"It's just [her] neurosis that oughta be curbed / [she's] psychologically disturbed!""
Wow. It's been awhile since I really updated this thing.
[Therapy]Today I finally made the call to a counselor that I found mostly at random on the search function at work. I've been putting it off for days, feeling that same nervousness that I always feel when making a doctor's appointment. I'm doing my best not to think "80 steps ahead" as I'm wont to do and just go with the flow. I have to fill out some paperwork before I have my first appointment next week, so that'll be fun...
Some of you might wonder why I'm seeing a therapist at all. Well mostly it has to do with my hyperthyroidism. See, that condition causes anxiety and depression due to an overload of a hormone that the thyroid creates. The worst of that is behind me - and by now I'm well enough because of medicine that I can recognize just how bad I was even only a few months ago. But this whole ordeal has made me hyper-aware of things that I thought of as normal, which are not. It's not a good idea to self-diagnose via the internet, but the "health and wellness" website at work that gave me the counselor's number also gave out some general symptoms and I think I have a "generalized anxiety disorder." Perhaps a mild case, since I don't exhibit all the symptoms, but I also wouldn't be surprised if I was a bit depressed as well. I've been putting off calling a therapist because hyperthyroid medication takes a long time to settle in, long enough that I've actually felt better each month I've been on it. So I've been waiting, thinking that "eventually I'll feel normal again", but while I do feel better physically, emotionally something's off and I'm tired of waiting around. I want to be better; I want to be an emotionally healthy person who isn't afraid of going to social events where I don't know anyone but the person I'm with, who isn't afraid to go out on a date just because I might be emotionally vulnerable. I'm not going to sit on my butt stagnating in indecision because the miserable known is better than the unknown. I'm going to try to get better and that's all that I can do at this point.
And I'm not hiding this post behind a friends-lock because this is nothing to be ashamed of. The stigma against mental health issues - especially by ones who are professing Christians - is ridiculous and offensive.
Anyway. Hopefully this is the first step to wellness.
[Fandom and muses and fickle tickle of interests]Almost literally out of the blue a couple of weeks ago, I realized that I was bored of writing fanfic. Well, maybe "bored" is too strong a word. Mostly, I was just completely uninspired - not even good days at Insanity Round at
me_challenge were making me write except for a couple of feeble attempts that I'm ashamed to post to my drabble collection on FF.net. I honestly have no idea what exactly prompted this, since ME3 has been out and done for months now. I *think*, though I don't know for sure, that it was the finishing of my Shepard's story that did it. I wrote a trilogy of short fics due to a prompt by 
lilchickadee that basically ended my Shepard's story. I think now that maybe the little "resolution" switch in my head clicked and all the inspiration dried up. It makes me sad in a way. I've been writing fanfic since middle school, and to have it suddenly dry up like this is weird and a bit disturbing, rather like walking along with a companion only to look around and find that person gone. But I do still want to work on my Shepard's origin story drabbles and I think the inspiration is still there, just not with anything set in the games for now.
But I'm going to use this apparent break of fannish interest to concentrate on my novel. It's sat moldering on my computer for about four years. I want to be done with it. Time to finish the revisions and send it off into the void. I want to work on something else and give that world away. Hopefully,concritters will help out with that. First step, trying to write every day. No word count goals, just at least opening up my document and piecing together a sentence or two. Even if I hate it; I'm going to write it. It can be fixed later.
And now for random things!
Still haven't finalized plans for moving - that will have to wait until my (future) roommate finishes her quarter - but getting excited for it. It'll be nice to have a positive change in my life.
Also, making plans to see Pixar's Brave with my niece the weekend it comes out. Heard from my mom that she's really excited about it and apparently went "on and on" about how much fun she had with me last time we hung out. That makes me feel really good because I had an indifferent relationship with my aunt as a kid (looking back, I think she was just really awkward with kids and didn't know how to relate to them), and I know that I want to be a positive, stable influence in her life since her parents are separating.
In other entertainment news, Legend of Korra continues to amaze me. Stuff like this show make me want to be a better writer. I just love, love, love the characters they come up with and the unique uses of their magic system. Jealousy and love rolled into one. Am eagerly anticipating and dreading the season finale. *gnaws fingers*
I finally trimmed this beast in my back "yard". I'm not very good at pruning, but my impatiens are starting to come up and this thing steals sunlight like no one's business. I have no idea what it is - it was here when I moved in - but in my head I've nicknamed it the "hydra plant" because it seems that every time I trim it, it spawns three new branches in the place that I pruned. Mystifying, really, though a useful trait in a plant I suppose. It also stays green even through the early parts of winter.
