Just a Kiss
Title: Just a Kiss
Author:
belladonna1185
Pairing: Snarry
Rating: R
Warnings: ** Major Character death, underage sex, suicide/attempted suicide**
Summary: On the Eve of the final battle Snape finds Harry alone.....and one moment changes everything.
Chapter 1: The Last Night
Harry sat in the Astronomy tower; the cool autumn wind caressed his face as he looked out over the only home he had ever known. It was the eve of the final battle with Voldemort and Harry knew he was going to die. He desperately blinked back tears as melancholy thoughts plagued his mind.
How did I get here? Sitting alone… waiting for death. Pathetic. If only I could have had one good kiss. If only I could have...
A voice, rich like dark velvet, brought him out of his morbid contemplation.
"Potter, how did I know that you wouldn't be where you should? What you ought to be doing is conserving your strength for the fight tomorrow or is The-Boy-Who-Lived above such things a sleep?” the man sneered.
“Did I put my well-being on the line as a spy all these years, jeopardizing everything that I am, to-- at the final moments-- have everything demolished by a petulant child not ready for bedtime? I risked my life to come back here tonight to warn you about the Dark Lord's plans to attack. If any of the other students or The Order find me-- "
"Stop! Just stop! Gods! I know what you’ve risked for me, for the war. I know if they find you they’ll capture or kill you. I know!”
Snape’s eyes hardened with indignation. “Then if you know, why are you here Potter? ”
“Why are you up here instead of in the dungeons where it’s safe?” Harry countered.
“I needed to send an owl to the Dark Lord’s camp so that they would not become suspicious as to why I am not there on the eve of the battle. I didn’t want to risk being discovered by sending it from the Owlery, so I can here. I was going to summon my bird to me, then send the message.”
“Well…I mean…that makes sense,” Harry murmured.
“Some of us have keen minds to accomplish the tasks that arise from our duties. Some of us even take those duties seriously Mr. Potter.”
“I do take my duty seriously! How can I not? How can I not when it’s with me, a part of me! ” Harry sighed dejectedly before continuing, “ I just… Merlin Snape, can't you be human for one night? Can’t you understand that I just wanted a single night to myself, for my thoughts before….before tomorrow? Is that too much to ask for?"
"You don't have the luxury of personal time Potter."
"I'm going to die tomorrow you insufferable git! I think I've earned the right to sit here in peace. Not that I even really want to be alone tonight. Everyone has someone. Ron and Hermione, Neville and Luna, Remus and Tonks, everyone has someone. They'll get...they get to feel safe…even if it's only for the night. I don't even get that," Harry ranted as he paced the small tower like a caged animal. “I just want to make peace with some things…before...before I…can’t.”
Snape stood silently observing the boy in front of him. This is a side of Potter that he'd never seen: vulnerable, sad, lonely, and defeated.
So much like you...No. I can't go there. He has to be strong… He's the only one that can save us. It’s not fair nor, in the slightest way, right that he should bear the fate of the world on his shoulders, but he. I..I wish he didn’t ha…I have to be strong. Nothing is different between us, but…. I can’t….I have to show him...show him what? Compassion? Do I even know what that is anymore?
"You don't know if you're going to die tomorrow. There is no point in dwelling on an outcome that might never come to pass."
"I know I'll die or he'll die tomorrow. The Prophecy…"
Harry’s voice trailed off as he gazed out over the grounds of Hogwarts. The silence in the air hung heavy and thick as Snape waited for Harry to continue. Barely audible, a small voice trembled, breaking the tension stillness, "I know I'm not strong enough. He’s going to win and it will have all been for nothing," Harry sobbed, unable to hold back his tears any longer.
The gut-wrenching sounds of the boy's crying pulled at the core of the normally impenetrable Potions Master. No one so young, so full of life, should have to face this. Fate was a cruel master. Compelled into action, Snape, with uncharacteristic tenderness, slowly wrapped his arms around the miserable boy in front of him, cocooning in his dark embrace.
Gods...he feels so good in my arms. I don’t know why… I never want to let go. What am I saying? I can't think like this. This is Potter, bane of my existence...Harry Potter, son of your childhood nemesis. Harry, who's so alone...so beautiful in his despair...so warm in my arms…I…
"Shhh. It will be alright. It will be alright," Snape crooned while gently rocking the shocked boy cradled in his arms.
"NO, I'm going to die and all I ever wanted was to be kissed!"
Stunned by the admission, Snape did the only thing he could think of in the heat of the moment. If he had been thinking rationally he would have stopped himself, but instead he leaned over and...
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Soft warm lips caressed his. It was chaste and lovely and pure.
It was perfect.
Slowly, Harry realized that someone was holding him. He'd been sobbing so hard that he hadn't felt the comforting warmth that enveloped him. A golden snitch could be right in front of him and he wouldn't have noticed. Only the feel of lips pressed upon his own registered. Second by second the world started to reshape itself. Someone was talking to him.
Snape! Snape is holding me. I can't believe it. Oh...it feels so good…,he feels so good. No one ever holds me.
"Shh, Harry my dear boy."
Dear boy?
The delicious lips pressed against him once more. An unrestrained moan poured out of him.
Oh.
Harry turned into this heavenly kiss.
Oh...my...gods. Snape is kissing me. I'm kissing him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’m kissing Harry Potter.
Realizing what he had done, Snape practically pushed the warm body away from his like the boy was on fire.
"Harry...I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that--"
"No Snape, please don’t--"
"—to you. I'm your Professor. I'm older, I should have known better."
"—say that. Stop please," Harry pleaded. "I didn't mind. I don't mind. I'm glad you kissed me."
Snape turned and placed his palm against the door in an attempt to steady himself, unable to bear looking into the face he knew would hold contempt and revulsion.
"You can't mean that Potter," Snape sneered, disgusted boiling inside him. "You don't mind that, as you and your Gryfindork companions call me ‘a old, greasy git’ just took advantage of you in a vulnerable moment?"
Harry stammered, "It…it wasn't like that! You know it wasn't like that. That kiss was...wonderful."
Snape whipped around to look Harry. Scathing words to call Harrys out on his lie hovered on the tip of his tongue when he noticed how a pale rose coloured blush had crept up the boy’s neck and face.
Is he blushing for me? No. It can't be. It must be a trick of the light. I...he doesn't even like men. Forget men. He couldn't...doesn't like me. I'm disgusting!
"I'll go. You're right. You have earned one night to yourself." As Snape turned to flee, from the complex swirl of emotions, from the tower, from those haunting green eyes, he whispered, "I'm sorry."
Once again was Harry alone.
"Oh my gods," he sighed as he sunk back into his seat on the window ledge. Snape had kissed him and he'd liked it. Had the world gone mad? It must have because he felt filled with a strange power. Harry felt he could conquer anything-- slay any dragon, defeat any foe-- over just a kiss.
Now I have something to fight for.
With dreams of the future floating through his head for the first time since he could remember, Harry gently stroked his lips and headed off to bed.
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