Fic: "Who Wrote the Book of Love?"
My story: "Who Wrote the Book of Love?"
Written by:
yahtzee63
Pairing(s): Remus/Sirius, James/Lily, Remus/others
Rating: PG
Warnings: None, really.
Disclaimer: Not mine, hers.
Summary: The same as my challenge: "One of the boys attempts a love spell, with disastrous results."
**
WHO WROTE THE BOOK OF LOVE?
By Yahtzee
**
"Something's not quite right with Remus," Sirius said.
"Why do you say that?" James didn't even open his
eyes. He was stretched out in a patch of shade close
to the lake's edge, enjoying a lazy April afternoon.
"He's just been – odd – the last couple of days. Odd,
you'd say. Ah, different."
James finally abandoned his last hopes of a nap and
opened his eyes. Instead of practicing Quidditch with
some of his buddies on the Ravenclaw team, as was the
plan, Sirius was huddled next to James, staring out at
the water. James pushed himself up on his elbows.
"Different how?"
"With, you know – with Georgette."
"Is that all you're worried about?" James shook his
head and grinned. "Now I know you've never been in
love. EVERYONE acts stupid right at first. It's in the
rulebook; if anybody ever finds the blasted thing,
it'll probably be written up top, first page. 'Thou
shalt act like a blazing idiot the first month thou
art in love.' Or something like that."
"Had he ever mentioned Georgette Fitzwallace to you?
Ever?"
"Nope. But you know Remus. He plays things close to
his chest."
"That he does." Abruptly, Sirius rose to his feet,
brushing bits of grass and twigs away from his robes.
"And since when have you ever been in love, so that
you can give lectures on it?"
James didn't answer, and had the distinct impression
that his cheeks might be turning red.
Sirius smirked. "For the nine hundredth time, Lily
Evans is never going to go out with you." James' reply
was a rude gesture, which at least earned him one of
Sirius' barking laughs. But after a moment Sirius was
solemn again as he said, "I don't think Remus is in
love with Georgette. It won't last more than a day or
two more. Mark my words."
"Maybe it's not love," James agreed, though he
realized as he said it that it was hard to imagine
quiet, steadfast Remus finally going public with a
romance for anything less than a serious emotional
attachment. Still, he hadn't talked to Remus about it,
and thus far his only knowledge of the couple came
from watching them snog unabashedly in the Great Hall
and in the Gryffindor common room. "Maybe it's just
lust."
Sirius did not appear to be cheered by this. "Right.
Well. I'm off to Quidditch practice. Taro and Lucy are
going to help me get ready for next week."
"You still think you might fly on next year?"
Privately, James felt almost certain that Sylvia
Browne would end up being Gryffindor's new Beater; it
was usually better to invest in a younger player than
to take someone on for only his seventh year. But
Sirius was good, and there was no point in dashing his
hopes.
"Seems worth a try." Had anyone ever sounded so glum
about finally making the Quidditch team? But when
James sat up to really try and study his friend's
face, Sirius turned and jogged off, shouting behind
him, "See you at dinner!"
What was all that about? Granted, Remus finally having
a girlfriend would change things, maybe not for the
better. But Peter had had a string of girls, and James
had gone out with Miriam Canning for a few months last
year; despite a few adjustments (less swearing, more
dressing up), they'd all remained good friends
throughout everything. So why worry about Remus?
James imagined it would all blow over quickly enough,
whatever it was. Probably another of Sirius's moods,
no more.
**
At dinnertime, James sat with Sirius and Peter. Remus
was nowhere to be seen.
"Off snogging in the clock tower, probably," Peter
said through a mouthful of shepherd's pie. "High time
Moony got over his shyness, if you ask me. He's needed
something like this."
"Remus isn't in the clock tower, or he's not snogging
if he is," Sirius replied, sounding altogether too
satisfied. "Georgette Fitzwallace is sitting over
there, see? With Evans."
So she was. James stared at them for a few moments,
glad for any excuse to look at Lily. Her auburn hair
was halfway down her back by now – he'd overheard one
of the girls offering to cut it for her, which would
be a crime, really –
As if able to feel his eyes on her back, Lily glared
over her shoulder at him. James whipped back around to
give his dinner new and concentrated attention,
ignoring the snickering he could hear from Peter.
Sirius pronounced his verdict: "Over as soon as it
began."
"Maybe he's just studying," Peter said. "You can be
interested in a girl without spending every waking
minute thinking of her. Don't use our poor friend
James as an example."
"I do not spent every waking minute thinking of Lily
Evans," James insisted.
"Hmmm. Was that an admission of interest? Only three
weeks after a certain someone proclaimed he was done
with thinking about a certain Miss Evans forever?"
Sirius raised his eyebrows, looking for all the world
like Professor McGonagall swooping down upon a wrong
answer.
Exasperated, James said, "Tell me, Sirius, do you
actually enjoy knowing all your friends have rotten
love lives?"
"Speak for yourself," Peter said.
James ignored this. "Are you only happy when we're
unhappy? Does misery really love company that much?"
"No! James, I – honestly, I didn't mean it that way.
Not at all." Sirius looked so utterly crestfallen that
it was impossible not to believe and forgive him. "I
want Remus to be happy. More than anything."
That seemed like an odd way to put it, but James
believed him. "And me?"
Sirius considered that for a few seconds. "I want you
to be happy too, but facts are facts. For the
nine-hundred-and-first time, Lily Evans is NEVER going
to go out with you."
James couldn't stop laughing long enough to get angry.
**
That night, two third-years decided it would be funny
to set loose several dozen Chocolate Frogs they must
have saved from the last Hogsmeade visit. Small
leaping blobs of chocolate bounced from place to place
in the common room, leaving tiny cocoa footprints on
every table and chair and wall. Lily Evans darted that
way and this, trying to catch or enchant them all
while the first-years giggled; James, who liked
opportunity as much as he liked chocolate, joined in
Lily's efforts. He even managed to capture one in his
mouth, which he was absolutely, positively certain
made Lily laugh. Or maybe that was just because
another of the frogs had landed smack atop his head.
