up again
it's half past three on Monday morning and I'm cold as living hell in my dirty t-shirt and underwear, and i can feel the pain creeping slowly back into my shoulder again oh no oh no oh no, i think and it's amazing how very literaly afraid i am of that pain and how frightened i was when it clawed and clawed and fucking clawed into my muscles last night goddamn. i keep thinking of taking another painkiller. i might.
finn is talking to me again tonight and it turns out he's FTM too which is funny. it's really funny.
for some reason the LJ buttons look extremely smudged like india ink and i wonder how the fuck that's possible on a computer but then again with this desktop you never know. you might as well expect everything.
godspeed is playing and I'm remembering already why anberlin is important and why i lay in bed two nights ago and felt myself sink deeper deeper deeper into the mattress until i was falling up into the sound of stephen's voice and those drums and that bass and of course the guitar but guitar is meaning less and less to me lately as bass and drums take over. things that cannot be seen prevail over the visual and really you can't see bass or drums. you either feel them or they aren't there, and they're there for me, vibrating the walls of my veins until it's like melting snow inside my skin so warm and thick and fluid on and on and on music going in and out of me. i'm a catalyst.
my mind is running slower than usual. i don't know if i like having it run at a normal pace.
yes, here it is , the pain is now digging a finger into my shoulder, hello epiphani i'm back.
not for long, bitch, my mother has pills.
finn is talking to me again tonight and it turns out he's FTM too which is funny. it's really funny.
for some reason the LJ buttons look extremely smudged like india ink and i wonder how the fuck that's possible on a computer but then again with this desktop you never know. you might as well expect everything.
godspeed is playing and I'm remembering already why anberlin is important and why i lay in bed two nights ago and felt myself sink deeper deeper deeper into the mattress until i was falling up into the sound of stephen's voice and those drums and that bass and of course the guitar but guitar is meaning less and less to me lately as bass and drums take over. things that cannot be seen prevail over the visual and really you can't see bass or drums. you either feel them or they aren't there, and they're there for me, vibrating the walls of my veins until it's like melting snow inside my skin so warm and thick and fluid on and on and on music going in and out of me. i'm a catalyst.
my mind is running slower than usual. i don't know if i like having it run at a normal pace.
yes, here it is , the pain is now digging a finger into my shoulder, hello epiphani i'm back.
not for long, bitch, my mother has pills.