Thoughts on New Orleans, stress, and my country of origin
I have, for the past few days, been feeling slightly sick to my stomach and also achey through the middle of my body, as though I'd either been punched in the stomach at some point, or been doing lots of abdominal exercises. I think I have belatedly clued in to what this is: massive stress. My whole body clenches up in knots when I read about the situation in New Orleans, and having additional stresses like end/beginning of month cash flow worries, family issues, occasional fights with 
kettunainen, health worries (my own plus a brief cancer scare regarding my teenage nephew), etc. have not been helping. I need to learn how to let tension out of my body before it gives me an ulcer or something.
I have discovered that I was running a $78.92 account credit with Dreamhost, my web host. Not sure where from - maybe past referrals or something. It is now gone, because I donated the lot of it to the hurricane relief fund through them, which means they have to match it. Am now obscurely worried that too many people will donate through them, and trying to match everyone's donations will drive them into bankruptcy. Most of their past monthly charity efforts have netted around $200-300 in donations. If I, in my relatively impoverished state, kicked in nearly $80 on this one, and they have something like 10,000 other customers, many of whom are better off that I am... Well.
I was not initially sure which was more upsetting, the rampant violence and what not of the people in the city as the social order breaks down, or the government negligence that led to things being as bad as they are. But really, if I think about it a bit, I know which one is worse. I don't necessarily want to kill the people who are looting and shooting and all that (well OK, the rapists, maybe). But the people in charge, who sold off wetlands for development despite knowing they were an essential buffer against storms, failed to put any money into improving the levees after years of warnings that they were too weak and wouldn't withstand a major hurricane, ignored the advice of a UN disaster planning consultant who asked them repeatedly what they planned to do for people who couldn't get out of the city on their own and was met with silence as a response, shut down the bus and train service before giving the evacuation order, and are now turning back would-be volunteers from other countries at the border, announcing they don't want or need anyone's help, and sending in the National Guard with orders to shoot to kill...Those I would like to see die a slow and painful death. Ideally, drop them into the worst part of the city with no food, clean water or transportation -- and let people know who they are and what they're responsible for. Failing that, some kind of mini-Nuremburg trials once this is all over and as many people as can still be saved have been.
But of course, that will never happen. It's not enough that the US government think it's the world's police force and goes around bullying other countries constantly; they don't even give a damn about their own people, at least not those who are poor, don't own cars or have the wrong skin colour. Gods. My citizenship ceremony, a week from now, can't come soon enough for me. I know the default these days is that you get dual citizenship unless you specifically renounce your citizenship of origin, but I really feel tempted to, as soon as it's over, walk down to the US consulate, rip up my American passport, and throw it at them. And just say fuck you, fuck your wars and your arrogance and your homeland security bullshit, fuck your racism and your homophobia and your fundamentalist nutbars, fuck your psychotic patriotism, especially when it's hypocritically coupled with criminal negligence toward your own people. Fuck all of it. Here's the citzenship I was born with, take it back because I don't want it any more. Land of the free, my newly Canadian ass.
But of course, I won't do that. Because I am too polite to vent at a bunch flunkies in dead-end civil service jobs. That's what I have Livejournal for. :-)
kettunainen, health worries (my own plus a brief cancer scare regarding my teenage nephew), etc. have not been helping. I need to learn how to let tension out of my body before it gives me an ulcer or something.I have discovered that I was running a $78.92 account credit with Dreamhost, my web host. Not sure where from - maybe past referrals or something. It is now gone, because I donated the lot of it to the hurricane relief fund through them, which means they have to match it. Am now obscurely worried that too many people will donate through them, and trying to match everyone's donations will drive them into bankruptcy. Most of their past monthly charity efforts have netted around $200-300 in donations. If I, in my relatively impoverished state, kicked in nearly $80 on this one, and they have something like 10,000 other customers, many of whom are better off that I am... Well.
I was not initially sure which was more upsetting, the rampant violence and what not of the people in the city as the social order breaks down, or the government negligence that led to things being as bad as they are. But really, if I think about it a bit, I know which one is worse. I don't necessarily want to kill the people who are looting and shooting and all that (well OK, the rapists, maybe). But the people in charge, who sold off wetlands for development despite knowing they were an essential buffer against storms, failed to put any money into improving the levees after years of warnings that they were too weak and wouldn't withstand a major hurricane, ignored the advice of a UN disaster planning consultant who asked them repeatedly what they planned to do for people who couldn't get out of the city on their own and was met with silence as a response, shut down the bus and train service before giving the evacuation order, and are now turning back would-be volunteers from other countries at the border, announcing they don't want or need anyone's help, and sending in the National Guard with orders to shoot to kill...Those I would like to see die a slow and painful death. Ideally, drop them into the worst part of the city with no food, clean water or transportation -- and let people know who they are and what they're responsible for. Failing that, some kind of mini-Nuremburg trials once this is all over and as many people as can still be saved have been.
But of course, that will never happen. It's not enough that the US government think it's the world's police force and goes around bullying other countries constantly; they don't even give a damn about their own people, at least not those who are poor, don't own cars or have the wrong skin colour. Gods. My citizenship ceremony, a week from now, can't come soon enough for me. I know the default these days is that you get dual citizenship unless you specifically renounce your citizenship of origin, but I really feel tempted to, as soon as it's over, walk down to the US consulate, rip up my American passport, and throw it at them. And just say fuck you, fuck your wars and your arrogance and your homeland security bullshit, fuck your racism and your homophobia and your fundamentalist nutbars, fuck your psychotic patriotism, especially when it's hypocritically coupled with criminal negligence toward your own people. Fuck all of it. Here's the citzenship I was born with, take it back because I don't want it any more. Land of the free, my newly Canadian ass.
But of course, I won't do that. Because I am too polite to vent at a bunch flunkies in dead-end civil service jobs. That's what I have Livejournal for. :-)