"Making Love to a Lonely City" Ch. 3
Title: Making Love to a Lonely City
Author: Taylor Dancinghands -taylor@willendorphians.com
Characters: Rodney McKay/Radek Zelenka/Atlantis
Category: slash, established relationship, sex with an AI
Rating: NC-17 for explicit homoerotic depitions
Archive: Generally yes, but please let me know where
Summary: Atlantis, Rodney and Radek see their relationship begin to take shape at last.
Spoilers/Season: None really. Post season 2? Also, this story really won't make much sense unless you've read "Touch of a Lonely City" which, in turn, will make more sense still if you've also read "Discorporate" and "In Extremis"
Betas: Thanx to
scifinut and ankhmutes for encouragement and lending some extra pairs of eyeballs for error spotting.
In addition, for this story I have had the invaluable assitance ofdinofly as a Czech language consultant. It's been fascinating and educational and I am one really grateful SGA fan author.
(And English translations for Radek's Czech dialogue can be found at the end of the chapter)
Author's notes: The core of this story has been waiting to be made workable since I first began to make up stories in my head. That long. What a delight to find that the situation and premise of Stargate: Atlantis have finally made it possible!
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never will, not claiming to. Just wanna play with 'em a little. Can't I, can't I, huh?
Making Love to a Lonely City
By Taylor Dancinghands
III. Radek Makes a Request of Rodney: Rodney... Eventually Comes Around
Rodney was desperately distracted all the next day. He'd known, of course, that Atlantis was inevitably going to become more integrated into their relationship; he'd known that she'd eventually be drawn, somehow, into their intimate life, and he'd tried to prepare himself for it. There was no way in hell, though, that he could ever have prepared himself for the myriad of complicated and powerful feelings last night's lovemaking had invoked.
He'd learned from his own unhappy experience with Atlantis' nanocites that the city's AI made her presence known at some times more than others, and he knew from what Radek had told him that Atlantis had been tending to retreat whenever he and Radek got frisky. Rodney had known that things would never stay that way, though, even before Radek had told him that Atlantis was finally becoming 'curious'. He'd already drawn the conclusion that the day was not far that Atlantis would want to take a closer look at what he and Radek did in bed (and on the sofa, and occasionally, in the small hours of the morning, in the lab), and he supposed he should feel grateful that she'd asked.
It was the 'ick' factor that he'd assumed would be the most difficult thing to overcome. He'd thought it would be like having his kid sister watch, or his parents, but it wasn't anything like that at all. Of course, Atlantis wasn't anything like his little sister (as smart as she was), or (thank god) his parents, and he might have guessed that but he just didn't have any frame of reference for anything else. He'd hardly had much experience with one lover in his life, and never two.
He couldn't possibly have imagined how Atlantis would feel like a third lover in the bed with himself and Radek last night. It had dawned on him, suddenly and very forcefully, moments before his climax, as Radek had been fucking him, deliberately slowly, and stroking his cock in the same leisurely rhythm, murmuring little encouragement's in a mixture of English and Czech (some of which Rodney had learned the meaning of by now). Drifting in a haze of steadily building ecstasy, Radek's words worked their way, little by little, into his awareness.
"See, how beautiful," Rodney had heard him say. "So beautiful. Will you come for us Rodney? Ano, yes! Come for us! Come for us, prosím, teď!"
And he had, instantly, incredibly, because... us? Oh my god, that had been hot.
That was one discovery Rodney could never have prepared himself for, and it raised a host of new questions. Did Radek find this as much of a turn on as he did? That seemed likely. Did Radek know how much it turned Rodney on? He hadn't said as much, but he had a feeling that Radek might have worked it out for himself -he was smart that way. There was one slightly more troubling question among those, however, and that was the matter of just how far they were going to go with this. It wasn't like Rodney had any moral objections, and any possibility of him finding this pursuit in any way distasteful had pretty much been eradicated now, but there was still, in Rodney's mind, a question of safety -Radek's safety.
