closer like it’s instinct. 

His mouth moves hungrily against yours, and you can feel the way his breathing stutters between kisses, like he can’t get enough. One of his hands slips down, gripping your waist, pulling you into his lap so your knees bracket his thighs. You gasp into his mouth at the movement, and that sound only makes him kiss you harder—deeper—his hands tightening like he’s afraid you’ll disappear.

His lips part yours, and your teeth knock once before he tilts his head just right, and then it’s all heat and tongue and the dizzying constant press. You can barely think.

Your fingers tangle in his hair, and he groans low in his throat, like he’s been dying to feel you like this. Like kissing you like this is something he’s imagined so many times he already knows the rhythm of it.

When you finally pull back just barely, gasping for air, his eyes are half-lidded, lips swollen, breath ragged. You don’t even get a second before he kisses you again, like he can’t help himself.

Even as you’re on his lap, you press yourself further up against him, chest to chest. He groans slightly in your mouth, feeling the press of your boobs against his chest. The hand on your waist tightens as he leans back against the headboard, pulling you with him so you’re leaning more weight on him.

Your hips slot down over his lap fully, and your breath stutters when your core drags right over the unmistakable bulge in his sweatpants. The contact is hot and solid, and your body reacts before your mind can catch up—your thighs tense, your stomach tightens, heat pulsing deep between your legs.

Riki jolts slightly under you, his breath catching, a low sound slipping from the back of his throat. Instead of letting him pull back, you ground down your hips. “Shit,” he hisses in your mouth, fingers gripping you tighter you swear they’ll leave bruises.

Your forehead presses to his, breaths mixing, mouths close enough to still taste each other. You shift your hips again, slower this time, letting the friction drag between you. His jaw goes slack, a broken gasp escaping him.

“Too much clothes,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his mouth. You tug on his shirt, wanting it to be the first to go. He leans back slightly, taking his hands off of you to pull his shirt over his head.

You don’t hide the way your eyes roam down his chest to his abdomen, and then your fingers follow along the ridges of his abs, watching his stomach move with every breath. You’ve seen him shirtless before, but seeing it in an intimate setting… You can’t help but press your core on the bulge that twitches underneath you.

“Not fair,” he grunts, stopping you quickly with hands to your hips, “Stop.”

“Why?” You mutter, eyes hooded as you stare at him.

He huffs a breath, almost a laugh, but it’s wrecked and strained. “Just take off your clothes,” he says, already pulling your shirt up by the bottom. You raise your arms and let him tug the rest off, leaving you in a white bra. His breath audibly hitches, eyes zeroing on your soft breasts held by the cups. His hands trail up your waist to your ribs, thumbs pressing firmly into your skin.

He hesitates, glancing up, “I-I only know what I know from…” he pauses, glancing around awkwardly.

“You can say porn,” you raise your eyebrows, stifling the smile that threatens to bloom. “I’ve watched porn, too, you know.”

“Really?” he blinks, like he’s never come to that conclusion.

“Yep,” you hum, shifting in his lap and continuing the slow motion of your hips. He groans softly, eyes lowering to where your crotches meet. You still have your shorts and his in his sweatpants, but he can feel the dampness in his boxers already. He wonders if he touched you, would you be wet? “From Twitter. Anyways, you were saying…”

“Oh,” he files that information for later. He could find something fun to do with that. “I was saying that if you don’t like something, just tell me. Or if you do… tell me, anyway.” His dark eyes flicker up, drinking in the vision of you on his lap, grinding slowly.

Your lips curve into a smile, “Got it.” You take your hands off his shoulders and hook your fingers in the waistband of your shorts, sliding them down your legs. His hand ghosts down your right leg as you do, eyes steady on your lower half.

You’re wearing matching white panties, which makes it easy for him to see the damp spot in the center, tight enough to see the outline of your folds through it. He chokes out a gasp, hands sliding back down to your hips to control your movements against him.

“Not f-fair I’m the one mostly naked,” you breathe against his lips. You hover above his lap as he takes off his sweatpants and boxers in one go, your eyes immediately falling to his cock as it bounces up against his abdomen. Pre-cum leaks from his flushed tip and pools into a small spot of his abdomen.

Your mouth parts slightly in awe, eyes stuck. There were times you found yourself wondering (before you smacked yourself out of it) how big he was. You’ve felt it sometimes, either by pure accident or when he cuddled you and woke up with a hard on. You never mentioned it out of fear of making it awkward, but you can safely confirm that you were right. He was girthy with more than several inches under his belt.

You suddenly feel very grateful no one’s seen him like this.

You bite down on your lip, reaching out to wrap around it with only one glance up to his face. He inhales when your hand fully wraps around him, not moving, just holding. Your fingertips just barely touch each other, and he feels heavy in your hand. You’re pretty sure your heart is about to pound out of your chest.

“Fuck,” his voice sounds wrecked, and it makes you glance up at him to see him staring at you with his jaw flexing like he’s holding back, pupils blown. “You look so pretty.”

Oh, okay. Your heart stutters in your chest, making you swallow before glancing back down as you let go of his cock only to put your hands behind your back to unclasp your bra. Your breasts fall from the cups as you slide the straps off your shoulders and down your arms slowly.

Riki’s gaze is stuck on you, mouth parted in something like disbelief and awe. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, doesn’t want to overstep— until you grab his hands with yours, still keeping eye contact with him, and cover each breast with one of his hands. His mouth opens even in more in slight surprise, like he can’t believe he’s really doing this.

“Touch me,” you whisper and he’s nodding.

In his foggy brain, he remembers what he’s seen and takes one of his hands off from cupping your breast tenderly only to lean forward and wrap his lips around your nipple. His other thumb rubs your nipple, slightly tugging to see how much you react.

You moan breathily as his tongue begins to flick the nipple in his mouth. His lips make crude smacking sounds as he sucks and kisses at your nipple, his tongue massaging the tender bud with calculated flicks. Your hand lowers to his hair, not gripping or pulling, just resting as your back arches to meet his lips. His hand cautiously but harshly pinches your other nipple, glancing up under his hair to see you throw your head back and whine.

Riki pulls back, taking your nipple with him until you don’t lean anymore and looks up at you. His breathing is harsh and stuttering, “You—you like that?”

You nod, glancing down at him, before sheepishly admitting, “I… I do it to myself even harder.”

That admission conjures up images in his mind, of you laying in your bed at night and pinching and twisting at your nipples and whining just like you did a second ago. He groans, leaning forward to press scattered kisses to the top of your breasts, “Yeah? What else do you do?”

You breathe out before answering, like your nerves are lit on fire right now, still sitting on his bare dick with only thin panties separating between you, “Sometimes… I use my pillow.”

His eyes darken, jaw clenching before he says softly, “Show me,” but his hands anchor you down on his crotch firmly. You know he’s not telling you to demonstrate on the pillow, but on him. Use me.

A choked out whine escapes from your throat before you lean back down, pulling him into another fierce kiss. Your hips are moving back and forth, feeling his mushroom head catch on your clothed clit every time you slide down. More pre dribbles at his tip, coating your underwear as you furiously move your hips.

He lets out a groan into your open mouth, feeling his cock twitch as it grazes your clit and can’t help but drive his hips up, meeting your grinding with messy thrusts. You whimper, pulling back and mumbling, “Feels so—so good, ‘Ki.”

You can feel every detail of his cock despite the thin underwear, the veins pulsating underneath you and the way it twitches. Every roll of your hips is getting sloppier and slower as his head smashes against your clit at the right angle, eyes rolling back erotically. It never felt this good when you did it on your pillow.

Riki gives no warning other than a strangled, breathless “fuck”, cum spurting out onto his abdomen. You choke out a whimper, unable to believe how obscenely hot it was to witness that. Your head rolls back to your shoulders, legs shaking uncontrollably as you see white burst behind your eyes that you have a hard time keeping open.

“God,” he breathes out, feeling the stickiness on his abdomen from himself and thighs and cock from you. He glances down, his dick already slowly but hardening again. “I—I—”

You don’t let him get another word out, aching for more—anything, his dick in your mouth so you can swallow his come, his mouth on your clit, his cock reaching spots you could only wish your fingers could reach. You’re peeling your underwear off, cutting him off from speaking further as he watches you from hooded eyes.

He can see the lines of slick sticking from your pussy to your panties and before he can stop himself, he reaches and collects some with his fingers. Your breath hitches as his middle and pointer fingers slide through your folds cautiously, pulling back to reveal the thick strings.

“You… are really unbelievable,” he forces out, breathing heavily before he pulls you back into a kiss with the same hand on your neck. The kiss is deep from the start, tongue sliding in and rubbing against yours in a possibly teasing manner. He pulls back only a little, leaving just a bit of distance between your lips, “I want to try eating you out.”

Your spine tingles, and you nod before registering the thought fully. He turns you around, laying you down on your bed and starts kissing from your sternum and trailing down. Your stomach contracts as he gets lower, thighs closing shut shyly when he nears your hips. He glances up, meeting your eyes as his hands grab your thighs and pulling them apart.

“Don’t hide,” he mutters, still pressing wet kisses downwards until he reaches your mound. His lips ghost over the area before he lets go of your thigh to hold you open firmly. The first lick makes you gasp, soft and uncertain and unfamiliar. Your reaction makes him continue to lap at your folds with kitten licks, groaning at the taste of you and pressing a kiss to your clit. That— he was thankful he actually read up on after the fear of not knowing where it is settled.

He draws your clit into his mouth and sucks, eliciting high pitched whines to fall from your mouth. He glances up to see you with your head thrown back against the pillow, back arching like you’re similarly trying to meet his mouth but get away from it. He flicks his tongue at your clit harshly as his other hand lets go of your leg, forcing you down by placing his hand flat on your abdomen.

“Y-you’re so good,” he mutters against you, drawing back momentarily to say, “Taste so g-good,” before he presses his face back into your folds, tongue now exploring with a heated passion that has your stomach tightening. His nose rubs against your clit with every movement, your hand falling to his hair and now actually grasping, like you’re trying to control his head and force his tongue deeper. He groans, the sound sending vibrations through your core that has you moaning louder.

“H-holy shit,” you moan, back arching with every drag of his tongue as he slurps at you. Your moans grow higher in pitch again as he pushes his tongue inside your tight hole that immediately flexes around him. You don’t realize his hand’s been moving until you feel his finger prod at your hole. You whimper, grinding down onto his face and subsequently his finger.

His finger slowly enters your hole, moving alongside his tongue before he completely replaces his tongue with his finger. The wet squelching sound of his fingers makes him gasp into your pussy, slowly curling his finger and letting you get used to the stretch.

You whimper his name, clutching at his shoulders as the added pleasure from his finger and his mouth still on your clit make your body shudder. He can feel how resistant your walls are, tightening around him yet still sucking him in. Your moans encourage him to continue and add another finger, slowly separating them. 

“Riki..” your lips are trembling, frustrated tears appearing in your eyes as his rhythm only grew faster, almost hitting the familiar spot that you had to use a dildo to reach. “R—right there,” you pant, guiding his hand with your hand over his wrist.

He groans, lust filled eyes looking up at you from under his eyelashes. You’re desperately bucking up into his hand and mouth, moans growing louder. It only makes him fasten his pace, correctly hitting the spot that makes your moans turn whiny.

Riki can’t get enough, tightening his grip on your thigh to open you up even more for him as he closes his lips around your clit again and flicking his tongue repeatedly at the bud. “Are you gonna cum?” His voice is low, and broken, as a needy whine of his name comes from you.

You’re nodding your head furiously, feeling the tight knot in your stomach snap and your orgasm washes over you, wiping your mind clear of any thoughts for a moment. Your legs are trembling, chest heaving as you pant and open your bleary eyes, looking up at the ceiling, “What the fuck,” but it’s mumbled and joined together.

His breath hits your core, making you shiver as he chuckles breathily, “Good?”

“What do you think?” You mumble, rolling your eyes to look down at him, hands coming down to pull him up by his shoulders. Your hand moves to his neck, pulling him in for an open kiss that lets you taste yourself on his tongue. Your tongue slyly swipes across his, before you pull back and lick your lips.

Riki’s eyes are slightly wide from the show you put on, mouth forming a small ‘O’ before he slowly asks, “You want to go again?”

“If you did all that and didn’t fuck me, I’d be sorely disappointed,” you tilt your head as your free hand reaches between you and lightly wrap around his untouched cock. He gasps in ragged breaths, feeling your thumb collect the pre-cum oozing at his tip before you smooth it down his shaft, slowly pumping.

His hips twitch, feeling your grasp grow firmer before you start to move your hand up and down. His hand comes over yours, guiding you properly as it makes obscene slick sounds with every slide of your hand. His cock is coated in his own pre-cum and your slick from your underwear before, making the glide much smoother as you flick your wrist and his head falls back, a guttural groan erupting from the back of his throat.

“Jus—just like that,” he whispers, feeling your hand slide over his head and apply pressure, “You—you sure you haven’t done—” he groans when you tighten your grip, “—this before?”

“I read,” you whisper, sounding just about out of it as he does.

He thrusts up into your hold, before grabbing your wrist to stop you, eyes opening up apologetically, panting, “I’m going to cum again if y-you continue.” He lowers your hand and ruts up against your folds, making you gasp. “I wanna come inside you. In—in the condom, I mean, but when I’m in you.”

“I don’t have condoms,” you say between breaths, glancing up at him.

“Shit,” he mutters, head ducking down momentarily. He should’ve brought some. But he didn’t think it’d turn out like this, truthfully. “I’m—I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll be able to not cum inside of you.”

You hesitate, before making a hasty decision, deciding your desires are too much, “It’s okay. You just have to be the one who pays for the pill,” you shrug, acting like the thought of him coming inside of you doesn’t add to the possessive heat burning inside of you. It’s just another way that makes him yours, and you his.

He hesitates for a split second before nodding, breathing out, “Okay.” He glances down, guiding his cock to glide through your folds slowly, making you gasp out. He curses when his head catches on your hole, hesitating once more before whispering, “Can I—”

“Move,” you whisper forcefully, forcing your tensed muscles to relax at the feeling of his hard cock. He starts to slide his cock in slowly, stretching your walls open as he pushes half of himself inside. You’re so tight, his mouth drops open in pleasure. You’re resisting him, but you feel so warm, he can’t help but sink more in. When you whimper in pain, he freezes, looking down at you to see you biting down on your lip with your eyes scrunched shut.

“I’m s-sorry,” he stutters, already trying to pull out but your legs hook around his waist, stopping him.

“Just hold o-on,” you grunt, biting harsher on your lip before you breathe out, the stretch still stinging and he wasn’t even fully inside yet. You feel like you were going to break in half, your insides burning but the more you wait, breathing in and out, the more the pain settles. “Keep going.”

Riki doesn’t waste another second, continuing to slide himself fully in until his hips meet yours. You cry out, back arching from him being so deep inside you, and he moans lowly, looking down in awe to where your bodies connect. His dick is completely inside of you now, and he can’t even believe it’s buried to the hilt.

Your cheeks are flushed, smacking him lightly on the shoulder to get him to look away, “Riki. Move.”

He rocks forward, pressing kisses to your temple as he sets a slow and steady pace with his hips, “You’re so…” he groans, “Perfect,” he whispers, as he drives his hips forward, eliciting a sharp gasp from you.

The room is full of the sounds of your cunt squelching, the slickness making him slip from you once only to drive himself back in easily with a groan. He’s gripping your ass with his hands, hips pistoling into you with a mix of grunts and whispered compliments leaving his mouth.

“So, so tight,” he leans down to kiss you, licking inside your mouth desperately as you moan. He hears the creaks of the bed screeching, headboard smashing against the wall, but he can’t find it in himself to care when he’s buried into your heat. “You—you feel me? Feel how deep inside I am?”

“Yes,” you whine, dragging out the word as a sob ripples out of you. Your hands are clutching everything you can grab onto, his shoulders, the sheets. Your breasts are bouncing with each thrust, his balls smacking against your ass roughly.

“Making me feel so good,” he pants, one hand leaving to grip your chin firmly enough to make you look at him. His eyes are dark and full of lust, chest heaving. “You were so wet for me. You been that wet before?”

“N-no,” you shake your head repeatedly, arm pulling him closer to you by the back of his neck. “J-just you!” Your voice is high pitched again as he angles himself correctly, adjusting your legs around his waist as he hits the same spot you directed him to before. “Ngh, only y-you, Riki.”

“Good,” he groans into your cheek, feeling warmth spread all across his body at your words. He can feel his orgasm reaching, and he wants to make sure you’ll cum before. He can feel you clench repeatedly around his length, making him suck in a gasp. “You gonna come for me again?” When you nod, unable to get words out, he nips at your neck lightly, “Say it.”

“Yes, yes, I’m gonna come again!” You whine, throwing your head back into your pillow as your legs twitch violently, unable to keep them around his waist. The fat head of his cock rubs deliciously against your tightening walls, hitting the same spot repeatedly.

A loud shrill whimper leaves your mouth as your vision behind your eyes turns white, a white ring forming around his cock. The sight sends him over the edge, hips growing sloppy as he moans loudly in your ear. Thick ropes of cum spurt inside your walls, filling you up with warmth.