When most of the other students had gone to bed, and
only four or five more froggy fugitives hopped around
the room, James decided he could risk some
conversation. "Is being a Prefect always this much
fun?"
"You'll never have to worry about it, Potter," Lily
said, pulling her hair up and away from her neck as
she panted for breath. Did girls have any idea how
sexy something like that could be? "Though you usually
do have help from your other Prefects. Where on earth
is Remus?"
Come to think of it, Remus hadn't shown his face all
night, save for a quick run into their shared room
after dinner. "Off with Georgette, no doubt."
Lily scowled. "Not likely. He broke up with her this
afternoon. Didn't you know?"
"No. He never mentioned it. They only just started
going out, didn't they?" Had Remus perhaps kept it a
secret from them for a while?
"Scarcely four days! But she says he laid it on
awfully thick, then bam. Dropped her like that."
"That doesn't sound like Remus," James said.
He was expecting a scornful reply about the evils of
men, but instead Lily nodded and sighed. "I know. It's
not like him. But Georgette wouldn't lie, not about
something like that."
Were they having a civil conversation? No teasing? No
fighting? James quickly reminded himself that the best
way to keep this going would be to stop congratulating
himself and concentrate on the subject at hand. "Did
they argue about something? Remus isn't a hothead –
unlike some of his friends –" This bit of daring
earned him a laugh. "—but if he feels strongly about
something, especially something important, he can be
fierce." The aftermath of their dangerously stupid
prank on Severus Snape had made that clear; for a
while, James had been afraid none of their friendships
would survive.
But Lily shook her head. "Nothing like that. He just
walked up after Ancient Runes and dumped her in front
of a flock of Ravenclaws. Sounded really nasty,
honestly. And that doesn't sound much like Remus."
It was so strange, realizing that Lily knew Remus
almost as well as James did himself. Even stranger was
realizing that she wasn't the first person who had
said something like this. "You know, Sirius said Remus
was acting strangely lately."
"Black noticed something about human behavior?"
James frowned at her; he didn't mind Lily making fun
of him – he'd earned it, after all – but his friends
were another matter. "He noticed before either of us
did, apparently."
Lily looked down at the floor, so her hair fell in a
curtain, obscuring her face. Was she embarrassed about
having mocked Sirius? James couldn't tell. "What did
he say?"
"Nothing specific. But then, I wasn't really
listening. I thought – well, doesn't matter what I
thought. I'll try and talk to Remus about it tomorrow,
maybe."
"Let me know what he says," Lily replied as she headed
up to the girls' rooms. It took James almost a full
minute to realize she'd asked him to talk to her
tomorrow. She was planning on talking with him.
Waiting for it, even! That was almost like a date – if
you were, in fact, truly desperate.
Another entry in the rulebook of love, were ever to be
located: Thou shalt not invent dates where they do not
exist, for an imaginary date doth always end up even
more disappointing than the real thing.
Sighing, James went off to bed.
**
The next time he saw Remus was at breakfast. Remus was
sitting at the Slytherin table. With Simone
Montmorency. Specifically, with his tongue down Simone
Montmorency's throat.
James made the first intelligent comment he could
think of: "Bloody hell?"
"Told you," Peter said with a satisfied grin. "It was
PAST time for Moony to start having a bit of luck with
the ladies."
Sirius slumped over his breakfast. "I just don't
understand it."
"What's to understand?" Peter said. "Simone
Montmorency – sure, she's a Slytherin, but she's a
fox."
James found that he agreed with both his friends;
Remus' behavior was definitely unusual – but Simone
Montmorency was definitely a fox.
Out of habit, he searched the room for Lily Evans. She
was at the far end of the table, her face dark. Next
to her, Georgette Fitzwallace held her napkin to her
face; it looked as though she'd been crying. Lily
glanced up – again, as if sensing his gaze – but this
time, her anger seemed to encompass James along with
Remus. Apparently being Remus' friend was another of
his crimes in Lily's eyes.
Fine, James said to the Lily in his mind, with a surge
of irrational anger. Be that way. If you're determined
to find the worst in everyone, you will. Probably
Georgette was just too much of a whiny drip for Remus
to worry with her any longer. And this way, you can
finally hate ALL of us instead of making an exception
for Remus.
Arguing with Lily, even only in his imagination, was
always invigorating. But James couldn't shake his bad
mood, because he couldn't forget Sirius' downcast
face.
**
For the next two days, Peter laughed, Sirius moped and
Remus had absolutely no apologies for his behavior.
"It's not like I MARRIED Georgette Fitzwallace," Remus
said one morning, as he straightened his red-and-gold
tie.
"Well – no – it's just odd, is all –" James was
acutely aware of how inadequate his language skills
were to dealing with such a scenario.
"Just seems like a change of pace for you, Moony."
Sirius seemed to have given up even his usual
half-hearted attempts to tame his hair and glowered up
from beneath an unruly mane. "A big change of pace."
"A change for the better, I hope." Remus smiled at his
own reflection, then jogged out of their room with his
robes fluttering behind him. Sirius slumped back onto
his bed, as if surrendering before the day even began.
"Go get 'em, tiger!" Peter called after him.
Then, on Friday night, James saw Simone Montmorency
running down a hallway in tears. Confused, he looked
back the way she had come; there, against the door of
the Charms classroom, was Remus – with his arms
wrapped around Paulina Janacek. The nearby paintings
were elbowing each other in the ribs, giggling and
blushing brilliant shades of rose madder.
Paulina Janacek -- the most gorgeous girl in
Hufflepuff, the most gorgeous girl in all of Hogwarts
if you didn't count Lily, the one absolutely none of
his friends would ever have dared talk to, much less
kiss – which was what Remus was doing right now –
Okay, James said to himself. Something is officially
very, very weird.
He marched through Hogwarts, searching for absolutely
anyone to discuss this latest turn of events with.
Although he hadn't specifically been seeking Lily, he
wasn't at all sorry to find her first, sorting through
sheet music in the choir room. "Remus dumped Simone
for Paulina Janacek," he announced.
No sooner had James realized that it sounded both
melodramatic and a bit nosy. But instead of laughing,
Lily stood up abruptly, scattering music on the floor.
