In Extremis: Ch. 11
More sap and three hanky stuff in the current installment.
The next one will have sex -it's being written now, and then it may take another chapter or two to tie up the last of the loose ends (and have more sex).
Title: In Extremis
Author: Taylor Dancinghands -
taylor@willendorphians.com
Characters: Rodney McKay/Radek Zelenka
Category: slash, established relationship, Radek Angst
Rating: 'PG-17' -eventually
Archive: Generally yes, but please let me know where
Summary: Rodney's got himself in a bit of a bad spot, and only Radek can get him out.
How far will he go, and how will he face himself afterwards?
Spoilers/Season: none really. post season 2?
Author's notes: This story could be said to be a sequel of sorts to 'Discorporate', and so I've decided to make it number 2 in what will hopefully become a series that I'm now calling "The Angsty & Amorous Adventures of Rodney & Radek" or the A&AAofR&R.
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never will, not claiming to. Just wanna play with 'em a little. Can't I, can't I, huh?
In Extremis
by Taylor Dancinghands
Back to Ch. 10
XI. The Secrets of Grace
Radek had never wept so hard in all his life, and it frightened him a little because he couldn't seem to stop, but Rodney held him tight, rocking him ever so slightly in his arms, and he kept telling Radek he was okay. He did trust Rodney, even now when he did not know who he was, and could not seem to stop crying.
Perhaps, some part of him wondered as he clung to Rodney and felt his hot tears fall on their joined hands, perhaps these tears came from the melting iceberg in his chest and he would go on weeping until it was all melted away. He might be weeping into Rodney's arms for the next month, if Radek's estimate of the burden of the frozen anguish he'd held inside him was anything like accurate, but then it seemed pretty clear that Rodney was here for the duration, what ever that might be.
Freed of its frozen shroud, Radek felt his heart move within him at last, and it was the profoundest gratitude that moved it, first and foremost. The astonishing shock of being able to feel anything at all besides fear and despair wrung fresh sobs from him but now there were tears of joy and relief and gratitude mixed in with his tears of grief and sorrow. As he felt Rodney’s arms continue to hold and rock him gently, heard his voice, unceasing in its comforting litany, it came to Radek that Rodney could not know that his pleas had reached him at last, and though he was far from being capable of speaking, he desperately wanted Rodney to know.
Radek shifted in Rodney’s arms, relinquishing his grasp of Rodney’s hand, to turn and reach up, to take Rodney’s face in his hands and kiss him, with all the gratitude and love in his newly freed heart. When his reaching fingers discovered tears on Rodney’s face as well, his heart moved again and his kiss deepened in the intensity unto fresh sobs tore him away. He shifted sideways further so that he could wrap his own arms around his love and the two of them clung to each other, hanging on for dear life, as they wept on to each others’ shoulders.
They continued on in this manner for a long, long spell, neither aware of, nor caring much about the passage of time, though some part of Radek was aware, in passing of the light from outside fading away to leave his quarters in near darkness. Though his tears had not abated, Radek did feel the need to cling so desperately to Rodney eventually begin to lessen. Eventually, basking in the comfort of Rodney’s arms and the gentle caresses of Rodney’s fingers through his hair, Radek felt his sobs finally devolve into hiccups.
Drawing back just a little to kiss his face, Rodney asked if he wanted some water, and Radek nodded, sniffling between hiccups. Rodney wasn't able to reach any of the water bottles from where he sat, and so it became necessary for them to disentangled themselves, slowly and reluctantly. Rodney returned promptly with water and a box of Kleenex he’d dredged up from the depths of his pack, and settled himself back next to Radek again, reaching around behind him to enclose Radek in a one armed embrace as they passed the water back and forth and both blew their respective noses. Radek kept the kleenex box.
Leaning pleasantly against Rodney’s shoulder as Rodney gently stroked his fingers over Radek’s side, Radek heard an odd sound which he was first inclined to attribute to some technological mishap, but then realized was Rodney’s stomach growling. Radek lifted his head to meet Rodney’s eyes, searching them for signs of the inevitable coming in sugar crash, and Rodney divined his question.
“I’m okay for now,” he said quietly, but Radek knew him too well, and knew better. Shaking his head, he drew a long breath and sniffled again, ready to try his voice at last.
“Rodney, milaku,” he began, a little unsteadily but clearly enough, “I love you, and you need to eat,… and I do as well. I think I have finally had enough of imitating a leaky faucet.”
Rodney sat back to regard Radek with red rimmed eyes. It was the searching look again, but this time it seemed that he was finding what he sought at last.
“You’re really back,” he said, his voice colored with relief and wonder.
“I am, yes,” answered Radek, still sniffling a bit, “and it is you who have found me.”
“Oh thank god …” said Rodney unsteadily as his eyes began to fill again.
“No, please do not start again,” Radek implored, “or I will never be able to stop. This is a sure sign that you need to eat, Rodney. Come,” he said, reaching for his glasses, “what flavor of food bar do you want?”
