[fic] I remember [Gackt/Miyavi] (oneshot)
Title: I remember
Pairing: Gackt/Miyavi
Rating: NC - 17 (I think?)
Genre: romance, memories? (that's no genre but well yea ...)
Warnings/Disclaimer: I don't own the guys, as for warnings, a part of it is quite depressing? But it doesn't stay that way so ... yup ...
Silence ... Silence filled the room as the man sat on his bed, staring at the window, through the window, right to the moon. His hand reached out for his guitar, his long fingers curling around its neck as he pulled it on his lap. He mindlessly started to play a tune he had never played before, but his heart knew it. In his heart, he had played it one million times, over and over ...
Tears formed in his eyes as he felt his heart throb and ache inside his chest. A sorrow, so deeply etsed that he couldn't run from it. A hollow ... never-ending hollow. This was all he had now, a song and his memories, nothing more.
He could remember when they met. That first meeting, years ago, on a party. It was good, they talked and laughed. And after that night they had established a friendship, based on their common interests and on the fun they had that one night. However, their friendship withered slowly... Time moved on and he married, his wife was pregnant of their first baby girl. And from that time on everything became different. More time with his family, and less with friends. Meanwhile, the other was busy with his own projects as well. And it wasn't until another party that they met again. That night, however, things between them changed forever.
He sat on a bench in the garden, his glass of wine dangling in his hand as he laughed at one of Gackt’s jokes, shaking his head a little. “Hmm, you’re brilliant … Seriously, how did you even come up with that joke?” He asked as he put his arm around the other’s shoulder, grinning at him in an obviously drunken manner. Gackt laughed and smiled at him, taking the glass of wine from the younger man before putting it aside. “You’re drunk, Miyavi …” And Miyavi chuckled before leaning closer to the elder musician, touching his lips to the other’s. Gackt, whose eyes widened in surprise, but much to the younger’s astonishment the elder musician returned the kiss instead of pushing his friend away.
The man sat on his bed and smiled sadly at the memory of how their lips had touched. He remembered how startled he had been to feel the other’s lips on his own. He closed his eyes and reached a trembling hand up to his lips, touching them briefly. How many men had he kissed during his time on stage? Honestly, he had long forgotten … but he still remembered that first kiss he had shared with Gackt. Just like he remembered every other kiss there had ever been between them. And just like he remembered how things had changed in his life since that one evening.
Miyavi sat behind his laptop with a tired expression on his face as he went over his song again, shaking his head in displeasure. It was no good … And he realised he would never finish it if he remained there, sitting, hoping for inspiration to come out of nowhere. A soft buzz reached his ears and he looked at his phone, the screen lighting up and an image of Melody appearing. He sighed and looked away from it. He loved her, he did … but he had also lost his heart to another … He glanced at the screen again and saw the light fade, taking a deep breath. How could he keep this up? This lie … He frowned. “A lie …” He muttered. “My life, it’s a lie …” He smiled and grabbed the paper, scribbling down the notes and words in a hurry as they flooded his thoughts. It was a brilliant idea, using a simple truth in a song like that.
He let himself fall back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, remembering Gackt’s expression when he had played the song for him. The other man had been surprised but he hadn’t been able to hide his amusement. He knew that Gackt had been flattered by it, even though the song was not really about him, it had been clear enough what thoughts were buried in it. He reached for his guitar the second time, playing the song he had written for him, his voice breaking so often that he feared he would never be able to sing again. He played it softer, gentler than on the album and in the lives. The pain felt real enough without having to scream it out. He couldn’t bring himself to scream, not now … Gackt had liked it so much … hearing him scream in songs.
"You’re quiet.” Miyavi looked up and frowned. “Hm?” “You’re quiet.” Gackt repeated as he looked at the man in his arms. “I feel bad … I lie to everyone …” “Not to me.” Miyavi smiled briefly and nodded. “True … not to you. But … I …” Gackt nodded and leant down to capture the other’s lips. “Sing for me.” The elder man whispered and Miyavi smiled, reaching out to his guitar, shifting before starting to play a song. He never played it before, completely improvised and so were the lyrics. He sung softly, his voice getting louder, close to screaming in the chorus. And Gackt watched with a smile on his lips as his lover sang the frustration out of him.