A few stray notes sounded, out of key. "But this
afternoon –"
"He was with Simone?"
"No, he was getting all cuddly with that Ravenclaw
girl. The one with the short-short hair, the blonde,
what's her name –"
"Alexandria," James supplied, even more startled than
he had been. "This – this is –"
"Not like Remus," they finished in unison.
For a few moments they just stared at each other, and
it would have been hard to say whether they were more
shocked to realize that Remus' womanizing was more
than just rowdiness or to have found each other in
complete agreement on any subject whatsoever. "Well –"
Lily began, "What do we do? Confront him?"
James shook his head and sat near the chorale toads'
tank; they regarded him with beady eyes as he spoke.
"I've asked him about it – he doesn't acknowledge that
anything's different at all. No, wait. He doesn't
recognize that anything's different at all."
"He could change his behavior over time," Lily mused.
"But not within a week!"
"No, that seems a bit abrupt. Particularly for someone
who leads as scheduled a life as our Remus." As soon
as James had spoken the words, he could have kicked
himself; even so oblique a hint about Remus' true
nature might give the game away to someone as smart as
Lily. But she didn't seem to have caught it, worried
as she was about other things.
"So if this isn't isn't something he's done – then it's
something that was done to him."
Staring at Lily, James said, "You think he's been
spelled?"
"Trust me: When you're a Prefect, you see these sorts
of pranks all too often. But –" She folded her arms.
"It's an odd sort of a prank, if that's all it is."
"How could it be anything else?" James said. Then he
thought of the answer to his own question; he didn't
believe it, but there was no blaming Lily or anyone
else for paranoia, not these days. "There's scary
stuff afoot these days – I know that – but I doubt
You-Know-Who gets his jollies messing with students'
love lives."
"All right. It's a prank. But who would do such a
thing?"
James grimaced as the idea came to him. "I think I
know where to start."
**
Sirius flopped down on his bed. "I admit it. It's all
my fault."
"I should have realized," Lily said sharply. James
wasn't any happier with Sirius than she was, but all
the same, he wished she'd lay off a bit; Sirius looked
utterly miserable. "What did you do?"
"It's what I didn't do." Sirius sighed. "Listen. I'll
apologize to him, and maybe that will settle him
down."
"Apologize?" James said. "For what?"
To his surprise, Sirius flushed with embarrassment.
"It's – well, it's complicated." His eyes flickered
over to Lily, as if hoping she would leave.
Lily didn't take the hint. "I'm sure we can follow
you."
Sirius rolled over so that he faced his own pillow; it
muffled his words as he spoke. "Remus is getting back
at me, you see. For – for not taking him seriously."
This made no sense; Sirius was closer to Remus than
any of the rest of them. James asked, "Did you – say
something, or –"
"It's what I didn't say. What I didn't do." Sirius
clutched the pillow tighter. "It's none of your
business, you know. But – God, James, I've got to tell
somebody –"
"It's all right." James sat down on the edge of the
bed, bracing himself. Sirius' eyes met his, seeking
support in a way he hadn't since he'd run away from
home last summer. Had it not been for Lily's presence,
confused and curious, James might even have touched
Sirius' shoulder. "Go on."
"Remus and I – we'd been – fooling around."
First James thought they'd been playing a prank. Then
other meanings of the phrase "fooling around" entered
his mind, knocking over absolutely everything else in
there. "Oh," he said intelligently. "Oh."
"And I thought – I mean, I acted like – you know, it
was just fooling around. Nothing important. But I
always thought Remus maybe wanted it to be more, and
he'd try to talk about it, but I wouldn't. I thought –
if we talked about it out loud, admitted it really was
important – it would break the spell, you know? Then
he took off and left me alone, and the first time I
saw him with Georgette – well, I knew then. It wasn't
just fooling around, not for me." Sirius took a deep
breath. "I tried to talk to him. I told him how I
really felt, deep down. But he won't listen to me any
longer. I blew it. And he's getting back at me. That's
what it is."
James didn't know what to say, or what to do, or where
to look. Various stray thoughts and suspicions he'd
had over the past several months were clicking
together now, forming a pattern. Remus was – Sirius
and Remus were –
He looked up into Lily's face, and to his surprise,
she appeared to be furious – at him. While Sirius
wasn't glancing in their direction, she mouthed the
words, Don't be a jerk.
Stung, James drew back from her. Did she honestly
think he thought so little of his friends? Sure, what
Sirius had just said made him feel weird – very, very
weird – but he was still Sirius, and Remus was still
Remus. They were two of the three best friends he'd
ever had in his life, or ever would have. None of that
changed just because they were, well, gay. Then it
occurred to him that maybe Sirius didn't know that.
"Listen," he said, as gently as he could manage.
"Remus isn't very good at holding a grudge. You know
that. We'd be in bad shape if he were."
"True." Sirius slowly turned his head from the pillow,
as if unable to believe that James was still sitting
there.
"So he'll get over this. You guys will talk. And, you
know, you'll be – the two of you – you'll patch things
up." It wasn't the most eloquent speech James had ever
made in his life, but as he saw Sirius' face brighten
in hope and relief, he figured he'd done well enough.
Lily stepped a little closer, and there was an
expression in her eyes as she looked at James that
he'd had never seen before – had never even allowed
himself to hope to see. But it was Sirius she spoke
to. "I realize why you're feeling so awful, but
honestly – I don't think it's you."
"But I just told you –"
"Sirius, think. Remus might have been angry, but he
wouldn't hurt those girls' feelings just to get
revenge. He's kinder than that. Don't you think?"
"You're right," Sirius said, frowning. "It's the sort
of stupid thing I'd do, if I were mad enough. But
still – if that's not it – then why –"
"Hey-hey!" Peter crowed, swinging in through the door.
"Did you guys check out Remus? Making time with
Alexandria Page, can you believe it? He's a WILD MAN,
now! About time! Oh – hi, Lily."
Lily's eyes narrowed. Sirius frowned.
James stood up and demanded, "Peter – WHAT DID YOU
DO?"