Your eyes are closed, chest rising and falling heavily with each breath. Your body feels weightless, even as he slowly pulls out of you with a groan, watching carefully as a mix of his and your cum trickle out of your stretched hole. His softening dick twitches at the sight, but he breathes in and out to control himself.

“Hey,” his voice is soft, but worn out, as he pats you on the thigh gently. Your legs are still trembling, flinching a bit from his light touch. “Y/N. Can you hear me?”

You hum, still not opening your eyes and he smiles slightly, brushing your hair off of your sweaty forehead. “Open your eyes for me, please,” he murmurs, watching your eyelashes flutter.

You blink, eyes glazed over but soft and coherent as they meet his. Your body’s still trembling, a hum in your veins, that makes it hard to move. Still, you smile faintly, and that’s all the reassurance he needs.

“Good,” Riki whispers, brushing his thumb along your cheek. “You’re still with me, that’s good,” he’s almost talking to himself. He leans in and kisses your temple, then lightly on the corner of your mouth. His fingers trail up and down your side with a soft touch, making you shiver.

“I’m gonna get you cleaned up, okay?” he murmurs, voice low and tender as he tugs the blanket over your exposed body for now. “Don’t move.”

He gets up from the bed, wincing slightly from the soreness in his own muscles, and grabs a warm hand towel from the bathroom. When he returns, he’s gentle, slow, murmuring small apologies every time you twitch or flinch as he cleans between your thighs. It kind of reminds you when Bisco’s getting shots at the vet, weirdly enough.

You watch him, dazed and quiet, as he wipes you with such delicate care it makes your chest ache. He doesn’t rush, doesn’t look away even once—like he’s taking responsibility for everything he touched, everything he made you feel. He doesn’t even look at you inappropriately with lust, just focusing on cleaning you up.

Once he’s sure you’re clean and the sheets aren’t a mess, he tosses the towel aside and climbs back into bed with you. His arms wrap around your waist as he pulls you into his chest, his lips pressing to the top of your head. The kisses are new, the cuddles aren’t, but you’ll take them. It’s a vulnerable moment, and well… you’re still friends, right?

“Still doing okay?” he asks again, hand rubbing soothing circles into your lower back.

You nod against his shoulder, your voice barely above a whisper, “Yeah… You?”

He lets out a quiet laugh, the sound vibrating against your skin, “I’m perfect.”

Your eyes close again, content with staying where you are. He stays in that position, staring up at the ceiling with a lazy smile on his face. He can’t believe that actually just happened. This is way more than he expected out of tonight.

He was right, fuck the guys’ opinions of fucking around and hooking up with one-night-stands in more fun. They just didn’t have someone like you. They were the actual losers.

He laughs to himself, settling into his pillow and pulling the blanket further up on your body. Both of you are still undressed, bare skin to bare skin, but it doesn’t feel exposing or uncomfortable. It feels safe. Intimate in a way that had nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with trust.

Riki is sleeping like he’s the one that got fucked into the bed, snoring away without a care in the world.

Meanwhile, you’re fully dressed, sitting against the headboard like you’ve just been hit by a truck. A very attractive, annoyingly smug, deceptively soft truck. And now you’re losing your goddamn mind.

You don’t even know what time it is, just that it’s morning now, judging by the way the sun peeks through the curtains. Your phone’s dead from not being on the charger all night long and you’re terrified to move, afraid you’ll wake him up. You weren’t afraid of him, just afraid of what this means. How were you supposed to act around him? Pretend you haven’t seen him naked, like he’s not been literally inside you? From what he said last night, it seemed like just a one time thing so he didn’t seem inexperienced when he finally… did get with that girl.

The thought of him being with someone else after you makes you want to scream. Would he see last night as a mistake and regret it? And never talk to you again? You were spiraling, but you couldn’t help yourself.

You glance at him again. He’s on his stomach, hair messy, one arm tucked under his head and the other flopped over where your body used to be. Completely unbothered. Of course he is.

He hasn’t woken up since you’ve been awake, which has been for awhile now. Every stir makes you panic, holding your breath until he stops moving. When his back muscles tense randomly or his foot or leg twitches —you knew you weren’t crazy all those times when he denied twitching in his sleep— you think he might start waking up, but he doesn’t.

You sigh, dragging a hand through your messy hair. You need to get out of here, you’re in desperate need of a coffee. Or a lobotomy.

You’re wondering if it’s possible for you to get up and leave without waking him up when Riki’s groggy voice cracks through the silence, “You okay?”

You nearly jump out of your skin, looking at him with wide eyes as his head turns to your direction, blinking up at you with bleary eyes, “Jesus, I thought you were still asleep.”

Riki blinks at you slowly, cheek still smushed against his arm, “I was. Until you woke me up with your loud thoughts.”

You roll your eyes, pretending like his deep morning voice didn’t send tingles down your spine and your legs trembling, “I was not thinking loudly.”

He raises an eyebrow, sighing loudly to mimic you, “Really? I’m pretty sure you’ve been sitting here for a while like a woman waiting for her husband to come home from war.”

Your mouth opens to argue but you shut up, inhaling slowly. Okay, just read you like that, why doesn’t he. You exhale slowly, standing up from your bed, trying not to look too flustered, “I have class, I should get going.”

Riki watches you for a moment, then props himself up on his elbows, revealing his shirtless torso, “You mad?”

You look at him, biting your lip as you debate about lying to him or not, before going with the truth, “No. Not mad. Just… confused, maybe.”

He’s quiet for a beat before he asks, tone careful like he’s afraid of your answer, “You regret it?”

That question hits you square in the chest. You stare at him, a little breathless before swallowing, deciding not to lie again, “No.” That’s all you say before you continue backing away, “You can stay and chill, but I’m gonna be late so… yeah.” You wave pathetically at him before turning and practically booking it out of your room.

Riki looks at the spot you were a second ago before groaning, slumping back into the pillow with his hands over his eyes.

He stays in your bed for a while after you leave, arms over his face, completely still. The room smells like you. The sheets still feel warm where you slept beside him.

He doesn’t move.

Because if he moves, it’s real. And if it’s real, then maybe he’s already messed it all up.

He doesn’t want it to be a one-time thing. Not really. But what if you do?

You don’t tell anyone what happened last night, dismissing Wonyoung’s questions about you sleeping early because you didn’t text the groupchat last night. She doesn’t believe you, but she doesn’t push. Only slides over her notes from the class, knowing you didn’t pay any attention.

You don’t know why you don’t want to tell your friends, you usually tell them everything. Maybe you’re just worried they’ll be disappointed in you for being stupid.

You’re dragging yourself back to your dorm after, only stopping by the campus cafe to get a cheesecake for later. You thought Riki would be gone by the time you came back, but you thought wrong.

He’s in your dorm’s little kitchen, dressed in a new pair of sweatpants and a hoodie that you stole from him. There’s a cup of ramen in his hands, and he’s blowing cool air on the ramen in his chopsticks before putting it in his mouth. He looks so unbothered, like he didn’t just flip your entire world over the night before.

Too late to turn back now.

He glances up as you step further in, a smile curling on his lips when he spots you. “Morning,” he says, like it’s nothing. He slides a package over to you silently and you glance at it briefly before snatching it and putting it in your pocket silently. Plan B.

“Afternoon,” you correct stiffly, heading for the fridge. You don’t look at him when you add, “Hope you had a good night’s sleep.”

“Best I’ve had in weeks,” he says, and you can hear the smirk. You swear you might slam the door just from how annoying he is.

You ponder to yourself before deciding to go ahead and rip the bandaid off, “Cool. So, uh, that girl you’ve been seeing…” His smile fades, but you don’t see it, your back still facing him.

“What about her?”

You shake your head, grabbing a cold water bottle and closing the fridge door, “I just mean… I don’t know. Now that you’ve gotten your practice in, I’m sure it’ll go well with her.”

He doesn’t say anything for a long minute that you turn around to see if he’s still there. He’s staring at you with an unrecognizable look, but it’s not amused or angry.

“Practice?” He repeats, voice low.

You shrug, forcing a smile, “You said it yourself. Didn’t want to seem inexperienced, right?”

He sets his ramen down on the counter, slowly. “That’s what you think that was?”

You glance away, suddenly wishing you hadn’t said anything at all. “I don’t know what it was,” you mutter. “I mean, we’re best friends. Best friends don’t… have sex.”

“They don’t kiss either,” he reminds you, head tilting. But I’ve tasted you, I’ve been inside you, he says in his head. You can’t take it back.

You look away, twisting the cap on the bottle silently before you shrug, “I’m just saying. You have nothing to worry about.”

Riki stares at you before exhaling, slowly nodding, “Right. Well, speaking of that… She texted me asking if I was going to Sion’s party next weekend.”

You blink. That wasn’t what you were expecting him to say. “And?” you ask cautiously.

He shrugs, leaning back against the counter like the weight of the conversation was starting to settle on his shoulders. He’s still looking at you like he’s searching for something, “I said I wasn’t sure yet.”

“Oh,” You try to sound neutral, casual even, but it comes out flat. Your eyes are darting around, not knowing where to land. 

“She asked if I’d be coming alone,” His voice is quieter now, but deliberate.

“You should take her,” you laugh, but it sounds fake, even to your own ears.

He swallows the lump in his throat, “I don’t want to take her.”

That makes you freeze, heart pounding.

“Why not?” You mumble, finally looking at him again.

“Guess I didn’t like her as much as I thought,” he shrugs, picking up his cup of ramen like it’s nothing but he doesn’t eat out of it. He glances up at you, trying to read your face for something, but when he doesn’t find it, he sighs. “Y/N.”

“Yeah?” You mumble.

“You liked it, right?”

You gasp, immediately understanding. Your face burns, turning away from him, “What? Why would you ask me that?”

“I don’t want you to regret what we did,” he says softly, sounding closer now. “You’re my best friend. I trusted you last night, and I still trust you now. I don’t regret it.”

Best friend, best friend, best friend…

“Oh…” you set down your water, fumbling with the necklace around your neck. Your cheeks are still red when you turn around again, backing slightly up against the counter from how close he’s gotten. He’s standing in front of you, only a couple feet away, ramen cup on the counter again. “I-I don’t have anyone to compare it to, but well, you made me cum… So yeah, you can say I enjoyed it.”

He bites down on his lip, his own cheeks flushing as he hesitantly asks, “I… What if we could do that all the time?”

“What do you mean?” Your voice comes out a whisper, much weaker than you meant it to be. You can’t deny the hope building in your chest.

“Like… friends with benefits,” he shrugs, unsure of his own words, looking uncertain. Like you’re about to hit him with the words that come out of his mouth. “That way… we wouldn’t have to hook up with random people.”

You stare at him, the words echoing in your head like they don’t make sense.

Friends with benefits.

For a second, all you can hear is the rush of your own heartbeat in your ears. Then, slowly, you exhale, mouth parting as you search his face. “So… sex. Without the feelings.”

His jaw tightens. “Not without any feelings,” he says quickly. “I mean—you're my best friend. I care about you.”

You nod, even though your chest sinks. But not like that. “Right. Got it,” you murmur, looking down at your hands. “That makes sense.”

You feel his eyes on you like heat. “That’s not—shit. That’s not how I meant it,” he says. “I’m not just trying to keep hooking up with you like it’s nothing. I just… if we liked it, why stop?”

You rub the material of your shirt, needing something to do with your hands, “I don’t know. Don’t you think things get messy like that?”

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he says quietly, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have asked you that. I’m sorry, Y/N, I don’t—”

“Okay,” you whisper.

Riki stops talking.

“Okay,” you repeat louder, slowly nodding. “I don’t want to have sex with a stranger, anyway. And I mean… yeah, it was good,” your face burns harsher as you say it, but you force it out like it’s nothing, “And I trust you, too. It wouldn’t be hurting anyone.”

You couldn’t say it. You can’t say ‘Riki, I love you’ without choking on your own fear. He didn’t want you romantically, he didn’t like you like that. But he liked the sex. He liked your body, you could assume. So, instead, you give him the easy version of you that he wants. The version that can handle anything he throws at you.

He shifts on his feet, like he’s unsure whether he should be relieved or guilty. “Okay,” he echoes, voice low. “Yeah. We’ll just… keep things simple.”

Simple.

You want to laugh. There’s nothing simple about the way your stomach flips every time he looks at you like that. Nothing simple about pretending the sex didn’t mean anything when it meant everything.

You nod anyway, “Right. Simple.”

He takes a step back, picking up his ramen again like you hadn’t just changed the entire landscape of your friendship. “I’ll clean up after I eat,” he says, like you didn’t just agree to being friends with benefits. Like everything’s normal. “I have dance practice in a few. I’ll text you.”

You pick up your water bottle, gripping it tightly, “Okay.”

Riki looks up at you one last time before you turn away to go to your room. There’s something in his eyes—hesitation, maybe. Or regret. But he doesn’t say it. He doesn’t stop you.

And you don’t ask him to. Because if he wanted more, he would’ve said so.

And he didn’t.

“I am so fucking stupid,” Riki mutters as soon as he slumps next to Jungwon on the floor. The other dancers are stretching or talking in their own conversations, so they don’t pay attention to them.

“I could’ve told you that,” Jungwon says, looking up from his phone. “What’d you do now?”

He hesitates. Jungwon’s one of his best friends, and he’d be more helpful than Heeseung or Jake. “I had sex with Y/N last night.”

Jungwon’s scrolling pauses, slowly looking up at him, “What?” He’s acting like Riki just told him BTS disbanded.

“Yeah,” he groans, pressing his hat further over his eyes. “I think I fucked up, though.”

“How?” Jungwon’s voice cracks, looking at him in disbelief. “How did it happen? I thought—”

He shrugs, “I was going through with the plan and I-I was talking about not wanting to be inexperienced when I had sex with this other girl—”

Jungwon snorts, “Jesus.”

“Stop!” He groans, “I already know!”

“So it was just practice?” He raises his eyebrows.

“No!” He shakes his head, “It just came out. I was trying to make her jealous and she was like, ‘Are you asking me to take your virginity?’ and I panicked!”

“Okay…” Jungwon says slowly. “And then what? You had sex and then after…”

“She said she didn’t regret it,” he says, staring up at the ceiling. “And then she left for class. I stayed at her dorm because I knew if I didn’t, she’d probably try to avoid me.” He nods to himself, “First thing she says is that it was practice, which I… get.” He sighs loudly, “I made a dumb comment about not wanting to be unexperienced. And then she brought up Yuna. I told her I didn’t wanna see her anymore and— and I was looking at her face for anything. Anything that told me she was jealous but,” he chuckles bitterly, “I couldn’t find it. So I got desperate. I brought up friends with benefits—”

Jungwon couldn’t keep silent anymore, “You what?”

He winces, “Yeah. But I just— I just,” he shakes his head, “I panicked. I thought she felt it too, last night, and she’d finally show that she was bothered by it. But she didn’t and I… chickened out.” 

Jungwon just stares at him, speechless for a second, before asking, “So instead of telling her how you actually feel, you asked to keep sleeping with her casually?”

“I know how it sounds.”

“No, Riki. You don’t.” Jungwon’s voice is sharp now, serious in a way he rarely is. “You basically handed her the most mixed message possible.”

“I know,” he mutters. “I just—she said she enjoyed it. She actually said that, Jungwon. Her face was all red and she still said it was good. And I believe her.”

“And that’s the part that got you hopeful?”

He nods weakly. “I just… I want her. However I can have her. And if this is the only way, then fine. I’ll take it. Because being near her—touching her, holding her—it felt right. Even if it’s not what I really want.”

Jungwon lets out a long breath, scrubbing a hand over his jaw, “Dude. That’s not healthy.”

“I know,” Riki says again, softer this time. His body feels weighted down. “But it’s the only thing she’s willing to give me. I don’t wanna lose her completely.”

There’s a beat of silence before Jungwon speaks, this time more gently. “She’s your best friend, Riki. And if she did feel something but just didn’t know how to say it… this friends with benefits thing? It might just make everything worse. You’re playing a long game that could break both of you.”

Riki’s lips presses together, “Yeah, but if I said no… if I told her I couldn’t do it unless it was more, and she said she didn’t want more—I’d lose her anyway.”

Jungwon gives him a long look, then nods once, slowly, “Okay. I get it. But promise me something.”

“What?” Riki mumbles, head laying against the mirror behind him. His eyes aren’t on Jungwon, looking around to see the choreographer step inside the room.

“Don’t lie to yourself about what this is. And when it starts to hurt too much, when you can’t keep pretending it’s enough—say something.”

Riki doesn’t answer right away. His throat’s too tight. But eventually, he nods. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “Okay.”

Because if it’s her, he’ll take any piece of yourself you give him, even if they’re sharp.

Tell me your thoughts here!

© 2025 riskyriki do not copy, modify, repost or translate this work.

Touch My Body Tender (Part 1)

Riki’s eye twitches as you sigh loudly from where you’re laying on his bed.

His headphones have been hanging loosely from his neck ever since you walked in through his door, mic muted as he plays a new game Heeseung and Jake wanted to try out. He normally doesn’t play video games, but the graphics looked cool, so he decided to join, much to their delight. But you didn’t seem to be very happy about it.

He could tell from the twenty sighs that happened in the last ten minutes. He glances at the time, and then at the game, still able to hear Jake and Heeseung’s screams in his headphones. He heard another loud sigh and it made the decision for him, simply exiting out of the voicechat and game before turning the monitors off. He even turns his phone on Do Not Disturb, because he knows they’ll be blowing up his phone in a second.

