Humans aren’t the only ones who say a blessing before they eat. From the Eliki ‘please let me swallow this nourishment without choking’ to the threatening Uhali ‘May these nutrients fuel my darkness until it subsumes everything I love’, the beginning of a meal with aliens is always an interesting time.

One of my favorite rituals, however, is human, and belongs to such a small Ex-Earthen sub-culture that you’d be lucky to witness it in person. Following a philosophy of service, balance, and selflessness, the Repentant lifestyle focuses on remembering those lost to war, greed, and tragedy. The natural world plays a large part in those memories.

‘Bless all who brought this seed to fruition,’ they start, and then go on to list at least three of the most esoteric forces they can think of. ‘Through me, you live again’, they finish, and dig in with relish while the rest of us pause to contemplate the random microbes, insects, or weather patterns without which our apple tart or cup of tea wouldn’t exist.

-the Interstellar Love of Cooking, Volume One

* * *

Dove and I spent the afternoon napping, luxuriating in having comfortable beds, a TV, and the ability to lock the door and turn the lights off whenever we chose. We raided the vending machines in the community room, buying juice and a tin of chewy potato cookies called spookies, and curled up on one of the beds to snack and channel-surf between Exy soap operas and true crime shows.

Dove fell asleep halfway through an episode of Space Murders and I turned the volume down low and dimmed the lights, determined to let her rest as much as she could. I fell asleep not long after and woke to see her a pillow away, watching me with a pensive expression that quickly shifted to a smile when she saw me looking.

“Stay in bed – I’ll pick up dinner,” she told me as she sat up and laced her boots. “Any requests?”

“You know what I like,” I answered as I burrowed deeper under the blankets. “Use my payment card.” She rolled her eyes and left without digging through my wallet. She was gone longer than I expected, and I’d just eaten the last spookie when the door lock beeped to warn me that someone was coming.

“Dinner!” I shouted, then swallowed my words and sat up at the sight of Amur, Dove right behind with bags draped from her hands.

“We ran into each other,” Dove told me as she dropped the bags onto the table. “I invited him to join us for dinner.”

“You should stay for the night,” I told Amur, jumping out of bed and straightening my clothing and the sheets.

“Maybe later,” he said quickly, and glanced at Dove. He beckoned to me and added, “Show me the vending machines?”

I looked back at Dove and she shrugged, indicating wordlessly that it was up to me. I grabbed my wallet and key cards, then led Amur to the community room and watched as he bought two sodas and a bag of what looked like wannabe skittles.

He turned and gave me a conflicted look as he tapped the bottles together. “Dove told me you’re just friends,” he started. “Have you known her long?”

I counted in my head. “Six weeks, give or take. Why?”

He bounced on his soles, looking uncomfortable. “I saw her downing some shots like a pro while she waited for your food,” he admitted. “She looked upset. Is everything okay?”

Was he worried about us? “Everything’s fine,” I assured him. “She had a rough time on the Kiss, so she was probably trying to wind down. We can ask,” I suggested, and he shook his head.

“Forget it,” he said quickly. “I’m just paranoid. You don’t seem to be, though. Why do you trust me?”

I glanced at the door and saw Dove standing guard on the other side of the window. I jerked my head at her and couldn’t help but smile at the bland way she watched us through the glass. “Because I’ve got the warrior princess on my side,” I answered, then paused, wondering if naming the strangeness would make things more or less awkward. “And because there’s – something – there, between us. You remind me of a friend of mine, but it’s more than that because I’m pretty sure you feel it too.”

He listened to me quietly, and when I was finished he nodded. “You’re like a ghost from the past,” he answered, and dropped into a chair with a sigh. “Do you know anything about Repentants?”

I thought about what Dove had told me – rumors and guesses – and decided it was better to start from the beginning. “Next to nothing,” I admitted as I sank into a chair of my own. “Dove said it’s not a religion, exactly, but then she called it a cult, so…”

Amur nodded. “It can be a little cultish, but it’s more like a philosophy. We believe in balance, Rose, that humans did terrible harm to the soul of our species when we caused so many needless deaths back on Earth… both directly, and indirectly. We’re dedicated to bringing things back into balance in whatever way we can, and one method is by sacrificing the people we were. We give up our names and take new ones daily, remembering those who’ve passed, bringing them briefly back to the world through our memories. I’m not really Amur – on that day, I was simply remembering the Amur tiger, a beautiful creature that went extinct years before I was born. Today I’m Saola, though I don’t mind if you call me Amur.”

I felt my face pulling into a frown as I examined him and wondered: who had William Emiliano Morgan really been? He could fit in just about anywhere with his tan skin and wavy dark hair, but there was something in his manner and accent that reminded me too much of home to be a coincidence.

“So I’m a ghost from William’s life?” I asked, and his face twisted.

“Emiliano,” he answered. “I don’t like that other name. You’re a ghost and a sign, Rose Rossi.” He grinned and shook his head, showing perfectly even teeth that surprised me considering that the other debtors I’d seen obviously hadn’t had dental work in a very long time.

He went on. “Repentants spend our lives in service, but like I said – we also believe in balance. Sometimes Earth lets us know when our work is done, and her message can take many forms. And in this case, she decided to come as a Rossi, fresh off the boat and with a pack full of beans,” he told me, still laughing under his breath.

“I’m really a Wright,” I said irritably, not liking the feeling of being left out of a joke. “What’s so funny, Emiliano Amur… Salo?”

His lips quirked. “Saola. It’s a unicorn from Laos, or it was. What’s so funny is that my dad spent years obsessed with your family, sure that if he could build an alliance with them he’d never have to worry about anything again. But your grandmother wasn’t interested, and I – well, I made things difficult, too. But you see why it’s funny that it’s a Rossi who set me free?”

