So this is me, being introspective - rather from lack of sufficient sleep, or due to stress and worry, or just things that are cropping up in my mind I'm not real sure. But these thoughts are all there and would do better to get out I think.
My father (My stepdad, Garon, for those wanting specifics) was once upon a time a Navy Seal. Which may or may not have anything to do with the rest of what is on my mind, though on the other hand maybe it influences his perspective and since it was part of what made him the man that he is perhaps it has more to do with things than I give it credit for. And I'll admit, he's a highly opinionated man, with views I don't always agree with - but sometimes I do agree with him, but I have to give my own perspectives more thought. We've talked a lot over the last several months about the difficulties of people 'in this day and age' to commit themselves to something. This isn't the same as commitment to a person, unless it is a sort of self-commitment, but rather commitment to doing something, to achieving something or to becoming something. There are people in the world who obviously can do this, they can achieve the schooling, career, success in certain areas that they strive for - but these people are in the minority. We live in a world where there is just too much stuff, to many distractions, to much to do at any time - books/magazines/newspapers/comics to read, movies to see, shows to watch on tv, people to see, places to drive to, games to play - there is just so much STUFF. (And I'm as guilty as anyone of letting myself be bombarded by so much stuff that I end up with shelves of unread books, stacks of comics to read, of game books that I mean to get to, of computer games that I mean to try and movies I mean to watch - to the point sometimes I just need to stop, step back, and sift out the things that are significant to me/get rid of everything else and just enjoy those things.)
Looking, for example, at one specific thing where it has related to us: sword training (fighting even). I've done one form or another of martial arts or weapons training since I was 15. Not because I had to. At no time have I ever been in a war, in a life threatening situation where the only way to save myself was to pull out a sword and cut down my enemy - or anything of that nature. In this day and age, it's not something that really happens or that we're at risk for. We don't have the fervency driving us to learn how to wage war or fight (that is physically defend ourselves with staff, bow, sword, etc.) as would have existed even 150 years ago in this country and for the time beyond that.
I can say that I've used the things that I've learned over the years to defend myself. I've defended myself against two people who would have perhaps hurt me, I can't say that they would have - I might have felt like they were going to at the time, both of them were 'bully' personalities so perhaps if I had reacted differently I would have been either hurt or subjecated in some manner - but instead I chose to defend myself from them and used methods in doing so that I had picked up from training. And maybe there were other occasions, things that I avoided harm from simply because my awareness of my surroundings were influenced by having had the training - amongst all the other things in my life I've learned.
But right now, I train weekly with swords. I have been doing this weekly training (on and off, due to weather and the like) for over three years now. If a training is scheduled by my father, I go. I don't always have good days, and I've gotten hurt a few times, but I go and learn and practice. There are other people that I've trained with, about 8 different people since first starting this - including Chris, Ryan (my brother) and various others. We started off with wooden weapons and then graduated to steal. I've taught other people some, I've done demonstrations and sword-work on stage, and after three years of training I feel like I've hit a plateau and am searching for the next incline to advance. That is something of a personal struggle, but it is coupled with a little frustration in other people - which is where the conversations about commitment have come from. Because over time I've seen people come and go in this training, hop in because it's cool and then loose interest and disappear for a few months, and then come back again. It frustrates me, because then time has to be spent 'catching up' these individuals because they couldn't commit to what we're doing and chose to disappear for a while - and then come back and expect to be on an even field. It also means that there isn't really a 'regular crew' that I work with, the most regular of recent time has been myself, my father and David.
Some of my frustration is aimed at myself as I want to be more committed to something that doesn't have a lot of opportunity in the area that I live, and is often viewed as unnecessary and silly - who needs to really learn how to handle a sword, after all? I have the flexible hours and time, but I don't plan the schedule of when we train - and for improvement it is one of those things that you do best to learn engaging other people. There are questions of money and direction - where do I want to go? I think we're going to move into saber fighting, but I will need to buy a practice saber which is about $100 so I'll need to save money for that.
Mostly though, I have a frustration for people who lack a willingness to commit to things what I do. I have areas of my life that I've committed myself towards doing successfully, or as well as I possibly can, and sometimes that means a steady but slow progress while other times that means I can work harder and faster by motivating myself with the end result. I want to do this successfully and have it be something significant, even if it is just so to me. (My sword training, raising my child/taking care of home, my position in the OES, overseeing a game - these are all long-term commitments to me.) But somehow I have to work the commitments through the distractions of everything else that saps money, time, and energy away from me.