Rodney knew that Atlantis' nanocites could potentially interact with any part of Radek's brain, but that she evidently chose not to have them do so most of the time. In theory, Rodney considered, Atlantis could feel, see, hear or touch anything Radek did, even if she only ever interacted with him passively, but what if she was capable of more? Could Atlantis actually take control of Radek, as the Wraith had done with Teyla, or Cadman had done with him? Was it her choice alone, or perhaps her fondness for the two of them, that prevented her from doing so? Rodney realized with a sigh, that it was going to come down to trust again, and he knew just what Radek would have to say about it.
"It isn't that I don't trust her!" Rodney found himself insisting, later that evening, just as he'd figured he would. "You're right, we have been over that before. I just need you to hear me out."
The long look that passed between the two scientists served, Rodney hoped, to remind Radek that trust was a two way street. He subsided at any rate, sitting back on the sofa and waving at Rodney to continue.
"It's the experience I had with Cadman that I'm thinking about here, Radek," Rodney obliged him, "and no, I'm not talking about how she got into my head, I'm talking about what she did once she got there. It wasn't until that idiot Heightmeyer talked me into relaxing and letting Cadman 'out' that she realized she even had the ability to... to take control like that. And I'm telling you Radek, that's an experience I'd really just as soon you didn't have to endure."
Radek sighed, his expression softening. "I had forgotten about what happened with Cadman," he said, "which, I confess, I really should not have."
"Honestly," replied Rodney with a smile, "having Atlantis in my head -when she was behaving herself- was a lot easier to take than having Cadman there. All I'm saying is that every time you push the envelope with Atlantis, you're going to end up opening doors, maybe some that neither of you intended to open. I just don't want you to get hurt, either one of you."
Drawing a deep breath, Rodney realized with gratitude that he had succeeded in digging himself out, for Radek had relaxed back into the sofa and was beckoning him to join him there, a slightly sheepish smile on his lips.
"Atlantis wishes you to know that she thinks that it was a perfectly reasonable concern, given your history with her," Radek explained with an apologetic shrug. "We also want you to understand that Atlantis isn't really capable of taking me over, as Cadman did with you. This is because the systems of a human body are really just as complicated as Atlantis' systems, but she has no idea how to operate them. It would be like you or I using our brain to do what the computer chips in a modern automobile do. Our brains are much more sophisticated than those processors, but still we would have no idea of how to actually operate car engine."
"Huh." Rodney considered this, saw how it made sense and nodded his comprehension as he settled in at Radek's side. "Okay, that's good to know. Thanks." He sat forward for a moment to allow Radek to slip his arm behind Rodney, wrap it around his waist and snug him in close. He relaxed into Radek's wiry strength as he was pulled into a kiss, and surrendered to it happily.
Rodney could have gone on in that manner for hours, but Radek drew back after a few moments and said, "You have not eaten diner yet, have you?"
"Well, no," said Rodney, perplexed and disappointed, "but how did that come up all of a sudden?"
"A gift from Atlantis," Radek said, his look and unenthusiastic tone clearly communicating that it was an entirely unasked for gift, "I can taste when your blood sugar is low now."
"That's it," muttered Rodney, "I am so never kissing you again."
Radek only snorted rather loudly and rose from the sofa. "Come," he said, "I have not yet had diner either. Shall we see what MRE selections we have to hand, or shall we venture forth to dining hall?"
"There still a chicken primavera in the cupboard?" Rodney inquired as he rose, surrendering to the inevitable.
"One chicken primavera," Radek reported as he surveyed the contents of the cupboard, "and one spaghetti with meatballs."
"Spaghetti okay with you, then?" Rodney asked.
"When did you actually eat lunch?" Radek asked a little while later as he watched Rodney more or less inhale his MRE.
"Um... I'm not sure that I did," Rodney confessed as soon as he had chewed and swallowed enough of his mouthful of food that none would spill out as he talked.
"Rodney," Radek's look had grown concerned, "you only forget to eat when you are very worried."
"Not... worried, so much as... really distracted." Rodney sought to allay Radek's fears.
"By what?"
Rodney took a moment to chew and swallow the last of his diner while he thought. "Last night," he began, seeing Radek nod as though he'd expected it. "Last night... well it wasn't anything like I thought it would be." He could see questions in Radek's eyes, but he held off.
"I thought it would be weird. I thought it would feel... wrong at first, to have someone else watching, but..." Radek raised his eyebrows curiously as Rodney paused, but remained patiently waiting.