**
As it happened, Peter had been writing an essay for
Potions when he came across a rather powerful love
spell, guaranteed to maximize a person's interest in
the opposite sex and ensure that this interest was
returned in abundance. The spell also ensured that, at
least for a few weeks, the person's romantic interests
would override all other concerns, not to mention
morality and apparently even sexual preference. "You
don't understand. Remus had a bad case of the blues.
He said he wouldn't ever find anyone to be with. And
that was nonsense! I just thought Remus needed a
little more confidence," Peter protested, as the
others bustled him off to the library to find the
spellbook. "What's wrong with confidence?"
"Generally, nothing," James said. "Now? Everything.
We're breaking that spell, and we're doing it now."
It turned out to be a fairly simple counterspell; with
her Potions expertise, Lily was able to whip up the
essence of laburnum in less than half an hour. By the
time Remus strutted into their shared bedroom, they
had all returned, Lily included, and were sitting on
his bed waiting.
"What's this? Group meeting?" Remus said, slipping out
of his cloak. Then he cocked his head appraisingly.
"By the way, Lily, have I ever told you that you have
beautiful hair?"
"Me?" Lily brightened.
"Stunning. That perfect shade between red and gold –"
Remus reached out and took a strand of it between his
fingers.
Lily's cheeks flushed pink; James stared at her,
aghast, until she shook her head. "It's the spell,"
she explained, quickly tossing the laburnum into
Remus' face.
The powder hung heavy and gold in the air, and they
all coughed, Remus hardest of all. "What the devil –"
Remus rasped. "Why did you – Lily – oh. Oh. Oh, my
word –"
James glanced over at Lily, whose cheeks were the
correct color again. "It's done," she said. "I can
feel it."
Remus straightened up. "Oh, NO."
Sirius pointed. "Peter did it."
"I'm sorry!" Peter winced. "You'd said you were
feeling lonely. I thought it would help."
Slumping against the bedpost, Remus groaned. "Now I've
hurt Georgette's feelings – and Alexandria's – and
Paulina – "
"Don't forget Simone," James supplied.
Remus gave him a dirty look. Rising from the bed, Lily
hugged him around the shoulders. "You'd been spelled;
you couldn't help it. Listen, I'll go with you to
explain, all right? Just about the spell, I mean. We
can do it first thing in the morning."
"Before breakfast," Remus said. "I feel awful." He was
looking at Sirius when he said it.
"Don't feel bad. You're all right now. We're –
everything's all right now." Sirius smiled up at
Remus, and all at once James had the sense it might be
better to leave them alone.
"Prefect Evans," James said, "isn't there some sort of
House punishment for casting spells on other people
without their permission?" Peter gaped at James,
betrayed; by reply, James gave him a no-hard-feelings
slug on the arm.
"Well, technically, it's against the rules, but –"
Lily caught sight of the look on Sirius' face, then
corrected herself. "Absolutely. Anyone who casts such
a spell has to – has to – has to sleep in the common
room for one night."
Peter's bewilderment became even greater. "That's not
a real rule!"
"It is now. Get on with you." Lily threw one of
Peter's pillows at him, and Peter took off down the
hall, grumbling.
"Hang on, Peter! I'll stay out there with you. Keep
you company." James grabbed his own pillow and used
the excuse to take one of Lily's hands in his. "See
you two in the morning, all right?" He hurried out,
towing Lily behind him, before either Sirius or Remus
could answer. They didn't look much like they were
eager to talk to him, anyway.
Once they were in the hallway, Lily said, "You
surprise me, Potter."
"How so? Holding your hand?"
James could have cursed himself for saying it out
loud, because Lily immediately drew her hand back. But
she was smiling as she did so. "Finding out that Remus
and Sirius are – well, that they're together – a lot
of boys wouldn't be very mature about that."
In truth, James didn't know if he felt "mature" about
it or not; the whole idea would take some getting used
to. But one thing was certain: "They're my best
friends, no matter what."
"Tolerant and loyal." Lily cocked her head to one
side, and her smile had become much warmer. "You know,
in another man, that combination would be rather
appealing."
James quickly said, "Oh, I totally support them.
Totally. I'm happy two of my best friends are gay.
Very happy. Thrilled, even. I live in the hope that
Peter will be gay too and make my life complete."
"Do you ever tire of dishing out nonsense?"
"No." He smiled back at her. "Will you ever enjoy
hearing it?"
Lily shook her head, and yet James had the distinct
sense her answer wasn't No. "Good night," she said
over her shoulder as she walked away. "Enjoy the
common room."
James hugged his pillow, and was immediately
embarrassed when Sirius opened the door, saw him and
raised an eyebrow. To cover his excitement, James
said, "Don't tell me you haven't got better things to
do tonight than loiter in the hallway."
"Blankets," Sirius said, thrusting a few folded quilts
in James' direction. "Remus says you'll freeze after
the fire's out."
"The house-elves will keep it going," James pointed
out. "But thanks anyway."
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Couldn't help overhearing
–"
"See, I told you Lily would listen to me eventually.
I'm halfway there."
"That's not what I meant," Sirius said, more quietly.
"Thanks for still being our friend."
That was like Sirius thanking him for breathing
oxygen. James shrugged and said, "Thanks for being
mine."
Sirius smiled, a quiet smile very unlike his usual
grin. But as he turned to shut the door, he said, "For
the nine-hundred-and-second time -- Lily Evans is
never going to go out with you."
"You won't be saying that a thousandth time," James
predicted.
"Imagine," Sirius said, clearly speaking to both James
and the unseen Remus now. "What kind of a man is happy
because he thinks he's only going to go through 97
more rejections?"
"One who can see the glass half-full. I believe
they're called 'optimists.' Peculiar breed," Remus
called.
Sirius laughed. "I'm staring to see where they get it,
you know?" With that, the door to their room finally
swung shut.
As he headed for the common room, James added one more
rule to the rulebook: Thou shalt find love in the damnedest places.
Really, he thought, I should start writing all this down.
**
END
**
ETA: Edited to post story instead of link, as is the rules, and to humbly apologize for having broken the rules, or rather for having been too thick to remember the rules in the first place.