When he turns around in his chair, you’re staring straight at him. He sighs loudly back at you before pushing himself out of his chair and jumping on the bed next to you, the force of his jump making you bounce. You huff in annoyance and he smiles like a shithead.

“You good?” he stuffs his pillow behind his head, eyes locked on you. You were wearing soft cotton pajama shorts and an old t-shirt from EXO’s merch line, but you had done your makeup like you were going out. He didn’t understand the thought process, but oh, well.

You throw him an annoyed look, frowning at him with glossy lips he found it hard to tear his gaze from, “You’ve been ignoring me for thirty minutes. What do you think?”

“Aw,” he smiles, “You missed me, huh?” He wraps an arm around your shoulder, ignoring your squirming to push him away and pull you in closer. “Don’t worry, I was just talking to Jake and Heeseung. No need to be jealous.”

You scoff, trying to push him away from you, “I’m not jealous, jackass!” When you fail to get him to let up on his grip, you groan, falling back on the bed limply. “I was trying to talk to you.”

“That’s funny considering the last time you talked to me you said you didn’t want to talk to me,” Riki curls a strand of your hair around his finger. “Look how long that lasted…” His other hand grabs his phone to look at the time, ignoring the incoming messages. “Four hours. New record for you.”

“Because I was trying to listen to the teacher,” you smack him lightly on the arm. “Stop being mean to me!” You drag out the last word into a whine.

“Ow,” he says flatly. “So violent. No wonder you don’t have a boyfriend.”

You gasp, sitting up just enough to glare at him, “Excuse me?”

He shrugs, smug as ever, still playing with your hair. “Just saying. Maybe if you were nicer—”

“Oh, you’re talking?” You laugh in disbelief, “You’re the one that—” you lean up and smack him, “—scares—” smack “—all—” smack “—of—” smack “—them—” smack “—away!”

The audacity! He doesn’t even have to say anything to scare them away, either. He just stands there and they get spooked and run off. He always says that if they couldn’t even talk to you when he’s standing right there then they didn’t really deserve you. You always say that it’s because he’s basically foaming at the mouth when he stares at them like he’s going to kill them.

Riki cackles, hiding under his arm to defend himself from your smacks, “Chill! Chill.” He quickly grabs your hands in his, stopping the attack on him. “I’m just joking. Damn.”

“Shut up, you know it’s true!” You huff, leaning back to your original position, “They take one look at you and run the other way.”

“Good,” he says, wiping fake tears from his eyes. “Half of them were weirdos, anyway.”

You narrow your eyes at him, “You glared at one guy just for asking to borrow a pencil. For no reason!”

“He had bad vibes.”

“How?!”

“He looked way too excited to sit next to you,” he shrugs unapologetically.

Your mouth drops open, “Are you saying guys shouldn’t be excited to sit next to me?!” You can’t help the twang in your chest at the implication of him not, at the very least, finding you attractive.

Riki gives you a slow, lazy grin, not the least bit sorry as he says, “No, I’m saying other guys shouldn’t be excited in that way to sit next to you.”

Um. What?

You blink at him, stunned, “That way?”

He shrugs again, all too casual for him to be saying this to you, his best friend, “You’re hot. Guys are stupid. Simple math.”

Okay. You’ll unpack that later. When you’re alone and not about to freak out on Riki.

You sit up a little, pointing an accusing finger at him, “So you do do it on purpose.”

He catches your finger in his hand, grinning wider at the non-intimidating look on your face, “Didn’t say that. You’re assuming again.”

You glare, a frown stuck on your face, “You’re insufferable.” You don’t even remember why you came over here now.

“Yet you beg for my attention all the time,” he mocks, grin turning into a smirk.

You roll your eyes and try to pull your hand back, but he doesn’t let go. His grip isn’t tight—it’s just firm and unrelenting. “I do not beg for your attention,” you argue.

He hums, like he’s pretending to think, “You literally stormed into my room and sighed like twenty times just to get me to stop gaming.”

“That’s—” you sputter, “That’s different.”

“How?” he tilts his head, leaning a little closer.

You falter, frowning at him. “Because I was bored.”

“Mhm,” Riki says like he doesn’t believe you for a second. “Bored of what? Everyone else not being me?”

“You are so annoying!” You groan, firmly tugging your hand out of his grasp and standing up from his bed, “I really should’ve chosen to hang around your sister more often.”

Riki snorts, watching you pace around his room like you don’t want to be anywhere near him, “Liar. You like me more.”

“You are just so confident, huh?” You mutter ‘darkly’, shaking your head as you stare down at the floor.

“It’s okay,” he sits up, smiling even though you’re not looking at him, “I like you more than her, too.”

You’re staring at him with that look on your face that tells him you’re about to get really bratty with him if he doesn’t give you what you want. He’d probably give you the entire moon if you asked. An image of Gru pops up in his mind and he can’t help but smile in amusement.

The two of you are staring each other in the eyes without looking away, caught in a stubborn game of eye contact. In the meantime, you finally remember what you came for in the first place. Something that’s been itching at you ever since your second class this afternoon, and you wanted to know if it was true. “Are you going to finally listen to me or not?” you ask, folding your arms across your chest.

Riki’s eyes drop lower, breaking eye contact and you smirk in victory. His eyes dart back up to yours before he clears his throat as his cheeks start to redden. Your brows furrow before he quickly nods, “Yep.”

“Okay…” You frown at him, sitting in his chair instead of the bed again. You bring your legs up to your chest and wrap your arms around your knees, staring him down. You can finally get to what you actually came here for now that you’ve remembered. “Weirdo. Anyways, I’ve heard from a little birdy…”

“Oh, no,” he deadpans. “That’s never good. Tell Megan to stop eavesdropping.”

You smile curtly, rolling your eyes at him, “Shut up. You’ll wanna hear this one, it’s about you.”

He suddenly looks nervous, chuckling slightly, “Me? The hell I do?”

“I don’t know, Riki, why don’t you tell me?” You shoot back, tilting your head.

He shrugs helplessly, “I didn’t do anything.” He starts to think back to the last couple of days— all he did was go to the dance studio, go to classes, and hang out with you. That was pretty much his usual routine, though.

You tilt your head further, narrowing your eyes, the teasing glint unmistakable, “Mm, really? That’s funny, because apparently, you stood a girl up on a date.”

Riki’s mouth drops open, ending in an incredulous laugh, “What? I haven’t agreed to go on a date with anyone!” Now that he was aware it wasn’t anything too bad— something that he actually did do— he found the situation hilarious. “Who the hell said that?”

You smile like you’re glad he asked, “Glad you asked,” he rolls his eyes as you continue, “Riku told me that Yushi told him that Rei told him that—”

“Hold up,” he holds a hand up, making you stop talking, “Riku?” He says his name like it’s poison, making a face.

“Oh, God,” you roll your eyes, but you already expected this. It was kind of the reason you made sure to say his name. Kind of. Because he always got pissed because he swore he was his number one enemy solely for the fact that they had similar names and Riku was your somewhat-friend. “Here you go.”

He scoffs, “Tell that fake wannabe me to stay out of my business. Including talking to you.”

You’re his business?

You shake your head, ignoring the jump in your heart beat, “Riku is older than you. If anyone’s a fake wannabe, it’s you.” You point your finger at him, smirking a bit at the way he glares at you. “And you can’t tell guys to stop talking to me.”

“No, which is why I told you to tell him,” he corrects in that matter-of-fact tone that makes you want to carve your eyeballs out with your hands.

“Same thing, you can’t tell me what to do,” you scoff, throwing him the middle finger. He shows you both of his middle fingers without hesitation. “Can I continue or are you going to continue interrupting me?” He waves you on silently, making you roll your eyes again. “Point being is that Anna said you were supposed to meet her for a date and you never showed. Care to explain?”

Anna… Anna… he tries to recall the name to the face but can’t. When was the last time he talked to a girl that wasn’t you? He frowns, giving up and shrugging, “Who is Anna?”

You deflate, half shocked but also not really, “Oh, my God. You’re unbelievable.”

Riki just grins, like your exasperation is the funniest thing he’s seen all week. “How is this my fault?” he says, leaning back on his hands. “She’s making shit up in her head. I’ve never agreed to go on a date with anyone. I don’t even know her!” Clearly, from the way he can’t remember her.

“Anna’s the tall one, she’s a cosmetology major,” you try to refresh his memory, “She’s in our class with Professor Kim.”

He only blinks at you cluelessly.

“She sits next to Sooin,” you raise your eyebrows, expecting him to at least know Sooin because she’s one of your closest friends.

“Sooin… She’s the one with short hair and bangs, right?” Riki tilts his head.

“Yeah,” you exhale, glad he finally knows someone.

“Not ringing a bell,” he shrugs.

You give up, pulling your phone out to show him a picture on her Instagram. When you turn it around to show him, he squints before slowly nodding in recognition, “Right… I remember. She asked for my notes because she missed the last two classes.”

“You don’t even take notes,” you frown at him. You take notes for yourself and then he steals them to copy them on his laptop.

“Yeah, I was just gonna send her yours over Instagram,” he shrugs, “She was pretty insistent so I said okay to get her to leave me alone. I didn’t know she thought it was like that.”

“You didn’t know?” You ask, raising an eyebrow at him. A pretty girl was insistent on him giving her notes? How could he not know?

He shrugs again, “Yes.” You stare at him and he stares back cluelessly, “What?”

“You’re so oblivious,” you mutter, turning away from him. Boys are so stupid. Especially Riki.

Riki throws his hands up in the air. What more did you want from him? “I told her I’d send them over Instagram, too, but I guess she didn’t hear me.” He tries to remember the rest of the conversation, “I never said anything about meeting up with her, but she brought up studying at the library…” He snickers to himself, shaking his head. “I said I didn’t study and that was it before I walked away.”

You stare at him for a moment longer in an incredulous manner. How does he get himself in these positions? You shake your head, finally getting up from his chair and flopping down on his bed, though he didn’t bounce like you did before. “I think you hurt her feelings.”

“How?!” He laughs, “I didn’t even agree to anything, that’s not my fault she only believed what she wanted to.”

You shrug, not replying for a moment before adding like a last minute thought, “Oh, I heard she’s gonna confront you at the party on Friday.”

Riki’s head snaps up from the pillow, looking at you like you were crazy, “What the hell?”

You shrug again, holding back your smile at the look on his face, “Yeah.”

“W-what, you can’t let that happen!” His eyes are wide, slightly shaking at the thought of her confronting him in front of everyone when he didn’t even do anything. “Y/N!” He grabs your arm when you only smile in amusement, shaking it back and forth. “You enjoy my torture, don’t you?”

“Stop! What do you want me to do about that?” You say through laughter, brushing his hands off as he clutches your arm like he’s about to be sentenced to public execution.

“I don’t know!” he groans, dragging a hand down his face. “Tell her I’m emotionally unavailable. Or allergic to girls. Oh! Just tell—you tell her you’re my girlfriend or something!”

Your brows shoot up, the grin tugging on your lips even wider, even as your heart traitorously skips a beat, “Girlfriend? Wow, we’re skipping a few steps, don’t you think?”

It’s not the first time you’ve had to play pretend house with him, which started when you were kids and still playing with dolls and forced Riki to play Barbie with you. Now, it’s continued into your adult life where you have to do it frequently to get girls to back off of him. With some trial and error, of course… Like that one time that girl flipped out and called the cops on the entire party. At least none of the backlash, so far, has come back onto you.

Riki flops dramatically back onto the bed beside you, burying his face into a pillow. “I’m serious, Y/N. You gotta get me out of this. Come on! You’ve done it before.”

“With girls I don’t know,” you roll your eyes, “Not with girls who sit behind me in class and know where I live! She might come kill me.”

Riki groans again, muffled by the pillow, “So dramatic. She’s not gonna kill you.”

“She might,” you insist, sitting cross-legged and poking his side until he turns his head to glare at you. “I’ve seen the way she glares at me sometimes. She probably thinks I’m already the obstacle.”

“You are the obstacle,” he mumbles, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

You blink repeatedly, “Excuse me?”

He turns fully now, arms crossed beneath his head as he shrugs casually, “You’re always with me. No girl gets past you.”

“Riki!” you gape, smacking his shoulder. “I’m not a bodyguard like you, you just don’t notice when people are flirting.”

“I notice plenty,” he huffs, rolling his own eyes. “I noticed when Jake was flirting with you the other day.”

Your eyebrows shoot up, “Jake? Are you kidding me?” You think back to the other day, when Riki was being petty and ignoring you because you and Jake were arguing over who chose the movie this time. “That was not flirting!” You laugh, throwing your head back. “Maybe your type of flirting, but not his!”

“How do you know what his flirting is like?” he demands, narrowing his eyes at you. “Does he flirt with you when I’m not around?”

“There’s no way, you’re always around. You scare off the hoes,” you tease, poking him with your sock covered foot.

Riki rolls his eyes, looking done with the conversation, “I feel like we’re going in circles with this conversation. Are you gonna help me or what?”

You stare at him, looking at his pleading eyes and pretending to think like you weren’t already set on doing it. “Sure, I’ll pretend to be your girlfriend and ruin my friendship with Anna.”

“You hardly even know her, it’ll be fine,” he waves you off, wrapping a hand around your ankle to pull you closer to him and pulling your legs over his lap. His hand stays on your ankle, rubbing small circles on the exposed skin there.

You shiver, goosebumps forming along your arms and legs, but you don’t pull your legs off his lap, “You’re so lucky you’re my best friend. Who else would put up with your shit like I do?”

Riki smirks, his thumb still brushing absentmindedly over your ankle. “No one,” he answers simply. “That’s why you’re not allowed to leave me.”

You give him a look, trying to ignore the way your pulse skyrockets at the casual touch, the casual claim. “You’re so clingy.”

“I’m selectively clingy,” he replies simply, as if that makes your heart rate any better. “Only with you.”

Your heart thumps traitorously, but you cover it up with a scoff, “I don’t see what those girls see in you. You’re so irritating.”

“Irresistible,” he corrects, still smirking.

You nudge his knee with your foot, feeling your cheeks heat up, “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Riki.”

He laughs, tightening his grip on you. Your chest aches with something warm and familiar that gets stronger as the seconds pass by. You’ve never known what to do with all of these emotions, so you just kept them inside. It’s not like you had anyone else to compare the feelings to, so what if you were wrong and ruined your friendship?

You weren’t willing to lose Riki, definitely not to your own traitorous feelings.

Riki wipes the sweat on his forehead off with the bottom of his shirt before slumping on the cool floor of the dance studio. Jake is spread out on the other side of him without a single drop of sweat on his body because he decided he was just going to watch. Bastard. Heeseung’s chugging water on the opposite wall, some of it dripping down his chin. Jungwon is face down, cheek smashed against the floor with his sweatpants legs rolled up.

He presses the cold water bottle Jake silently hands him to his head, taking in the feeling as he unlocks his phone. He glances around at the others, finding them minding their own business before he looks back down. He had three messages from you, twenty minutes ago.

His lips twitch up, smiling at his phone without even realizing it. He quickly types in a response, unaware of the pair of eyes on him.

“Who has you smiling like that?” Jake laughs, reading over his shoulder. Riki quickly turns his phone off, letting the screen turn black. He sends him a side-eye, nudging him harshly in the shoulder. “Ah, don’t tell me—”

“It’s Y/N,” Jungwon confirms without having to look, voice muffled.

“Who the hell else?” Heeseung laughs, finding humor in Riki’s irritated look.

At the sound of Jake’s voice, plus with the fact that he just annoyed him by reading his texts with you, he remembers the other day when Jake was flirting. In the next second, he’s punching Jake in the shoulder, hard.

“Ow, damn!” Jake lurches back, holding a hand to his shoulder with wide eyes looking at Riki. “The hell, man? I’m sorry for bringing it up!”

“Shut up,” he grunts, laying back down and throwing an arm over his eyes to hide from the bright lights. He didn’t feel like clarifying it was actually for flirting with you, they’d just make fun of him more. Like clockwork, the teasing continued.

“He’s been in love with her since we were kids,” Heeseung snickers, elbows on his knees that were pulled up to his chest. “You think that’s suddenly going to change?”

“No,” Jake shrugs, looking back and forth from Heeseung and Riki, who’s still not looking up. “But I’d thought he’d at least grown some balls by now and ask her out!”

Riki can already hear it before it comes and he’s quick to bring his legs up to dodge Jake’s hand coming for his crotch. “Chill,” he mumbles, kicking a leg out at him in retaliation and smirking when it makes contact with his thigh, eliciting a yelp. “Mind your business.”

“You are our business,” Heeseung waves off, “And as your hyung, I feel obligated to tell you the truth: it’s fucking embarrassing. Please stop being a loser and ask her out. You’re killing me with the slowburn, here.”

“The fuck is a slowburn?” Riki’s still mumbling, arm still over his eyes. He’s doing it on purpose, ignoring the other words specifically about you. He knows it’s embarrassing to be pining after the same girl for almost ten years, he doesn’t need his friends telling him that.

He’s made his bed and is laying in it, thank you.

“Nothing,” Heeseung rolls his eyes, “Loser.”