He closed his eyes as he lay there, inhaling deeply. He had felt surprised at first, finding out that Gackt could so easily make him cry out his frustration and all the other emotions that he let build up inside him. But by now he had gotten used to it, he had loved it … Gackt was inspiration in a way no other was. He made Miyavi let go of the boundaries in his emotions and feelings, he made him release everything into his songs even though they were often only rough drafts and improvised works in progress. But they had ended up quite brilliant. He shifted and reached for his phone. “Am I fool? Waiting for you to text and say it’s a lie …?”
He couldn’t take it any longer. This silence, the empty feeling inside his heart was making him go crazy. He shifted again on the bed and reached for the remote of the television, turning it on and switching channels until he reached one with a movie. He glanced at the summary and sighed. It was a romantic comedy, but he supposed that was how it had to be since every other channel focused on the disaster in Japan. It was the only escape from the current situation. He looked at the screen and smiled a little as the couple started kissing. He knew what kind of scene would follow, he had lived that moment …
He lay in the sofa in silence, smiling at the thought of Gackt coming over for dinner. He enjoyed the moments they spend together and couldn’t wait to be with him more often … If only he knew how to handle it … He couldn’t leave his family behind for Gackt, it wouldn’t be appropriate and he did care greatly for Melody and the little girls. He licked his lips and thought deeply before looking at the door as someone knocked. He smiled and stood up, rushing over to the door before opening it, looking at Gackt with a grin on his lips. “Oh damn I missed you.” He whispered, pulling the vocalist inside before kissing him softly. Just a bit after they had finally broken the kiss, another knock came, alerting them that room service had arrived.
After their meal they lay together in the sofa, Miyavi tracing figures on Gackt’s shirt with a peaceful smile on his lips. “Masa, I love you …” The younger male looked up and kissed the other’s lips softly before whispering his own words of love toward the beautiful man that was holding him so close. Another kiss followed and soon enough Miyavi found himself being pulled toward the bed. A soft chuckle leaving his lips as he was pushed onto it, looking up at his secret lover with an eager expression. He had never thought of forbidden love before he met Gackt, but now, being with the other man … It was enough to make him go mad. He reached out and pulled at Gackt’s shirt, laughing as he fell on top of him. “Be careful baby, we can’t afford to break this bed~” The elder man mused before capturing his lips again in a heated kiss.
But Miyavi didn’t care, he could buy the hotel a new bed, pay them to be silent about it, and so could Gackt … He wanted to be close to the man he loved, that’s all that he wanted on that moment … so he wrapped his legs around the elder man’s waist and grinned. “Why don’t you break me instead of the bed?” He asked with a grin on his lips, and Gackt complied. He captured the tattooed guitarist’s lips in a heated kiss before quickly shifting to his neck, licking and sucking at his skin, feeling the younger man’s pulse underneath his lips. If he bit, if he bit just hard enough, he could hurt him, he could take Miyavi’s life. But no, he wouldn’t do that, not to anybody, but certainly not to this man. He smiled against the man’s sweaty skin and licked his lips. “I’ll make you scream.”
And Gackt would keep his promise. He grinned softly as he leant closer to the other and brushed his lips against Miyavi’s neck again, his hot tongue trailing over the skin, tasting the salt in his lover’s sweat before he took off the other’s shirt. A gasp leaving the younger man’s lips when he felt the other move his lips down, his tongue leaving a trail on his tattooed chest while he found his way to the guitarist’s nipple. Gackt grinned as he sucked and bit at the sensitive little nub, making the man beneath him gasp and moan as he arched himself off the bed a little, wanting to get closer to those warm and addictive lips. The elder man shifted his attention to the other nipple, a satisfied grin on his lips as Miyavi moaned again and squirmed a little.