Written by:
yahtzee63Pairing(s): Remus/Sirius, James/Lily, Remus/others
Rating: PG
Warnings: None, really.
Disclaimer: Not mine, hers.
Summary: The same as my challenge: "One of the boys attempts a love spell, with disastrous results."
**
WHO WROTE THE BOOK OF LOVE?
By Yahtzee
**
"Something's not quite right with Remus," Sirius said.
"Why do you say that?" James didn't even open his
eyes. He was stretched out in a patch of shade close
to the lake's edge, enjoying a lazy April afternoon.
"He's just been – odd – the last couple of days. Odd,
you'd say. Ah, different."
James finally abandoned his last hopes of a nap and
opened his eyes. Instead of practicing Quidditch with
some of his buddies on the Ravenclaw team, as was the
plan, Sirius was huddled next to James, staring out at
the water. James pushed himself up on his elbows.
"Different how?"
"With, you know – with Georgette."
"Is that all you're worried about?" James shook his
head and grinned. "Now I know you've never been in
love. EVERYONE acts stupid right at first. It's in the
rulebook; if anybody ever finds the blasted thing,
it'll probably be written up top, first page. 'Thou
shalt act like a blazing idiot the first month thou
art in love.' Or something like that."
"Had he ever mentioned Georgette Fitzwallace to you?
Ever?"
"Nope. But you know Remus. He plays things close to
his chest."
"That he does." Abruptly, Sirius rose to his feet,
brushing bits of grass and twigs away from his robes.
"And since when have you ever been in love, so that
you can give lectures on it?"
James didn't answer, and had the distinct impression
that his cheeks might be turning red.
Sirius smirked. "For the nine hundredth time, Lily
Evans is never going to go out with you." James' reply
was a rude gesture, which at least earned him one of
Sirius' barking laughs. But after a moment Sirius was
solemn again as he said, "I don't think Remus is in
love with Georgette. It won't last more than a day or
two more. Mark my words."
"Maybe it's not love," James agreed, though he
realized as he said it that it was hard to imagine
quiet, steadfast Remus finally going public with a
romance for anything less than a serious emotional
attachment. Still, he hadn't talked to Remus about it,
and thus far his only knowledge of the couple came
from watching them snog unabashedly in the Great Hall
and in the Gryffindor common room. "Maybe it's just
lust."
Sirius did not appear to be cheered by this. "Right.
Well. I'm off to Quidditch practice. Taro and Lucy are
going to help me get ready for next week."
"You still think you might fly on next year?"
Privately, James felt almost certain that Sylvia
Browne would end up being Gryffindor's new Beater; it
was usually better to invest in a younger player than
to take someone on for only his seventh year. But
Sirius was good, and there was no point in dashing his
hopes.
"Seems worth a try." Had anyone ever sounded so glum
about finally making the Quidditch team? But when
James sat up to really try and study his friend's
face, Sirius turned and jogged off, shouting behind
him, "See you at dinner!"
What was all that about? Granted, Remus finally having
a girlfriend would change things, maybe not for the
better. But Peter had had a string of girls, and James
had gone out with Miriam Canning for a few months last
year; despite a few adjustments (less swearing, more
dressing up), they'd all remained good friends
throughout everything. So why worry about Remus?
James imagined it would all blow over quickly enough,
whatever it was. Probably another of Sirius's moods,
no more.
**
At dinnertime, James sat with Sirius and Peter. Remus
was nowhere to be seen.
"Off snogging in the clock tower, probably," Peter
said through a mouthful of shepherd's pie. "High time
Moony got over his shyness, if you ask me. He's needed
something like this."
"Remus isn't in the clock tower, or he's not snogging
if he is," Sirius replied, sounding altogether too
satisfied. "Georgette Fitzwallace is sitting over
there, see? With Evans."
So she was. James stared at them for a few moments,
glad for any excuse to look at Lily. Her auburn hair
was halfway down her back by now – he'd overheard one
of the girls offering to cut it for her, which would
be a crime, really –
As if able to feel his eyes on her back, Lily glared
over her shoulder at him. James whipped back around to
give his dinner new and concentrated attention,
ignoring the snickering he could hear from Peter.
Sirius pronounced his verdict: "Over as soon as it
began."
"Maybe he's just studying," Peter said. "You can be
interested in a girl without spending every waking
minute thinking of her. Don't use our poor friend
James as an example."
"I do not spent every waking minute thinking of Lily
Evans," James insisted.
"Hmmm. Was that an admission of interest? Only three
weeks after a certain someone proclaimed he was done
with thinking about a certain Miss Evans forever?"
Sirius raised his eyebrows, looking for all the world
like Professor McGonagall swooping down upon a wrong
answer.
Exasperated, James said, "Tell me, Sirius, do you
actually enjoy knowing all your friends have rotten
love lives?"
"Speak for yourself," Peter said.
James ignored this. "Are you only happy when we're
unhappy? Does misery really love company that much?"
"No! James, I – honestly, I didn't mean it that way.
Not at all." Sirius looked so utterly crestfallen that
it was impossible not to believe and forgive him. "I
want Remus to be happy. More than anything."
That seemed like an odd way to put it, but James
believed him. "And me?"
Sirius considered that for a few seconds. "I want you
to be happy too, but facts are facts. For the
nine-hundred-and-first time, Lily Evans is NEVER going
to go out with you."
James couldn't stop laughing long enough to get angry.
**
That night, two third-years decided it would be funny
to set loose several dozen Chocolate Frogs they must
have saved from the last Hogsmeade visit. Small
leaping blobs of chocolate bounced from place to place
in the common room, leaving tiny cocoa footprints on
every table and chair and wall. Lily Evans darted that
way and this, trying to catch or enchant them all
while the first-years giggled; James, who liked
opportunity as much as he liked chocolate, joined in
Lily's efforts. He even managed to capture one in his
mouth, which he was absolutely, positively certain
made Lily laugh. Or maybe that was just because
another of the frogs had landed smack atop his head.