“No, wait,” said Rodney, wiping his eyes, “I’ve got something better. Hang on.” Rodney rose and thought the lights on, just enough, then delved back into the pack once again to extract a pair of MREs, handing one to Radek.
“You know,” said Radek, unwrapping his meal and surprised at how hungry he suddenly felt, “if we keep stealing these mac and cheeses from his hidden cache, Kavanagh will eventually find us out.”
“You want to know what’s really, really weird?” Rodney asked as he took his seat next to Radek and tore into his food.
“What?” asked Radek, finding himself enjoying the glutinous, overly salted food much more than he’d usually did. Perhaps, he considered, he was finally getting the American concept of ‘comfort food’.
“Would you believe that Kavanagh actually *offered* these to me?" Rodney replied, "Actually came to my quarters while I was packing and gave me some guff about knowing what side his bread was buttered, which, I suppose, was his way of saying that even he knows that the whole science department works better when you do.”
"Should I be touched?" Radek asked.
"Not unless you want to be" answered Rodney, "and if you do? So don't want to know about it."
Radek gave a quiet little laugh. Truth be told, he was a little touched to learn that his customary self was missed, even by such as Kavanagh, but he would confess no such thing to Rodney. Glancing across to see if Rodney might have guessed his feelings anyway, he found the man staring at him, with a strange besotted sort of expression on his face.
"What?" Radek asked.
"You laughed," Rodney said softly. "I haven't seen you laugh once since … before …"
Radek reached across to lay his hand over Rodney's, setting his nearly finished meal on the side table. "Rodney," he said, just as softly "you freed my heart. There is still much … healing needed, but now it can. And nothing is more healing to a heart than laughter, yes?"
"Dammit Radek," said Rodney, setting aside his own meal and reaching for the kleenex, "if you don't want me watering up all the time you've got to stop saying things like that."
Radek was waiting to kiss him the second Rodney had finished drying his eyes and Rodney was more than ready for it. It was a good long kiss and before it was over Radek's hands had drifted under Rodney's shirt and were heading for dangerous territory when Rodney drew back, panting a little.
"Okay, this is all very, very good," he said, gasping slightly, "but I'm pretty sure it would be a really good idea to complete our caloric intake before a, ah, major expenditure?"
***
The title of this week's chapter is also obliquely inspired by minimalist music. In describing the dream which inspired the third movement of his concert-piece, Harmonilehr, ("Meister Eckhardt & Quackie") John Adams tells of seeing his young daughter, 'Quackie' in the dream, sitting on the shoulder the Medieval mystic, as she whispers to him the secrets of grace.
And yes, sex for sure in the next exciting chapter!
On to Ch. 12
The next one will have sex -it's being written now, and then it may take another chapter or two to tie up the last of the loose ends (and have more sex).
Title: In Extremis
Author: Taylor Dancinghands -
taylor@willendorphians.com
Characters: Rodney McKay/Radek Zelenka
Category: slash, established relationship, Radek Angst
Rating: 'PG-17' -eventually
Archive: Generally yes, but please let me know where
Summary: Rodney's got himself in a bit of a bad spot, and only Radek can get him out.
How far will he go, and how will he face himself afterwards?
Spoilers/Season: none really. post season 2?
Author's notes: This story could be said to be a sequel of sorts to 'Discorporate', and so I've decided to make it number 2 in what will hopefully become a series that I'm now calling "The Angsty & Amorous Adventures of Rodney & Radek" or the A&AAofR&R.
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never will, not claiming to. Just wanna play with 'em a little. Can't I, can't I, huh?
In Extremis
by Taylor Dancinghands
Back to Ch. 10
XI. The Secrets of Grace
Radek had never wept so hard in all his life, and it frightened him a little because he couldn't seem to stop, but Rodney held him tight, rocking him ever so slightly in his arms, and he kept telling Radek he was okay. He did trust Rodney, even now when he did not know who he was, and could not seem to stop crying.
Perhaps, some part of him wondered as he clung to Rodney and felt his hot tears fall on their joined hands, perhaps these tears came from the melting iceberg in his chest and he would go on weeping until it was all melted away. He might be weeping into Rodney's arms for the next month, if Radek's estimate of the burden of the frozen anguish he'd held inside him was anything like accurate, but then it seemed pretty clear that Rodney was here for the duration, what ever that might be.
Freed of its frozen shroud, Radek felt his heart move within him at last, and it was the profoundest gratitude that moved it, first and foremost. The astonishing shock of being able to feel anything at all besides fear and despair wrung fresh sobs from him but now there were tears of joy and relief and gratitude mixed in with his tears of grief and sorrow. As he felt Rodney’s arms continue to hold and rock him gently, heard his voice, unceasing in its comforting litany, it came to Radek that Rodney could not know that his pleas had reached him at last, and though he was far from being capable of speaking, he desperately wanted Rodney to know.
Radek shifted in Rodney’s arms, relinquishing his grasp of Rodney’s hand, to turn and reach up, to take Rodney’s face in his hands and kiss him, with all the gratitude and love in his newly freed heart. When his reaching fingers discovered tears on Rodney’s face as well, his heart moved again and his kiss deepened in the intensity unto fresh sobs tore him away. He shifted sideways further so that he could wrap his own arms around his love and the two of them clung to each other, hanging on for dear life, as they wept on to each others’ shoulders.
