That was the funniest, most surreal experience I've ever had. One of the worst tours I've ever been on. I'm still high as shit and the entire thing felt like a Tim Robinson sketch. Partner and I immediately sobbing with laughter the moment we turned the corner. I'm falling apart

1) Tour guide audibly didn't give much of a shit, answered several of our questions with "I dunno, I've never thought about it," would not stop saying "Riddle me this" which made us have to turn around every time.

2) Tour guide interrupted himself every time he saw one of those delivery robot carts, was so much more animated and passionate about those that it was hysterical, told us he calls them "his little friends" sometimes

3) Tour guide was interrupted by an old woman in a gated community asking him to drive him to the deli. He inexplicably chose to engage with her, yelling back that he doesn't have a car, how's he supposed to do that. She yelled back that it's not far. He tried the gate, yelled back that it's locked. The woman yelled back that someone needs to unlock it. My partner and I are at this point facing 180° away trying to keep it together

4) None of the sites were actually haunted. He was like "See this church?" And we'd be like "This church is similar to a famously haunted church 15 minutes away." "What about this one?" "This one isn't." "Why don't we go to the haunted one?" "BECAUSE IT'S FIFTEEN MINUTES AWAY. BY CAR."

5) The ghost stories were cracking us the fuck up, stuff like "she saw either a really small childlike figure or a giant looming onr" WHICH IS IT 😭😭😭 He also quite obviously improvised a ghost story involving like, the Seattle Seahawks getting attacked by floating beer bottles like I think that would have been larger news??

6) He told us it's a full moon (it is, visibly, not) and the Jersey Devil was going to kill and eat us. He waited for us to respond and we said "Oh no" and he seemed satisfied with that

7) Part of the tour was at an old hospital but we missed all of it because a car drove past playing music at max volume and the driver kept screaming "I'M NOT ANYBODY'S BITCH ANYMORE" again and again and he refused to raise his volume even a little

8) We were interrupted mid-tour by a Bangladeshi guy waiting at a bus stop going "HEY! You guys doing a tour? Oh shit, GHOSTS? I'm Bangladeshi, and let me tell you we got ghosts in Bangladesh."

9) The tour was not looping, meaning it ended with us a 30 minute walk away from the car. The tour guide did not walk us back, told us "good luck getting home," jumped on a bus and didn't turn back. We started tearing up with laughter and by the time we got back we were wrung out. On our way back the Bangladeshi guy went "Your tour guide looked like a ghost himself, haha!"

Depending on context:

* well then.

* ain't nothing you can do about it.

* well how about that then.

* you brought that upon yourself dude.

* it is what it is.

* that was completely to be expected.

* told you so.

Je nach Kontext:

* tja.

* tja.

* tja.

* tja.

* tja.

* tja.

* tja.

once again I am on the hunt for glasses for weird little freaks, but this time I've found some cool ones pretty easily! so in case anyone else is looking, I stumbled across some real weird and gay frames at all of these sites:

eyeshells aoolia zeelool lakoh vooglam lens alter

like, eyeshells in particular has a startlingly vast collection of asymmetric glasses:

(this isn't even all of them)

and also this steampunk nonsense that I love so fucking much and cannot justify spending any money on:

while aoolia has...tbh a lot of the frames the other sites have, but more expensive, but also, a collection of the gayest people you've ever seen:

though tbh not nearly as gay as whatever lens alter has going on:

and vooglam has uhhh...whatever this is!

huh.

(I can't vouch for any of these companies ofc, though I think I'll get something from at least one of them. ideally not the slime glasses, but hey!)

but honestly the absolute best thing I found in all of this is this site that makes vintage fashion, and which happened to have:

these replica victorian railway glasses like the bisexual guy in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter had, AND WHICH

you can even buy with prescription lenses, jesus fucking christ you have no idea how hard it is to not immediately drop $180 on this shit, I'm having to physically restrain myself, I want them so fucking bad

and hey, if you don't need prescription lenses, y'know what else you can buy from this site?

the glasses from national treasure 😭😭

anyway, I'm having a gr8 time! and now I know I can definitely find glasses that are weird enough for my very high standards

I can personally vouch for zeelool and vooglam. I have glasses from both that I wear daily and have help up well. But watch out, mentioning their names means they will completely take over every personalized ad you see on every platform for the rest of your life.

Probably a good time to mention that one giant mega-corporation, EssilorLuxottica, owns a massive amount of major glasses brands (including Oakley and Ray-Bans), manufactures most of the "designer" glasses for brands like Armani and Versace, owns almost all the major glasses retailers (including LensCrafters and Sunglass Hut and OPSM), as well as lens manufacturing and technology and vision insurers. They have a massive monopoly and jack the prices up on everything even though the product isn't necessarily any better than the $20 frames you'll get from Zeelool.

I can also vouch for zeelool; I’ve gotten a few pairs from them and they’ve all been fantastic. Having recently gotten a new prescription, I’ve been looking at picking up these ones-

And now with some of these others (especially Lens Alter?? the gothic collection hello??? it’s everything ive ever wanted) on my list of potential go-tos, my wallet is crying but damn I doubt I’ll ever suffer from boring glasses ever again huh