“Gakuto, more …” The elder man looked up at the guitarist underneath him and tilted his head. “More, more … how my dear?” He asked with a grin on his lips as he shifted and captured his lover’s lips with need and love burning inside him. Once, not so long ago, he had told the world that he would never be able to have a sexual relationship with another man. But now it seemed like that was a life-time ago. When he looked down at Miyavi he could only smile and feel the passion in his heart burn high. “Gakuto … don’t make me wait any longer …” Came a needy whisper from the tattooed man beneath him, making the elder musician grin and help the other out of his trousers.
Now that Miyavi had been fully undressed he shifted a little awkwardly and reached out, tugging at the elder man’s shirt, wanting to be able to watch him the way he was being watched. Gackt chuckled and leant down, licking the other’s lips before taking off his shirt and his trousers. “You like it more like this hm? When you can see my skin?” Miyavi nodded and blushed a little. “I do … watching your skin arouses me.” “And watching you squirm arouses me.” Came Gackt’s response as he spread the man’s legs and settled between them. “Tell me how badly you want it~”
The younger man looked at the man towering above him and smiled. “I want it more than anything in the world right now.” He whispered, knowing very well that Gackt would understand him, and the elder man did. He positioned himself and kissed Miyavi to muffle his cries as he entered, knowing that his ‘magnum’ would hurt in the beginning. He could feel the other tense underneath him, a soft groan escaping those warm lips as Gackt himself could barely hold back the moan building in his throat. Miyavi felt tight and hot around him, and if Gackt hadn’t felt this before he knew he would’ve lost himself. But he remained calm and simply kissed the beautiful male again before touching his cheek. “I’ll give you some time to relax …”
But Miyavi didn’t want it, he grinned and wrapped his arms around Gackt in a heated kiss, his hips moving back as he begged against the other’s lips. “Do me please, do me hard and deep …” The man above him grinned and nodded, his fingers trailing over Miyavi’s cheek before he inhaled and thrust hard into the man he loved and cherished, earning a loud groan against his lips. And so his pace was set, as Gackt kept thrusting hard into the tattooed man beneath him, watching his face change from discomfort to pure pleasure, his lips parting in moans and his hips bucking, pushing back to meet the elder’s thrusts. They lost themselves in it, in the rhythm of thrusts and the sound of moans and flesh hitting flesh echoing through the room. Miyavi felt high on the moment, pulling Gackt down into a heated kiss as he pushed his tongue into the other’s mouth, tasting him and feeling him while Gackt himself had other things in his mind. His hands bruising the guitarist’s hips because of his firm grip as he changed his angle and speed up, grinning when he heard the other cry out and soon enough that one word filled the air. “C-close…”
Gackt had always found it interesting that Miyavi was so easy to satisfy, but he liked it either way. So he leant down and kissed the tattooed man deeply, his hand reaching down and stroking the man’s arousal in time with his trusts. A grin on his lips when Miyavi let his head fall back and his muscles tensed before he moaned loudly while he released, the tightening feeling around his own arousal enough to bring him to his own release. He thrust a few more times, slowing down slowly and kissing his lover deeply as he lay down, pulling the man in his arms and remaining like that.
He looked at the ceiling, he had laid back when he had started to remember those things. They would always have sex and so often too. Each time they met. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply, knowing that he would never see him again, never hold or kiss him again. They would never make love again. Those things, they stung, but there was nothing he could do. Gackt hadn’t survived the disaster, he hadn’t been seen anywhere at all since it happened. He felt tears gather in his eyes and pulled his pillow to his chest as he groaned loudly, unsure of how he could deal with this. All he could do now was going back to Melody once the tour was over. After all she was waiting for him to return to her. He lay there for hours, or so it felt, holding on to the pillow, thinking of the people that had been taken away by the disaster. It was heart-breaking, but there was no time to dwell, another concert was getting closer and he still had to prepare it.
