This is me

So, Im new to this. This whole thing. Journals, time, feelings, life...everything.
I dont know what to feel most of the time...or how to express it. Im an artist. Arent we all?
Dont we all have more than one personality....more than one facade. All through school i was the funny one...i was the entertainer, the jokester...even the counselor. Yet, little did they know, many of the times i was smiling...i was dying inside. Fighting with my coming out, struggling with family issues, school issues...body issues.
Has my adoption affected my concept of life...how it should be lived..who it should be lived for? Should i be taking care of myself, making myself happy...or should i care what other think...always strive to make them happy? Like i have been.
Should i find others to console me...or should i be consoling myself.
Does it matte