“Asshole.”

“He’s not wrong, though,” Jungwon says, finally sitting up and talking more clearly. He turns to Riki, “You’ve never once made a move on her in all your years of friendship. Or anyone else, really.”

“That’s crazy,” Jake laughs, “So you’re really a virgin?”

“Oh my God,” Riki groans, rolling over on his side in agony. “Why is this my life? Why are you my friends?”

“It’s fine if you are!” Jake holds his arms up defensively once he sees the way Heeseung glares at him, “Seriously. I just thought… With all these other girls throwing themselves at you, you’d take the bait once or twice,” he ends the sentence with a shrug.

He’s beyond irritated right now, and his patience is wearing thin. He forces himself to sit up, uncovering his eyes that are glaring at Jake, face flushed red at the topic, “You guys act like I’m some kind of monk. I’m not hooking up with girls I don’t even like. What’s the point?”

Jake raises his brows, incredulous, “The point is fun, dude. Release. Exploration. Character development?”

Riki just stares at him, “That sounds disgusting.”

“Okay, grandpa,” Heeseung snorts, tossing his empty bottle across the floor and hitting Jake in the knee. “Seriously though. You’ve had people literally lining up, and you just brush them off. For what?”

He shrugs, grabbing his own bottle and twisting the cap slowly, “Because I don’t want them. What am I supposed to do—kiss someone just to feel something when I know I won’t?”

“So you’re waiting on Y/N to make a move,” Jungwon hums thoughtfully, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Riki says too fast. Then hesitantly, a bit quieter, as if he’s afraid they’ll hear, “I just… I don’t want anyone who isn’t her.”

“Oh my God,” Jake groans, throwing his head back as he slumps on the wall. There’s a defeated expression on his face, like he’s tried and done all he could but gives up on the hopeless case that is Nishimura Riki. “That’s actually the most depressing thing I’ve heard all day.”

“You’re just pissed that no one loves you, Jake,” Heeseung points at him before turning the finger on Riki, “Then make her want to make a move.”

He frowns, raising a hand in confusion, “What does that even mean?”

“Make her jealous,” Jungwon says simply, like it’s the most obvious answer in the world. “Start talking to other girls. She’ll crack. I bet she’s dying to say something.”

“Yeah, or she’ll realize she’s better off without me,” Riki deadpans, slowly nodding with an equally deadpan expression. “Sounds like a genius plan.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Jake snorts. “One conversation with another girl isn’t betrayal. Especially to a girl you’re not even officially dating.”

It is if I’m in love with her, though, Riki wants to answer, but doesn’t. He doesn’t want to get further into it, talking about love and all of that. Not really. Especially not with three on one. He slumps back down on the floor, no longer wanting to look at them and covers his eyes again.

“Just… do something,” Heeseung sighs, slapping a hand on Riki’s back. “Anything. Please. For our sake. This tension is killing us.”

“Yeah, Riki,” Jake nudges him lightly. “Be selfish for once. Start some drama.”

“And get the girl,” Jungwon nods in agreement.

“You’re all terrible influences,” he sighs, but his mind is already thinking of the possibilities if he went through with it. Making you jealous on purpose? He remembers you telling him about Anna, the girl who said he stood her up. Maybe he could use… No, he hates that. He doesn’t want to use her and hurt her feelings again more than he unintentionally already has… But that’s essentially what he’s doing, right? Using another girl to make you jealous?

He would like to say his mind is torn, but the choice is easy. Maybe he doesn’t have to flirt with Anna, but another girl who doesn’t know him. If it works and makes you jealous enough to stake your claim… He sighs to himself, hating himself the more he forces the words out, “Okay… How would I make her jealous?”

“I’m so glad you asked,” Heeseung smirks, exchanging a look with the other two. “Okay, here’s an idea…”

You don’t really understand the sense of doom you’re feeling right now, but you finish getting ready for the party, anyway. Your eyes keep flickering to the clock ever so often, keeping an eye on the time to make sure you’re not being slow. Riki said he’d be here at nine, and it’s eight fifty two. Though, of course, he’s decided to be early for once.

You sit down your lipgloss as the knocking continues, rolling your eyes at the impatience. “Riki, damn! I hear you,” you yell throughout your dorm until you reach the front door, checking through the peep hole before you open it.

Riki immediately starts to glare at you but falters, looking you up and down, face unreadable. You frown, shuffling on your bare feet as you still haven’t put your heels on. “What? Too much?”

“No,” he says quickly, shaking his head. “You just— uh, you look pre-pretty good.” His voice cracks lightly and he winces, “Good. Yup.”

“Oh,” you blink at him, feeling your cheeks warm at the slightly weird compliment, but it’s from him, so you like it, anyway. “Thanks. I’m almost done, I just have to put on a necklace and shoes.”

“Okay,” he hums, following you inside and shutting and locking the door behind him. He looks around the dorm, like he wasn’t last in it the other day. Anything to preoccupy himself with not staring at you as you walk in front of him. He’d die if you caught him staring at your ass. “What necklace?”

“That one you got me,” you smile over your shoulder at him, “It looks really good with everything, but I wanted to save it for certain occasions.”

“Is this a special occasion?” he asks, raising an eyebrow as he leans against the doorframe of your room. He watches you walk around to your vanity, grabbing the same necklace you were talking about. It was a delicate, thin chain that you could barely see against your skin. At its center hung a single gemstone that was small, but vibrant enough to catch the light whenever you moved.

“Well, I have to play the part of your girlfriend, don’t I?” You raise an eyebrow through the mirror, holding the necklace up to your neck. “Thought it’d be fitting to wear something you actually got me. Can you help me put it on?”

The thought hits him harder than he expects as he grabs the necklace from you. You, wearing something he gave you, on purpose. Like you were marking yourself as his, even if it was just pretend. He swallows, the chain suddenly feeling heavier in his hands.

He steps in behind you, close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating off his chest, but not quite touching. His breath catches slightly when your hair falls over your shoulder, exposing the soft line of your neck.

He doesn’t move right away. His eyes greedily trace the spot where your skin dips at your collarbone, where the chain will rest. You’re talking—saying something about hoping Anna sees the necklace—but your voice feels distant, like it’s underwater. He’s too focused on the way goosebumps form on your skin as his fingers brush the nape of your neck.

Get it together, he tells himself, jaw tightening. It’s just a necklace.

But his hands are shaking. He fumbles with the clasp once, muttering a quiet curse under his breath before finally hooking it together. It settles right above your sternum, sparkling like it belongs there. He clears his throat, stepping back quickly like the space between you was fire. “There. All set.”

You turn to face him with a soft smile, completely unaware of the storm happening in his mind. He forces a grin in return, trying to ignore how badly he wants to reach out and fix the necklace that’s already perfectly straight—just to touch you again.

You grab your heels in one hand and your phone in the other, turning to look at yourself one last time. You’re satisfied with the black dress you’re wearing, it comes up to midthigh and it’s safe. You’re wearing short shorts underneath just in case, as well.

Your eyes glance up to look at Riki in the mirror, thinking he would be paying attention elsewhere, but he’s not. His eyes are glued on you, mouth slightly parted.

Your stomach flips at the sight, a slow warmth curling at the base of your spine. It’s not the usual teasing glance he gives you when you’re dressed up; this one feels heavier, more intense, and it makes your breath hitch. You smooth out your dress at your thighs, turning back to him and smiling like you didn’t notice anything, “Okay. Ready.”

“About time,” he recovers quickly, turning to the side so you can walk in front of him. Definitely not for any certain reason. Definitely not because he wants to look at your ass in that dress. No, definitely not.

Megan is practically bouncing up and down by the time you and Riki get to the front door of whoever’s house this was. She throws her arms around you and kisses both your cheeks, and you can immediately smell the combined scent of alcohol and weed coming from her. When she pulls back from the hug, her eyes are wide and rimmed red.

“Hi, so glad you could make it!” She drags out the first word, shoving a cup in your hand. “That’s mine, you can have the rest!” She turns to Riki, her happy demeanor faltering as she regards him coolly, “Hey, heartbreaker.”

“Ugh,” he rolls his eyes, shaking his head. Even then, he’s cautiously looking around, adjusting his shirt, “I didn’t do anything wrong!”

“That’s what every man says,” she rolls her eyes back, shooing him away. He only steps further into the house, still clearly waiting for you. “Ugh, what, she can’t be out of your sight for two minutes?”

You raise an eyebrow at Megan, just holding the cup in your hand but not sipping from it. “We’re attached at the hip now, remember?” you say, voice light, like this is all just some harmless joke. Like your heart didn’t race just a little at how naturally it came out.

Megan narrows her eyes at you, but there’s amusement behind it. “Gross,” she mutters, turning away dramatically. “Fine, I won’t tell anyone you were simping.”

You laugh and follow Riki deeper into the house, brushing past a crowd of people as you make your way toward the kitchen. The bass from the speakers is heavy enough to shake the floors, and you feel your pulse syncing with it. The lively atmosphere reminded you just how much you love and miss being around your friends.

Riki leans in, his mouth close to your ear so you can hear him, “Do you see her yet? I don’t wanna be blindsided.”

“Relax. She’s not gonna jump you,” you tease, nudging him as you dump whatever was in the cup and trash it in the trashcan.

He shoots you a side glance, but doesn’t say anything, his hands tucked into his pockets like he’s trying to disappear into the crowd. As you head into the room, you spot some familiar faces, but before you can wave to any of them, a slightly familiar voice cuts through the noise.

“Ni-ki!” The voice yells again and you can see Riki flinch from anticipation beside you, his hand immediately reaching for yours. You let him intertwine your feelings, swallowing back the wave of emotions that come with it. You glance down at your hands, seeing how much bigger his are than yours— you can only see your fingertips and some.

“Ni-ki,” Her voice is sharp, already irritated, and clearly too sober to be brushed off. You move your gaze away, finding the tall girl marching up to the two of you, arms crossed over her chest and a furious look on her face.

“Anna, hey,” Riki says stiffly, a slight discomfort in his posture and tone. “What’s up?”

“What’s up? You stood me up, that’s what’s up!” Anna snaps, her face turning a little red. “You were supposed to meet me at the library, and you never showed! I was left there waiting for hours!”

“I told you I don’t study,” Riki replies, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. He glances at you but you don’t say anything, not feeling like it’s too bad where you have to step in. Yet. “And I said I’d send the notes over Insta, remember?”

Anna’s glare sharpens, “You said we could go over them together.”

“I didn’t,” he insists, shaking his head. He’s a bit calmer now, seeing that no one is paying the three of you any attention. “You said that. I never agreed.”

She opens her mouth to argue again, and that’s when you finally step in, wanting to get this conversation over with. You tug Riki closer to you, and he willingly follows, one hand resting on the crook of his arm while your other one stays in his hand.

“Anna, right?” you smile sweetly, just tight enough to sting. “Sorry, maybe there was some confusion—he couldn’t have made plans with you. He was already with me.”

Anna blinks at you, finally seeming to register your presence, “You?”

“I’m his girlfriend,” you say with a small shrug, speaking like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. You feel Riki stiffen slightly in your hold but don’t look at him. Was he feeling uncomfortable? “And trust me—he definitely doesn’t study.”

Riki lets out a quiet snort beside you, poorly muffled.

Anna looks between the two of you, stunned for a second. Then she scoffs, “Wow. Guess that clears things up.”

You watch as she spins on her heel and disappears into the crowd, muttering something under her breath.

Only when she’s gone does Riki turn to you, grinning slightly, “That went better than I expected.”

“Mm,” you nod in agreement, pulling your hand away from his arm and trying to tug your hand away from his hand, but he doesn’t let up. “I wanna get a drink.”

“Then c’mon,” he shrugs, pulling you to the kitchen. “We gotta sell it some more, what if she’s still watching?”

“I doubt she cares that much anymore since we already proved you weren’t into her,” you roll your eyes, but follow closely behind him. His grip tightens on yours as you walk through a crowded part.

“You were scarily good at that,” he smirks once you two get into the kitchen area. Only a few people are around, mostly minding their own business. He’s surprised he’s able to act so nonchalant right now with your hand in his. He really hopes you can’t feel how sweaty his hand is. He gets a new cup in his free hand and points at the multiple alcohol bottles, “Which?”

“Thanks, I nailed the girlfriend part, huh?” You glance over the bottles, pretending to scan them, though you can feel the weight of Riki’s gaze more than anything else. His hand is still in yours, like he forgot to let go. Or maybe he didn’t want to.

“Tequila,” you say eventually, and he whistles lowly.

“Bold,” but he pours the tequila in the cup anyway, “You do that so well, by the way.”

“Do what?” you raise an eyebrow, accepting the cup.

“That whole…” he gestures vaguely with his hand, trying to keep his voice casual. As if reminded by it, you tug your hand free from his. He pauses in his words, watching his arm fall down to his side. His fingers flex slightly when you do, as if surprised at the sudden absence. “Fake girlfriend thing. Kinda felt real for a second.”

Your heart stops for a moment, pausing in your movements to drink from your cup before you tip your head back and gulp down at least half of the cup. The tequila scorches its way down your throat, making you cough. Once you stop coughing, you feel the burn going down your chest, and say, “Fake it til you make it, right?”

“Yup,” he smiles tightly, pouring something lighter than Tequila but harder than beer, trying not to overthink your answer. He was trying not to overthink the way you pulled your hand away or how you didn’t look at him just now. He raises his cup at you like a toast, trying to play it off, “To excellent acting and very convincing fake relationships.”

“And absolutely zero emotional confusion,” you add dryly, tapping your cup to his.

“Exactly,” he says, but his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

You lost Riki after he was pulled away by Heeseung and Jake, whispering something in his ear that made him look at you momentarily before nodding. He told you he’d find you again, but not to wait up. You watched the two older boys drag him away from the kitchen before pouring out the tequila and searching for something non-alcoholic.

There was red Koolaid that was at the end of the counter, still almost full to the brim. You’re sipping on it now as you sit with Daniela and Lara, the latter half leaning in your lap. You’d spent the last twenty minutes saying hi to everyone, and denied to smoke with Jaehyun and Dongmin, much to their disappointment but finally accepted it. But now you’re kind of wishing you had.

You didn’t think much of Riki not coming back yet, you fully expected him to spend some time with his other friends, doing Riki and friends things that his mother probably wouldn’t approve of. But when you catch a glimpse of him coming into the living room, laughing at something the girl following him is saying, your surroundings slow down just a little.

She’s tall with a waist to die for, definitely pretty, and clearly trying to flirt. She touches his arm when she talks and flips her hair like it’s second nature. And Riki’s smiling— not his fake polite smile when he’s uncomfortable, but smiling like he’s actually enjoying it.

You blink, trying to shake it off. Your heart’s actively sinking to your stomach from how engrossed he is into her, smiling and looking like he’s actually listening. A sudden shout from Jaehyun breaks your daze, pulling your gaze away. You look up, startled, then quickly force a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. You glance back once more—just to check—but Riki’s still with her, and he hasn’t looked your way once.

“Hey,” you say, turning to Jaehyun with an almost casual tone, “I changed my mind. Can I still smoke with you?”

He grins, already pulling the blunt from behind his ear as he beckons you to sit next to him, “Knew you would.”

On the other side of the living room, Riki nods along to whatever the girl is saying—he has no idea what she’s talking about. Something about astrology? He’s barely listening, only catching bits and pieces because he’s too busy glancing over her shoulder.

Heeseung had told him: “Girls get competitive. If she sees you talking to someone else, she’ll start spiraling.”

Jake had doubled down: “Act interested. Like, lean in, laugh at her jokes—even the unfunny ones.”

And Jungwon, ever the cautious voice: “Just don’t be mean to the girl. That’s not cool.”

So now Riki’s stuck nodding like a bobblehead, laughing when he has no idea why, and trying to casually check if you can see him.

“She’s probably not even looking,” the girl says suddenly, and Riki flinches a little, blinking at her.

“Who?”

She grins knowingly, cocking her head, “Whoever it is you’re trying to make jealous. You’re not exactly subtle, you know.”

Riki opens his mouth to deny it, but… he can’t. Because she’s right. He rubs the back of his neck, sheepish. “That obvious?”

“Painfully,” she laughs, handing him her drink. “But for the record? If she’s worth it, she’ll notice.”

Riki’s eyes scan the room again until they land on you. You’re still across the room, but instead of sitting with Lara and Daniela, you’re in between Jaehyun and Taesan. A blunt is in between your fingers, bringing it up to your lips and inhaling.

He blinks, a little stupified. You once said you didn’t like smoking with anyone but him or your girl friends, but it had to be at someone’s house, alone. You weren’t supposed to be smoking with them. You always turned them down.

You hand it off to Taesan, who takes a long drag of it but Riki’s attention is fully on you. And Jaehyun, since he’s leaning in to say something in your ear that makes you giggle. You’re too far away and the music is too loud for him to hear, but he can hear it in his head clearly. Damnit. How did this get turned around on him?

“That’s her?” The girl asks, following his gaze. “Damn, she’s pretty. You know if she likes girls, too?” When she catches his glare, she laughs, holding her hands up in a defensive manner, “Okay, my bad. She’s all yours, lover boy.” Her gaze turns back to you, quirking an eyebrow, “The question is, though… What are you gonna do about that?” She nods her head over to you, who he sees is now leaning your head on Jaehyun’s shoulder, giggling at something as the blunt’s passed back to you.

