Hello. I need some love advice. I’m not the kind of person who has close friends who I can talk to about these things. I’m a bit of a loner, so I really appreciate the time you take to read this.
I’m a 25 year old woman who lives in NYC. I’ve only had two serious committed relationships but many other little infatuations. Both of my previous relationships where things I stumbled on to—I’m not skilled at dating. I have a tendency to fall in love too quickly— (after the first date I start wondering what our kids might look like) This has gotten me hurt in the past since I’ll move into the more physical intimate stages of the relationship too quickly—only to discover it wasn’t a relationship at all. Then I feel used.
So, I had decided to be more cautious. This guy (who is 32, call him "Tim") caught a cab home with me from one of my brother’s parties. We ended up kissing and I got the impression it would have gone further if I’d let it.
He called me later and we went for a movie—he didn’t realize I was the younger sister of his best friend and suddenly he cooled off a whole lot. We went on a few more dates and had a pretty good time. During these dates he never touched me once—but at the end of the third he walked me up to my apartment where we ended up … well toughing each other all over for a bit before I asked him to leave.
We went on another date and did the same thing afterwards. So then I started worrying I was slipping back into an old pattern of confusing lust with love and I talked with him on the phone about if we were only seeing each other. He didn’t say he was seeing someone else—(all evidence says he’s not) but he did say he wasn’t ready "for a girl friend" – I explained that I couldn’t have sex with someone without it being a "committed relationship" and he seemed to understand.
Then we went out again (think this is six dates now) and we spent the whole day with each other. We spent the day at the beach and as usual he never touched me. After a drink or two I (stupidly) said I’d come up to his place. We didn’t have "sex" – but I did give him a blow job. I felt a little coerced into this but I had a nice time—of course I wish I’d thought about how I’d feel about it after more.
This guy is like a flood gate—if he touches me it’s to undress stimulate etc. but other wise he’s almost comically shy.
So I’m starting to get that "being used" feeling again. I want a committed relationship. I don’t think I know him well enough for that and I think it was a mistake for us to go so far so soon. I talk him all of this and we’re going out again tonight--- I told him "we can’t be trusted alone together" I think he will honor that. He’s very tempting and I know the physical attraction is there—it’s hard for me to say no to him.
But, I wonder if this is proceeding in an unusual way? I really do enjoy the non-sexual time we spend together—like sitting on the beach or going to restaurants or hanging out in the park. He seems to enjoy it too—but I guess I can’t really tell.
Please give me some advice here! I don’t feel like playing around with a guy who’s going to leave as soon as someone prettier comes along--- I don’t want to be a "fuck buddy either." – help!
I’m a 25 year old woman who lives in NYC. I’ve only had two serious committed relationships but many other little infatuations. Both of my previous relationships where things I stumbled on to—I’m not skilled at dating. I have a tendency to fall in love too quickly— (after the first date I start wondering what our kids might look like) This has gotten me hurt in the past since I’ll move into the more physical intimate stages of the relationship too quickly—only to discover it wasn’t a relationship at all. Then I feel used.
So, I had decided to be more cautious. This guy (who is 32, call him "Tim") caught a cab home with me from one of my brother’s parties. We ended up kissing and I got the impression it would have gone further if I’d let it.
He called me later and we went for a movie—he didn’t realize I was the younger sister of his best friend and suddenly he cooled off a whole lot. We went on a few more dates and had a pretty good time. During these dates he never touched me once—but at the end of the third he walked me up to my apartment where we ended up … well toughing each other all over for a bit before I asked him to leave.
We went on another date and did the same thing afterwards. So then I started worrying I was slipping back into an old pattern of confusing lust with love and I talked with him on the phone about if we were only seeing each other. He didn’t say he was seeing someone else—(all evidence says he’s not) but he did say he wasn’t ready "for a girl friend" – I explained that I couldn’t have sex with someone without it being a "committed relationship" and he seemed to understand.
Then we went out again (think this is six dates now) and we spent the whole day with each other. We spent the day at the beach and as usual he never touched me. After a drink or two I (stupidly) said I’d come up to his place. We didn’t have "sex" – but I did give him a blow job. I felt a little coerced into this but I had a nice time—of course I wish I’d thought about how I’d feel about it after more.
This guy is like a flood gate—if he touches me it’s to undress stimulate etc. but other wise he’s almost comically shy.
So I’m starting to get that "being used" feeling again. I want a committed relationship. I don’t think I know him well enough for that and I think it was a mistake for us to go so far so soon. I talk him all of this and we’re going out again tonight--- I told him "we can’t be trusted alone together" I think he will honor that. He’s very tempting and I know the physical attraction is there—it’s hard for me to say no to him.
But, I wonder if this is proceeding in an unusual way? I really do enjoy the non-sexual time we spend together—like sitting on the beach or going to restaurants or hanging out in the park. He seems to enjoy it too—but I guess I can’t really tell.
Please give me some advice here! I don’t feel like playing around with a guy who’s going to leave as soon as someone prettier comes along--- I don’t want to be a "fuck buddy either." – help!