In Extremis: Ch. 7
The weekend at my house: angst and yet more apples!
Title: In Extremis
Author: Taylor Dancinghands -
taylor@willendorphians.com
Characters: Rodney McKay/Radek Zelenka
Category: slash, established relationship, Radek Angst
Rating: 'PG-17' -eventually
Archive: Generally yes, but please let me know where
Summary: Rodney's got himself in a bit of a bad spot, and only Radek can get him out.
How far will he go, and how will he face himself afterwards?
Spoilers/Season: none really. post season 2?
Author's notes: This story could be said to be a sequel of sorts to 'Discorporate', and so I've decided to make it number 2 in what will hopefully become a series that I'm now calling "The Angsty & Amorous Adventures of Rodney & Radek" or the A&AAofR&R.
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never will, not claiming to. Just wanna play with 'em a little. Can't I, can't I, huh?
In Extremis
by Taylor Dancinghands
Back to Ch. 6
VII. No Medals Please
Dr. Weir came to see them the next day, and while Radek would rather not have had to face her yet, he could not think of any reason he could give to keep her away, and so he acquiesced. Rodney had managed to dictate and turn in a report covering his experience of recent events, and while Radek had not done his yet, he knew that Rodney's representation of events would be essentially accurate, if a bit over blown. Elizabeth had no doubt read it by now and he dreaded facing the questions she would no doubt wish to put to him, but he knew that he'd have to face her eventually, so he might as well get it over with sooner than later.
"I can see why the two of you have insisted that you never be sent off world together," she remarked as she sat on a chair between their two beds in the infirmary. "You're clearly both magnets for trouble.
"The reason I've asked that we not be sent on missions together," Rodney proclaimed, in his best patronizing and exasperated tone, "is that Atlantis *clearly* can't afford to loose both of us. This last … disaster was clearly a fluke."
"Actually," replied Dr. Weir, "it's beginning to look like an enormous set up, I'm afraid."
"How is that?" Radek asked. Both he and Rodney were sitting up in their respective beds, having just eaten lunch, and it was a measure of their recovery that they weren't just interested in going right back to sleep.
"Naturally, John, Teyla and Ronon were out beating the bushes for you, Rodney, minutes after you'd been taken," Dr. Weir recounted, "and Teyla worked her contacts until she found out who had been paid to kidnap you. After that it became a matter of 'following the money' as they say, or in this case, trade goods. We'd narrowed it down to Pretana or one other possible world when the two of you showed up, but we found something else too."
Dr. Weir turned to address Radek more directly now. "The trader who forwarded us the information about the jumper depot turned out to be about four transactions away from the gang that grabbed Rodney."
I don't understand," said Radek, though he thought he might if he thought about it for a minute more.
"I can't say with certainty," said Dr. Weir, "but my guess is that they'd heard about Rodney, possibly from the Genii, and had meant for him to come to Pretana to investigate the tip we'd been fed. If they'd found Radek instead, they might have been satisfied, but when they didn't they must have assumed that we'd just sent a military unit, with no scientists. I'm guessing that they made further inquiries at that point and learned that Rodney was on Tathibia, again, probably from the Genii, and they went about acquiring him in a much less subtle way."
Radek shook his head slowly, trying to digest all this with a head still foggy with painkillers. It came to him that if Dodekian hadn't done his job so well then Rodney would never have been captured and tortured, but he would have, with no one to rescue him or even know he was in trouble for days.
"Radek, You are *not* to think that anything would have been better if you'd been captured instead of Rodney." Elizabeth's gaze was very direct, as though shining a spotlight on his guilty speculations. "The way I see it, given that we were absolutely lead down the garden path, and I'd like to find a way to be sure that *that* never happens again, we've had as favorable an outcome a we could possibly could have. But that's entirely the result of you’re actions, Dr. Zelenka."
"Mine?" No, no, Radek thought with dread. They must not make a hero of him for this. He could not bear the thought.