Riki stares at you, his chest tightening at the way it looks so easy for you to be affectionate with someone else. He bites down on his bottom lip harshly, mind racing. What does he do now? Does he continue with the plan? Does he come and get you?

He stands up properly from leaning against the wall, gulping the rest of his drink down, which wasn’t much. The girl eyes him curiously, arms folded against her chest, “So?”

“I’m going to take her home,” he says, but it sounds like he’s underwater as he’s still staring at you like you’re about to disappear the moment he takes his eyes off you. “Thanks, sorry about this—”

“Wait,” she grabs onto his wrist before he can walk off, making him glance towards her in confusion, having to take his eyes off of you. “Hold on…” She rummages through her purse, pulling out a black sharpie. He frowns at her, watching her write something on the top of his hand and only can read it once she pulls off.

Riki takes his hand away, looking down at it and eyeing the numbers on his hand warily before glancing back up at her. She’s smirking, eyebrows raised slightly, “Just in case you want to make her jealous again and don’t want to use anyone else. Text me,” she points her manicured finger at the numbers before waving him off.

Riki pushes through the crowd, laser-focused. He bumps shoulders, sidesteps a couple making out near the wall, ignores someone trying to hand him a drink. His eyes never leave you.

You don’t notice him right away. Your head’s still tilted on Jaehyun’s shoulder, fingers loosely passing the blunt back to Taesan, a lazy smile on your face like the whole world is soft around the edges. You’re glowing. It just makes him want to hurry up and get you home quicker.

He stops in front of you without saying anything at first, just standing there, staring. Jaehyun notices him first, looking up and raising a brow. “Yo, Ni-ki. What’s up?”

You glance up then, and your smile falters just slightly. Not enough for anyone else to notice, but he sees it, and the way your fingers stiffen a little, the way your eyes shift between him and then somewhere behind him.

“You busy?” Riki asks, voice calm for the frenzy inside of him right now. His eyes are only on you.

You blink. “Kind of,” you say slowly, like you’re not sure where this is going.

“I need to talk to you,” he says, already reaching for your hand before you can say anything else. His fingers wrap around yours, warm and a little sweaty, and your heart kicks once in your chest.

“Um, okay,” you mumble, eyes a bit wide as you share side-eyes with the two boys on either side of you. Jaehyun waves as Dongmin lets out a low whistle, bringing the blunt up to his lips and looking away.

Riki’s already tugging you to your feet, leading you away from the group with a grip that’s a little too tight, but not enough to hurt. He doesn’t say anything as you weave through the crowd, only stops once you’re outside on the porch, the cooler air hitting both of you at once.

He lets go of your hand like it burns him, running a hand through his hair before he slowly turns back to you, “You ready to go home?” His voice is low and tone slow, like he’s picking his words out carefully.

You blink, pouting up at him. You’re definitely high, he’s already deduced. You’re less serious than you usually would be when he pulls you away from guys. “Why? I was having fun. Weren’t you?” Your tone gets a little pointed at the end.

He doesn’t answer the question, but says, “I want to go home. I can drive us both.”

“Or you can go and I’ll get a ride from someone else,” you suggest, not really meaning it but wanting to dig a little. You could see that something was bothering him. You catch a glimpse at his hand, spot the black writing but you can’t really decipher it without looking properly.

“Funny,” Riki chuckles, but there’s no humor in it. You frown again. Why can’t he just say what’s bothering him? “Not a chance. Come on.” He gestures with his head for you to walk ahead of him, but it’s not like the same as earlier.

You decide to listen, stumbling slightly as you walk down the lawn and get on the sidewalk. He doesn’t say anything as the two of you, or just him, because you don’t remember where he parked earlier, walk to the car. He’s walking faster than you, and you’re still stumbling in your heels from cracks and holes in the sidewalk. You glance at him out of the corner of your eye, hating how your high is now ruined from the worry pooling in your stomach. You can’t help but feel like you did something wrong.

“What’s wrong?” You decide to ask carefully, the cool air blowing your hair into your face. You wish you had brought a scrunchie to pull your hair out of your face, but you didn’t so you settle for pulling the hairs back.

Riki glances at you, slowing his pace down when he notices you’re struggling to keep up with his longer legs. He sighs, “I thought you didn’t smoke with strangers?”

Your brows furrow, that is what was bothering him? “Jaehyun and Dongmin aren’t strangers,” you say slowly, trying to catch up to his thought process, but it’s a little hard. “They’re our friends.”

His jaw clenches and he turns his head to face in front of him, not saying anything for a moment. He’s trying to blame it all on you smoking with them, but it’s really everything else, too. But he can’t say that he’s jealous and that he was trying to make you jealous— did you even see him with the girl? Whose name he still doesn’t know, he realizes as he glances down at his hand where her number is scrawled.

He slows down to a stop once you reach his car, sighing as he glances at you, “Okay. I just thought you didn’t like smoking at parties.”

You shrug, avoiding his gaze now that he brought it up as another breeze hits your exposed skin, chills running up your spine. “I don’t, I just… felt like I needed something faster than drinking a shit ton to the point where I threw up.”

“Okay,” he mumbles, still staring at you as he tries to read the expression on your face. You’re now cradling your arms to your chest, shivering but he can tell you’re uncomfortable from something else that you’re not saying. He unlocks his car before opening the passenger door for you, gesturing wordlessly for you to get in.

You don’t say anything when you climb into the passenger seat, the leather cold against the back of your thighs as you buckle yourself in. Riki shuts the door gently behind you, rounding the car and getting in on the driver’s side.

He starts the engine and the radio flicks on with it, some new R&B track playing quietly. He doesn’t turn it off, doesn’t say anything, just pulls out from the curb.

The silence between the two of you is heavy, like both of you are holding back from saying something. You try to keep your stare out the window, feeling some drowsiness hit you now that you’re sitting down with soft music playing. But the drowsiness doesn’t compete with the pressure building in your chest as the light catches on Riki’s hand when he shifts the gear.

You should be asking him why he’s acting like this. Over some weed? You knew he was protective over you with guys, but he knew Jaehyun and Dongmin. He usually got his weed from Jaehyun, so he knew it was safe. It couldn’t be because of that, could it?

Instead of asking, you keep glancing at his hand every few seconds. You had noticed it when he reached for you earlier, but the lights were too dim in the living room for you to be able to read it clearly. Now you can read it clearly, numbers with a small heart at the end of the line. Curiosity is itching at you, even though you’re afraid of the answer being what you suspect.

He’s drumming his fingers against the steering wheel at a red light, and your eyes flicker down again.

It’s definitely a number. It’s written in black sharpie, slightly smudged, but it’s eligible. You chew the inside of your cheek for a moment, then speak up before you can talk yourself out of it.

“What’s that on your hand?” you ask, trying to sound casual.

Riki doesn’t answer at first. Just glances at his hand, then back at the road.

You wait impatiently with your heart pounding loudly in your ears.

“Some girl gave me her number,” he finally says. His tone is unreadable. “At the party.”

“Oh.” You blink, voice quiet. You knew it. You had guessed it. You’d even seen her talking to him, laughing, touching his arm. You saw him smiling and listening, like he was actually interested in her. But hearing it is something else. “Okay.”

That’s the end of the conversation. You don’t bring it up again, and the rest of the ride is filled with the car radio. You stop stealing glances at his hand, you stop looking at him altogether. When he pulls up to your building, he doesn’t turn off the car and you don’t say anything, just reach for the door handle. You don’t ask him if he wants to come inside, so he doesn’t have to drive back home alone, and he doesn’t ask.

You don’t even look at him when you murmur a soft, “Thanks,” before closing the door softly behind you.

He waits there for a minute, watching your silhouette retreat into the building without a glance back. He doesn’t know what he expected. For you to question him about the girl? To tease him or laugh it off? He doesn’t know. But what he does know is that your silence kind of gives him hope.

To him, your silence speaks more than your own words can do. It tells him you were at least a little bit bothered by it. It’s the thing that gives him courage to text the girl from the party later on.

You can lie to Riki, but you can’t lie to yourself.

The thought of him talking to another girl makes you sick. It’s what’s been keeping you up all night. All you can think is about how genuinely interested he looked, and how he didn’t stop her from writing her number on his hand. You wonder if he’s going to text her. You wouldn’t blame him, she was pretty. She had a body you were jealous of. And if she was that funny and intriguing that he’d like her… You didn’t really stand a chance, did you?

You’ve been throwing yourself into studying, claiming your brain is all scrambled from your classmates’ idiocy. You denied Riki’s offer to study with you instead of going to another party the next night, claiming he’d just distract you. So he goes alone.

But you know he’s not alone all night from the many Instagram stories you torture yourself with going through. It’s all on Jake’s story, and you find yourself going through every single one and even doing it over again.

He’s not the main focus in most of them but he’s in the background. Sitting on the couch with a girl—you’re pretty sure it’s the same one as Friday night— with his arm over her shoulder. Their heads and bodies are turned to each other and the sight genuinely makes you physically sick that you have to swallow back whatever is coming up in your throat.

There’s a video that Jake posts, and he’s closer now to the couch, sitting on the other side of Riki. He’s saying something, but the music is genuinely so loud you can’t hear him even with the phone close to him. He throws an arm around Riki’s shoulder, shaking him a bit to get his attention. When he looks over at the camera, Riki’s eyebrows shoot up before throwing up a peace sign. He doesn’t move his own arm from the girl, who you can now recognize for sure as that same girl from Friday. She waves at the camera, barely a wiggle of her fingers.

The video goes to the next story, now a photo of different colored liquid in lined up cups. The story ends and it’s a video again. Whoever is recording has shaky hands, but once it settles, you watch with a pounding heart as Riki plays beer pong with the girl as his partner. He tosses the ping pong ball, watching it bounce and get into the cup. They both laugh, exchanging a quick, easy high five. His smile looks effortless, the way it should be when he’s genuinely having fun.

You feel your throat tighten, a numb sensation rolling through your abdomen. Your hands tremble slightly as you lower the phone, the screen fading to black when you click it off.

Your breath is shaky, trying to calm yourself down before you can get further into your thoughts. Your room is silent, only hearing the soft hum of your fan and your own heartbeat thumping in your chest. You swallow hard, biting your bottom lip to stop it from trembling as the burning feeling in your nose starts.

Your chest is heavy with dread, thinking to everything you saw and the possible what ifs— him with his arm around her, her touching his arm, him kissing her. It’s the thought of him being comfortable with her as he is with you that churns something sickly inside you.

You try to tell yourself it’s nothing, that it’s some videos and pictures out of context, and you’re already assuming things. The knot in your stomach won’t let you, tightening with every lie you try to tell yourself.

You just hate the idea of being replaced. But how would you be replaced? You’re not his girlfriend, you’re not anything besides his best friend. You have no control over who he talks to, who he dates. It seems like a bit of an overreaction, but what else could you think when Riki has never really been interested in any girl but you? Not even romantically, you’re just the only girl outside of his sisters he truly gives the time of day.

You’ve never had to wonder what you’d do if he got a girlfriend. You never thought that far, because it never seemed something he was interested in. Maybe it was getting to that time when he was. Of course he was interested in dating, what boy his age wouldn’t?

The thought reminds you of what he said the other day— “You are the obstacle.” / “No girl gets past you.” Was he trying to tell you, then? And you just didn’t get it? Oh, God. Your hands close over your ears and your eyes squeeze shut, like it’d stop the thoughts.

You were the worst best friend ever. You’ve been stopping him from living a life, and dating whoever he wanted. How many girls has he wanted to date before but couldn’t? Because of you, whether the girls didn’t want a guy who had a girl best friend or because he never made a move, held back by the invisible barriers you put up?

Your chest tightens even more, the guilt swirling with the jealousy until it’s hard to breathe. You wonder if he’s even thought about you that way—or if you’re just a safety net, the person he leans on when nothing else feels right. That you’re just truly his best friend, and nothing else.

The texts from your friends don’t reassure you much, but you do as they say. You don’t pull back, you still text him back in a timely manner with all the same emojis and tone, but it feels different now. Every time he texts, you overthink your replies. You reread his messages more than once, looking for hidden meanings that probably aren’t there.

You still laugh when he sends you something stupid. You still like his photos, still tap through his stories like always. But you don’t swipe up. You don’t initiate. Not because you want to play games, but because you’re scared of reaching for someone who might already be slipping away.

And even when he FaceTimes you late at night, like he always does, you answer. You still giggle and smile at his stupid remarks. But deep down, you keep thinking: Is this the last time it’s going to feel like this? Like just us?

Because the truth is, even if nothing’s changed between you two on the surface… everything underneath feels like it has. And you’re unraveling by the minute.

Riki stares at his phone again.

Still no text from you.

It’s been three days, and every conversation you’ve had has started because he sent something first. A meme, a comment on your story, a “wyd.” You always reply, and it always sounds like you—but something’s off. You tease him like normal, you giggle at his jokes. But you don’t send unprompted selfies or fit checks or voice memos, describing your day. He walks over to you first at campus. It’s stupid, but that’s how he knows something’s wrong.

It used to be different. You’d push him around without a care in the workd. You’d send him shit throughout the day, even the tiniest things. Now you’re holding back. And the worst part?

You’re trying to make it seem like you’re not.

It kind of kills him, but it also kind of makes him feel like the plan is working.

He taps through your story without sound and tosses his phone on the couch. He’s sitting in the lounge with Yuna, Heeseung just now ditching them for Sunghoon on the other side of the room.

“I think she’s jealous,” he mutters.

“Then push harder,” Yuna’s voice from across the couch pulls him out of his spiral. She’s sitting on the arm of the couch, legs crossed, scrolling on her phone like this is just another Thursday night.

He raises an eyebrow, “Push how?”

“I dunno. Make her feel like she’s actually gonna lose you,” Yuna shrugs. “What if you lied a little? Like, told her I wanted to hook up with you or something.”

Riki blinks. “You think that’d work?”

Yuna finally looks up from her phone, nodding slowly as she chews her gum, “I mean, yeah. Sex is the real thing. If she thinks you’re moving on for real… that might finally snap her out of it.” She tosses her phone aside and leans back on her hands. “And like—it wouldn’t even be fully a lie.”

His brows furrow, “What?”

Yuna’s mouth pulls into a smirk, “I’d be down. I mean, you’re hot. I’m not weird about it.”

Um… He glances around. No one to save him. No you to save him. He laughs awkwardly, scratching his neck. “I mean… thanks? I’m not really in that headspace right now.” Or into you like that, he adds to himself in his mind.

She shrugs again. “You sure? Cuz if you are… I’m free. No pressure. But losing it to someone you trust a little is better than someone random, right?”

Riki’s throat goes dry. He hadn’t been thinking that far ahead. He hadn’t been thinking about that at all—until now. He always kind of imagined if it ever happened, it’d be with someone who meant something. Someone who got him. Someone like…

He doesn’t finish the thought.

Yuna’s still watching him.

He clears his throat and looks away, shaking his head, “Yeah, no. I’m good.”

However, the idea she gave him— about lying, just a little, to make you finally react? You couldn’t stay silent about that, could you? He doesn’t shut the idea down. Because if this is what it takes to get a reaction out of you… maybe it’s worth it. Even if it messes everything up.

Especially if it means finally figuring out how you really feel.

Riki’s managed to get himself in your room. You’re not exactly sure how, but between him showing up with snacks and your roommate conveniently heading to her boyfriend’s for the night, he made himself right at home. It may have had something to do with your roommate insisting he comes in since she didn’t want you to be alone at night. You’re pretty sure that was just an excuse based on the sly look she gave you before she left.

You’re trying not to focus on how close he is to you, since both of you are sitting on your bed because he didn’t want you to sit at your desk chair and he didn’t want to sit there, either. When he pulled you next to him, you didn’t want to alarm him by pulling away so you stayed.

A Ghibli movie is playing on the television, and normally, he’d be enamored in it but tonight, you can tell something is on his mind. You can tell by the way he’s fidgeting with his rings and constantly glancing at you in the corner of his eye. But you don’t bring it up, you only keep your eyes on the movie.

“Okay,” he leans up from the headboard, sitting up straight as he looks at you. “There’s this girl I’ve been texting.”

You try to keep your expression neutral, but your stomach drops so fast it feels like the wind’s been knocked out of you. Already? Your heart sinks with a dull thud, and for a split second, it’s like the movie fades into static behind the ringing in your ears.

You force yourself to reply, nodding slowly, “… Okay.”

“It’s not serious or anything,” he rushes out, “but I think she wants to, like…” He gestures vaguely. “You know.”

Your jaw tenses, but you force yourself to nod again, pretending you’re unbothered—like it’s just a normal conversation, like your heart isn’t clawing its way into your throat.

“Oh,” you say, quiet and clipped. You hope it sounds casual, not like your insides are folding in on themselves. “Okay. So, what… are you gonna do?”

You keep your eyes forward, glued to the screen, but you’re not watching any of it. Your fingers dig into the blanket on your lap, gripping it tight like it might ground you. You don’t know what you want him to say. You don’t know what you’re hoping for.