I thought about everything he’d said. “What do you mean, your work is done?”

All the humor drained out of him and he seemed to deflate before me. He’d looked young while laughing, but now he seemed old, tired, almost frail as his thin body curled in on itself. “It means I’ve repented enough,” he answered, but instead of looking excited he just seemed scared. “I’m done with my service, and it’s time to be Emiliano again.”

“How long has it been?” I asked, making my voice as gentle as I could.

He closed his eyes. “Over twenty years,” he whispered. “I’ve got nothing to go back to and those goddamned aliens won’t let me return to Earth, not even to die. What am I supposed to do?”

I watched him rub at his eyes and knotted my hands together to keep from reaching out. I don’t have room, I’d told Dove, but it seemed that whether or not I had space for him I couldn’t ignore this strange, lonely man. I remembered the brightness in his face when he’d laughed at the irony of our meeting, and wondered how I could bring it back.

“You don’t have to decide now. You’ll have time to think about it if you come with us,” I reminded him, and something devilish rose up in me. “Who knows – maybe we’ll fall madly in love and your dad will finally have that alliance he always wanted.”

His hands dropped from his face and he gave me a look of such incredulous horror that I started to crack up.

“Guess I’m not your type,” I said, wheezing with amusement. I was pretty sure women in general weren’t his type. “Maybe I’ll adopt you, instead. I’ve always wanted a big brother.”

He burst out laughing, then looked surprised at his own response. “It doesn’t work like that,” he told me, “and I barely know you, anyway.”

“It doesn’t work like that so far,” I answered giddily, feeling like I’d achieved something truly special by making Emiliano laugh. “And you barely know me today. Can I get you a room for tonight?”

He glanced at Dove, who continued to watch us idly through the glass. “I’m going back to the mosque after dinner,” he said. “They’ve got a shelter in the basement where those in need can stay for a night or two, and I’ve got friends nearby I want to see. But I’ll consider your offer. If you need help, come to Masjid Al-Hikmah on Third. It’s a small blue mosque with a silver minaret next to a tea shop, can’t miss it.”

I frowned. “Why would I need help?”

Emiliano shrugged as he stepped to the door and opened it, holding it wide for me to pass through first. “We’re in free space. There’s as many reasons to need help as there are stars in the sky, and as your hypothetical brother it’s my duty to make sure you know where to find it.”

* * *

Dove was silent through dinner, silent while Emiliano and I talked quietly together – awkwardly at first but with increasing ease as he grew more comfortable. Silent as we waved goodbye and promised to meet up for dinner the same time tomorrow at a restaurant near the mosque. And silent afterward as she lay down on the previously unused second bed, face turned toward the wall.

There are many types of silence. After weeks together, we’d perfected the comfortable sort. This was different, heavy and miserable, making my skin itch.

I changed into my pajamas, sank onto my mattress, and stared at her back, wondering just what had changed.

She lay on her side, looking as if she’d frozen in place. I lay down, thought about turning off the lamp, then stifled a groan and sat right back up, my eyes drawn to the curve of her waist, to her braids poking out of the silk scarf she wrapped them in while she slept. She wore fluffy pink socks that were out of place next to her black muscle T and sweat pants. I rubbed my chest, feeling a tender ache that wasn’t physical, and knew I was in trouble.

I should stay right here and keep my mouth closed, I told myself firmly.

I should do whatever I could to keep our relationship professional, safe, able to withstand the months ahead of us without any mess.

I should stuff down the feelings that had been building since the moment she’d looked up at me, sweaty and radiant while exercising on our cabin floor, let the closeness we’d fallen into during our strange time on the Diamond Kiss die a natural death.

I swallowed, stuffed all the things I should do down deep instead, and drifted over to sit on the edge of her bed.

“Are you upset about Emiliano?” She’d told me before that she didn’t mind him joining us, but maybe now that he actually appeared to be considering it she was second guessing everything. I stiffened as a thought hit me. “Could he be a spy?”

Dove rolled onto her back and blinked red-rimmed eyes at me. I winced as I realized she’d been crying.

“I’m just tired,” she told me. “I don’t see how he could be a spy. How could she know you would free him? He’s not worth anything to you – if anything, he’s a liability. Evelyn Rossi doesn’t do things like that.”

My head was spinning with her scent, and I struggled to pay attention to the meaning behind her words. But one thing stood out. “You seem awfully sure about what she’s like,” I whispered. “How do you know so much?”

Silence again, until finally she shifted to face me and patted the bed beside her, inviting me to come closer. I bit my lip and for a moment we watched each other, waiting, the tension thick as butter. Then I scooted over and laid down, unable to resist.

“I tried to get my friend back,” she explained haltingly. “I found out everything I could about her and Red Fox, and I applied for a job. They wouldn’t even give me an interview,” she laughed softly, bitterly. “I was such an idiot. Of course they knew exactly where I came from and what I wanted. I’m useless compared to people like that.”

“Not to me,” I said. Dove made a sound in her throat, then wriggled closer until her body pressed against mine. She was firm muscle couched in a layer of softness, a contradiction I wanted to touch so badly it hurt. “Will you tell me what’s wrong?” I asked.

“Too much to say,” she mumbled, and nestled her face into my shoulder with a little sigh, then reached out to take my hand. “Can I sleep like this, just for tonight? I’m so tired, tired of everything. Except you.”

I closed my eyes and inhaled her scent. “Anything you want,” I murmured back. I tucked our clasped hands over my stomach so her arm stretched over me and we fell asleep like that, neither of us moving an inch.