"When... when I heard you talking to her," Rodney said at last, "it somehow felt like she was really there, with us..."
"And did that feel wrong, Rodney?" Radek asked gently.
Rodney shook his head. "No. Not wrong at all. It was... oh my god Radek, it was so hot..."
There was more than a little relief in Radek's smile. "She is very pleased to hear you say so," he said, "and I myself felt much the same way, you know."
"So at least we're on the same kinky page?" Rodney murmured, relaxing a bit.
"Um," said Radek.
"Oh, don't tell me..." Rodney began, tensing back up again.
"Last night," Radek began tentatively, "she learned a great deal, watching, but tonight..."
"Oh god," Rodney said with dismay.
"Tonight she would also like to... to feel."
Rodney closed his eyes and swallowed, drawing a deep breath to still the panic that threatened at the back of his mind. This needn't be anything bad, he told himself. Last night had been undeniably terrific, and there was, indeed, a part of him that was quivering with anticipation. There was a large part of him, however, that could not help but think of what this might mean for Radek and could not help worrying.
"How," he asked at last, "would this be accomplished?"
Radek scratched his ear nervously, clearing his throat before he spoke. "As you probably know, the parts of the brain that process sensory impressions are fairly discrete and easy to access. Through nanocites, Atlantis is potentially able to sense... everything I see, hear or... any tactile sensations."
"So..." This was more or less as Rodney had speculated. "Does she always have access to your senses like that?"
Radek nodded. "She could, potentially," he said, "but she would not, for two reasons. First, is very distracting for Atlantis to be processing the multi sensory data she gets from nanocites in my brain, while she is doing anything else, which she usually is. It is very different sort of information than she usually works with and managing it takes a great deal of her attention. Second reason is that sensory information from human brain is very high density, and demands a very high proportion of Atlantis' processing power. The more sensory data she accesses from me, the more systems she needs to let run unattended."
"Huh," said Rodney again. "I would never have guessed."
"Neither would I, really," said Radek with a shrug.
"So," Rodney stood up from the table, wanting to move as he wrestled with his hopes and doubts, "this is completely safe for you, Radek? I know," Rodney jumped in as he saw Radek start to scowl, "I do trust... the both of you, I just need to be reassured, okay? I mean, you do know me, right?"
Radek's scowl faded quickly into an understanding smile. "Yes, we do," he replied, "and that is fair. I will be safe, Rodney, and I do not surrender control of my body in any way."
"Okay," Rodney said, coming to rest by the window, his arms wrapped around his torso, "that's good to know."
The room fell silent for a moment as Radek stood and walked over to the window himself, standing near Rodney but not touching him. "If this is not something you wish," he turned to him and said at last, "you do not need a reason. I know we are asking a great deal."
Rodney nodded, still staring out the window into the night and the beautifully lit city. "I know," he said, "I just... I need a few minutes, I think... I need... I need to talk to her again." Out of the corner of his eye he saw Radek's mouth fall open, and then break into an affectionate smile.
"Shall I step out onto the balcony?" he asked, gesturing at the door.
Rodney glanced at Radek, and then back out the window. "No, you know what? I could use a little fresh air, myself. She can hear me out there, right? Stupid question. Of course."
The fresh air was good. It cleared Rodney's thoughts and focused them, and the vision of the city all around him, glittering under the stars, filled his heart.
"God you're beautiful," he said before he even knew what he was thinking. Rodney drew a breath then, to try and gather himself and remember what it was he'd come out here to say.
"Well, you are," he continued after a moment because he didn't want Atlantis to think that he hadn't meant it, "and I've always thought so." He drew another breath now, and forged ahead.
"I know you heard me say so to Radek, but I wanted to let you know personally... that last night was incredible. It was a... a revelation. It made me think that maybe you and Radek together really are the best thing that's ever happened to me."
Rodney began to relax, leaning against the railing and letting his eyes unfocus. "I know that I didn't seem to want to... believe in you at first, but you have to understand the reason. I thought that if you were real you'd be way too much like the... the kinds of fantasies that a lonely, genius, nerdy kid has, when he lets himself have fantasies, and it's... well it's dangerous to let yourself believe that fantasies like that can ever come true." Rodney shook his head silently, because he still believed that was true, with every fiber of his being, and yet...
