While scrolling Pinterest today in search of dress styles for a particular fabric I have, I saw a pin that referred to people who constantly create fake scenarios in their heads as “fakescenarioholics,” and I have never felt more personally attacked by a word. Because, I could honestly qualify.
I create entire scenarios in my head. Like full productions where there are characters, conversations, arguments and insane plot twists. I even act them out when I’m alone in my room and when I’m done, I occasionally sit there thinking, so we’re just going to pretend that didn’t happen because if anyone walked in halfway through one of my performances, I would have absolutely no explanation.
Just me standing there, having a passionate conversation with a person who exists exclusively in my imagination. At that point, I would probably look like an undiagnosed person who had somehow been allowed to roam the earth unsupervised.
But the thing is that I actually enjoy my imaginary scenarios. They’ve become one of those little ways I escape when my mind feels crowded. I like to imagine conversations I’d like to have or situations going exactly the way I wish they would. Sometimes I replay something that happened and imagine a completely different outcome. And I just create ridiculous situations because apparently my brain has decided that being its own entertainment company is a perfectly reasonable use of my time. It’s oddly comforting though.
For a few minutes, I get to step away from reality and enter a version of it that I have some control over. I mean I can make the conversation go the way I wish it had, say the things I didn’t say and imagine the outcome I desperately wanted. When real life feels particularly chaotic, that little imaginary world can feel like somewhere I can breathe. It also helps me clear my head.
Sometimes I don’t even realise how much something is bothering me until I catch myself constructing an entire fictional conversation around it. Then, after I’ve mentally argued my case, delivered my perfectly crafted response and won an argument that never actually happened, I usually feel lighter.
Was the problem solved? Absolutely not. Did I feel better? Surprisingly, yes.
So when people ask me how I cope with spending so much time at home, mostly all by myself, especially when I turn down opportunities to go out, I usually just smile. Because what exactly am I supposed to say?
“Oh, I spend a significant portion of my free time entertaining myself with imaginary people and fictional situations.”lol
The last time I casually mentioned that I enjoy being at home by myself and that I have plenty of fun inside my own head, I was almost handed a therapist’s recommendation. So now I simply just say I don’t feel like it and keep it going.
That said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having an active imagination. We all escape into our heads sometimes. We daydream, imagine conversations and wonder what our lives would look like if certain things had happened differently. Mine just happens to come with dialogue, character development and occasional method acting. Perhaps that’s my coping mechanism.
When reality gets too loud, I create somewhere quieter to go. For now, I’ll take it. Just please don’t open my bedroom door without knocking as you may accidentally walk into season four of something I haven’t even told anybody about.