So eventually he managed to drag himself out of the bed and toward the shower of the hotel. There was no rehearsal planned for today so he had time. He turned on the water, checked the temperature before taking his clothes off and stepped into the warm water. He stood there for hours, or so it felt at least … Like the water had soaked him to his bones while he stood there, thinking … waiting. But waiting for what? For his phone to ring and to see that one name pop up? This was ridiculous … thinking that he would somehow still … No … Miyavi shook his head, pulling himself out of his daze as he left the shower and simply put a towel around his waist. Perhaps getting some sleep would clear his head …
xxx
It was dark outside by the time he woke up, by the look of the stars and the moon probably even late at night, and the clock on his phone confirmed it. At this time of the night what could he possibly do? He couldn’t play guitar or sing, the hotel walls weren’t thick enough to keep him from waking up his neighbours if he did that. He could always go out and have a drink or so … Honestly however he didn’t feel like doing that, to be surrounded by people, loud people who were probably drinking as well. He closed his eyes again, only to groan when a soft knock reached his ears.
When he didn’t react and another knock game he frowned and glanced at the door. It was the middle of the night and some idiot found it funny to knock on his door? Could they see the light under his door? He shook his head. It was only the light on the nightstand … it was impossible that it was visible under the door. He sighed at a third knock and dragged himself out of the bed, walking over to the door and put his hand on the handle, taking a moment before opening the door. “What do you wa-“ He looked up and stared at the person before him. The man before him stared back with dark brown eyes, which were usually hidden behind sunglasses and blue contacts.
Miyavi just stood there in silence for a moment, before he felt tears gather in his eyes, stepping toward the elder man. He reached his hand out, touching the other’s cheek carefully, as if he feared that the other would disappear as soon as he touched him. But Gackt, that beautiful man, didn’t disappear … instead he could feel the man’s skin, the warmth and softness of it. He smiled in disbelief, his tears escaping his eyes before he hugged the elder man tightly, clinging to him as if he would truly lose the man if he let go.
After a while, he pulled him into his hotel room with him and they lay together, talking softly while the guitarist rested his head on the other’s chest. He felt relieved, happy even, knowing that Gackt had left Japan before the disaster struck, that his phone had been dead and he had no idea of the current situation in Japan. It was good now, Gackt wasn’t gone like everyone believed … He was alive and well, safe … and in Miyavi’s arms no less. It had hurt, but the day had been amazing … It had learned him the most wonderful thing ever, helped him decide on something important.
Pairing: Gackt/Miyavi
Rating: NC - 17 (I think?)
Genre: romance, memories? (that's no genre but well yea ...)
Warnings/Disclaimer: I don't own the guys, as for warnings, a part of it is quite depressing? But it doesn't stay that way so ... yup ...
'@Gackt I remember'
Silence ... Silence filled the room as the man sat on his bed, staring at the window, through the window, right to the moon. His hand reached out for his guitar, his long fingers curling around its neck as he pulled it on his lap. He mindlessly started to play a tune he had never played before, but his heart knew it. In his heart, he had played it one million times, over and over ...
Tears formed in his eyes as he felt his heart throb and ache inside his chest. A sorrow, so deeply etsed that he couldn't run from it. A hollow ... never-ending hollow. This was all he had now, a song and his memories, nothing more.
He could remember when they met. That first meeting, years ago, on a party. It was good, they talked and laughed. And after that night they had established a friendship, based on their common interests and on the fun they had that one night. However, their friendship withered slowly... Time moved on and he married, his wife was pregnant of their first baby girl. And from that time on everything became different. More time with his family, and less with friends. Meanwhile, the other was busy with his own projects as well. And it wasn't until another party that they met again. That night, however, things between them changed forever.
He sat on a bench in the garden, his glass of wine dangling in his hand as he laughed at one of Gackt’s jokes, shaking his head a little. “Hmm, you’re brilliant … Seriously, how did you even come up with that joke?” He asked as he put his arm around the other’s shoulder, grinning at him in an obviously drunken manner. Gackt laughed and smiled at him, taking the glass of wine from the younger man before putting it aside. “You’re drunk, Miyavi …” And Miyavi chuckled before leaning closer to the elder musician, touching his lips to the other’s. Gackt, whose eyes widened in surprise, but much to the younger’s astonishment the elder musician returned the kiss instead of pushing his friend away.