"But you are real," he said, little more that whispering, "and last night I finally realized that."
He fell silent for a moment, listening to the sound of the waves breaking against the adjacent pier and imagined that it was Atlantis' voice.
"A part of me," Rodney picked up again when he was ready, "a big part of me, really, is incredibly excited about what we're about to try. But there's another part..." Rodney's breath was not as steady as he would have liked as he moved on. Already this was almost too hard.
"Ever since we came here, and started losing people... from my staff -people I knew and had worked with- ever since then there's a part of me that's... scared all the time: whenever we take a risk, whenever something goes wrong, whenever I start to care for anything or anyone. Right now that part... all it can feel right now is that if we do this tonight -and honestly, it's probably too late already, but it kind of makes things official in a way- if we do this then that's... that's just one more person it'd destroy me to lose."
Rodney had to stop then, to collect himself once more before he could go on, but he dared not hesitate for long. "I'm not going to ask you to make any promises; I've learned my lesson about that, I swear. I just want you to know what's at stake for me. I really don't want to regret the decision I'm about to make here, and so I'm just asking that if it's ever something that's in your power to help... please don't ever let me regret this. Please."
Only the sound of the waves answered him but maybe, Rodney thought, that was enough for now.
"I really do care for you," he said after another long moment, "and hopefully, you feel something for me. I keep thinking about... about touching you... and the idea that I'm actually going to be able to do that..." Rodney swallowed, pushing away from the rail, and drew a deep breath as he turned to look back and up at the city's central tower.
"I want..." he began again, voice hushed with the magnitude of what he was saying. "I want to make love to you... both of you, like I've never wanted anything or anyone before. I just want you to understand how much I'm risking to let myself want this... and how incredible it is that right now..." and Rodney finally let himself smile, grin really, as he moved towards the door, and Radek, and what could well be the most amazing experience in his life.
"Right now... I don't care. All I want is you."
***
Czech in Ch. 3:
prosím, teď
please, now
***
Next: pure smut!
Author: Taylor Dancinghands -taylor@willendorphians.com
Characters: Rodney McKay/Radek Zelenka/Atlantis
Category: slash, established relationship, sex with an AI
Rating: NC-17 for explicit homoerotic depitions
Archive: Generally yes, but please let me know where
Summary: Atlantis, Rodney and Radek see their relationship begin to take shape at last.
Spoilers/Season: None really. Post season 2? Also, this story really won't make much sense unless you've read "Touch of a Lonely City" which, in turn, will make more sense still if you've also read "Discorporate" and "In Extremis"
Betas: Thanx to
scifinut and ankhmutes for encouragement and lending some extra pairs of eyeballs for error spotting.In addition, for this story I have had the invaluable assitance of
dinofly as a Czech language consultant. It's been fascinating and educational and I am one really grateful SGA fan author.(And English translations for Radek's Czech dialogue can be found at the end of the chapter)
Author's notes: The core of this story has been waiting to be made workable since I first began to make up stories in my head. That long. What a delight to find that the situation and premise of Stargate: Atlantis have finally made it possible!
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never will, not claiming to. Just wanna play with 'em a little. Can't I, can't I, huh?
Making Love to a Lonely City
By Taylor Dancinghands
III. Radek Makes a Request of Rodney: Rodney... Eventually Comes Around
Rodney was desperately distracted all the next day. He'd known, of course, that Atlantis was inevitably going to become more integrated into their relationship; he'd known that she'd eventually be drawn, somehow, into their intimate life, and he'd tried to prepare himself for it. There was no way in hell, though, that he could ever have prepared himself for the myriad of complicated and powerful feelings last night's lovemaking had invoked.
He'd learned from his own unhappy experience with Atlantis' nanocites that the city's AI made her presence known at some times more than others, and he knew from what Radek had told him that Atlantis had been tending to retreat whenever he and Radek got frisky. Rodney had known that things would never stay that way, though, even before Radek had told him that Atlantis was finally becoming 'curious'. He'd already drawn the conclusion that the day was not far that Atlantis would want to take a closer look at what he and Radek did in bed (and on the sofa, and occasionally, in the small hours of the morning, in the lab), and he supposed he should feel grateful that she'd asked.
