OH NOES. NOT A COMIC BOOK RELATED POST!!!! :O
I'm going to pretend that I had a fantastic day. In order to do so, I'm not going to talk about my day.
-----
So, last week I bought an issue of JLX for 25 cents. Which was an interesting read, but ultimately proved to be just another crappy 90's comic. That being said, a lot of the character amalgamations were actually suprisingly well done. Most of them were giggle inducing (BATMAN + WOLVERINE IS JUST TOO MUCH DARK, TORTURED, MYSTERIOUS WANGST IN ONE PLACE, OKAY?). BUT THEN I GOT TO THINKING. BECAUSE I WAS ON A LONG BUS-RIDE. AND I'M A NERD WHO TOTALLY THINKS ABOUT STUFF LIKE THIS ON LONG BUS-RIDES...
See, Iron Man + Green Lantern was the only one that struck me as being a little out of left field. It seems to me that the obvious person to merge Iron Man with would be....
MAXWELL LORD + ANTHONY STARK
You could call them Maxwell Stark, the Iron Businessman! C'mon- these two have tons in common! They're both ruthless, rich funders of a superhero team who have recently been written (INEXPLICABLY!!!) as villians.
... although they'd probably get along more over a game of poker and a few cuban cigars. Anyways, Max is part of the Hellfire Club in the Amalgam universe, which is actually kind of adorable. Instead, Iron Man should have been merged with...
OLIVER QUEEN + ANTHONY STARK
Because The Green Arrow and Hawkeye? TOO PREDICTABLE. OH WOW, THEY'RE BOTH ARCHERS WITH BIRD-THEMED LOVE INTERESTS (Black Canary, Mockingbird)? GEE- I NEVER NOTICED! Anyways, Anthony Queen would have a glorious, black goatee and the incredible power to piss pretty much everyone off while still being completely charming about it (also, he'd be rich so people'd have to listen to him anyways). Lots of people would point out that his socialist leanings are kind of hypocritical considering that he's a capitalist billionaire. And then he'd be all like: "STFU n00b, who's funding your JLX huh? HUH!?"
... okay, I admit. It's just about the facial hair.
However, the one synthesis I can definitely justify beyond a shadow of a doubt is...
HAL JORDAN + JEAN GREY
Okay, okay. So. They're both indisputably one of the strongest members of their respective superhero teams. They're both generally good, upstanding, moral people who are terribly, terribly lame like, 102% of the time. They both have unshakeable devotion to these complete jerks. AND THEN THEY BOTH GET POSSESSED BY THESE CRAZY SPACE ENTITIES AND GO ON GENOCIDAL RAMPAGES ONLY TO SPEND THE NEXT DECADE BEING SORT OF BUT NOT REALLY DEAD BEFORE FINALLY COMING BACK TO LIFE, MUCH TO THE GRUMBLING IRRITATION OF MANY FANS (but the triumphant chorus of many more! Well, in Hal's case at least; I'm not so sure about Jean).
BUT BETWEEN THESE TWO, WE CAN ALSO COMBINE...
PARALLAX + PHOENIX
... to make the PARA-PHOENIX!!!!!!! THE YELLOW SPACE BIRD THAT NEVER, EVER GOES AWAY, YAAAYZ!
But of course, they'd have to be female. "Jean Jordan" and "Haley Grey" have a much nicer ring to them than Harold Grey or... John Jordan. :P
Though I could probably also logistically get behind...
CASSIE SANDSMARCK + KITTY PRYDE
BECAUSE HER NAME WOULD BE WONDERCAT, AND HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE? Also- also- get this. In the actual Amalgam universe, Superboy and Spiderman were merged to create Spiderboy (YEAH, GUYZ, AWESOME NAME TOTALLY). Before he dies, Superboy was dating Wonder Girl. Right now in the Ultimate universe, Spideman is dating Kitty Pryde. COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT? But, Wonder Wasp? Wondercat is a way more adorable name. :P
Also, J'onn J'onzz and Warlock should be merged just so we could call them J'onn Lock and then giggle about how totally not clever it is to name characters after famous philosophers (WHOOPS, SORRY LOST. I STILL LOVE YOU. SOMETIMES).
< /geek>
No, wait, wait. First an important announcement from the SuperDictionary!
The original entry is here, but I think the "Men are useless" message still reads loud and clear. It's different from the SuperDictionary's typical message, which- from what I've gathered- appears to be: "bondage is fun with little boys". Or possibly: "we, as a species, should be more concerned about the saftey of our waterfoul".
