"Maybe you don't find white boys attractive."
In conversation about the opposite sex with Tiffany, I mentioned not being attracted to this guy whom I recently went on two dates with. The first time we met, I hadn't paid him much attention. We met at the Tesco Metro in town, it was dark and my mind was everywhere. He too had not paid attention to my looks. What connected us was strangely a scarf that I had on. He complimented me on it and from there our brief conversation started, and it ended when I had to walk in a different direction from him. Before parting, I asked him his name and from there he said we should meet up for a coffee one day to which I replied, "why not" and he took my number. I wasn't concentrating on any one thing in particular. We went on our first date and it was perfect. He was the perfect gentleman. The following week, I fell ill and was only in the recovery stage when we went on our second date. It was a bad idea to have gone on it, I was bored. I get bored easily and my mind wanders. We spent four hours together. He was clearly attracted to me and had full interest in whatever that I had to say. What was truly amazing was the honesty in our conversation. He accepted that I was bored at the beginning of our date. I had not noticed his hair cut and he took offence in jest but that was it. The guilt was biting into me from the start..
When talking to Tiffany, I skipped all the details and just mentioned how I just was not attracted to him. For one, he had his height working against him. He is possibly a little bit shorter than me. I like the attention but I did not want to lead him on and had to tell him that friendship was all that I could offer. But now I just want to know why I do not find him attractive. Could it really be because he is white? This stumped me. The last person I was very attracted to was someone who was mixed. The person before him was white though.. but then I got bored and moved on. I get bored easily. Is this normal for a girl? I wish I could study the workings of my own mind. I know what goes on inside, but I wish I could understand why! Or just have all my thoughts clearly articulated for me and put on paper so that I could study the patterns.
Andrzej. That's his name. Two dates, that's the most I have managed thus far in my life. No one has been able to capture my interest or prolonged attention. So it always stops at 1 date and I try to brush off these dates as non-dates, and in the process of convincing myself of such I go on with my life as a single person. Which brings me to another point. Am I an absolutely picky person or just very comfortable being single? I really cannot fathom people's need to settle down with one person just yet. I have good friends who just KNOW who they want to be with in the future even though they are apart right now. And friends who are in serious relationships, living with their boyfriends.. Then there are the single friends, and we seem quite happy the way we are. Except for Charlotte and I, we both think it wouldn't be a bad thing exploring being with someone. But it just hasn't happened to either one of us. I do not envy my friends who are in relationships. I am happy for them. And when I see them with their partners, I smile and know that it isn't right for me. And yet I wonder how it would be like. And whether I bottom-line do not find white boys attractive. How can I test this? I am beginning to think that it might just be true. Tiffany, without even putting much thought into what she was saying was in fact the bringer of a revelation. And she's just made it even harder for some guys.
Oh boy..
When talking to Tiffany, I skipped all the details and just mentioned how I just was not attracted to him. For one, he had his height working against him. He is possibly a little bit shorter than me. I like the attention but I did not want to lead him on and had to tell him that friendship was all that I could offer. But now I just want to know why I do not find him attractive. Could it really be because he is white? This stumped me. The last person I was very attracted to was someone who was mixed. The person before him was white though.. but then I got bored and moved on. I get bored easily. Is this normal for a girl? I wish I could study the workings of my own mind. I know what goes on inside, but I wish I could understand why! Or just have all my thoughts clearly articulated for me and put on paper so that I could study the patterns.
Andrzej. That's his name. Two dates, that's the most I have managed thus far in my life. No one has been able to capture my interest or prolonged attention. So it always stops at 1 date and I try to brush off these dates as non-dates, and in the process of convincing myself of such I go on with my life as a single person. Which brings me to another point. Am I an absolutely picky person or just very comfortable being single? I really cannot fathom people's need to settle down with one person just yet. I have good friends who just KNOW who they want to be with in the future even though they are apart right now. And friends who are in serious relationships, living with their boyfriends.. Then there are the single friends, and we seem quite happy the way we are. Except for Charlotte and I, we both think it wouldn't be a bad thing exploring being with someone. But it just hasn't happened to either one of us. I do not envy my friends who are in relationships. I am happy for them. And when I see them with their partners, I smile and know that it isn't right for me. And yet I wonder how it would be like. And whether I bottom-line do not find white boys attractive. How can I test this? I am beginning to think that it might just be true. Tiffany, without even putting much thought into what she was saying was in fact the bringer of a revelation. And she's just made it even harder for some guys.
Oh boy..