“It’s not okay!” Riki runs a hand through his hair, glancing at your blank face. It has to work, it has to work, he chants in his head. “She keeps getting handsy, and I just— I’ve never done it before. What if I suck? What if she laughs? What if I get nervous and can’t even get it—”

“Okay,” you cut him off curtly, sitting up straight and finally looking at him. You force yourself to breathe in and out before you reply, “Chill. She’s not going to laugh at you.”

“How would you know?” He shoots back, his anxiety high from his nervousness of this situation. He’s praying that this works. Do something.

You swallow thickly, trying to ignore how your chest tightens at the desperation in his voice.  “Because,” you reply, struggling to keep your voice even, “girls don’t usually laugh when they want to sleep with someone.”

“But what if I’m bad?” he insists, leaning in now. His brows are furrowed, lips parted, like he’s genuinely asking for help, but there’s something else in his eyes—something sharper. Like he’s testing you. “What if I ruin it? It’s supposed to mean something, right? I mean… I always thought losing my virginity would be with someone who means something to me. Wouldn’t you for your first time?”

Your mouth opens to answer, but then it hits you. You’ve seen him this nervous before. Years ago, when you were younger, a memory that you always kept close to you but never spoke it outloud. You’ve seen this before—felt this exact same churn in your stomach when someone else asked you something similar. When he did.

You blink at him, stunned for a beat. Then: “Wait… are you—are you asking me to take your virginity?”

Riki freezes, not expecting you to call him out like that. He refuses to admit that his own words were all too familiar to him, too familiar to the same words he spoke when he first asked you, but about something more tamer. A kiss.

“I didn’t say that,” he mutters, but his voice is tight, like he’s been caught mid-lie.

You stare at him, a little breathless, “You didn’t have to. You literally said the same thing you did when we were kids!”

Riki’s mouth opens, then closes again. You can see it—how his mind is racing, trying to figure out if he’s been too obvious or not obvious enough. That flicker in his eyes is too familiar. It’s the same one you remember from that night on the playground, just older now, more sharper.

He scratches the back of his neck and looks away. “Okay, maybe I did. I didn’t think you’d remember that.” He didn’t mean to make you think he was asking that, but if that’s the way you were thinking… Maybe it could work.

How could I not? You say in your head. You stay silent outloud, staring at him. You exhale slowly, “You don’t have to have sex yet if you don’t want to, Riki. If she can’t wait, then she’s not worth it.”

“It’s not that,” he shrugs, thankful for the slight topic change. “I want to have sex. I just…” He avoids your eyes, fingers drumming on top of his knee, “I don’t know how to do it. I don’t want to embarrass myself like that. I’m sure that kind of thing sticks around more here, you know?” He glances at you briefly, like he’s searching for a reaction, and maybe hoping for some kind of reassurance. “I don’t want to make it weird between us. You have every right to say no, it’s not as simple as a first kiss. I get that, but—” he stops talking, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. It keeps sounding worse the more he talks, and it makes him feel even worse inside, knowing that he’s still technically lying to you. “I don’t want to force you into anything, Y/N. Please forget I said anything.”

He’ll figure something else out.

“Wait,” you say before you can stop yourself. “Stop assuming things.” You watch him carefully, seeing what a nervous wreck he is. The idea of him having sex with her is still eating you up inside, but the knowledge that he came to you— wanting you to be the one to take his virginity, instead of her? That made your chest feel warm, something akin to pride and something possessive. 

Riki looks up at you, eyes wide like he’s not sure if he heard you right.

You swallow, forcing your voice to stay even. “You’re not forcing me into anything. But you’re also not giving me a chance to decide for myself.” You shift slightly, pulling your legs underneath you. “You didn’t even ask me. You just assumed I’d say no.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he says quickly, and you can tell he means it. 

You nod, slowly, “And I appreciate that. But maybe you should let me be the one to decide what I can handle.”

He’s quiet now, just staring back at you. The movie is still playing on the television, but neither of you are paying attention. You tilt your head, feeling the pride bloom the more you think about it. You have to ask again. Just to hear it again. “So, you want me to take your virginity?"

He groans, dragging both hands down his face like it might erase the blush that’s rapidly spreading. “Y/N…”

You giggle, warmth curling in your chest at the way his ears flush pink. “I’ve never taken anyone’s virginity before.”

Riki’s head slowly turns to look at you, cheeks still flushed, as his brows furrow, saying, “Wait. Does that mean you’ve had sex before?”

Your eyebrows raise, lips twitching. You don’t answer, finding the situation hilarious.

His eyes narrow, “You’re not denying it.”

“So not the point,” you finally laugh, thrown off by the sudden change of topic. He was nervous and hesitant a minute ago, and now he’s laser-focused on you instead. You try not to show how it affects you, but it does. You’re thrown. You were still licking your wounds minutes ago, and now this heat is rising inside you again—part pride, part jealousy, and something far more dangerous.

Oh, God. If he knew what you were really thinking… You’re a terrible friend. But he wanted to lose his virginity to you! He’d feel the same way if it was you, you know it.

“Yes, it is,” he argues slightly, “You never told me.”

You’re kind of interested in seeing how this is going to go rather than just tell the truth. “You never asked,” you shrug, staring at him like it’s no big deal.

“I tell you everything,” he says, gesturing between the two of you. “I’m your best friend. You tell me everything. I tell you everything.” He points between you. “Exhibit A. You—emphasis on you—are the one holding out.”

You glare at him, “Well what if I’m not a virgin?”

There’s a beat where his mouth opens like he’s ready to throw another playful jab until the implication catches up to him. His jaw shuts, the humor fading. He looks stunned, and then, quieter than before, he mumbles, “Then I guess I’d be mad it wasn’t with me.”

The world stills. Your heart is pounding loudly in your chest with the warmth that spreads and settles in your core. It’s not a joke, not really, and you both know it. 

You remember the way he used to glare at any guy who looked at you for too long, the way he hovered when his friends were too friendly, how he always pulled you close when his sisters got clingy. It used to make you feel special, safe—and wanted. Even now, something possessive blooms in your chest, the tiniest thrill unraveling inside you.

You swallow, “So… you want to be my first, too?”

“I mean,” he says, voice lighter, trying to play it off even as his fingers nervously twist at the ring on his index. “I already took your first kiss. Why not your virginity too?” A shrug. “It’s only fair. We’d lose both first kiss and virginity with each other.”

Your eyebrows shoot up, but you can’t hold back the grin as you slowly nod, “Oh, so you do remember that.”

His lips tug into a smirk, “I’m surprised you do.”

“Stupid. Every girl remembers their first kiss,” you roll your eyes. 

“I didn’t know it meant anything to you,” he shrugs. “You didn’t seem to care too much.”

You squint at him, genuinely contemplating violence, “It was with you. Of course it meant something.” You don’t really realize the implication of your words until you see his reaction. Your breath hitches, worrying.

That wipes the grin clean off his face. His expression shifts, almost like something in him caves just a little, and for a moment, he looks boyish again. Vulnerable in the way he did back then. He scratches at the back of his neck, glancing down, “I didn’t know that.”

You hesitate, debating if you should take it back, before saying, “…Well, now you know.”

Just like years ago, the silence is heavy with anticipation. You lean in slightly, voice dropping low—almost a whisper, but with intent behind it. “So… right now?”

The moment hangs, suspended in memory and yearning. His lips part silently. You both remember it—you said the same thing before your first kiss.

He freezes, looking at you with wide eyes, “Really?”

You feel nervous, but you go through with nodding, licking your lips because they felt dry. His eyes dart down, watching the motion before he forces his eyes back up.

Riki swallows hard, like he’s trying to gather courage. Like his entire brain is trying to compute this moment while the rest of him is already acting on instinct. He shifts slightly where he’s sitting, inching just a little closer without even seeming to notice. His knee brushes against yours and you feel shivers run down your spine.

“I don’t want to mess this up,” he says under his breath.

It’s so soft you barely catch it. Your heart flips, painfully tender. “Then don’t,” you whisper.

You watch his throat bob as he swallows again. There’s a slight tremble in his fingers where they rest against the blanket. He’s always so collected around everyone else, so nonchalant, but right now he’s nothing but wide eyes and tense shoulders and uncertainty.

And he’s only like this with you.

You reach out without thinking, your fingers lightly brushing his wrist. “Riki…”

He exhales shakily, eyes flickering down to where you touched him. His skin feels warm under your fingertips, like your touch alone is too much and not enough at once.

“I have to tell you something,” you say lightly, remembering to say it before anything. His eyes flicker back up to yours. “I was just fucking with you when I said I wasn’t a virgin.”

That gets him out of his cloudy gaze. He blinks, torn from being irritated or relieved. His brows draw together just slightly, and the corners of his mouth twitch like he doesn’t know whether to pout or smirk. Of course you were fucking with him. You just wanted to get one last thing over him, didn’t you?

“Seriously?” His voice is low, still watching you.

You nod, lips twitching as you tighten your grip on his wrist, like he’s about to go somewhere. “You forgive me?” Your lips form a small pout, head tilting to the side.

“Only because it’s about time you finally get me back,” he shakes his head, the space around you more lighthearted now. He scoffs, leaning back slightly like he’s trying to distance himself from the embarrassment. “You’re insufferable.”

But there’s no heat behind it. Not really.

You smile, “At least I know you really want this.”

He shakes his head, but there’s a grin forming there—lopsided and a little stunned. You don’t miss how he seems to relax just a fraction, shoulders dropping like some invisible weight gone. And you don’t miss the way his eyes keep finding yours again, softer now, gentler.

“Do you?” Riki has to ask once more, just to be sure, as he leans in closer. His eyes flicker to your lips again.

You don’t lean away, heart thudding in your chest. You can’t believe this is about to happen. What were you worrying about earlier again?

“If you don’t kiss me—”

His hands touch your cheeks, pulling you swiftly in to cut you off. His lips crash into yours with a kind of desperation that leaves your toes curling. It’s not gentle. It’s messy and heated, like the tension has finally caught fire and neither of you knows how to put it out.

You kiss him back just as fiercely, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt as your other wraps around the back of his neck, dragging him closer like it’s instinct. 

His mouth moves hungrily against yours, and you can feel the way his breathing stutters between kisses, like he can’t get enough. One of his hands slips down, gripping your waist, pulling you into his lap so your knees bracket his thighs. You gasp into his mouth at the movement, and that sound only makes him kiss you harder—deeper—his hands tightening like he’s afraid you’ll disappear.

His lips part yours, and your teeth knock once before he tilts his head just right, and then it’s all heat and tongue and the dizzying constant press. You can barely think.

Your fingers tangle in his hair, and he groans low in his throat, like he’s been dying to feel you like this. Like kissing you like this is something he’s imagined so many times he already knows the rhythm of it.

When you finally pull back just barely, gasping for air, his eyes are half-lidded, lips swollen, breath ragged. You don’t even get a second before he kisses you again, like he can’t help himself.

Even as you’re on his lap, you press yourself further up against him, chest to chest. He groans slightly in your mouth, feeling the press of your boobs against his chest. The hand on your waist tightens as he leans back against the headboard, pulling you with him so you’re leaning more weight on him.

Your hips slot down over his lap fully, and your breath stutters when your core drags right over the unmistakable bulge in his sweatpants. The contact is hot and solid, and your body reacts before your mind can catch up—your thighs tense, your stomach tightens, heat pulsing deep between your legs.

Riki jolts slightly under you, his breath catching, a low sound slipping from the back of his throat. Instead of letting him pull back, you ground down your hips. “Shit,” he hisses in your mouth, fingers gripping you tighter you swear they’ll leave bruises.

Your forehead presses to his, breaths mixing, mouths close enough to still taste each other. You shift your hips again, slower this time, letting the friction drag between you. His jaw goes slack, a broken gasp escaping him.

“Too much clothes,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his mouth. You tug on his shirt, wanting it to be the first to go. He leans back slightly, taking his hands off of you to pull his shirt over his head.

You don’t hide the way your eyes roam down his chest to his abdomen, and then your fingers follow along the ridges of his abs, watching his stomach move with every breath. You’ve seen him shirtless before, but seeing it in an intimate setting… You can’t help but press your core on the bulge that twitches underneath you.

“Not fair,” he grunts, stopping you quickly with hands to your hips, “Stop.”

“Why?” You mutter, eyes hooded as you stare at him.

He huffs a breath, almost a laugh, but it’s wrecked and strained. “Just take off your clothes,” he says, already pulling your shirt up by the bottom. You raise your arms and let him tug the rest off, leaving you in a white bra. His breath audibly hitches, eyes zeroing on your soft breasts held by the cups. His hands trail up your waist to your ribs, thumbs pressing firmly into your skin.

He hesitates, glancing up, “I-I only know what I know from…” he pauses, glancing around awkwardly.

“You can say porn,” you raise your eyebrows, stifling the smile that threatens to bloom. “I’ve watched porn, too, you know.”

“Really?” he blinks, like he’s never come to that conclusion.

“Yep,” you hum, shifting in his lap and continuing the slow motion of your hips. He groans softly, eyes lowering to where your crotches meet. You still have your shorts and his in his sweatpants, but he can feel the dampness in his boxers already. He wonders if he touched you, would you be wet? “From Twitter. Anyways, you were saying…”

“Oh,” he files that information for later. He could find something fun to do with that. “I was saying that if you don’t like something, just tell me. Or if you do… tell me, anyway.” His dark eyes flicker up, drinking in the vision of you on his lap, grinding slowly.

Your lips curve into a smile, “Got it.” You take your hands off his shoulders and hook your fingers in the waistband of your shorts, sliding them down your legs. His hand ghosts down your right leg as you do, eyes steady on your lower half.

You’re wearing matching white panties, which makes it easy for him to see the damp spot in the center, tight enough to see the outline of your folds through it. He chokes out a gasp, hands sliding back down to your hips to control your movements against him.

“Not f-fair I’m the one mostly naked,” you breathe against his lips. You hover above his lap as he takes off his sweatpants and boxers in one go, your eyes immediately falling to his cock as it bounces up against his abdomen. Pre-cum leaks from his flushed tip and pools into a small spot of his abdomen.

Your mouth parts slightly in awe, eyes stuck. There were times you found yourself wondering (before you smacked yourself out of it) how big he was. You’ve felt it sometimes, either by pure accident or when he cuddled you and woke up with a hard on. You never mentioned it out of fear of making it awkward, but you can safely confirm that you were right. He was girthy with more than several inches under his belt.

You suddenly feel very grateful no one’s seen him like this.

You bite down on your lip, reaching out to wrap around it with only one glance up to his face. He inhales when your hand fully wraps around him, not moving, just holding. Your fingertips just barely touch each other, and he feels heavy in your hand. You’re pretty sure your heart is about to pound out of your chest.

“Fuck,” his voice sounds wrecked, and it makes you glance up at him to see him staring at you with his jaw flexing like he’s holding back, pupils blown. “You look so pretty.”

Oh, okay. Your heart stutters in your chest, making you swallow before glancing back down as you let go of his cock only to put your hands behind your back to unclasp your bra. Your breasts fall from the cups as you slide the straps off your shoulders and down your arms slowly.

Riki’s gaze is stuck on you, mouth parted in something like disbelief and awe. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, doesn’t want to overstep— until you grab his hands with yours, still keeping eye contact with him, and cover each breast with one of his hands. His mouth opens even in more in slight surprise, like he can’t believe he’s really doing this.

“Touch me,” you whisper and he’s nodding.

In his foggy brain, he remembers what he’s seen and takes one of his hands off from cupping your breast tenderly only to lean forward and wrap his lips around your nipple. His other thumb rubs your nipple, slightly tugging to see how much you react.

You moan breathily as his tongue begins to flick the nipple in his mouth. His lips make crude smacking sounds as he sucks and kisses at your nipple, his tongue massaging the tender bud with calculated flicks. Your hand lowers to his hair, not gripping or pulling, just resting as your back arches to meet his lips. His hand cautiously but harshly pinches your other nipple, glancing up under his hair to see you throw your head back and whine.

Riki pulls back, taking your nipple with him until you don’t lean anymore and looks up at you. His breathing is harsh and stuttering, “You—you like that?”

You nod, glancing down at him, before sheepishly admitting, “I… I do it to myself even harder.”

That admission conjures up images in his mind, of you laying in your bed at night and pinching and twisting at your nipples and whining just like you did a second ago. He groans, leaning forward to press scattered kisses to the top of your breasts, “Yeah? What else do you do?”

You breathe out before answering, like your nerves are lit on fire right now, still sitting on his bare dick with only thin panties separating between you, “Sometimes… I use my pillow.”

His eyes darken, jaw clenching before he says softly, “Show me,” but his hands anchor you down on his crotch firmly. You know he’s not telling you to demonstrate on the pillow, but on him. Use me.

A choked out whine escapes from your throat before you lean back down, pulling him into another fierce kiss. Your hips are moving back and forth, feeling his mushroom head catch on your clothed clit every time you slide down. More pre dribbles at his tip, coating your underwear as you furiously move your hips.

He lets out a groan into your open mouth, feeling his cock twitch as it grazes your clit and can’t help but drive his hips up, meeting your grinding with messy thrusts. You whimper, pulling back and mumbling, “Feels so—so good, ‘Ki.”

You can feel every detail of his cock despite the thin underwear, the veins pulsating underneath you and the way it twitches. Every roll of your hips is getting sloppier and slower as his head smashes against your clit at the right angle, eyes rolling back erotically. It never felt this good when you did it on your pillow.