-----
So, last week I bought an issue of JLX for 25 cents. Which was an interesting read, but ultimately proved to be just another crappy 90's comic. That being said, a lot of the character amalgamations were actually suprisingly well done. Most of them were giggle inducing (BATMAN + WOLVERINE IS JUST TOO MUCH DARK, TORTURED, MYSTERIOUS WANGST IN ONE PLACE, OKAY?). BUT THEN I GOT TO THINKING. BECAUSE I WAS ON A LONG BUS-RIDE. AND I'M A NERD WHO TOTALLY THINKS ABOUT STUFF LIKE THIS ON LONG BUS-RIDES...
See, Iron Man + Green Lantern was the only one that struck me as being a little out of left field. It seems to me that the obvious person to merge Iron Man with would be....
MAXWELL LORD + ANTHONY STARK
You could call them Maxwell Stark, the Iron Businessman! C'mon- these two have tons in common! They're both ruthless, rich funders of a superhero team who have recently been written (INEXPLICABLY!!!) as villians.
... although they'd probably get along more over a game of poker and a few cuban cigars. Anyways, Max is part of the Hellfire Club in the Amalgam universe, which is actually kind of adorable. Instead, Iron Man should have been merged with...
OLIVER QUEEN + ANTHONY STARK
Because The Green Arrow and Hawkeye? TOO PREDICTABLE. OH WOW, THEY'RE BOTH ARCHERS WITH BIRD-THEMED LOVE INTERESTS (Black Canary, Mockingbird)? GEE- I NEVER NOTICED! Anyways, Anthony Queen would have a glorious, black goatee and the incredible power to piss pretty much everyone off while still being completely charming about it (also, he'd be rich so people'd have to listen to him anyways). Lots of people would point out that his socialist leanings are kind of hypocritical considering that he's a capitalist billionaire. And then he'd be all like: "STFU n00b, who's funding your JLX huh? HUH!?"
... okay, I admit. It's just about the facial hair.
However, the one synthesis I can definitely justify beyond a shadow of a doubt is...
HAL JORDAN + JEAN GREY
Okay, okay. So. They're both indisputably one of the strongest members of their respective superhero teams. They're both generally good, upstanding, moral people who are terribly, terribly lame like, 102% of the time. They both have unshakeable devotion to these complete jerks. AND THEN THEY BOTH GET POSSESSED BY THESE CRAZY SPACE ENTITIES AND GO ON GENOCIDAL RAMPAGES ONLY TO SPEND THE NEXT DECADE BEING SORT OF BUT NOT REALLY DEAD BEFORE FINALLY COMING BACK TO LIFE, MUCH TO THE GRUMBLING IRRITATION OF MANY FANS (but the triumphant chorus of many more! Well, in Hal's case at least; I'm not so sure about Jean).
BUT BETWEEN THESE TWO, WE CAN ALSO COMBINE...
PARALLAX + PHOENIX
... to make the PARA-PHOENIX!!!!!!! THE YELLOW SPACE BIRD THAT NEVER, EVER GOES AWAY, YAAAYZ!
But of course, they'd have to be female. "Jean Jordan" and "Haley Grey" have a much nicer ring to them than Harold Grey or... John Jordan. :P
Though I could probably also logistically get behind...
CASSIE SANDSMARCK + KITTY PRYDE
BECAUSE HER NAME WOULD BE WONDERCAT, AND HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE? Also- also- get this. In the actual Amalgam universe, Superboy and Spiderman were merged to create Spiderboy (YEAH, GUYZ, AWESOME NAME TOTALLY). Before he dies, Superboy was dating Wonder Girl. Right now in the Ultimate universe, Spideman is dating Kitty Pryde. COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT? But, Wonder Wasp? Wondercat is a way more adorable name. :P
Also, J'onn J'onzz and Warlock should be merged just so we could call them J'onn Lock and then giggle about how totally not clever it is to name characters after famous philosophers (WHOOPS, SORRY LOST. I STILL LOVE YOU. SOMETIMES).
< /geek>
No, wait, wait. First an important announcement from the SuperDictionary!
The original entry is here, but I think the "Men are useless" message still reads loud and clear. It's different from the SuperDictionary's typical message, which- from what I've gathered- appears to be: "bondage is fun with little boys". Or possibly: "we, as a species, should be more concerned about the saftey of our waterfoul".