"Radek, the words 'above and beyond the all of duty' don't begin to do justice to your actions." He knew that Dr. Weir only meant to compliment him, but Radek did not wish to be complimented for what he'd done. What he'd done had been horrible and he'd forget every minute of it if he could. He certainly didn't want everyone on Atlantis knowing.
"I … Dr. Weir, I only did what I had to." How could he explain how he abhorred his own actions without sounding ungrateful? Radek didn't know.
"On the contrary," Elizabeth disagreed, "You were safe in the jumper and you knew that a rescue was only a day or two away. You could even have safely bet that they would probably want to keep Rodney alive for that long at least. No one would have though the less of you if you'd stayed put."
Which really meant, Radek thought to himself, that no one would have been surprised if he'd behaved like a coward. Well, ordinarily they'd have been right.
"Naturally, I'll want to read your own account of what happened before I make any decisions," Dr. Weir continued, "but this incident has given me an idea. The circumstances we find ourselves in here on Atlantis has engendered an unprecedented number of acts of astonishing bravery, both from military and civilian personnel, and I think it needs to be acknowledged. I'm thinking that we need our own medal, or similar sort of commemoration to acknowledge those acts, and Radek I'd be altogether pleased to have you be it's first recipient."
Radek found himself swept be a sudden wave of nausea, and for a moment he thought he was actually going to be ill.
"Radek?" Rodney didn't miss a thing. "You okay?"
"Am fine," he managed at last, hearing himself tell the same lie on Pretana, having (foolishly, it would now seem) just pulled a crossbow bolt from his own arm.
"I … I only do not wish to be recognized in this way, … please. Medal may be a fine thing, in fact. Certainly Rodney would deserve one for any number of reasons, but I … I do not wish to celebrate any part of what I did on Pretana."
Elizabeth's face darkened with concern. "Why not?" she asked.
"It was all … only killing." Radek struggled to retain his composure as his blood spattered memories assaulted him. "Killing and more killing … I am very glad I was able to save Rodney, … but I would rather not remember anything of what I had to do, … please."
Elizabeth tipped her head thoughtfully, reaching over to lay a gentle hand on Radek's arm.
"I'll certainly respect your wishes, Radek," she said, "but I hope you change your mind. You've done nothing to be ashamed of."
She left after that, to let the two of them rest, but Radek felt far from restful. Dr. Weir's suggestion that he might be publicly recognized for his actions had left him with a lingering sense of panic. He certainly trusted Dr. Weir to keep her word, but it was becoming clearer by the hour that, in the gossip mill that was Atlantis, his exploits would be known station a wide with in the week, public recognition or no.
"Radek?" The concern had not yet left Rodney's voice, though it had recovered some from his earlier ordeal. "Are you … alright?"
The fragile tentativeness in Rodney's question ought to have undone him, ought to have moved him to open his heart and let Rodney in, but the hard knot of fear there resisted him, and answer Rodney's concerned with disdain.
"Is it so hard to believe," he asked, "that I would rather be known for my scientific achievements than for my ability to massacre for dozens of men armed with crossbows and chain mail with a machine gun? I am a very much relieved that I was able to prevent you from having to endure further torture, and am very glad to be home now, but could we now possibly go back to being scientists in instead of action heroes?"
Rodney did not answer, and his look, as he gazed across at Radek was, if anything, more troubled.
"What?" asked Radek, knowing that something wasn't right between them, but not sure what.
"Nothing," said Rodney eventually, shaking his head. "Just feeling tired again, I guess."
Rodney rolled over on to his side, facing away from him and Radek could not tell if he truly slept or not. He knew that he couldn't. What in god's name was wrong with him? The cold killing machine that he had invoked on Pretana still seemed to be calling the shots, and he couldn't seem to stop it. Radek rolled onto his own left side and stared at Rodney's broad, immobile back and felt the knot of fear in his heart pulled tighter and tighter.
***
Oh, I'm just getting started ...