When most of the other students had gone to bed, and
only four or five more froggy fugitives hopped around
the room, James decided he could risk some
conversation. "Is being a Prefect always this much
fun?"
"You'll never have to worry about it, Potter," Lily
said, pulling her hair up and away from her neck as
she panted for breath. Did girls have any idea how
sexy something like that could be? "Though you usually
do have help from your other Prefects. Where on earth
is Remus?"
Come to think of it, Remus hadn't shown his face all
night, save for a quick run into their shared room
after dinner. "Off with Georgette, no doubt."
Lily scowled. "Not likely. He broke up with her this
afternoon. Didn't you know?"
"No. He never mentioned it. They only just started
going out, didn't they?" Had Remus perhaps kept it a
secret from them for a while?
"Scarcely four days! But she says he laid it on
awfully thick, then bam. Dropped her like that."
"That doesn't sound like Remus," James said.
He was expecting a scornful reply about the evils of
men, but instead Lily nodded and sighed. "I know. It's
not like him. But Georgette wouldn't lie, not about
something like that."
Were they having a civil conversation? No teasing? No
fighting? James quickly reminded himself that the best
way to keep this going would be to stop congratulating
himself and concentrate on the subject at hand. "Did
they argue about something? Remus isn't a hothead –
unlike some of his friends –" This bit of daring
earned him a laugh. "—but if he feels strongly about
something, especially something important, he can be
fierce." The aftermath of their dangerously stupid
prank on Severus Snape had made that clear; for a
while, James had been afraid none of their friendships
would survive.
But Lily shook her head. "Nothing like that. He just
walked up after Ancient Runes and dumped her in front
of a flock of Ravenclaws. Sounded really nasty,
honestly. And that doesn't sound much like Remus."
It was so strange, realizing that Lily knew Remus
almost as well as James did himself. Even stranger was
realizing that she wasn't the first person who had
said something like this. "You know, Sirius said Remus
was acting strangely lately."
"Black noticed something about human behavior?"
James frowned at her; he didn't mind Lily making fun
of him – he'd earned it, after all – but his friends
were another matter. "He noticed before either of us
did, apparently."
Lily looked down at the floor, so her hair fell in a
curtain, obscuring her face. Was she embarrassed about
having mocked Sirius? James couldn't tell. "What did
he say?"
"Nothing specific. But then, I wasn't really
listening. I thought – well, doesn't matter what I
thought. I'll try and talk to Remus about it tomorrow,
maybe."
"Let me know what he says," Lily replied as she headed
up to the girls' rooms. It took James almost a full
minute to realize she'd asked him to talk to her
tomorrow. She was planning on talking with him.
Waiting for it, even! That was almost like a date – if
you were, in fact, truly desperate.
Another entry in the rulebook of love, were ever to be
located: Thou shalt not invent dates where they do not
exist, for an imaginary date doth always end up even
more disappointing than the real thing.
Sighing, James went off to bed.
**
The next time he saw Remus was at breakfast. Remus was
sitting at the Slytherin table. With Simone
Montmorency. Specifically, with his tongue down Simone
Montmorency's throat.
James made the first intelligent comment he could
think of: "Bloody hell?"
"Told you," Peter said with a satisfied grin. "It was
PAST time for Moony to start having a bit of luck with
the ladies."
Sirius slumped over his breakfast. "I just don't
understand it."
"What's to understand?" Peter said. "Simone
Montmorency – sure, she's a Slytherin, but she's a
fox."
James found that he agreed with both his friends;
Remus' behavior was definitely unusual – but Simone
Montmorency was definitely a fox.
Out of habit, he searched the room for Lily Evans. She
was at the far end of the table, her face dark. Next
to her, Georgette Fitzwallace held her napkin to her
face; it looked as though she'd been crying. Lily
glanced up – again, as if sensing his gaze – but this
time, her anger seemed to encompass James along with
Remus. Apparently being Remus' friend was another of
his crimes in Lily's eyes.
Fine, James said to the Lily in his mind, with a surge
of irrational anger. Be that way. If you're determined
to find the worst in everyone, you will. Probably
Georgette was just too much of a whiny drip for Remus
to worry with her any longer. And this way, you can
finally hate ALL of us instead of making an exception
for Remus.
Arguing with Lily, even only in his imagination, was
always invigorating. But James couldn't shake his bad
mood, because he couldn't forget Sirius' downcast
face.
**
For the next two days, Peter laughed, Sirius moped and
Remus had absolutely no apologies for his behavior.
"It's not like I MARRIED Georgette Fitzwallace," Remus
said one morning, as he straightened his red-and-gold
tie.
"Well – no – it's just odd, is all –" James was
acutely aware of how inadequate his language skills
were to dealing with such a scenario.
"Just seems like a change of pace for you, Moony."
Sirius seemed to have given up even his usual
half-hearted attempts to tame his hair and glowered up
from beneath an unruly mane. "A big change of pace."
"A change for the better, I hope." Remus smiled at his
own reflection, then jogged out of their room with his
robes fluttering behind him. Sirius slumped back onto
his bed, as if surrendering before the day even began.
"Go get 'em, tiger!" Peter called after him.
Then, on Friday night, James saw Simone Montmorency
running down a hallway in tears. Confused, he looked
back the way she had come; there, against the door of
the Charms classroom, was Remus – with his arms
wrapped around Paulina Janacek. The nearby paintings
were elbowing each other in the ribs, giggling and
blushing brilliant shades of rose madder.
Paulina Janacek -- the most gorgeous girl in
Hufflepuff, the most gorgeous girl in all of Hogwarts
if you didn't count Lily, the one absolutely none of
his friends would ever have dared talk to, much less
kiss – which was what Remus was doing right now –
Okay, James said to himself. Something is officially
very, very weird.
He marched through Hogwarts, searching for absolutely
anyone to discuss this latest turn of events with.
Although he hadn't specifically been seeking Lily, he
wasn't at all sorry to find her first, sorting through
sheet music in the choir room. "Remus dumped Simone
for Paulina Janacek," he announced.
No sooner had James realized that it sounded both
melodramatic and a bit nosy. But instead of laughing,
Lily stood up abruptly, scattering music on the floor.
