Having some of the worst dreams for the last year. My bf preferring his niece's company over mine, lusting over her more than he ever had for me(or other ppl even). He wouldn't care and would treat my every lashout or self harm as a funny inside joke of ours. I could scratch him up or hit my head on the wall or SOMETHING(I couldn't scream, my vocal cords were stuck so I cried) and he'd be "jokingly" saying "yeah I dont want you anyway". He only believed me finally when I managed to choke out, audibly: "I'm going to call the behavioral health center then. Im ruining your life anyway" and even after that for a moment he still tried to joke. Soon after he took me serious tho I was still trying to kms and hurt him or yell.
I did go there but it felt like pretend cus i didnt go anywhere. I videocalled him and acted childish, before shading his inability to care enough to take me serious. I pretended to have hallucinations of him sitting nearby when the staff came to check on my room. I was having to talk to my ex guardian again and his wife soon later as the place became an abandoned church where I used to water and feed the cats and this huge dog and her kids for the night. Then I was a therian becoming part fox/wolf from wearing these little outfits made to train farm dogs (the huge one and her pups there). Soon after having to evade wolves, there was a vampire story being said and I stayed asleep in the flashback to avoid becoming food, feeling forgotten again.
I spun through the events in my dream and before having to do this shooter with random neighbors trying to kill me for whatever reason; there was two gruesome pedo porn vids under a random article. One including a gang bang of a BABY(just in the mouth and in a hole of its cranium). Now I was in a store, trying to buy new things for me and my bf and getring distracted by him joking about not caring and how I am being so "mean". He even vanished from me so much, having done so many fun things without me and ignoring me as I sobbed and then I bit him, scratched him, and tried to kms again with head trauma. He attempted to calm me down and reassure me but I just felt worse from it.
Getting so many blood tests and 98% of them all being normal despite your issues (weight staying static, muscle growth not happening, huge period clots, fatigue, irregular kidney behavior, etc) feels like when you are left alone way too young to watch over another kid, they BEAT YOU UP, and you get blamed for it when the parents come home.
What the fuck is going on if I'm "okay"?? It can't be ok, my blood tests are either not well checked enough, or I have some secret new disease. And it loves gaslighting everything
(Ps; my doctors dont gaslight me, they also believe my words when I explain I have tried for a YEAR or more to exercise and diet HEAVILY RESTRICTIVE and even fasting from desperation for the pain to go away. They just cant help me cus my body cant have SIMPLE ISSUES)
”She ruined his career” is something that is often said when a victim comes out about an abuser. Have you noticed how untrue this statement usually is? Abusers like Brad Pitt, Jeremy Renner, Chris Brown, and Johnny Depp still have careers. Meanwhile female victims often have smear campaigns against them. Female victims like Megan Thee Stallion, Blake Lively, and Amber Heard get memed about and treated like jokes.
Went to the Renaissance faire yesterday and saw SO many young therians. It was genuinely so heartwarming to see the younger generation of critters being so confident and plentiful. I even saw a couple of them playing together in a patch of grass and doing quadrobics / romping. I love y'all so much and I'm so proud of you