Riki gives no warning other than a strangled, breathless “fuck”, cum spurting out onto his abdomen. You choke out a whimper, unable to believe how obscenely hot it was to witness that. Your head rolls back to your shoulders, legs shaking uncontrollably as you see white burst behind your eyes that you have a hard time keeping open.

“God,” he breathes out, feeling the stickiness on his abdomen from himself and thighs and cock from you. He glances down, his dick already slowly but hardening again. “I—I—”

You don’t let him get another word out, aching for more—anything, his dick in your mouth so you can swallow his come, his mouth on your clit, his cock reaching spots you could only wish your fingers could reach. You’re peeling your underwear off, cutting him off from speaking further as he watches you from hooded eyes.

He can see the lines of slick sticking from your pussy to your panties and before he can stop himself, he reaches and collects some with his fingers. Your breath hitches as his middle and pointer fingers slide through your folds cautiously, pulling back to reveal the thick strings.

“You… are really unbelievable,” he forces out, breathing heavily before he pulls you back into a kiss with the same hand on your neck. The kiss is deep from the start, tongue sliding in and rubbing against yours in a possibly teasing manner. He pulls back only a little, leaving just a bit of distance between your lips, “I want to try eating you out.”

Your spine tingles, and you nod before registering the thought fully. He turns you around, laying you down on your bed and starts kissing from your sternum and trailing down. Your stomach contracts as he gets lower, thighs closing shut shyly when he nears your hips. He glances up, meeting your eyes as his hands grab your thighs and pulling them apart.

“Don’t hide,” he mutters, still pressing wet kisses downwards until he reaches your mound. His lips ghost over the area before he lets go of your thigh to hold you open firmly. The first lick makes you gasp, soft and uncertain and unfamiliar. Your reaction makes him continue to lap at your folds with kitten licks, groaning at the taste of you and pressing a kiss to your clit. That— he was thankful he actually read up on after the fear of not knowing where it is settled.

He draws your clit into his mouth and sucks, eliciting high pitched whines to fall from your mouth. He glances up to see you with your head thrown back against the pillow, back arching like you’re similarly trying to meet his mouth but get away from it. He flicks his tongue at your clit harshly as his other hand lets go of your leg, forcing you down by placing his hand flat on your abdomen.

“Y-you’re so good,” he mutters against you, drawing back momentarily to say, “Taste so g-good,” before he presses his face back into your folds, tongue now exploring with a heated passion that has your stomach tightening. His nose rubs against your clit with every movement, your hand falling to his hair and now actually grasping, like you’re trying to control his head and force his tongue deeper. He groans, the sound sending vibrations through your core that has you moaning louder.

“H-holy shit,” you moan, back arching with every drag of his tongue as he slurps at you. Your moans grow higher in pitch again as he pushes his tongue inside your tight hole that immediately flexes around him. You don’t realize his hand’s been moving until you feel his finger prod at your hole. You whimper, grinding down onto his face and subsequently his finger.

His finger slowly enters your hole, moving alongside his tongue before he completely replaces his tongue with his finger. The wet squelching sound of his fingers makes him gasp into your pussy, slowly curling his finger and letting you get used to the stretch.

You whimper his name, clutching at his shoulders as the added pleasure from his finger and his mouth still on your clit make your body shudder. He can feel how resistant your walls are, tightening around him yet still sucking him in. Your moans encourage him to continue and add another finger, slowly separating them. 

“Riki..” your lips are trembling, frustrated tears appearing in your eyes as his rhythm only grew faster, almost hitting the familiar spot that you had to use a dildo to reach. “R—right there,” you pant, guiding his hand with your hand over his wrist.

He groans, lust filled eyes looking up at you from under his eyelashes. You’re desperately bucking up into his hand and mouth, moans growing louder. It only makes him fasten his pace, correctly hitting the spot that makes your moans turn whiny.

Riki can’t get enough, tightening his grip on your thigh to open you up even more for him as he closes his lips around your clit again and flicking his tongue repeatedly at the bud. “Are you gonna cum?” His voice is low, and broken, as a needy whine of his name comes from you.

You’re nodding your head furiously, feeling the tight knot in your stomach snap and your orgasm washes over you, wiping your mind clear of any thoughts for a moment. Your legs are trembling, chest heaving as you pant and open your bleary eyes, looking up at the ceiling, “What the fuck,” but it’s mumbled and joined together.

His breath hits your core, making you shiver as he chuckles breathily, “Good?”

“What do you think?” You mumble, rolling your eyes to look down at him, hands coming down to pull him up by his shoulders. Your hand moves to his neck, pulling him in for an open kiss that lets you taste yourself on his tongue. Your tongue slyly swipes across his, before you pull back and lick your lips.

Riki’s eyes are slightly wide from the show you put on, mouth forming a small ‘O’ before he slowly asks, “You want to go again?”

“If you did all that and didn’t fuck me, I’d be sorely disappointed,” you tilt your head as your free hand reaches between you and lightly wrap around his untouched cock. He gasps in ragged breaths, feeling your thumb collect the pre-cum oozing at his tip before you smooth it down his shaft, slowly pumping.

His hips twitch, feeling your grasp grow firmer before you start to move your hand up and down. His hand comes over yours, guiding you properly as it makes obscene slick sounds with every slide of your hand. His cock is coated in his own pre-cum and your slick from your underwear before, making the glide much smoother as you flick your wrist and his head falls back, a guttural groan erupting from the back of his throat.

“Jus—just like that,” he whispers, feeling your hand slide over his head and apply pressure, “You—you sure you haven’t done—” he groans when you tighten your grip, “—this before?”

“I read,” you whisper, sounding just about out of it as he does.

He thrusts up into your hold, before grabbing your wrist to stop you, eyes opening up apologetically, panting, “I’m going to cum again if y-you continue.” He lowers your hand and ruts up against your folds, making you gasp. “I wanna come inside you. In—in the condom, I mean, but when I’m in you.”

“I don’t have condoms,” you say between breaths, glancing up at him.

“Shit,” he mutters, head ducking down momentarily. He should’ve brought some. But he didn’t think it’d turn out like this, truthfully. “I’m—I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll be able to not cum inside of you.”

You hesitate, before making a hasty decision, deciding your desires are too much, “It’s okay. You just have to be the one who pays for the pill,” you shrug, acting like the thought of him coming inside of you doesn’t add to the possessive heat burning inside of you. It’s just another way that makes him yours, and you his.

He hesitates for a split second before nodding, breathing out, “Okay.” He glances down, guiding his cock to glide through your folds slowly, making you gasp out. He curses when his head catches on your hole, hesitating once more before whispering, “Can I—”

“Move,” you whisper forcefully, forcing your tensed muscles to relax at the feeling of his hard cock. He starts to slide his cock in slowly, stretching your walls open as he pushes half of himself inside. You’re so tight, his mouth drops open in pleasure. You’re resisting him, but you feel so warm, he can’t help but sink more in. When you whimper in pain, he freezes, looking down at you to see you biting down on your lip with your eyes scrunched shut.

“I’m s-sorry,” he stutters, already trying to pull out but your legs hook around his waist, stopping him.

“Just hold o-on,” you grunt, biting harsher on your lip before you breathe out, the stretch still stinging and he wasn’t even fully inside yet. You feel like you were going to break in half, your insides burning but the more you wait, breathing in and out, the more the pain settles. “Keep going.”

Riki doesn’t waste another second, continuing to slide himself fully in until his hips meet yours. You cry out, back arching from him being so deep inside you, and he moans lowly, looking down in awe to where your bodies connect. His dick is completely inside of you now, and he can’t even believe it’s buried to the hilt.

Your cheeks are flushed, smacking him lightly on the shoulder to get him to look away, “Riki. Move.”

He rocks forward, pressing kisses to your temple as he sets a slow and steady pace with his hips, “You’re so…” he groans, “Perfect,” he whispers, as he drives his hips forward, eliciting a sharp gasp from you.

The room is full of the sounds of your cunt squelching, the slickness making him slip from you once only to drive himself back in easily with a groan. He’s gripping your ass with his hands, hips pistoling into you with a mix of grunts and whispered compliments leaving his mouth.

“So, so tight,” he leans down to kiss you, licking inside your mouth desperately as you moan. He hears the creaks of the bed screeching, headboard smashing against the wall, but he can’t find it in himself to care when he’s buried into your heat. “You—you feel me? Feel how deep inside I am?”

“Yes,” you whine, dragging out the word as a sob ripples out of you. Your hands are clutching everything you can grab onto, his shoulders, the sheets. Your breasts are bouncing with each thrust, his balls smacking against your ass roughly.

“Making me feel so good,” he pants, one hand leaving to grip your chin firmly enough to make you look at him. His eyes are dark and full of lust, chest heaving. “You were so wet for me. You been that wet before?”

“N-no,” you shake your head repeatedly, arm pulling him closer to you by the back of his neck. “J-just you!” Your voice is high pitched again as he angles himself correctly, adjusting your legs around his waist as he hits the same spot you directed him to before. “Ngh, only y-you, Riki.”

“Good,” he groans into your cheek, feeling warmth spread all across his body at your words. He can feel his orgasm reaching, and he wants to make sure you’ll cum before. He can feel you clench repeatedly around his length, making him suck in a gasp. “You gonna come for me again?” When you nod, unable to get words out, he nips at your neck lightly, “Say it.”

“Yes, yes, I’m gonna come again!” You whine, throwing your head back into your pillow as your legs twitch violently, unable to keep them around his waist. The fat head of his cock rubs deliciously against your tightening walls, hitting the same spot repeatedly.

A loud shrill whimper leaves your mouth as your vision behind your eyes turns white, a white ring forming around his cock. The sight sends him over the edge, hips growing sloppy as he moans loudly in your ear. Thick ropes of cum spurt inside your walls, filling you up with warmth.

Your eyes are closed, chest rising and falling heavily with each breath. Your body feels weightless, even as he slowly pulls out of you with a groan, watching carefully as a mix of his and your cum trickle out of your stretched hole. His softening dick twitches at the sight, but he breathes in and out to control himself.

“Hey,” his voice is soft, but worn out, as he pats you on the thigh gently. Your legs are still trembling, flinching a bit from his light touch. “Y/N. Can you hear me?”

You hum, still not opening your eyes and he smiles slightly, brushing your hair off of your sweaty forehead. “Open your eyes for me, please,” he murmurs, watching your eyelashes flutter.

You blink, eyes glazed over but soft and coherent as they meet his. Your body’s still trembling, a hum in your veins, that makes it hard to move. Still, you smile faintly, and that’s all the reassurance he needs.

“Good,” Riki whispers, brushing his thumb along your cheek. “You’re still with me, that’s good,” he’s almost talking to himself. He leans in and kisses your temple, then lightly on the corner of your mouth. His fingers trail up and down your side with a soft touch, making you shiver.

“I’m gonna get you cleaned up, okay?” he murmurs, voice low and tender as he tugs the blanket over your exposed body for now. “Don’t move.”

He gets up from the bed, wincing slightly from the soreness in his own muscles, and grabs a warm hand towel from the bathroom. When he returns, he’s gentle, slow, murmuring small apologies every time you twitch or flinch as he cleans between your thighs. It kind of reminds you when Bisco’s getting shots at the vet, weirdly enough.

You watch him, dazed and quiet, as he wipes you with such delicate care it makes your chest ache. He doesn’t rush, doesn’t look away even once—like he’s taking responsibility for everything he touched, everything he made you feel. He doesn’t even look at you inappropriately with lust, just focusing on cleaning you up.

Once he’s sure you’re clean and the sheets aren’t a mess, he tosses the towel aside and climbs back into bed with you. His arms wrap around your waist as he pulls you into his chest, his lips pressing to the top of your head. The kisses are new, the cuddles aren’t, but you’ll take them. It’s a vulnerable moment, and well… you’re still friends, right?

“Still doing okay?” he asks again, hand rubbing soothing circles into your lower back.

You nod against his shoulder, your voice barely above a whisper, “Yeah… You?”

He lets out a quiet laugh, the sound vibrating against your skin, “I’m perfect.”

Your eyes close again, content with staying where you are. He stays in that position, staring up at the ceiling with a lazy smile on his face. He can’t believe that actually just happened. This is way more than he expected out of tonight.

He was right, fuck the guys’ opinions of fucking around and hooking up with one-night-stands in more fun. They just didn’t have someone like you. They were the actual losers.

He laughs to himself, settling into his pillow and pulling the blanket further up on your body. Both of you are still undressed, bare skin to bare skin, but it doesn’t feel exposing or uncomfortable. It feels safe. Intimate in a way that had nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with trust.

Riki is sleeping like he’s the one that got fucked into the bed, snoring away without a care in the world.

Meanwhile, you’re fully dressed, sitting against the headboard like you’ve just been hit by a truck. A very attractive, annoyingly smug, deceptively soft truck. And now you’re losing your goddamn mind.

You don’t even know what time it is, just that it’s morning now, judging by the way the sun peeks through the curtains. Your phone’s dead from not being on the charger all night long and you’re terrified to move, afraid you’ll wake him up. You weren’t afraid of him, just afraid of what this means. How were you supposed to act around him? Pretend you haven’t seen him naked, like he’s not been literally inside you? From what he said last night, it seemed like just a one time thing so he didn’t seem inexperienced when he finally… did get with that girl.

The thought of him being with someone else after you makes you want to scream. Would he see last night as a mistake and regret it? And never talk to you again? You were spiraling, but you couldn’t help yourself.

You glance at him again. He’s on his stomach, hair messy, one arm tucked under his head and the other flopped over where your body used to be. Completely unbothered. Of course he is.

He hasn’t woken up since you’ve been awake, which has been for awhile now. Every stir makes you panic, holding your breath until he stops moving. When his back muscles tense randomly or his foot or leg twitches —you knew you weren’t crazy all those times when he denied twitching in his sleep— you think he might start waking up, but he doesn’t.

You sigh, dragging a hand through your messy hair. You need to get out of here, you’re in desperate need of a coffee. Or a lobotomy.

You’re wondering if it’s possible for you to get up and leave without waking him up when Riki’s groggy voice cracks through the silence, “You okay?”

You nearly jump out of your skin, looking at him with wide eyes as his head turns to your direction, blinking up at you with bleary eyes, “Jesus, I thought you were still asleep.”

Riki blinks at you slowly, cheek still smushed against his arm, “I was. Until you woke me up with your loud thoughts.”

You roll your eyes, pretending like his deep morning voice didn’t send tingles down your spine and your legs trembling, “I was not thinking loudly.”

He raises an eyebrow, sighing loudly to mimic you, “Really? I’m pretty sure you’ve been sitting here for a while like a woman waiting for her husband to come home from war.”

Your mouth opens to argue but you shut up, inhaling slowly. Okay, just read you like that, why doesn’t he. You exhale slowly, standing up from your bed, trying not to look too flustered, “I have class, I should get going.”

Riki watches you for a moment, then props himself up on his elbows, revealing his shirtless torso, “You mad?”

You look at him, biting your lip as you debate about lying to him or not, before going with the truth, “No. Not mad. Just… confused, maybe.”

He’s quiet for a beat before he asks, tone careful like he’s afraid of your answer, “You regret it?”

That question hits you square in the chest. You stare at him, a little breathless before swallowing, deciding not to lie again, “No.” That’s all you say before you continue backing away, “You can stay and chill, but I’m gonna be late so… yeah.” You wave pathetically at him before turning and practically booking it out of your room.

Riki looks at the spot you were a second ago before groaning, slumping back into the pillow with his hands over his eyes.

He stays in your bed for a while after you leave, arms over his face, completely still. The room smells like you. The sheets still feel warm where you slept beside him.

He doesn’t move.

Because if he moves, it’s real. And if it’s real, then maybe he’s already messed it all up.

He doesn’t want it to be a one-time thing. Not really. But what if you do?

You don’t tell anyone what happened last night, dismissing Wonyoung’s questions about you sleeping early because you didn’t text the groupchat last night. She doesn’t believe you, but she doesn’t push. Only slides over her notes from the class, knowing you didn’t pay any attention.

You don’t know why you don’t want to tell your friends, you usually tell them everything. Maybe you’re just worried they’ll be disappointed in you for being stupid.

You’re dragging yourself back to your dorm after, only stopping by the campus cafe to get a cheesecake for later. You thought Riki would be gone by the time you came back, but you thought wrong.

He’s in your dorm’s little kitchen, dressed in a new pair of sweatpants and a hoodie that you stole from him. There’s a cup of ramen in his hands, and he’s blowing cool air on the ramen in his chopsticks before putting it in his mouth. He looks so unbothered, like he didn’t just flip your entire world over the night before.

Too late to turn back now.

He glances up as you step further in, a smile curling on his lips when he spots you. “Morning,” he says, like it’s nothing. He slides a package over to you silently and you glance at it briefly before snatching it and putting it in your pocket silently. Plan B.

“Afternoon,” you correct stiffly, heading for the fridge. You don’t look at him when you add, “Hope you had a good night’s sleep.”

“Best I’ve had in weeks,” he says, and you can hear the smirk. You swear you might slam the door just from how annoying he is.

You ponder to yourself before deciding to go ahead and rip the bandaid off, “Cool. So, uh, that girl you’ve been seeing…” His smile fades, but you don’t see it, your back still facing him.

