when im sick like this, going reasonably short periods of time away from someone (peers, ex-coworkers, distant and not so distant family)  can make me feel so bizarre: accomplished, disgusting, strong, weak, insane, in and out of control:

well meaning "You have gotten so skinny!" "You are such a twig!" "Ooh girl, eat a cheeseburger" are harmful, not harmless. these humans are not spiteful and often times complimentary.

"whats your secret?"     <--- my favorite


oh, if only you knew, comrade. but alas, you are not privy to my day to day dysfunction and not intellectually capable of comprehending the complexity of eating disorders, themselves. 

that is my secret. i AM the fucking secret.