On to Ch. 8
Title: In Extremis
Author: Taylor Dancinghands -
taylor@willendorphians.com
Characters: Rodney McKay/Radek Zelenka
Category: slash, established relationship, Radek Angst
Rating: 'PG-17' -eventually
Archive: Generally yes, but please let me know where
Summary: Rodney's got himself in a bit of a bad spot, and only Radek can get him out.
How far will he go, and how will he face himself afterwards?
Spoilers/Season: none really. post season 2?
Author's notes: This story could be said to be a sequel of sorts to 'Discorporate', and so I've decided to make it number 2 in what will hopefully become a series that I'm now calling "The Angsty & Amorous Adventures of Rodney & Radek" or the A&AAofR&R.
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never will, not claiming to. Just wanna play with 'em a little. Can't I, can't I, huh?
In Extremis
by Taylor Dancinghands
Back to Ch. 6
VII. No Medals Please
Dr. Weir came to see them the next day, and while Radek would rather not have had to face her yet, he could not think of any reason he could give to keep her away, and so he acquiesced. Rodney had managed to dictate and turn in a report covering his experience of recent events, and while Radek had not done his yet, he knew that Rodney's representation of events would be essentially accurate, if a bit over blown. Elizabeth had no doubt read it by now and he dreaded facing the questions she would no doubt wish to put to him, but he knew that he'd have to face her eventually, so he might as well get it over with sooner than later.
"I can see why the two of you have insisted that you never be sent off world together," she remarked as she sat on a chair between their two beds in the infirmary. "You're clearly both magnets for trouble.
"The reason I've asked that we not be sent on missions together," Rodney proclaimed, in his best patronizing and exasperated tone, "is that Atlantis *clearly* can't afford to loose both of us. This last … disaster was clearly a fluke."
"Actually," replied Dr. Weir, "it's beginning to look like an enormous set up, I'm afraid."
"How is that?" Radek asked. Both he and Rodney were sitting up in their respective beds, having just eaten lunch, and it was a measure of their recovery that they weren't just interested in going right back to sleep.
"Naturally, John, Teyla and Ronon were out beating the bushes for you, Rodney, minutes after you'd been taken," Dr. Weir recounted, "and Teyla worked her contacts until she found out who had been paid to kidnap you. After that it became a matter of 'following the money' as they say, or in this case, trade goods. We'd narrowed it down to Pretana or one other possible world when the two of you showed up, but we found something else too."
Dr. Weir turned to address Radek more directly now. "The trader who forwarded us the information about the jumper depot turned out to be about four transactions away from the gang that grabbed Rodney."
I don't understand," said Radek, though he thought he might if he thought about it for a minute more.
"I can't say with certainty," said Dr. Weir, "but my guess is that they'd heard about Rodney, possibly from the Genii, and had meant for him to come to Pretana to investigate the tip we'd been fed. If they'd found Radek instead, they might have been satisfied, but when they didn't they must have assumed that we'd just sent a military unit, with no scientists. I'm guessing that they made further inquiries at that point and learned that Rodney was on Tathibia, again, probably from the Genii, and they went about acquiring him in a much less subtle way."
Radek shook his head slowly, trying to digest all this with a head still foggy with painkillers. It came to him that if Dodekian hadn't done his job so well then Rodney would never have been captured and tortured, but he would have, with no one to rescue him or even know he was in trouble for days.
"Radek, You are *not* to think that anything would have been better if you'd been captured instead of Rodney." Elizabeth's gaze was very direct, as though shining a spotlight on his guilty speculations. "The way I see it, given that we were absolutely lead down the garden path, and I'd like to find a way to be sure that *that* never happens again, we've had as favorable an outcome a we could possibly could have. But that's entirely the result of you’re actions, Dr. Zelenka."
"Mine?" No, no, Radek thought with dread. They must not make a hero of him for this. He could not bear the thought.
