Fic-Same Thing, Different Day

Cirucci had always been told that life was a succession of events and one's existence could be tracked by the passing of those events.  But, really, it was the same thing in different forms coming to revisit, disguising itself as something new and exciting, almost testing her to see if she would recognize the truth of the matter behind all the frills and lace.

When she had died and become a ghost, she lost everything she had worked her whole life for; of this she was certain, though, for the life of her, she couldn't remember what those things were, and she didn't particularly care to remember anymore.  But, at the time, she remembers now, that it had been a great disappointment.  She hadn't wanted to give up what she had worked so hard for, and in the end, that is what had kept her tied to the earth so that she became a hollow.  At that time, she had thought she had been given a great opportunity, given a wonderful gift to use as she saw fit.  She had new power pulsing through her, and she went about building a new life for herself, something even better than she'd had before.  She became a creature of lusts, chasing after whatever caught her interests with a furious intent to own, possess, or destroy whatever it was, regardless of it's own desires.

Because of that drive, she gained more power, and with the power that she gained, she drew the interests of a certain shinigami.  They had been fighting; she wanted to eat some random ghosts soul to sate her hunger, for now, and it was his job to stop her from doing anything.  She fought valiantly, with all her might, wanting to keep on with her existence, but ended up falling to the ground, his blade to her throat.  That was when he smiled at her benevolently and turned away from her, with his sword still at her throat.  And, his words rocked her to her very core.  "If you would serve me, I would save you from this life."  She could only see his profile, but she knew this was a man that she could devote herself to, having a vague sense of deja vu, of devoting herself to something, but it held no interest for her.  She nodded her assent that she would serve him and he told her to go and he would find her later.  He let his guard down on purpose and she lashed out, not as viciously as she could, and escaped into that horrible world of gray nothingness.  And there she waited for that man, that shinigami, to come, to find her, to take her away from this life.

Come he did, though, by the time he showed up,  Cirucci had worked herself into such a rage, thinking that he had used her, played her for some game, though, what it would gain him to let her loose, she knew not.  But that wasn't the point.  The point was that he had stood her up, even though he'd never really said WHEN he would come for her.  To appease her, he showed her how she could gain more power, telling her of things she could do daily, and left her with a few others that had garnered his attention, leaving them to work on their own.  So she worked hard, proving to herself and the shinigami that he had not made a mistake when he had allowed her to leave that bloody battlefield alive.

She had thought she'd been working towards her own goals, her own pleasure, but now, she knew that she had only been working for what he wanted, his goals, his pleasure.  All that she had done, she had done to please him, thinking that was what she really wanted.  She would be happy if he was happy.  Her whole life revolved around his reactions to her hard work.  He was her world.  He was her God.  And, then, something wonderful happened, she had tremendous amounts of power, and she no longer needed her mask to protect her raw emotions from the cruelty of the outside world.  She could show her beautiful face to those around her without worrying about her emotions being scarred.

Cirucci was left alone, with those others that had drawn the shinigami's interest, and they waited for their leader's return.  There was nothing for them to do, but wait.  He had built them a fortress and told them to stay there, not wanting any other of his fellow shinigami to know about her, their existence.  So, again, she waited for him to come back to her, spending her time trying to become even stronger for him, always working to become better, to become more for him.  He did return for them, bringing more shinigami with him, ones that he said she, they could trust and rely on as much as they counted on him, for they were his right hand, but she didn't like it.  He spent more time with them, because they were like him.  At least, that's what she thought as the disappointment of him not wanting to spend time with her swept through her.

And then, she found that her shinigami had brought with him a way to accelorate what she had worked so hard so long for.  Now, in seconds, he could do to other hollows what had taken her years of hard work, and be more powerful than she could ever hope to be.  As a result, she was obsolete now, something that was no longer needed.  She was cast aside, ordered to protect the exterior rooms of fortress, kept as far away from her shinigami as was possible without sending her to the living world.  At least, if she was there, maybe another shinigami would come along and end her misery.  Or better yet, for her to be in Soul Society, that way she would be able to take out as many shinigami as she possibly could before she herself was taken out.  At least then she would be useful to her shinigami, and that is all she really wanted.  Instead, she stayed where she was ordered to, hoping to one day be able to prove her still valuable worth to her shinigami.  Unfortunately, she had to have the misfortune of fighting the Quincy, and the even worse luck of losing to him, so she never got the chance that she was looking for.

No, for Cirucci, it seemed that her entire life consisted of long slow build-ups, hitting new highs of joy and pleasure, only to have everything she worked so hard for to be torn from her grasp; the very thing that had previously brought her joy now bringing her her greatest sadness.