It was the 'ick' factor that he'd assumed would be the most difficult thing to overcome. He'd thought it would be like having his kid sister watch, or his parents, but it wasn't anything like that at all. Of course, Atlantis wasn't anything like his little sister (as smart as she was), or (thank god) his parents, and he might have guessed that but he just didn't have any frame of reference for anything else. He'd hardly had much experience with one lover in his life, and never two.
He couldn't possibly have imagined how Atlantis would feel like a third lover in the bed with himself and Radek last night. It had dawned on him, suddenly and very forcefully, moments before his climax, as Radek had been fucking him, deliberately slowly, and stroking his cock in the same leisurely rhythm, murmuring little encouragement's in a mixture of English and Czech (some of which Rodney had learned the meaning of by now). Drifting in a haze of steadily building ecstasy, Radek's words worked their way, little by little, into his awareness.
"See, how beautiful," Rodney had heard him say. "So beautiful. Will you come for us Rodney? Ano, yes! Come for us! Come for us, prosím, teď!"
And he had, instantly, incredibly, because... us? Oh my god, that had been hot.
That was one discovery Rodney could never have prepared himself for, and it raised a host of new questions. Did Radek find this as much of a turn on as he did? That seemed likely. Did Radek know how much it turned Rodney on? He hadn't said as much, but he had a feeling that Radek might have worked it out for himself -he was smart that way. There was one slightly more troubling question among those, however, and that was the matter of just how far they were going to go with this. It wasn't like Rodney had any moral objections, and any possibility of him finding this pursuit in any way distasteful had pretty much been eradicated now, but there was still, in Rodney's mind, a question of safety -Radek's safety.
Rodney knew that Atlantis' nanocites could potentially interact with any part of Radek's brain, but that she evidently chose not to have them do so most of the time. In theory, Rodney considered, Atlantis could feel, see, hear or touch anything Radek did, even if she only ever interacted with him passively, but what if she was capable of more? Could Atlantis actually take control of Radek, as the Wraith had done with Teyla, or Cadman had done with him? Was it her choice alone, or perhaps her fondness for the two of them, that prevented her from doing so? Rodney realized with a sigh, that it was going to come down to trust again, and he knew just what Radek would have to say about it.
"It isn't that I don't trust her!" Rodney found himself insisting, later that evening, just as he'd figured he would. "You're right, we have been over that before. I just need you to hear me out."
The long look that passed between the two scientists served, Rodney hoped, to remind Radek that trust was a two way street. He subsided at any rate, sitting back on the sofa and waving at Rodney to continue.
"It's the experience I had with Cadman that I'm thinking about here, Radek," Rodney obliged him, "and no, I'm not talking about how she got into my head, I'm talking about what she did once she got there. It wasn't until that idiot Heightmeyer talked me into relaxing and letting Cadman 'out' that she realized she even had the ability to... to take control like that. And I'm telling you Radek, that's an experience I'd really just as soon you didn't have to endure."
Radek sighed, his expression softening. "I had forgotten about what happened with Cadman," he said, "which, I confess, I really should not have."
"Honestly," replied Rodney with a smile, "having Atlantis in my head -when she was behaving herself- was a lot easier to take than having Cadman there. All I'm saying is that every time you push the envelope with Atlantis, you're going to end up opening doors, maybe some that neither of you intended to open. I just don't want you to get hurt, either one of you."
Drawing a deep breath, Rodney realized with gratitude that he had succeeded in digging himself out, for Radek had relaxed back into the sofa and was beckoning him to join him there, a slightly sheepish smile on his lips.
"Atlantis wishes you to know that she thinks that it was a perfectly reasonable concern, given your history with her," Radek explained with an apologetic shrug. "We also want you to understand that Atlantis isn't really capable of taking me over, as Cadman did with you. This is because the systems of a human body are really just as complicated as Atlantis' systems, but she has no idea how to operate them. It would be like you or I using our brain to do what the computer chips in a modern automobile do. Our brains are much more sophisticated than those processors, but still we would have no idea of how to actually operate car engine."