They continued on in this manner for a long, long spell, neither aware of, nor caring much about the passage of time, though some part of Radek was aware, in passing of the light from outside fading away to leave his quarters in near darkness. Though his tears had not abated, Radek did feel the need to cling so desperately to Rodney eventually begin to lessen. Eventually, basking in the comfort of Rodney’s arms and the gentle caresses of Rodney’s fingers through his hair, Radek felt his sobs finally devolve into hiccups.
Drawing back just a little to kiss his face, Rodney asked if he wanted some water, and Radek nodded, sniffling between hiccups. Rodney wasn't able to reach any of the water bottles from where he sat, and so it became necessary for them to disentangled themselves, slowly and reluctantly. Rodney returned promptly with water and a box of Kleenex he’d dredged up from the depths of his pack, and settled himself back next to Radek again, reaching around behind him to enclose Radek in a one armed embrace as they passed the water back and forth and both blew their respective noses. Radek kept the kleenex box.
Leaning pleasantly against Rodney’s shoulder as Rodney gently stroked his fingers over Radek’s side, Radek heard an odd sound which he was first inclined to attribute to some technological mishap, but then realized was Rodney’s stomach growling. Radek lifted his head to meet Rodney’s eyes, searching them for signs of the inevitable coming in sugar crash, and Rodney divined his question.
“I’m okay for now,” he said quietly, but Radek knew him too well, and knew better. Shaking his head, he drew a long breath and sniffled again, ready to try his voice at last.
“Rodney, milaku,” he began, a little unsteadily but clearly enough, “I love you, and you need to eat,… and I do as well. I think I have finally had enough of imitating a leaky faucet.”
Rodney sat back to regard Radek with red rimmed eyes. It was the searching look again, but this time it seemed that he was finding what he sought at last.
“You’re really back,” he said, his voice colored with relief and wonder.
“I am, yes,” answered Radek, still sniffling a bit, “and it is you who have found me.”
“Oh thank god …” said Rodney unsteadily as his eyes began to fill again.
“No, please do not start again,” Radek implored, “or I will never be able to stop. This is a sure sign that you need to eat, Rodney. Come,” he said, reaching for his glasses, “what flavor of food bar do you want?”
“No, wait,” said Rodney, wiping his eyes, “I’ve got something better. Hang on.” Rodney rose and thought the lights on, just enough, then delved back into the pack once again to extract a pair of MREs, handing one to Radek.
“You know,” said Radek, unwrapping his meal and surprised at how hungry he suddenly felt, “if we keep stealing these mac and cheeses from his hidden cache, Kavanagh will eventually find us out.”
“You want to know what’s really, really weird?” Rodney asked as he took his seat next to Radek and tore into his food.
“What?” asked Radek, finding himself enjoying the glutinous, overly salted food much more than he’d usually did. Perhaps, he considered, he was finally getting the American concept of ‘comfort food’.
“Would you believe that Kavanagh actually *offered* these to me?" Rodney replied, "Actually came to my quarters while I was packing and gave me some guff about knowing what side his bread was buttered, which, I suppose, was his way of saying that even he knows that the whole science department works better when you do.”
"Should I be touched?" Radek asked.
"Not unless you want to be" answered Rodney, "and if you do? So don't want to know about it."
Radek gave a quiet little laugh. Truth be told, he was a little touched to learn that his customary self was missed, even by such as Kavanagh, but he would confess no such thing to Rodney. Glancing across to see if Rodney might have guessed his feelings anyway, he found the man staring at him, with a strange besotted sort of expression on his face.
"What?" Radek asked.
"You laughed," Rodney said softly. "I haven't seen you laugh once since … before …"
Radek reached across to lay his hand over Rodney's, setting his nearly finished meal on the side table. "Rodney," he said, just as softly "you freed my heart. There is still much … healing needed, but now it can. And nothing is more healing to a heart than laughter, yes?"
"Dammit Radek," said Rodney, setting aside his own meal and reaching for the kleenex, "if you don't want me watering up all the time you've got to stop saying things like that."
Radek was waiting to kiss him the second Rodney had finished drying his eyes and Rodney was more than ready for it. It was a good long kiss and before it was over Radek's hands had drifted under Rodney's shirt and were heading for dangerous territory when Rodney drew back, panting a little.
"Okay, this is all very, very good," he said, gasping slightly, "but I'm pretty sure it would be a really good idea to complete our caloric intake before a, ah, major expenditure?"
***
The title of this week's chapter is also obliquely inspired by minimalist music. In describing the dream which inspired the third movement of his concert-piece, Harmonilehr, ("Meister Eckhardt & Quackie") John Adams tells of seeing his young daughter, 'Quackie' in the dream, sitting on the shoulder the Medieval mystic, as she whispers to him the secrets of grace.
And yes, sex for sure in the next exciting chapter!
On to Ch. 12