Back in London and it feels as if I never left. Even though I hardly spent any time in my new flat before going to Toronto, I don't feel any real excitement connected to living in a new neighbourhood, sorting out a new routine, taking a new bus. It all feels the same. Other than my trip to Berlin next week, there's nothing to be excited about. I don't even want to socialise; I just want to find a quiet spot in Senate House and get on with work. I feel really selfish but I just don't feel like I have the energy or the interest to keep tabs on everyone and to share my time. I don't want to catch up, I don't want to hear about summer holidays and I don't want to hear about dissertations. But soon enough, I'll be basically on my own here, people have left or are about to leave, and I don't know what I'll do next. I'm not used to not having a plan, I've spent the last half decade with something to work towards and now I've got nothing going. It's a weird position to be in - I don't want to be around anyone but I know that soon enough, I won't have much choice but to be alone and I know that I'll be even worse off then.