My father (My stepdad, Garon, for those wanting specifics) was once upon a time a Navy Seal. Which may or may not have anything to do with the rest of what is on my mind, though on the other hand maybe it influences his perspective and since it was part of what made him the man that he is perhaps it has more to do with things than I give it credit for. And I'll admit, he's a highly opinionated man, with views I don't always agree with - but sometimes I do agree with him, but I have to give my own perspectives more thought. We've talked a lot over the last several months about the difficulties of people 'in this day and age' to commit themselves to something. This isn't the same as commitment to a person, unless it is a sort of self-commitment, but rather commitment to doing something, to achieving something or to becoming something. There are people in the world who obviously can do this, they can achieve the schooling, career, success in certain areas that they strive for - but these people are in the minority. We live in a world where there is just too much stuff, to many distractions, to much to do at any time - books/magazines/newspapers/comics to read, movies to see, shows to watch on tv, people to see, places to drive to, games to play - there is just so much STUFF. (And I'm as guilty as anyone of letting myself be bombarded by so much stuff that I end up with shelves of unread books, stacks of comics to read, of game books that I mean to get to, of computer games that I mean to try and movies I mean to watch - to the point sometimes I just need to stop, step back, and sift out the things that are significant to me/get rid of everything else and just enjoy those things.)
Looking, for example, at one specific thing where it has related to us: sword training (fighting even). I've done one form or another of martial arts or weapons training since I was 15. Not because I had to. At no time have I ever been in a war, in a life threatening situation where the only way to save myself was to pull out a sword and cut down my enemy - or anything of that nature. In this day and age, it's not something that really happens or that we're at risk for. We don't have the fervency driving us to learn how to wage war or fight (that is physically defend ourselves with staff, bow, sword, etc.) as would have existed even 150 years ago in this country and for the time beyond that.
I can say that I've used the things that I've learned over the years to defend myself. I've defended myself against two people who would have perhaps hurt me, I can't say that they would have - I might have felt like they were going to at the time, both of them were 'bully' personalities so perhaps if I had reacted differently I would have been either hurt or subjecated in some manner - but instead I chose to defend myself from them and used methods in doing so that I had picked up from training. And maybe there were other occasions, things that I avoided harm from simply because my awareness of my surroundings were influenced by having had the training - amongst all the other things in my life I've learned.
But right now, I train weekly with swords. I have been doing this weekly training (on and off, due to weather and the like) for over three years now. If a training is scheduled by my father, I go. I don't always have good days, and I've gotten hurt a few times, but I go and learn and practice. There are other people that I've trained with, about 8 different people since first starting this - including Chris, Ryan (my brother) and various others. We started off with wooden weapons and then graduated to steal. I've taught other people some, I've done demonstrations and sword-work on stage, and after three years of training I feel like I've hit a plateau and am searching for the next incline to advance. That is something of a personal struggle, but it is coupled with a little frustration in other people - which is where the conversations about commitment have come from. Because over time I've seen people come and go in this training, hop in because it's cool and then loose interest and disappear for a few months, and then come back again. It frustrates me, because then time has to be spent 'catching up' these individuals because they couldn't commit to what we're doing and chose to disappear for a while - and then come back and expect to be on an even field. It also means that there isn't really a 'regular crew' that I work with, the most regular of recent time has been myself, my father and David.
Some of my frustration is aimed at myself as I want to be more committed to something that doesn't have a lot of opportunity in the area that I live, and is often viewed as unnecessary and silly - who needs to really learn how to handle a sword, after all? I have the flexible hours and time, but I don't plan the schedule of when we train - and for improvement it is one of those things that you do best to learn engaging other people. There are questions of money and direction - where do I want to go? I think we're going to move into saber fighting, but I will need to buy a practice saber which is about $100 so I'll need to save money for that.
Mostly though, I have a frustration for people who lack a willingness to commit to things what I do. I have areas of my life that I've committed myself towards doing successfully, or as well as I possibly can, and sometimes that means a steady but slow progress while other times that means I can work harder and faster by motivating myself with the end result. I want to do this successfully and have it be something significant, even if it is just so to me. (My sword training, raising my child/taking care of home, my position in the OES, overseeing a game - these are all long-term commitments to me.) But somehow I have to work the commitments through the distractions of everything else that saps money, time, and energy away from me.