Prereserved Soul Silver yesterday. Yaaaay. Oh yeah, and got the shiny Pichu on Pearl and Platinum.
I haven't played Platinum since November, according to the in-game journal, and I know why. Not just the character alterations, but also that I'd just be too sad to play it.
That's why I wish people would stop asking me to watch the finale dub with them. I don't think they understand how very badly that episode affected me. It's been almost three months and I'm still overcome to the point of sobbing over it. I can't watch it again, period.
See, when I become emotionally attached to a character, I start feeling what they do. And when there's a character who's so consumed with negative emotions that he'd rather leave the world than exist in it, I feel that despair. Finding out his backstory was terrible enough, but seeing that happen...
So please stop asking me to watch with you. I know some of you want to make fun of it as a coping mechanism, because I know some of you were affected pretty deeply too. But I honestly cannot join you. I don't want to be miserable any longer than one viewing would do.
I'll need to know some things, like how they handle J (although given that 4Kids was fine with blowing up Fuji and he almost certainly died, J with her relatively high odds of survival, albiet unspoken, will probably get past just fine), and what Cyrus's animeverse motives were, as well as some dialogue, but these are things I cannot get on my own. I really hope you guys understand.
I wish I didn't feel these things. I wish I could just watch things and not take on the emotions of the characters. But it's been like this for a while (I haven't been able to watch the last part of the second movie in YEARS) and it's only getting worse.
I wonder if this isn't some form of introspection for me. For a long time I suspected that the reason Cyrus cut off his emotions was because it was the only way he could control them and that his natural emotions were stronger than most others, and then two doctors tell me that MY natural emotions are stronger than most people. I laughed at the time because it was so similar to my theory, but then it hit me that maybe I get attached to these characters because of some subconcious realization that I have these things in common with them.
Heck, when timecircuits was going, or rather when I first apped for it, I asked the mod if fanon was ok and she said no, but she heard me out when I said that I could back it up with canon. When she heard that theory, she said she thought that *was* canon. And it seems everyone I run it past seems to say either that they thought so already or that it makes perfect sense, so I know it's not just me babbling. One person that I started talking to only recently said she was glad to find another person who thought so as well, so she'd developed that theory independently of me.
...I always feel like I have to overly prove these theories of mine because I'm considered an influentional member of fandom, and I honestly feel validated when people come to the same conclusions I do. Sometimes being a fan of note (I don't want to say "big name fan" because people will always jump on anyone who calls themselves that, even if they're going off what other people have called them) really really sucks.
I doubt myself constantly. It really hurts.
I haven't played Platinum since November, according to the in-game journal, and I know why. Not just the character alterations, but also that I'd just be too sad to play it.
That's why I wish people would stop asking me to watch the finale dub with them. I don't think they understand how very badly that episode affected me. It's been almost three months and I'm still overcome to the point of sobbing over it. I can't watch it again, period.
See, when I become emotionally attached to a character, I start feeling what they do. And when there's a character who's so consumed with negative emotions that he'd rather leave the world than exist in it, I feel that despair. Finding out his backstory was terrible enough, but seeing that happen...
So please stop asking me to watch with you. I know some of you want to make fun of it as a coping mechanism, because I know some of you were affected pretty deeply too. But I honestly cannot join you. I don't want to be miserable any longer than one viewing would do.
I'll need to know some things, like how they handle J (although given that 4Kids was fine with blowing up Fuji and he almost certainly died, J with her relatively high odds of survival, albiet unspoken, will probably get past just fine), and what Cyrus's animeverse motives were, as well as some dialogue, but these are things I cannot get on my own. I really hope you guys understand.
I wish I didn't feel these things. I wish I could just watch things and not take on the emotions of the characters. But it's been like this for a while (I haven't been able to watch the last part of the second movie in YEARS) and it's only getting worse.
I wonder if this isn't some form of introspection for me. For a long time I suspected that the reason Cyrus cut off his emotions was because it was the only way he could control them and that his natural emotions were stronger than most others, and then two doctors tell me that MY natural emotions are stronger than most people. I laughed at the time because it was so similar to my theory, but then it hit me that maybe I get attached to these characters because of some subconcious realization that I have these things in common with them.
Heck, when timecircuits was going, or rather when I first apped for it, I asked the mod if fanon was ok and she said no, but she heard me out when I said that I could back it up with canon. When she heard that theory, she said she thought that *was* canon. And it seems everyone I run it past seems to say either that they thought so already or that it makes perfect sense, so I know it's not just me babbling. One person that I started talking to only recently said she was glad to find another person who thought so as well, so she'd developed that theory independently of me.
...I always feel like I have to overly prove these theories of mine because I'm considered an influentional member of fandom, and I honestly feel validated when people come to the same conclusions I do. Sometimes being a fan of note (I don't want to say "big name fan" because people will always jump on anyone who calls themselves that, even if they're going off what other people have called them) really really sucks.
I doubt myself constantly. It really hurts.