The man sat on his bed and smiled sadly at the memory of how their lips had touched. He remembered how startled he had been to feel the other’s lips on his own. He closed his eyes and reached a trembling hand up to his lips, touching them briefly. How many men had he kissed during his time on stage? Honestly, he had long forgotten … but he still remembered that first kiss he had shared with Gackt. Just like he remembered every other kiss there had ever been between them. And just like he remembered how things had changed in his life since that one evening.
Miyavi sat behind his laptop with a tired expression on his face as he went over his song again, shaking his head in displeasure. It was no good … And he realised he would never finish it if he remained there, sitting, hoping for inspiration to come out of nowhere. A soft buzz reached his ears and he looked at his phone, the screen lighting up and an image of Melody appearing. He sighed and looked away from it. He loved her, he did … but he had also lost his heart to another … He glanced at the screen again and saw the light fade, taking a deep breath. How could he keep this up? This lie … He frowned. “A lie …” He muttered. “My life, it’s a lie …” He smiled and grabbed the paper, scribbling down the notes and words in a hurry as they flooded his thoughts. It was a brilliant idea, using a simple truth in a song like that.
He let himself fall back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, remembering Gackt’s expression when he had played the song for him. The other man had been surprised but he hadn’t been able to hide his amusement. He knew that Gackt had been flattered by it, even though the song was not really about him, it had been clear enough what thoughts were buried in it. He reached for his guitar the second time, playing the song he had written for him, his voice breaking so often that he feared he would never be able to sing again. He played it softer, gentler than on the album and in the lives. The pain felt real enough without having to scream it out. He couldn’t bring himself to scream, not now … Gackt had liked it so much … hearing him scream in songs.
"You’re quiet.” Miyavi looked up and frowned. “Hm?” “You’re quiet.” Gackt repeated as he looked at the man in his arms. “I feel bad … I lie to everyone …” “Not to me.” Miyavi smiled briefly and nodded. “True … not to you. But … I …” Gackt nodded and leant down to capture the other’s lips. “Sing for me.” The elder man whispered and Miyavi smiled, reaching out to his guitar, shifting before starting to play a song. He never played it before, completely improvised and so were the lyrics. He sung softly, his voice getting louder, close to screaming in the chorus. And Gackt watched with a smile on his lips as his lover sang the frustration out of him.
He closed his eyes as he lay there, inhaling deeply. He had felt surprised at first, finding out that Gackt could so easily make him cry out his frustration and all the other emotions that he let build up inside him. But by now he had gotten used to it, he had loved it … Gackt was inspiration in a way no other was. He made Miyavi let go of the boundaries in his emotions and feelings, he made him release everything into his songs even though they were often only rough drafts and improvised works in progress. But they had ended up quite brilliant. He shifted and reached for his phone. “Am I fool? Waiting for you to text and say it’s a lie …?”
He couldn’t take it any longer. This silence, the empty feeling inside his heart was making him go crazy. He shifted again on the bed and reached for the remote of the television, turning it on and switching channels until he reached one with a movie. He glanced at the summary and sighed. It was a romantic comedy, but he supposed that was how it had to be since every other channel focused on the disaster in Japan. It was the only escape from the current situation. He looked at the screen and smiled a little as the couple started kissing. He knew what kind of scene would follow, he had lived that moment …
He lay in the sofa in silence, smiling at the thought of Gackt coming over for dinner. He enjoyed the moments they spend together and couldn’t wait to be with him more often … If only he knew how to handle it … He couldn’t leave his family behind for Gackt, it wouldn’t be appropriate and he did care greatly for Melody and the little girls. He licked his lips and thought deeply before looking at the door as someone knocked. He smiled and stood up, rushing over to the door before opening it, looking at Gackt with a grin on his lips. “Oh damn I missed you.” He whispered, pulling the vocalist inside before kissing him softly. Just a bit after they had finally broken the kiss, another knock came, alerting them that room service had arrived.
