Oh Shut Up With Your LIES!
I get so enraged when people say they have no time for me. They are too busy, they can't talk, they can't listen, they can't look me in the eyes.
I tried to make connections with people; with family... everyone says, "HEY! IT SOUNDS GREAT! I MISS YOU, TOO! LET'S GET TOGETHER!" and then there is nothing more but lies, upon lies; or even just nothing at all. And to be honest, I'd prefer nothing. At least then I'd know where I stand.
There was someone who over christmas vacation said that we'd hang out, we'd find time... we just had to. That never happened, and I leave messages for them to read, but they just get discarded, or reply with an "Oops. I deleted it. Sorry."
And it's not just with family. It's with people from high school, people from college. Fucking people.
AND I KNOW I DO THE SAME THING TO EVERYONE ELSE... AND I AM SORRY. It is a sucky position to be in... maybe you can let it slide by time and time again, but I can't let it slide anymore. I just want to kick the shit out of this mess, and then block it out!
Tonight has been self-destructive. But it feels so fucking nice. I wanted to hang out with someone today, but by the time I got a reply, I had no more motivation to move. No motivation to drive. No motivation to think.
I want to go write... write in some journal that I'll eventually through away, thinking to myself what stupid problems I had. What stupid thoughts. What a stupid person I used to be... or that I am.
But this is nothing more than a rant.
I tried to make connections with people; with family... everyone says, "HEY! IT SOUNDS GREAT! I MISS YOU, TOO! LET'S GET TOGETHER!" and then there is nothing more but lies, upon lies; or even just nothing at all. And to be honest, I'd prefer nothing. At least then I'd know where I stand.
There was someone who over christmas vacation said that we'd hang out, we'd find time... we just had to. That never happened, and I leave messages for them to read, but they just get discarded, or reply with an "Oops. I deleted it. Sorry."
And it's not just with family. It's with people from high school, people from college. Fucking people.
AND I KNOW I DO THE SAME THING TO EVERYONE ELSE... AND I AM SORRY. It is a sucky position to be in... maybe you can let it slide by time and time again, but I can't let it slide anymore. I just want to kick the shit out of this mess, and then block it out!
Tonight has been self-destructive. But it feels so fucking nice. I wanted to hang out with someone today, but by the time I got a reply, I had no more motivation to move. No motivation to drive. No motivation to think.
I want to go write... write in some journal that I'll eventually through away, thinking to myself what stupid problems I had. What stupid thoughts. What a stupid person I used to be... or that I am.
But this is nothing more than a rant.
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angry
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