A few stray notes sounded, out of key. "But this
afternoon –"
"He was with Simone?"
"No, he was getting all cuddly with that Ravenclaw
girl. The one with the short-short hair, the blonde,
what's her name –"
"Alexandria," James supplied, even more startled than
he had been. "This – this is –"
"Not like Remus," they finished in unison.
For a few moments they just stared at each other, and
it would have been hard to say whether they were more
shocked to realize that Remus' womanizing was more
than just rowdiness or to have found each other in
complete agreement on any subject whatsoever. "Well –"
Lily began, "What do we do? Confront him?"
James shook his head and sat near the chorale toads'
tank; they regarded him with beady eyes as he spoke.
"I've asked him about it – he doesn't acknowledge that
anything's different at all. No, wait. He doesn't
recognize that anything's different at all."
"He could change his behavior over time," Lily mused.
"But not within a week!"
"No, that seems a bit abrupt. Particularly for someone
who leads as scheduled a life as our Remus." As soon
as James had spoken the words, he could have kicked
himself; even so oblique a hint about Remus' true
nature might give the game away to someone as smart as
Lily. But she didn't seem to have caught it, worried
as she was about other things.
"So if this isn't isn't something he's done – then it's
something that was done to him."
Staring at Lily, James said, "You think he's been
spelled?"
"Trust me: When you're a Prefect, you see these sorts
of pranks all too often. But –" She folded her arms.
"It's an odd sort of a prank, if that's all it is."
"How could it be anything else?" James said. Then he
thought of the answer to his own question; he didn't
believe it, but there was no blaming Lily or anyone
else for paranoia, not these days. "There's scary
stuff afoot these days – I know that – but I doubt
You-Know-Who gets his jollies messing with students'
love lives."
"All right. It's a prank. But who would do such a
thing?"
James grimaced as the idea came to him. "I think I
know where to start."
**
Sirius flopped down on his bed. "I admit it. It's all
my fault."
"I should have realized," Lily said sharply. James
wasn't any happier with Sirius than she was, but all
the same, he wished she'd lay off a bit; Sirius looked
utterly miserable. "What did you do?"
"It's what I didn't do." Sirius sighed. "Listen. I'll
apologize to him, and maybe that will settle him
down."
"Apologize?" James said. "For what?"
To his surprise, Sirius flushed with embarrassment.
"It's – well, it's complicated." His eyes flickered
over to Lily, as if hoping she would leave.
Lily didn't take the hint. "I'm sure we can follow
you."
Sirius rolled over so that he faced his own pillow; it
muffled his words as he spoke. "Remus is getting back
at me, you see. For – for not taking him seriously."
This made no sense; Sirius was closer to Remus than
any of the rest of them. James asked, "Did you – say
something, or –"
"It's what I didn't say. What I didn't do." Sirius
clutched the pillow tighter. "It's none of your
business, you know. But – God, James, I've got to tell
somebody –"
"It's all right." James sat down on the edge of the
bed, bracing himself. Sirius' eyes met his, seeking
support in a way he hadn't since he'd run away from
home last summer. Had it not been for Lily's presence,
confused and curious, James might even have touched
Sirius' shoulder. "Go on."
"Remus and I – we'd been – fooling around."
First James thought they'd been playing a prank. Then
other meanings of the phrase "fooling around" entered
his mind, knocking over absolutely everything else in
there. "Oh," he said intelligently. "Oh."
"And I thought – I mean, I acted like – you know, it
was just fooling around. Nothing important. But I
always thought Remus maybe wanted it to be more, and
he'd try to talk about it, but I wouldn't. I thought –
if we talked about it out loud, admitted it really was
important – it would break the spell, you know? Then
he took off and left me alone, and the first time I
saw him with Georgette – well, I knew then. It wasn't
just fooling around, not for me." Sirius took a deep
breath. "I tried to talk to him. I told him how I
really felt, deep down. But he won't listen to me any
longer. I blew it. And he's getting back at me. That's
what it is."
James didn't know what to say, or what to do, or where
to look. Various stray thoughts and suspicions he'd
had over the past several months were clicking
together now, forming a pattern. Remus was – Sirius
and Remus were –
He looked up into Lily's face, and to his surprise,
she appeared to be furious – at him. While Sirius
wasn't glancing in their direction, she mouthed the
words, Don't be a jerk.
Stung, James drew back from her. Did she honestly
think he thought so little of his friends? Sure, what
Sirius had just said made him feel weird – very, very
weird – but he was still Sirius, and Remus was still
Remus. They were two of the three best friends he'd
ever had in his life, or ever would have. None of that
changed just because they were, well, gay. Then it
occurred to him that maybe Sirius didn't know that.
"Listen," he said, as gently as he could manage.
"Remus isn't very good at holding a grudge. You know
that. We'd be in bad shape if he were."
"True." Sirius slowly turned his head from the pillow,
as if unable to believe that James was still sitting
there.
"So he'll get over this. You guys will talk. And, you
know, you'll be – the two of you – you'll patch things
up." It wasn't the most eloquent speech James had ever
made in his life, but as he saw Sirius' face brighten
in hope and relief, he figured he'd done well enough.
Lily stepped a little closer, and there was an
expression in her eyes as she looked at James that
he'd had never seen before – had never even allowed
himself to hope to see. But it was Sirius she spoke
to. "I realize why you're feeling so awful, but
honestly – I don't think it's you."
"But I just told you –"
"Sirius, think. Remus might have been angry, but he
wouldn't hurt those girls' feelings just to get
revenge. He's kinder than that. Don't you think?"
"You're right," Sirius said, frowning. "It's the sort
of stupid thing I'd do, if I were mad enough. But
still – if that's not it – then why –"
"Hey-hey!" Peter crowed, swinging in through the door.
"Did you guys check out Remus? Making time with
Alexandria Page, can you believe it? He's a WILD MAN,
now! About time! Oh – hi, Lily."
Lily's eyes narrowed. Sirius frowned.
James stood up and demanded, "Peter – WHAT DID YOU
DO?"