After their meal they lay together in the sofa, Miyavi tracing figures on Gackt’s shirt with a peaceful smile on his lips. “Masa, I love you …” The younger male looked up and kissed the other’s lips softly before whispering his own words of love toward the beautiful man that was holding him so close. Another kiss followed and soon enough Miyavi found himself being pulled toward the bed. A soft chuckle leaving his lips as he was pushed onto it, looking up at his secret lover with an eager expression. He had never thought of forbidden love before he met Gackt, but now, being with the other man … It was enough to make him go mad. He reached out and pulled at Gackt’s shirt, laughing as he fell on top of him. “Be careful baby, we can’t afford to break this bed~” The elder man mused before capturing his lips again in a heated kiss.
But Miyavi didn’t care, he could buy the hotel a new bed, pay them to be silent about it, and so could Gackt … He wanted to be close to the man he loved, that’s all that he wanted on that moment … so he wrapped his legs around the elder man’s waist and grinned. “Why don’t you break me instead of the bed?” He asked with a grin on his lips, and Gackt complied. He captured the tattooed guitarist’s lips in a heated kiss before quickly shifting to his neck, licking and sucking at his skin, feeling the younger man’s pulse underneath his lips. If he bit, if he bit just hard enough, he could hurt him, he could take Miyavi’s life. But no, he wouldn’t do that, not to anybody, but certainly not to this man. He smiled against the man’s sweaty skin and licked his lips. “I’ll make you scream.”
And Gackt would keep his promise. He grinned softly as he leant closer to the other and brushed his lips against Miyavi’s neck again, his hot tongue trailing over the skin, tasting the salt in his lover’s sweat before he took off the other’s shirt. A gasp leaving the younger man’s lips when he felt the other move his lips down, his tongue leaving a trail on his tattooed chest while he found his way to the guitarist’s nipple. Gackt grinned as he sucked and bit at the sensitive little nub, making the man beneath him gasp and moan as he arched himself off the bed a little, wanting to get closer to those warm and addictive lips. The elder man shifted his attention to the other nipple, a satisfied grin on his lips as Miyavi moaned again and squirmed a little.
“Gakuto, more …” The elder man looked up at the guitarist underneath him and tilted his head. “More, more … how my dear?” He asked with a grin on his lips as he shifted and captured his lover’s lips with need and love burning inside him. Once, not so long ago, he had told the world that he would never be able to have a sexual relationship with another man. But now it seemed like that was a life-time ago. When he looked down at Miyavi he could only smile and feel the passion in his heart burn high. “Gakuto … don’t make me wait any longer …” Came a needy whisper from the tattooed man beneath him, making the elder musician grin and help the other out of his trousers.
Now that Miyavi had been fully undressed he shifted a little awkwardly and reached out, tugging at the elder man’s shirt, wanting to be able to watch him the way he was being watched. Gackt chuckled and leant down, licking the other’s lips before taking off his shirt and his trousers. “You like it more like this hm? When you can see my skin?” Miyavi nodded and blushed a little. “I do … watching your skin arouses me.” “And watching you squirm arouses me.” Came Gackt’s response as he spread the man’s legs and settled between them. “Tell me how badly you want it~”
The younger man looked at the man towering above him and smiled. “I want it more than anything in the world right now.” He whispered, knowing very well that Gackt would understand him, and the elder man did. He positioned himself and kissed Miyavi to muffle his cries as he entered, knowing that his ‘magnum’ would hurt in the beginning. He could feel the other tense underneath him, a soft groan escaping those warm lips as Gackt himself could barely hold back the moan building in his throat. Miyavi felt tight and hot around him, and if Gackt hadn’t felt this before he knew he would’ve lost himself. But he remained calm and simply kissed the beautiful male again before touching his cheek. “I’ll give you some time to relax …”
But Miyavi didn’t want it, he grinned and wrapped his arms around Gackt in a heated kiss, his hips moving back as he begged against the other’s lips. “Do me please, do me hard and deep …” The man above him grinned and nodded, his fingers trailing over Miyavi’s cheek before he inhaled and thrust hard into the man he loved and cherished, earning a loud groan against his lips. And so his pace was set, as Gackt kept thrusting hard into the tattooed man beneath him, watching his face change from discomfort to pure pleasure, his lips parting in moans and his hips bucking, pushing back to meet the elder’s thrusts. They lost themselves in it, in the rhythm of thrusts and the sound of moans and flesh hitting flesh echoing through the room. Miyavi felt high on the moment, pulling Gackt down into a heated kiss as he pushed his tongue into the other’s mouth, tasting him and feeling him while Gackt himself had other things in his mind. His hands bruising the guitarist’s hips because of his firm grip as he changed his angle and speed up, grinning when he heard the other cry out and soon enough that one word filled the air. “C-close…”
Gackt had always found it interesting that Miyavi was so easy to satisfy, but he liked it either way. So he leant down and kissed the tattooed man deeply, his hand reaching down and stroking the man’s arousal in time with his trusts. A grin on his lips when Miyavi let his head fall back and his muscles tensed before he moaned loudly while he released, the tightening feeling around his own arousal enough to bring him to his own release. He thrust a few more times, slowing down slowly and kissing his lover deeply as he lay down, pulling the man in his arms and remaining like that.
