guilt
Hello I'm Wanda, I'm 23 and currently I'm prematurely married to a very confusing bipolar man whom I love dearly. I also have mental illness.. and I am always having very mixed feelings about my husband.
I have a lot going on with me right now, so please try to bear with me if this turns out to be a little long. Anyway, lately I'm beginning to truely discover how badly my impulsiveness is affecting my love life.. Things between my husband and I have always been rocky and and confusing. Right now we are on the brinks of getting an anullment because we both feel that our relationship is too unstable.
There are alot of different areas of my relationship that I could branch off into.. but I'm mostly focused on what is going on right now so I'll just talk about that. hmm.. where should I begin? Well.. let's see.. basically I'm feeling really guilty about my lack of emotion towards our most resent break up. We have been separtated for a few months for reasons that would take too long to write about right now.. But a few weeks ago I was able to hear from my husband for the first time in months. We decided that we both still love each other and wanted to try to work things out. I was feeling more commited to this idea then I had in a long time but even though it was his idea, he was still feeling very doubtfull. He said he has a lot on his plate right now and though he loves me, was not sure he could handle a relationship as rocky as ours right now. So after a couple of weeks of talking on the phone, he finally decided that we should just part ways.. What bothers me most about this is that even though I know I love my husband very much.. this did not affect me as much as I feel it should have. Infact.. the very next day my girlfriend set me up with this guy who I ended up fucking that same night. I cryed about the break up a little.. but a big part of me was very excited about the prospect of being single again. A couple of days later my husband called me and said he still loves me and that he misses me and still wants to work things out. I agreed but soon after started having doubts again... I told him about them and then I told him about what I did with the guy my friend set me up with. So we broke up. He said that he didn't understand why it seems like I don't care about him at all.. I was wondering the same thing.
I have a lot going on with me right now, so please try to bear with me if this turns out to be a little long. Anyway, lately I'm beginning to truely discover how badly my impulsiveness is affecting my love life.. Things between my husband and I have always been rocky and and confusing. Right now we are on the brinks of getting an anullment because we both feel that our relationship is too unstable.
There are alot of different areas of my relationship that I could branch off into.. but I'm mostly focused on what is going on right now so I'll just talk about that. hmm.. where should I begin? Well.. let's see.. basically I'm feeling really guilty about my lack of emotion towards our most resent break up. We have been separtated for a few months for reasons that would take too long to write about right now.. But a few weeks ago I was able to hear from my husband for the first time in months. We decided that we both still love each other and wanted to try to work things out. I was feeling more commited to this idea then I had in a long time but even though it was his idea, he was still feeling very doubtfull. He said he has a lot on his plate right now and though he loves me, was not sure he could handle a relationship as rocky as ours right now. So after a couple of weeks of talking on the phone, he finally decided that we should just part ways.. What bothers me most about this is that even though I know I love my husband very much.. this did not affect me as much as I feel it should have. Infact.. the very next day my girlfriend set me up with this guy who I ended up fucking that same night. I cryed about the break up a little.. but a big part of me was very excited about the prospect of being single again. A couple of days later my husband called me and said he still loves me and that he misses me and still wants to work things out. I agreed but soon after started having doubts again... I told him about them and then I told him about what I did with the guy my friend set me up with. So we broke up. He said that he didn't understand why it seems like I don't care about him at all.. I was wondering the same thing.