**
As it happened, Peter had been writing an essay for
Potions when he came across a rather powerful love
spell, guaranteed to maximize a person's interest in
the opposite sex and ensure that this interest was
returned in abundance. The spell also ensured that, at
least for a few weeks, the person's romantic interests
would override all other concerns, not to mention
morality and apparently even sexual preference. "You
don't understand. Remus had a bad case of the blues.
He said he wouldn't ever find anyone to be with. And
that was nonsense! I just thought Remus needed a
little more confidence," Peter protested, as the
others bustled him off to the library to find the
spellbook. "What's wrong with confidence?"
"Generally, nothing," James said. "Now? Everything.
We're breaking that spell, and we're doing it now."
It turned out to be a fairly simple counterspell; with
her Potions expertise, Lily was able to whip up the
essence of laburnum in less than half an hour. By the
time Remus strutted into their shared bedroom, they
had all returned, Lily included, and were sitting on
his bed waiting.
"What's this? Group meeting?" Remus said, slipping out
of his cloak. Then he cocked his head appraisingly.
"By the way, Lily, have I ever told you that you have
beautiful hair?"
"Me?" Lily brightened.
"Stunning. That perfect shade between red and gold –"
Remus reached out and took a strand of it between his
fingers.
Lily's cheeks flushed pink; James stared at her,
aghast, until she shook her head. "It's the spell,"
she explained, quickly tossing the laburnum into
Remus' face.
The powder hung heavy and gold in the air, and they
all coughed, Remus hardest of all. "What the devil –"
Remus rasped. "Why did you – Lily – oh. Oh. Oh, my
word –"
James glanced over at Lily, whose cheeks were the
correct color again. "It's done," she said. "I can
feel it."
Remus straightened up. "Oh, NO."
Sirius pointed. "Peter did it."
"I'm sorry!" Peter winced. "You'd said you were
feeling lonely. I thought it would help."
Slumping against the bedpost, Remus groaned. "Now I've
hurt Georgette's feelings – and Alexandria's – and
Paulina – "
"Don't forget Simone," James supplied.
Remus gave him a dirty look. Rising from the bed, Lily
hugged him around the shoulders. "You'd been spelled;
you couldn't help it. Listen, I'll go with you to
explain, all right? Just about the spell, I mean. We
can do it first thing in the morning."
"Before breakfast," Remus said. "I feel awful." He was
looking at Sirius when he said it.
"Don't feel bad. You're all right now. We're –
everything's all right now." Sirius smiled up at
Remus, and all at once James had the sense it might be
better to leave them alone.
"Prefect Evans," James said, "isn't there some sort of
House punishment for casting spells on other people
without their permission?" Peter gaped at James,
betrayed; by reply, James gave him a no-hard-feelings
slug on the arm.
"Well, technically, it's against the rules, but –"
Lily caught sight of the look on Sirius' face, then
corrected herself. "Absolutely. Anyone who casts such
a spell has to – has to – has to sleep in the common
room for one night."
Peter's bewilderment became even greater. "That's not
a real rule!"
"It is now. Get on with you." Lily threw one of
Peter's pillows at him, and Peter took off down the
hall, grumbling.
"Hang on, Peter! I'll stay out there with you. Keep
you company." James grabbed his own pillow and used
the excuse to take one of Lily's hands in his. "See
you two in the morning, all right?" He hurried out,
towing Lily behind him, before either Sirius or Remus
could answer. They didn't look much like they were
eager to talk to him, anyway.
Once they were in the hallway, Lily said, "You
surprise me, Potter."
"How so? Holding your hand?"
James could have cursed himself for saying it out
loud, because Lily immediately drew her hand back. But
she was smiling as she did so. "Finding out that Remus
and Sirius are – well, that they're together – a lot
of boys wouldn't be very mature about that."
In truth, James didn't know if he felt "mature" about
it or not; the whole idea would take some getting used
to. But one thing was certain: "They're my best
friends, no matter what."
"Tolerant and loyal." Lily cocked her head to one
side, and her smile had become much warmer. "You know,
in another man, that combination would be rather
appealing."
James quickly said, "Oh, I totally support them.
Totally. I'm happy two of my best friends are gay.
Very happy. Thrilled, even. I live in the hope that
Peter will be gay too and make my life complete."
"Do you ever tire of dishing out nonsense?"
"No." He smiled back at her. "Will you ever enjoy
hearing it?"
Lily shook her head, and yet James had the distinct
sense her answer wasn't No. "Good night," she said
over her shoulder as she walked away. "Enjoy the
common room."
James hugged his pillow, and was immediately
embarrassed when Sirius opened the door, saw him and
raised an eyebrow. To cover his excitement, James
said, "Don't tell me you haven't got better things to
do tonight than loiter in the hallway."
"Blankets," Sirius said, thrusting a few folded quilts
in James' direction. "Remus says you'll freeze after
the fire's out."
"The house-elves will keep it going," James pointed
out. "But thanks anyway."
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Couldn't help overhearing
–"
"See, I told you Lily would listen to me eventually.
I'm halfway there."
"That's not what I meant," Sirius said, more quietly.
"Thanks for still being our friend."
That was like Sirius thanking him for breathing
oxygen. James shrugged and said, "Thanks for being
mine."
Sirius smiled, a quiet smile very unlike his usual
grin. But as he turned to shut the door, he said, "For
the nine-hundred-and-second time -- Lily Evans is
never going to go out with you."
"You won't be saying that a thousandth time," James
predicted.
"Imagine," Sirius said, clearly speaking to both James
and the unseen Remus now. "What kind of a man is happy
because he thinks he's only going to go through 97
more rejections?"
"One who can see the glass half-full. I believe
they're called 'optimists.' Peculiar breed," Remus
called.
Sirius laughed. "I'm staring to see where they get it,
you know?" With that, the door to their room finally
swung shut.
As he headed for the common room, James added one more
rule to the rulebook: Thou shalt find love in the damnedest places.
Really, he thought, I should start writing all this down.
**
END
**
ETA: Edited to post story instead of link, as is the rules, and to humbly apologize for having broken the rules, or rather for having been too thick to remember the rules in the first place.