And now I shall end this post as gracefully as a newborn giraffe taking its first steps.
[Therapy]Today I finally made the call to a counselor that I found mostly at random on the search function at work. I've been putting it off for days, feeling that same nervousness that I always feel when making a doctor's appointment. I'm doing my best not to think "80 steps ahead" as I'm wont to do and just go with the flow. I have to fill out some paperwork before I have my first appointment next week, so that'll be fun...
Some of you might wonder why I'm seeing a therapist at all. Well mostly it has to do with my hyperthyroidism. See, that condition causes anxiety and depression due to an overload of a hormone that the thyroid creates. The worst of that is behind me - and by now I'm well enough because of medicine that I can recognize just how bad I was even only a few months ago. But this whole ordeal has made me hyper-aware of things that I thought of as normal, which are not. It's not a good idea to self-diagnose via the internet, but the "health and wellness" website at work that gave me the counselor's number also gave out some general symptoms and I think I have a "generalized anxiety disorder." Perhaps a mild case, since I don't exhibit all the symptoms, but I also wouldn't be surprised if I was a bit depressed as well. I've been putting off calling a therapist because hyperthyroid medication takes a long time to settle in, long enough that I've actually felt better each month I've been on it. So I've been waiting, thinking that "eventually I'll feel normal again", but while I do feel better physically, emotionally something's off and I'm tired of waiting around. I want to be better; I want to be an emotionally healthy person who isn't afraid of going to social events where I don't know anyone but the person I'm with, who isn't afraid to go out on a date just because I might be emotionally vulnerable. I'm not going to sit on my butt stagnating in indecision because the miserable known is better than the unknown. I'm going to try to get better and that's all that I can do at this point.
And I'm not hiding this post behind a friends-lock because this is nothing to be ashamed of. The stigma against mental health issues - especially by ones who are professing Christians - is ridiculous and offensive.
Anyway. Hopefully this is the first step to wellness.
[Fandom and muses and fickle tickle of interests]Almost literally out of the blue a couple of weeks ago, I realized that I was bored of writing fanfic. Well, maybe "bored" is too strong a word. Mostly, I was just completely uninspired - not even good days at Insanity Round at
me_challenge were making me write except for a couple of feeble attempts that I'm ashamed to post to my drabble collection on FF.net. I honestly have no idea what exactly prompted this, since ME3 has been out and done for months now. I *think*, though I don't know for sure, that it was the finishing of my Shepard's story that did it. I wrote a trilogy of short fics due to a prompt by lilchickadee that basically ended my Shepard's story. I think now that maybe the little "resolution" switch in my head clicked and all the inspiration dried up. It makes me sad in a way. I've been writing fanfic since middle school, and to have it suddenly dry up like this is weird and a bit disturbing, rather like walking along with a companion only to look around and find that person gone. But I do still want to work on my Shepard's origin story drabbles and I think the inspiration is still there, just not with anything set in the games for now.But I'm going to use this apparent break of fannish interest to concentrate on my novel. It's sat moldering on my computer for about four years. I want to be done with it. Time to finish the revisions and send it off into the void. I want to work on something else and give that world away. Hopefully,
concritters will help out with that. First step, trying to write every day. No word count goals, just at least opening up my document and piecing together a sentence or two. Even if I hate it; I'm going to write it. It can be fixed later.And now for random things!
Still haven't finalized plans for moving - that will have to wait until my (future) roommate finishes her quarter - but getting excited for it. It'll be nice to have a positive change in my life.
Also, making plans to see Pixar's Brave with my niece the weekend it comes out. Heard from my mom that she's really excited about it and apparently went "on and on" about how much fun she had with me last time we hung out. That makes me feel really good because I had an indifferent relationship with my aunt as a kid (looking back, I think she was just really awkward with kids and didn't know how to relate to them), and I know that I want to be a positive, stable influence in her life since her parents are separating.
In other entertainment news, Legend of Korra continues to amaze me. Stuff like this show make me want to be a better writer. I just love, love, love the characters they come up with and the unique uses of their magic system. Jealousy and love rolled into one. Am eagerly anticipating and dreading the season finale. *gnaws fingers*
I finally trimmed this beast in my back "yard". I'm not very good at pruning, but my impatiens are starting to come up and this thing steals sunlight like no one's business. I have no idea what it is - it was here when I moved in - but in my head I've nicknamed it the "hydra plant" because it seems that every time I trim it, it spawns three new branches in the place that I pruned. Mystifying, really, though a useful trait in a plant I suppose. It also stays green even through the early parts of winter.
And now I shall end this post as gracefully as a newborn giraffe taking its first steps.