Ficlet, HP (Remus/Sirius)
I have no idea why I wrote this, especially since it's the kind of thing I'm not even that big a fan of normally. Feel free to point out that I shouldn't have. *G*
For
scarvesnhats
***
“This is how you make it up to me?” Remus says. “This?”
“Have you suffered some sort of brain injury, Remus? ‘Cause you’re doing a lot of arm flailing.”
“You threw apples at my head!”
“Well, firstly,” Sirius says, still looking like he’s trying not to laugh, “it was only one apple-“
“It was a pre-emptive statement. You probably have an entire arsenal of the things just stashed away until I’m off my guard.”
“-Secondly, I did not throw the apple; you missed it –“
“I’d just woken up. Of course I missed it. I wasn’t exactly expecting some lunatic to come in pelting me with fruit, was I?”
“- And thirdly, I was not making anything up to you. I was just, you know, offering some fruit. Sustenance, if you will.”
“You were so making it up to me. You’d better have been trying to make it up to me.”
“I only make things up when I’m wrong, which I wasn’t. Ergo, I wasn’t making anything up to you.”
“You were *so* wrong. You were so wrong, you were almost circling your way back round to right. Almost.”
“The only word that made any sense in that sentence was the word right, which I was.”
“Ow. Remus, there is no need to be flinging fruit. It’s very undignified, especially when the fruit in question is a gift from a man who has been injured –“
“I was saving you. From wrath and hell fire, and that sort of thing.”
“Well, firstly-“
“I swear to God, and every other entity known to man, and also some that are still unknown, if you start with the firstly thing again, I will get up from this bed, and put that apple somewhere you’ll really wish I hadn’t.”
“Is that a promise? And I am not to be sidetracked. Firstly, I am not afraid of Lily, and secondly, even if I was afraid of her, she wouldn’t have objected at all to us taking Harry to the park.”
“No,” Remus says, throwing himself off the bed, “she wouldn’t. She might, perhaps, have objected to you and James putting him on the swings at this early stage of his life, and in the middle of Fucking October.”
“We’d have wrapped him up. And he’s three months old, Remus. The sooner he’s accustomed to being in the air the better. Seriously now, if you want to do something with my arse, I can think of better things.”
“Not until you admit you were wrong. You can’t kiss me into, mmm, submission.”
“Bet I can. Don’t be an idiot and come back here. All right, how about I wasn’t wrong, but you weren’t either?”
“That’s just stupid. Oh. That isn’t, though.”
“I’ve been practising.”
“Mmm, it shows. You are so scared of Lily, just for the record.”
“You should put your hand back there, just for the record. Also, Let’s not talk about Lily.”
“Well, if you can think of something better to be doing with your mouth, I could live with that.”
“I can. I really think I can.”
For
scarvesnhats***
“This is how you make it up to me?” Remus says. “This?”
“Have you suffered some sort of brain injury, Remus? ‘Cause you’re doing a lot of arm flailing.”
“You threw apples at my head!”
“Well, firstly,” Sirius says, still looking like he’s trying not to laugh, “it was only one apple-“
“It was a pre-emptive statement. You probably have an entire arsenal of the things just stashed away until I’m off my guard.”
“-Secondly, I did not throw the apple; you missed it –“
“I’d just woken up. Of course I missed it. I wasn’t exactly expecting some lunatic to come in pelting me with fruit, was I?”
“- And thirdly, I was not making anything up to you. I was just, you know, offering some fruit. Sustenance, if you will.”
“You were so making it up to me. You’d better have been trying to make it up to me.”
“I only make things up when I’m wrong, which I wasn’t. Ergo, I wasn’t making anything up to you.”
“You were *so* wrong. You were so wrong, you were almost circling your way back round to right. Almost.”
“The only word that made any sense in that sentence was the word right, which I was.”
“Ow. Remus, there is no need to be flinging fruit. It’s very undignified, especially when the fruit in question is a gift from a man who has been injured –“
“I was saving you. From wrath and hell fire, and that sort of thing.”
“Well, firstly-“
“I swear to God, and every other entity known to man, and also some that are still unknown, if you start with the firstly thing again, I will get up from this bed, and put that apple somewhere you’ll really wish I hadn’t.”
“Is that a promise? And I am not to be sidetracked. Firstly, I am not afraid of Lily, and secondly, even if I was afraid of her, she wouldn’t have objected at all to us taking Harry to the park.”
“No,” Remus says, throwing himself off the bed, “she wouldn’t. She might, perhaps, have objected to you and James putting him on the swings at this early stage of his life, and in the middle of Fucking October.”
“We’d have wrapped him up. And he’s three months old, Remus. The sooner he’s accustomed to being in the air the better. Seriously now, if you want to do something with my arse, I can think of better things.”
“Not until you admit you were wrong. You can’t kiss me into, mmm, submission.”
“Bet I can. Don’t be an idiot and come back here. All right, how about I wasn’t wrong, but you weren’t either?”
“That’s just stupid. Oh. That isn’t, though.”
“I’ve been practising.”
“Mmm, it shows. You are so scared of Lily, just for the record.”
“You should put your hand back there, just for the record. Also, Let’s not talk about Lily.”
“Well, if you can think of something better to be doing with your mouth, I could live with that.”
“I can. I really think I can.”