"Huh." Rodney considered this, saw how it made sense and nodded his comprehension as he settled in at Radek's side. "Okay, that's good to know. Thanks." He sat forward for a moment to allow Radek to slip his arm behind Rodney, wrap it around his waist and snug him in close. He relaxed into Radek's wiry strength as he was pulled into a kiss, and surrendered to it happily.
Rodney could have gone on in that manner for hours, but Radek drew back after a few moments and said, "You have not eaten diner yet, have you?"
"Well, no," said Rodney, perplexed and disappointed, "but how did that come up all of a sudden?"
"A gift from Atlantis," Radek said, his look and unenthusiastic tone clearly communicating that it was an entirely unasked for gift, "I can taste when your blood sugar is low now."
"That's it," muttered Rodney, "I am so never kissing you again."
Radek only snorted rather loudly and rose from the sofa. "Come," he said, "I have not yet had diner either. Shall we see what MRE selections we have to hand, or shall we venture forth to dining hall?"
"There still a chicken primavera in the cupboard?" Rodney inquired as he rose, surrendering to the inevitable.
"One chicken primavera," Radek reported as he surveyed the contents of the cupboard, "and one spaghetti with meatballs."
"Spaghetti okay with you, then?" Rodney asked.
"When did you actually eat lunch?" Radek asked a little while later as he watched Rodney more or less inhale his MRE.
"Um... I'm not sure that I did," Rodney confessed as soon as he had chewed and swallowed enough of his mouthful of food that none would spill out as he talked.
"Rodney," Radek's look had grown concerned, "you only forget to eat when you are very worried."
"Not... worried, so much as... really distracted." Rodney sought to allay Radek's fears.
"By what?"
Rodney took a moment to chew and swallow the last of his diner while he thought. "Last night," he began, seeing Radek nod as though he'd expected it. "Last night... well it wasn't anything like I thought it would be." He could see questions in Radek's eyes, but he held off.
"I thought it would be weird. I thought it would feel... wrong at first, to have someone else watching, but..." Radek raised his eyebrows curiously as Rodney paused, but remained patiently waiting.
"When... when I heard you talking to her," Rodney said at last, "it somehow felt like she was really there, with us..."
"And did that feel wrong, Rodney?" Radek asked gently.
Rodney shook his head. "No. Not wrong at all. It was... oh my god Radek, it was so hot..."
There was more than a little relief in Radek's smile. "She is very pleased to hear you say so," he said, "and I myself felt much the same way, you know."
"So at least we're on the same kinky page?" Rodney murmured, relaxing a bit.
"Um," said Radek.
"Oh, don't tell me..." Rodney began, tensing back up again.
"Last night," Radek began tentatively, "she learned a great deal, watching, but tonight..."
"Oh god," Rodney said with dismay.
"Tonight she would also like to... to feel."
Rodney closed his eyes and swallowed, drawing a deep breath to still the panic that threatened at the back of his mind. This needn't be anything bad, he told himself. Last night had been undeniably terrific, and there was, indeed, a part of him that was quivering with anticipation. There was a large part of him, however, that could not help but think of what this might mean for Radek and could not help worrying.
"How," he asked at last, "would this be accomplished?"
Radek scratched his ear nervously, clearing his throat before he spoke. "As you probably know, the parts of the brain that process sensory impressions are fairly discrete and easy to access. Through nanocites, Atlantis is potentially able to sense... everything I see, hear or... any tactile sensations."
"So..." This was more or less as Rodney had speculated. "Does she always have access to your senses like that?"
Radek nodded. "She could, potentially," he said, "but she would not, for two reasons. First, is very distracting for Atlantis to be processing the multi sensory data she gets from nanocites in my brain, while she is doing anything else, which she usually is. It is very different sort of information than she usually works with and managing it takes a great deal of her attention. Second reason is that sensory information from human brain is very high density, and demands a very high proportion of Atlantis' processing power. The more sensory data she accesses from me, the more systems she needs to let run unattended."
"Huh," said Rodney again. "I would never have guessed."
"Neither would I, really," said Radek with a shrug.