“What about her?”

You shake your head, grabbing a cold water bottle and closing the fridge door, “I just mean… I don’t know. Now that you’ve gotten your practice in, I’m sure it’ll go well with her.”

He doesn’t say anything for a long minute that you turn around to see if he’s still there. He’s staring at you with an unrecognizable look, but it’s not amused or angry.

“Practice?” He repeats, voice low.

You shrug, forcing a smile, “You said it yourself. Didn’t want to seem inexperienced, right?”

He sets his ramen down on the counter, slowly. “That’s what you think that was?”

You glance away, suddenly wishing you hadn’t said anything at all. “I don’t know what it was,” you mutter. “I mean, we’re best friends. Best friends don’t… have sex.”

“They don’t kiss either,” he reminds you, head tilting. But I’ve tasted you, I’ve been inside you, he says in his head. You can’t take it back.

You look away, twisting the cap on the bottle silently before you shrug, “I’m just saying. You have nothing to worry about.”

Riki stares at you before exhaling, slowly nodding, “Right. Well, speaking of that… She texted me asking if I was going to Sion’s party next weekend.”

You blink. That wasn’t what you were expecting him to say. “And?” you ask cautiously.

He shrugs, leaning back against the counter like the weight of the conversation was starting to settle on his shoulders. He’s still looking at you like he’s searching for something, “I said I wasn’t sure yet.”

“Oh,” You try to sound neutral, casual even, but it comes out flat. Your eyes are darting around, not knowing where to land. 

“She asked if I’d be coming alone,” His voice is quieter now, but deliberate.

“You should take her,” you laugh, but it sounds fake, even to your own ears.

He swallows the lump in his throat, “I don’t want to take her.”

That makes you freeze, heart pounding.

“Why not?” You mumble, finally looking at him again.

“Guess I didn’t like her as much as I thought,” he shrugs, picking up his cup of ramen like it’s nothing but he doesn’t eat out of it. He glances up at you, trying to read your face for something, but when he doesn’t find it, he sighs. “Y/N.”

“Yeah?” You mumble.

“You liked it, right?”

You gasp, immediately understanding. Your face burns, turning away from him, “What? Why would you ask me that?”

“I don’t want you to regret what we did,” he says softly, sounding closer now. “You’re my best friend. I trusted you last night, and I still trust you now. I don’t regret it.”

Best friend, best friend, best friend…

“Oh…” you set down your water, fumbling with the necklace around your neck. Your cheeks are still red when you turn around again, backing slightly up against the counter from how close he’s gotten. He’s standing in front of you, only a couple feet away, ramen cup on the counter again. “I-I don’t have anyone to compare it to, but well, you made me cum… So yeah, you can say I enjoyed it.”

He bites down on his lip, his own cheeks flushing as he hesitantly asks, “I… What if we could do that all the time?”

“What do you mean?” Your voice comes out a whisper, much weaker than you meant it to be. You can’t deny the hope building in your chest.

“Like… friends with benefits,” he shrugs, unsure of his own words, looking uncertain. Like you’re about to hit him with the words that come out of his mouth. “That way… we wouldn’t have to hook up with random people.”

You stare at him, the words echoing in your head like they don’t make sense.

Friends with benefits.

For a second, all you can hear is the rush of your own heartbeat in your ears. Then, slowly, you exhale, mouth parting as you search his face. “So… sex. Without the feelings.”

His jaw tightens. “Not without any feelings,” he says quickly. “I mean—you're my best friend. I care about you.”

You nod, even though your chest sinks. But not like that. “Right. Got it,” you murmur, looking down at your hands. “That makes sense.”

You feel his eyes on you like heat. “That’s not—shit. That’s not how I meant it,” he says. “I’m not just trying to keep hooking up with you like it’s nothing. I just… if we liked it, why stop?”

You rub the material of your shirt, needing something to do with your hands, “I don’t know. Don’t you think things get messy like that?”

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he says quietly, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have asked you that. I’m sorry, Y/N, I don’t—”

“Okay,” you whisper.

Riki stops talking.

“Okay,” you repeat louder, slowly nodding. “I don’t want to have sex with a stranger, anyway. And I mean… yeah, it was good,” your face burns harsher as you say it, but you force it out like it’s nothing, “And I trust you, too. It wouldn’t be hurting anyone.”

You couldn’t say it. You can’t say ‘Riki, I love you’ without choking on your own fear. He didn’t want you romantically, he didn’t like you like that. But he liked the sex. He liked your body, you could assume. So, instead, you give him the easy version of you that he wants. The version that can handle anything he throws at you.

He shifts on his feet, like he’s unsure whether he should be relieved or guilty. “Okay,” he echoes, voice low. “Yeah. We’ll just… keep things simple.”

Simple.

You want to laugh. There’s nothing simple about the way your stomach flips every time he looks at you like that. Nothing simple about pretending the sex didn’t mean anything when it meant everything.

You nod anyway, “Right. Simple.”

He takes a step back, picking up his ramen again like you hadn’t just changed the entire landscape of your friendship. “I’ll clean up after I eat,” he says, like you didn’t just agree to being friends with benefits. Like everything’s normal. “I have dance practice in a few. I’ll text you.”

You pick up your water bottle, gripping it tightly, “Okay.”

Riki looks up at you one last time before you turn away to go to your room. There’s something in his eyes—hesitation, maybe. Or regret. But he doesn’t say it. He doesn’t stop you.

And you don’t ask him to. Because if he wanted more, he would’ve said so.

And he didn’t.

“I am so fucking stupid,” Riki mutters as soon as he slumps next to Jungwon on the floor. The other dancers are stretching or talking in their own conversations, so they don’t pay attention to them.

“I could’ve told you that,” Jungwon says, looking up from his phone. “What’d you do now?”

He hesitates. Jungwon’s one of his best friends, and he’d be more helpful than Heeseung or Jake. “I had sex with Y/N last night.”

Jungwon’s scrolling pauses, slowly looking up at him, “What?” He’s acting like Riki just told him BTS disbanded.

“Yeah,” he groans, pressing his hat further over his eyes. “I think I fucked up, though.”

“How?” Jungwon’s voice cracks, looking at him in disbelief. “How did it happen? I thought—”

He shrugs, “I was going through with the plan and I-I was talking about not wanting to be inexperienced when I had sex with this other girl—”

Jungwon snorts, “Jesus.”

“Stop!” He groans, “I already know!”

“So it was just practice?” He raises his eyebrows.

“No!” He shakes his head, “It just came out. I was trying to make her jealous and she was like, ‘Are you asking me to take your virginity?’ and I panicked!”

“Okay…” Jungwon says slowly. “And then what? You had sex and then after…”

“She said she didn’t regret it,” he says, staring up at the ceiling. “And then she left for class. I stayed at her dorm because I knew if I didn’t, she’d probably try to avoid me.” He nods to himself, “First thing she says is that it was practice, which I… get.” He sighs loudly, “I made a dumb comment about not wanting to be unexperienced. And then she brought up Yuna. I told her I didn’t wanna see her anymore and— and I was looking at her face for anything. Anything that told me she was jealous but,” he chuckles bitterly, “I couldn’t find it. So I got desperate. I brought up friends with benefits—”

Jungwon couldn’t keep silent anymore, “You what?”

He winces, “Yeah. But I just— I just,” he shakes his head, “I panicked. I thought she felt it too, last night, and she’d finally show that she was bothered by it. But she didn’t and I… chickened out.” 

Jungwon just stares at him, speechless for a second, before asking, “So instead of telling her how you actually feel, you asked to keep sleeping with her casually?”

“I know how it sounds.”

“No, Riki. You don’t.” Jungwon’s voice is sharp now, serious in a way he rarely is. “You basically handed her the most mixed message possible.”

“I know,” he mutters. “I just—she said she enjoyed it. She actually said that, Jungwon. Her face was all red and she still said it was good. And I believe her.”

“And that’s the part that got you hopeful?”

He nods weakly. “I just… I want her. However I can have her. And if this is the only way, then fine. I’ll take it. Because being near her—touching her, holding her—it felt right. Even if it’s not what I really want.”

Jungwon lets out a long breath, scrubbing a hand over his jaw, “Dude. That’s not healthy.”

“I know,” Riki says again, softer this time. His body feels weighted down. “But it’s the only thing she’s willing to give me. I don’t wanna lose her completely.”

There’s a beat of silence before Jungwon speaks, this time more gently. “She’s your best friend, Riki. And if she did feel something but just didn’t know how to say it… this friends with benefits thing? It might just make everything worse. You’re playing a long game that could break both of you.”

Riki’s lips presses together, “Yeah, but if I said no… if I told her I couldn’t do it unless it was more, and she said she didn’t want more—I’d lose her anyway.”

Jungwon gives him a long look, then nods once, slowly, “Okay. I get it. But promise me something.”

“What?” Riki mumbles, head laying against the mirror behind him. His eyes aren’t on Jungwon, looking around to see the choreographer step inside the room.

“Don’t lie to yourself about what this is. And when it starts to hurt too much, when you can’t keep pretending it’s enough—say something.”

Riki doesn’t answer right away. His throat’s too tight. But eventually, he nods. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “Okay.”

Because if it’s her, he’ll take any piece of yourself you give him, even if they’re sharp.

Tell me your thoughts here!

© 2025 riskyriki do not copy, modify, repost or translate this work.

━━━RAGE QUIT 18+

Gamer!Lee Heeseung x Gamer!Female!Reader

.ᐟwarnings/tags: slow burn, gaming buddies, video game terms, texting, sexting, soft dom!heeseung, shy!reader, mutual masturbation, dirty talk, pet names (princess, baby), praising, dry humping, oral (f & m rec), cum eating, unprotected sex, p in v, confessing, reader is down bad for heeseung, fluff

𓏸⠀ 𓈒 you started as friends who played games at night—now he’s the one making you moan into his pillow.

.ᐟwc: 15.9k (no proofread)

It’s been a year since Heeseung joined the friend group. Some random guy Jungwon brought into the server one night for a last-minute League match, and who never really left. Every night like clockwork, your group piles into Discord: Valorant, League of Legends, horror co-ops that get you all screaming in sync. Most nights end in swearing, laughing, or someone rage quitting, usually Heeseung, and sometimes everyone. He’s sharp-tongued, quick-witted, and stupidly good at every game he touches. A little cocky, kind of a menace, and unfortunately for you, exactly your type.

━━━PROVE ME WRONG 18+

Yang Jungwon x Female!Reader

.ᐟwarnings/tags: enemies to lovers, soft dom!jungwon, needy!reader, making out, dry humping, dirty talk, praising, teasing, fingering, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, p in v, squirting, crying, confessing, reader is so down bad for him loool

♡ you swore you hated him, until he made you feel everything you tried to deny.

.ᐟwc: 6.5k

You’ve been in the same friend group as Jungwon for almost a year now. It wasn’t a choice, really, he just came with the package. A friend of a friend who started showing up to things so regularly it was impossible to avoid him. House parties, movie nights, random hangouts at someone’s apartment. He’d be there, always leaning against a wall or sunk into a couch, quiet and sharp-eyed like he was waiting for something to irritate him. And for some reason, that something is always you. You’re not sure when it started. The bickering, the looks, the weird tension that’s too constant to be harmless. Sometimes you think he enjoys getting under your skin. Sometimes you’re afraid you do, too. It’s not like you’re friends. You talk, but only to annoy each other. You stand near each other, but never too close. He’ll brush your arm when passing behind you, or press a hand to your waist like he’s just trying to get by, but you know it lingers longer than it should. He knows it, too.

━━━ONE ON ONE 18+

Nishimura Riki x Female!Reader — University AU

.ᐟwarnings/tags: study buddies to lovers, inexperienced reader, hard dom!riki, crush!riki, porn with some plot, texting, teasing, making out, praising, fingering, oral (f. receiving), choking, marking, slapping, possessive, demanding riki, spit, handjob, p in v, unprotected sex, creampie, aftercare

♡ you start studying with your quiet crush, until one day, he invites you over, and you end up sobbing, ruined in his bed.

.ᐟwc: 7.4k

It wasn’t anything serious. At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself. You and Riki didn’t really talk. Not the way other classmates did—casual, loud, back-and-forth in lecture halls. He was… quiet. Always showing up late but somehow still getting a seat near the front. Always in dark clothes and expensive jewellery. Always watching more than speaking. He didn’t try to stand out. He didn’t raise his hand. And yet somehow, you noticed him first. Well. Maybe not “noticed”, more like kept noticing. Like your brain started analyzing him every time he walked into the room: black hoodie again, earphones in, notebook half-open but never messy. You never even thought he’d noticed you at all.

Until he did.

PERSONAL TRAINING.ᐟ

A REUNION TO REMEMBER

hogwarts time travel au! traveling to the future and waking up MARRIED PART 2

slytherin!riki x gryffindor!reader PART ONE HERE

warnings: time travel, sex, kissing, lots of kissing, kinda angsty, they have two kids, there are pranks and rivalry and its just real cute im ngl

-

The night before the department dinner, after the children were asleep, Riki found you in the study reviewing your class notes—a habit you'd developed to avoid embarrassing yourself in front of your students.

"We should probably practice," he said from the doorway, startling you.

"Practice what?"

"Dancing." He shifted his weight, looking uncharacteristically nervous. "If this is a formal department thing, there will probably be dancing."

hogwarts time travel au! traveling to the future and waking up MARRIED PART 1

slytherin!riki x gryffindor!reader PART 2 HERE

warnings: time travel, sex, kissing, lots of kissing, kinda angsty, they have two kids, there are pranks and rivalry and its just real cute im ngl

-

The library had been blissfully quiet for exactly forty-three minutes. You'd counted. Forty-three minutes of peaceful study, undisturbed concentration, and actual progress on your Transfiguration essay. Which meant you were overdue for—

A paper crane swooped down from nowhere, circling your head three times before unfolding itself atop your carefully organized notes. The parchment fluttered open to reveal a doodle of what appeared to be you with steam coming out of your ears and your hair standing on end. Beneath it, elegant script that you unfortunately recognized immediately:

Looking a bit tense today, Gryffindork. Did someone hide your color-coded study schedule again?

🌷rose petals: park jongseong

synopsis: life with jay (along with his four roommates and his nice) couldn’t be better. it was everything you wished for and more, even if the apartment is always in chaos. as your relationship runs deeper, jay is stuck between some important decisions.

genre: established relationship, uncle!jay, blonde!jay, restaurant owner!jay, flower shop owner!reader, smut

warnings: swearing, alcohol, overprotective jay, multiple unprotected sex scenes, breeding kink, daddy kink, semi public sex in a bathroom, dry humping, fingering, hair pulling, MINORS DNI!!!

✰ this is a spin-off to the main series, please read off limits / part one to this spin-off before reading this one. they are tagged under the title ✰

•·.·no limits spotify playlist'·.·•

🍀no limits: park jongseong

synopsis: jay was finally able to open up his restaurant and it being more successful than he could have hoped. You decided to try the new restaurant everyone kept talking about, falling in love with it immediately and even crushing on its owner. You become a regular and get to know jay quickly. as jay becomes bold and finally asks you on a date and brings you back home with him, he fails to tell you he shares the space with his sister, three best friends and his five month old niece…

genre: strangers to lovers, uncle!jay, smut

warnings: swearing, alcohol, overprotective jay, multiple unprotective sex scenes, dom!jay, breeding kink, daddy kink, fingering, oral (m. + f. receiving), cum eating, hair pulling, aftercare, semi public sex in a dark corner of a club, MINORS DNI, lemme know if i missed anything <3

✰ this is a spin-off to the main series, please read parts one-three before reading this one. they are tagged under the title ✰

•·.·no limits spotify playlist'·.·•

THE PATH TO A NERD’S HEART

HEESEUNG

JAY

JAKE

SUNGHOON

JUNGWON

MULTI MEMBER

HARD THOUGHTS

OTHER

note : tumblr only lets you mention 50 people per post so I couldn't tag all of the authors but I've still added their usernames so you can search them up ! :3

like and reblog if you like the recommendations ! ⋆˚

˚⋆ MORE TO ADD !! IT'S UNDER PROGRESS.

Touché - DATING YOU TO DISTRACT YOU BUT GETS DISTRACTED FIRST

Academic Rival!Jake x f!Reader (Smut, Crack, Fluff) MDNI 18+ ENHA HARD HOURS

-

You drum your fingers against the desk, watching Professor Martinez pace at the front of the lecture hall. The midterm papers are stacked neatly in his arms, and you can practically feel the anxiety radiating off the two hundred students packed into the room.

But you're not anxious. Not really.

You know exactly what score awaits you—the same score you've received on every major assessment since freshman year: the highest in the class.

Your eyes drift across the lecture hall to where Jake Sim sits, surrounded by his usual entourage. Even now, minutes before receiving a grade that could make or break their GPA, they're laughing at something he's said. The sound of his rich laughter carries across the room, drawing more than a few admiring glances.

Jake Sim. Campus golden boy. The kind of person who walks into a room and immediately owns it. The kind of student professors mention in other classes. The kind of face that appears on university brochures—which it literally does, as he's been the unofficial "face" of the university's marketing materials since sophomore year.

He's also the only person who's ever come close to beating your scores.