He looked at the ceiling, he had laid back when he had started to remember those things. They would always have sex and so often too. Each time they met. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply, knowing that he would never see him again, never hold or kiss him again. They would never make love again. Those things, they stung, but there was nothing he could do. Gackt hadn’t survived the disaster, he hadn’t been seen anywhere at all since it happened. He felt tears gather in his eyes and pulled his pillow to his chest as he groaned loudly, unsure of how he could deal with this. All he could do now was going back to Melody once the tour was over. After all she was waiting for him to return to her. He lay there for hours, or so it felt, holding on to the pillow, thinking of the people that had been taken away by the disaster. It was heart-breaking, but there was no time to dwell, another concert was getting closer and he still had to prepare it.
So eventually he managed to drag himself out of the bed and toward the shower of the hotel. There was no rehearsal planned for today so he had time. He turned on the water, checked the temperature before taking his clothes off and stepped into the warm water. He stood there for hours, or so it felt at least … Like the water had soaked him to his bones while he stood there, thinking … waiting. But waiting for what? For his phone to ring and to see that one name pop up? This was ridiculous … thinking that he would somehow still … No … Miyavi shook his head, pulling himself out of his daze as he left the shower and simply put a towel around his waist. Perhaps getting some sleep would clear his head …
xxx
It was dark outside by the time he woke up, by the look of the stars and the moon probably even late at night, and the clock on his phone confirmed it. At this time of the night what could he possibly do? He couldn’t play guitar or sing, the hotel walls weren’t thick enough to keep him from waking up his neighbours if he did that. He could always go out and have a drink or so … Honestly however he didn’t feel like doing that, to be surrounded by people, loud people who were probably drinking as well. He closed his eyes again, only to groan when a soft knock reached his ears.
When he didn’t react and another knock game he frowned and glanced at the door. It was the middle of the night and some idiot found it funny to knock on his door? Could they see the light under his door? He shook his head. It was only the light on the nightstand … it was impossible that it was visible under the door. He sighed at a third knock and dragged himself out of the bed, walking over to the door and put his hand on the handle, taking a moment before opening the door. “What do you wa-“ He looked up and stared at the person before him. The man before him stared back with dark brown eyes, which were usually hidden behind sunglasses and blue contacts.
Miyavi just stood there in silence for a moment, before he felt tears gather in his eyes, stepping toward the elder man. He reached his hand out, touching the other’s cheek carefully, as if he feared that the other would disappear as soon as he touched him. But Gackt, that beautiful man, didn’t disappear … instead he could feel the man’s skin, the warmth and softness of it. He smiled in disbelief, his tears escaping his eyes before he hugged the elder man tightly, clinging to him as if he would truly lose the man if he let go.
After a while, he pulled him into his hotel room with him and they lay together, talking softly while the guitarist rested his head on the other’s chest. He felt relieved, happy even, knowing that Gackt had left Japan before the disaster struck, that his phone had been dead and he had no idea of the current situation in Japan. It was good now, Gackt wasn’t gone like everyone believed … He was alive and well, safe … and in Miyavi’s arms no less. It had hurt, but the day had been amazing … It had learned him the most wonderful thing ever, helped him decide on something important.
Gackt was the one for him, and he wanted everyone to know it.