"So," Rodney stood up from the table, wanting to move as he wrestled with his hopes and doubts, "this is completely safe for you, Radek? I know," Rodney jumped in as he saw Radek start to scowl, "I do trust... the both of you, I just need to be reassured, okay? I mean, you do know me, right?"
Radek's scowl faded quickly into an understanding smile. "Yes, we do," he replied, "and that is fair. I will be safe, Rodney, and I do not surrender control of my body in any way."
"Okay," Rodney said, coming to rest by the window, his arms wrapped around his torso, "that's good to know."
The room fell silent for a moment as Radek stood and walked over to the window himself, standing near Rodney but not touching him. "If this is not something you wish," he turned to him and said at last, "you do not need a reason. I know we are asking a great deal."
Rodney nodded, still staring out the window into the night and the beautifully lit city. "I know," he said, "I just... I need a few minutes, I think... I need... I need to talk to her again." Out of the corner of his eye he saw Radek's mouth fall open, and then break into an affectionate smile.
"Shall I step out onto the balcony?" he asked, gesturing at the door.
Rodney glanced at Radek, and then back out the window. "No, you know what? I could use a little fresh air, myself. She can hear me out there, right? Stupid question. Of course."
The fresh air was good. It cleared Rodney's thoughts and focused them, and the vision of the city all around him, glittering under the stars, filled his heart.
"God you're beautiful," he said before he even knew what he was thinking. Rodney drew a breath then, to try and gather himself and remember what it was he'd come out here to say.
"Well, you are," he continued after a moment because he didn't want Atlantis to think that he hadn't meant it, "and I've always thought so." He drew another breath now, and forged ahead.
"I know you heard me say so to Radek, but I wanted to let you know personally... that last night was incredible. It was a... a revelation. It made me think that maybe you and Radek together really are the best thing that's ever happened to me."
Rodney began to relax, leaning against the railing and letting his eyes unfocus. "I know that I didn't seem to want to... believe in you at first, but you have to understand the reason. I thought that if you were real you'd be way too much like the... the kinds of fantasies that a lonely, genius, nerdy kid has, when he lets himself have fantasies, and it's... well it's dangerous to let yourself believe that fantasies like that can ever come true." Rodney shook his head silently, because he still believed that was true, with every fiber of his being, and yet...
"But you are real," he said, little more that whispering, "and last night I finally realized that."
He fell silent for a moment, listening to the sound of the waves breaking against the adjacent pier and imagined that it was Atlantis' voice.
"A part of me," Rodney picked up again when he was ready, "a big part of me, really, is incredibly excited about what we're about to try. But there's another part..." Rodney's breath was not as steady as he would have liked as he moved on. Already this was almost too hard.
"Ever since we came here, and started losing people... from my staff -people I knew and had worked with- ever since then there's a part of me that's... scared all the time: whenever we take a risk, whenever something goes wrong, whenever I start to care for anything or anyone. Right now that part... all it can feel right now is that if we do this tonight -and honestly, it's probably too late already, but it kind of makes things official in a way- if we do this then that's... that's just one more person it'd destroy me to lose."
Rodney had to stop then, to collect himself once more before he could go on, but he dared not hesitate for long. "I'm not going to ask you to make any promises; I've learned my lesson about that, I swear. I just want you to know what's at stake for me. I really don't want to regret the decision I'm about to make here, and so I'm just asking that if it's ever something that's in your power to help... please don't ever let me regret this. Please."
Only the sound of the waves answered him but maybe, Rodney thought, that was enough for now.
"I really do care for you," he said after another long moment, "and hopefully, you feel something for me. I keep thinking about... about touching you... and the idea that I'm actually going to be able to do that..." Rodney swallowed, pushing away from the rail, and drew a deep breath as he turned to look back and up at the city's central tower.
"I want..." he began again, voice hushed with the magnitude of what he was saying. "I want to make love to you... both of you, like I've never wanted anything or anyone before. I just want you to understand how much I'm risking to let myself want this... and how incredible it is that right now..." and Rodney finally let himself smile, grin really, as he moved towards the door, and Radek, and what could well be the most amazing experience in his life.
"Right now... I don't care. All I want is you."
***
Czech in Ch. 3:
prosím, teď
please, now
***
Next: pure smut!