Running again.

For the first time in a long time I went for what I'd call "a run" it was very short but also very good. I'm not really doing much about my diet at the moment. But, if I can do runs that feel like runs I might be on the road to recovering.

I'm still hit by pangs of sadness all the time. I feel like I've lost a lot and thrown a lot away. I wonder if I'll ever feel proud of what I'm doing again.

I've been having good results just going with inclinations I used to dismiss.

Yesterday was one of the hardest day but today was good. I hate that I don't understand why and that I can't control it. It makes feel feel superstitious. Was it writing in my journal? The exercise? Maybe I just need to face the sadness that keeps intruding on my thoughts ignoring something isn't the same thing as getting over it.

But even if I can't control it I'm not going to waste the opportunity to have energy when I have it.

I think getting my next video up is important.

Seeing the doctor next friday.

Running again soon.