"Radek, the words 'above and beyond the all of duty' don't begin to do justice to your actions." He knew that Dr. Weir only meant to compliment him, but Radek did not wish to be complimented for what he'd done. What he'd done had been horrible and he'd forget every minute of it if he could. He certainly didn't want everyone on Atlantis knowing.
"I … Dr. Weir, I only did what I had to." How could he explain how he abhorred his own actions without sounding ungrateful? Radek didn't know.
"On the contrary," Elizabeth disagreed, "You were safe in the jumper and you knew that a rescue was only a day or two away. You could even have safely bet that they would probably want to keep Rodney alive for that long at least. No one would have though the less of you if you'd stayed put."
Which really meant, Radek thought to himself, that no one would have been surprised if he'd behaved like a coward. Well, ordinarily they'd have been right.
"Naturally, I'll want to read your own account of what happened before I make any decisions," Dr. Weir continued, "but this incident has given me an idea. The circumstances we find ourselves in here on Atlantis has engendered an unprecedented number of acts of astonishing bravery, both from military and civilian personnel, and I think it needs to be acknowledged. I'm thinking that we need our own medal, or similar sort of commemoration to acknowledge those acts, and Radek I'd be altogether pleased to have you be it's first recipient."
Radek found himself swept be a sudden wave of nausea, and for a moment he thought he was actually going to be ill.
"Radek?" Rodney didn't miss a thing. "You okay?"
"Am fine," he managed at last, hearing himself tell the same lie on Pretana, having (foolishly, it would now seem) just pulled a crossbow bolt from his own arm.
"I … I only do not wish to be recognized in this way, … please. Medal may be a fine thing, in fact. Certainly Rodney would deserve one for any number of reasons, but I … I do not wish to celebrate any part of what I did on Pretana."
Elizabeth's face darkened with concern. "Why not?" she asked.
"It was all … only killing." Radek struggled to retain his composure as his blood spattered memories assaulted him. "Killing and more killing … I am very glad I was able to save Rodney, … but I would rather not remember anything of what I had to do, … please."
Elizabeth tipped her head thoughtfully, reaching over to lay a gentle hand on Radek's arm.
"I'll certainly respect your wishes, Radek," she said, "but I hope you change your mind. You've done nothing to be ashamed of."
She left after that, to let the two of them rest, but Radek felt far from restful. Dr. Weir's suggestion that he might be publicly recognized for his actions had left him with a lingering sense of panic. He certainly trusted Dr. Weir to keep her word, but it was becoming clearer by the hour that, in the gossip mill that was Atlantis, his exploits would be known station a wide with in the week, public recognition or no.
"Radek?" The concern had not yet left Rodney's voice, though it had recovered some from his earlier ordeal. "Are you … alright?"
The fragile tentativeness in Rodney's question ought to have undone him, ought to have moved him to open his heart and let Rodney in, but the hard knot of fear there resisted him, and answer Rodney's concerned with disdain.
"Is it so hard to believe," he asked, "that I would rather be known for my scientific achievements than for my ability to massacre for dozens of men armed with crossbows and chain mail with a machine gun? I am a very much relieved that I was able to prevent you from having to endure further torture, and am very glad to be home now, but could we now possibly go back to being scientists in instead of action heroes?"
Rodney did not answer, and his look, as he gazed across at Radek was, if anything, more troubled.
"What?" asked Radek, knowing that something wasn't right between them, but not sure what.
"Nothing," said Rodney eventually, shaking his head. "Just feeling tired again, I guess."
Rodney rolled over on to his side, facing away from him and Radek could not tell if he truly slept or not. He knew that he couldn't. What in god's name was wrong with him? The cold killing machine that he had invoked on Pretana still seemed to be calling the shots, and he couldn't seem to stop it. Radek rolled onto his own left side and stared at Rodney's broad, immobile back and felt the knot of fear in his heart pulled tighter and tighter.
***
Oh, I'm just getting started ...
On to Ch. 8